This topic may lose some of you – and truly that is okay, because even though this is the case, it will also “find” many of you – in that you will have the ability to totally find yourself, pick up the key and turn it in order to create true relief and the happy, fulfilling life you really want to live.
There is one defining factor that creates healing, more so than any other, and that is Taking Personal Responsibility for what happened to you.
This is the part where you may feel intense triggers, and even get incensed by the next thing that I am going to say … but I challenge you to hang in there, and read further, because if you do – you may have an incredible shift that finally, finally is going to release you from the pain ….
So I urge you to stay with me, even though every fibre of your body may be resisting doing so ….
Okay this is the part that may really shake up your anger and make you feel like throttling me … but here it is all the same ….
Personal Responsibility is about acknowledging and wanting to heal. It means identifying and accepting: What is it about me that has attracted, maintained and allowed this abuse in my life to take place?
There may be some of you who are already in this place and are working on yourself and are gaining great relief and empowerment as a result of doing so …. I am happily connected to many of you, as well as other clients and individuals who are growing, healing and embracing the creation of wonderful new lives every day ….
You may be a person who feels indignant in these comments, you may feel like I am blaming you and somehow saying, “You asked to be abused” … and as a result you may feel, you will never, ever take responsibility for that.
You may even send me an angry email telling me your incensed feelings. That’s okay if you do – I do occasionally receive them ….
Why Do We Stay Stuck in the Pain of Victimhood?
Okay I’ll offer you my point blank observations (not my imaginings) and you can also do some research for yourself to clarify, and gather some information regarding what I am about to say.
People who have not as yet done the shift into taking Personal Responsibility, feel victimised, they feel intense pain, and they repetitively feel the same pain, obsessive thoughts, and addictive pulls, as well as a myriad of other anguished, stuck and agonising feelings over and over again ….
Whereas, people who take Personal Responsibility start moving away from this position ….
There are very good reasons for the difference, and no matter which way you turn it over and look at it, the simple facts remain the same. People who have not taken Personal Responsibility don’t move through the healing stages, because they are stuck in resentment and pain, as a result of still resisting the “acceptance” of what happened..
They hold the position: I will never accept what happened to me – it was wrong and a horrible mistake.
Acceptance is a very crucial aspect of any healing ….
People who take Personal Responsibility move through resentment and pain to acceptance much more easily.
They flow forward into: I will accept that what happened to me was a perfect part of my personal journey in order to firm up and heal my unhealed parts that allowed and participated in this. Even though it was tough and really painful, it was “right” because I needed this experience to heal.
People who don’t take Personal Responsibility feel powerless in their own lives, to create love, joy, happiness and freedom.
They hold the position: Because I had nothing to do with what happened to me, my wellbeing is completely dependent on what you did or didn’t do to me. Now I have no hope of fixing this myself, the only solution is YOU fixing it for me.
… Which of course a narcissist is never going to do … (or really anyone else for that matter) ….
People who do take Personal Responsibility feel powerful in their own lives, in their ability to create love, joy, happiness and freedom.
They flow forward into: Because I had everything to do with what happened to me, I have the ability to change myself, and therefore change my experiences so that I can re-create a life that is much more to my liking. This is no way depends on what you do or don’t chose to do.
People who don’t take Personal Responsibility don’t love and unconditionally accept themselves, and try to hide their vulnerable / broken / “not right” parts from others (as well as themself), and keep attracting people into their life that keep exposing these parts to them, and consequently experience people who don’t love, support and accept them for who they are unconditionally.
They hold the position: There is nothing wrong with me, it was his / her / their fault, I was the victim. Now I am upset and angry that people keep coming into my life who are also “wrong” and keep hurting me.
People who do take Personal Responsibility learn how to love and unconditionally accept themselves.
They flow forward into: I’m human, I have faults and as a result of not having good boundary function, love and respect for myself in the past, other people were supplying “more of that,” and I continued to allow it, and I took on their issues and made it about me. Now that I am committed to learning how to accept, support, encourage and love myself unconditionally, I have the ability to choose people and experiences that will contribute to this, rather than participating in and staying attached to abuse.
People who don’t take Personal Responsibility have fixations and obsessions regarding the person who “did them wrong” and can’t seem to move past the thoughts and feelings about “What if’s,” “What went wrong,” “What I could have done differently?,” “If only he / she had changed,” “How can someone behave like that?” and all the other tormented thoughts, intense regrets, devastation and disappointments regarding how they lost the future they thought they would have with this person.
They hold the position: You were meant to be “the one,” it was meant to work, and because it didn’t, my life now feels shattered, painful and devastated. I may never recover from this, and feel like I can’t move on.
People who do take Personal Responsibility flow forward into the realisations: You were always meant to be in my life for me to heal, and we weren’t meant to be a relationship, it was for the purpose of me healing unfinished business so that I could create a real relationship. Now that I have accepted this as truth I can take the gift (this awareness and the key to my healing), work on myself and get creative, excited and empowered about the real life and love I can now create.
People who don’t take Personal Responsibility feel limited. They believe that they may never experience love again, that their opportunity is missed, and that they are too old, not attractive enough, not worthy and not lovable.
People who do take Personal Responsibility feel unlimited. They know they are love, they believe in love, they can sense and feel their alignment to it in their future. They know that the soul truth of love has no logical, age or aesthetic restrictions, and is created from self-love, self-acceptance and self-worthiness from the inside out.
People who don’t take Personal Responsibility feel intense pain, anger, sorrow and as a result experience feelings of resentment, injustice and revenge. They remain toxically enmeshed and obsessively stuck in the past.
People who do take Personal Responsibility feel relief, joy, exhilaration, perfection and gratitude. They are released from their past and move forward into freedom, joy and new creations.
People who don’t take Personal Responsibility feel stuck and victimised
People who do take Personal responsibility feel free and liberated
People who don’t take Personal Responsibility feel fear
People who do take Personal responsibility feel love …
Now who are you? …
Which kind of person do you want to be?
Even if you have not been taking responsibility for years (or possibly a lifetime) you can alter and choose to be the person you want to be. After all, this is what taking personal responsibility is all about. You have a choice in this eternal moment of now … and that is all that there truly is. Who do you want to be, and what do you want to start creating now?
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