Hi melanie it has taken me 7 months withthe narp gold program i know now what is good for me and not good for me thank you for showing me what i needed to heal within myself. It had nothing to do with my family it had to do with my trauma and i have faced myself. My family is still toxic maybe one day we can get along but for now I carry on my happy content fulfilling life. I have given them every opportunity to change and they refuse. NOT MY PROBLEM

Once you own your own self and can create your own reality (truth) then minor conflicts (ones of priority) are bound to occur.

The narcissist responds by either agreeing with you (during the love bombing stage) or escalating (once they have you hooked).

Agreeing means having no agenda of their own except to hook you. It is a warning sign. They are not self-aware enough to have their own identity. When they eventually feel engulfed they will swap to escalation.

Escalating from natural conflicts in priority to conflicts in importance (“you would do it if you loved me”) or issues of character (“you are very selfish”) are warning signs. It is a sign that they are feeling engulfed and that they feel you owe them for their previous compliance.

Anyone can enjoy a good meal and a glass of wine. Relating (the basis of relationships) is only tested during conflict. Conflict is inevitable. How we deal with it is a LEARNED skills. Date until the natural conflicts occur. When they do, look for quality of dialogue. Capitulation or contempt are both avoidance techniques. Both spell doom. Look for good problem solving (coping skill) and fair fighting (respect).

On another note… awesome website. It helped me let go of the character assassination hooks and rededicate myself to pursuing my (healthy) reality. It literally changed my thinking and thus my life. I am truely grateful for all your clear thinking. You suffering was not in vain.

Hi Mertz,

It is so great that you are starting to accept the truth, because that is what will set you free.

My greatest suggestion to you is, via NARP please stop being hard on yourself regarding the being taken in and along with his lies.

Sweetheart me all did this when we had those vulnerable unhealed parts within that were causing us to.

Turn inwards with love and compassion for you.

The greatest way through for you is to stay out of the analysis and just do as much of the deep inner work with NARP as every fear arises.

As a previous woman who was terrified about surviving alone … I promise you that your NARP work will help immensely.

Please Mertz also come into the NARP members forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member so that we can help support you.

The only way out is through, you know that …and you have the tools and support to do it.

You’ve got this Mertz and we have got you.

Sending love and healing to you.

Mel 🙏💛💕

Melanie,
Your work has been a lifesaver to me. Thank you for all you do.

This article helped me admit to myself all the signs I ignored and made me face how desperate I must have really been back then. I don’t understand looking back why I didn’t walk away early on, I had dumped boys before. I thought I was so empowered. He was not at all aligned with what I stood for. I gave in to things that disgust me now. It’s hard to look back and think of them. I had no boundaries and got hooked at 18. I am still trauma bonded at 48 and don’t recognize who I’ve become.

Not only did I pretend that he was all my dreams, family man and such, he’s been pretending all these years too, along side the abuse, cheating, double life, simultaneously. No one, even my kids will ever believe me.

Through NARP I think I am finally ready to lose it all to gain it all. The family is falling apart and the kids don’t respect me anymore. My mother and sisters have never supported me (my origin issues). I really will be on my own for a while and am totally terrified.

If there is absolutely no future with him, sure is a waste of more years to hang on. I am really struggling with the the belief that I can’t make it on my own. I’ve never done it.

Other than continuing to NARP, do you have any suggestions for me? I am so afraid I will never have the strength to walk away.

Hi Kathy,

I love everything that you have written here.

Powerful and truly Thriving darling lady!

Mel 🙏💕💛

Amanda….Don’t settle and go with you gut…It sounds like your inner voice is telling you he is NOT for you….He is telling you who he is,,,needy and “jumps right into” relationships….How has that worked for him????I’ll assume he’s in your age range, and really good non narc type men imo are usually well partnered…Be careful and as Mel explains in this episode, it’s so very important to take it slow, get to really know the person…And THAT takes TIME!!!! Narcissists are famous for trying to move the relationship quickly (hence his jumping in comment/big red flag)…Any adult should respect anothers boundaries and desire to take it slow….That is a character strength NOT a flaw…respect your inner voice/gut…when in doubt, don’t….

Hi Jodi, I think it’s awesome you have come to the point you have!!! I as well feel so fortunate and grateful to value the great relationships I have both male and female… and all ages. These are people I truly love and care about and who in turn care about me. At 63 (and I’m a young 63) , I’m not but could be a grandmother. ( have only had NPD males, and my two adult children BOTH inherited their fathers ASPD/he abandoned them at 3 and 1 years old..I never remarried..so triple indemnity~~) My once healthy libido and enjoyment of male company, sex, affection and all the good that can go along with that..well..time and nature bring us to a different place. If anyone would have told me I’d be saying this when I was in my 20’s, 30’s and early 40’s, I would have said “Not me! I’ll be wanting a male romantic love partner (with the sex) til I drop …lol NOT..I think the strongest, healthiest people I have met and know are single!!! No due disrespect to coupled up people…but I believe (especially here in America) we are SO conditioned via movies, romance novels and advertising on so many levels to believe we are no one without someone (romantically)…SO not true imo. I’m a Massage Therapist of 28 years, and that said, I hear peoples “stories”…and it saddens me how many people are so sad and lonely because they don’t “have” someone..I feel bad for them. I think from what you shared, you get the fact that you have many other people in your life and appreciate that fact. I have listened to many women in their 80’s and 90’s explain how great a life they’ve had 100% single!!! I’ve felt more love from babysitting my friends grandchildren, and a pure love hug from a 5 year old…well, it trumps anything I’ve ever had (passion) from a male..because there is NO agenda, just pure joy and love~~~~~You’ve got it girl!!!!

Hi Amy,

Dear Lady please know with the NARP work this is all so possible for you.

Please also Amy make sure you reach out to us in the NARP members forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member if you need our support.

So much love to you.

Mel 🙏💕💛