Hi Karen,

That’s not quite true – as there is a much more growing and evolved understanding starting to emerge in many places and within many people – but of course I am happy to help!

Truly Karen so many of us had our focus on the narcissist for a long time – thinking that if we did ‘suss’ everything out about them that would allow us to break free.

The truth is our focus always had to be on ourselves, because that is the only place we can EVER source power – regardless of ANYTHING or ANYONE outside of us.

Truly that experience you had in the car was your Higher Self being able to communicate with you – it was a ‘bleeding through’ of your soul truth – reaching your conscious understanding..

What I have been able to identify Karen is that you only did each Module of NARP once. Truly Karen that is nowhere near enough times.

Karen NARP is not a ‘course’ it is a deep inner process to detangle – to find, claim and release our inner wounds, and that means EVERY TIME something painful can be felt in our bodies (emotions) that can deeply drop in to it and ask ourselves ‘what is this’ and then go to the Module topic it relates to. If we don’t specifically know we can use Module 1.

For all of us, by the time we have narc abused – we had a lot of old emotional wounds, we carried a lot of baggage, and Life has come along and said ‘time to heal this’ and you can no longer continue on as ‘life as normal’ until you do.

My highest suggestion for you is to drop the ES Course, its not time yet and really, really work through going to and releasing the abuse wounds in NARP – and work the Modules through as many times as you need to..

As Debbie Ford said ‘you can’t put icecream on top off poop’

The self care, creation of surroundings and goals are great – but please understand – all of this IS supplementary only…

The REAL work is going inside right into the pain and releasing the trapped painful emotions and faulty belief systems (that we all had / have) out of your body…

Because your inner is the VERY foundation that you wish to build upon. If you don’t heal the inner foundation then your faulty belief systems and trapped painful emotions (egoic fears) will only crumble and sabotage everything you try to create..

Hasn’t life always done that to us?

So much more important than the ‘doingness’ is working on the ‘beingness’ which is the internal healing – and then supplement that with healthy ‘doingness’.

I hope this helps – in a nutshell you need to go INTO and TOWARDS the painful emotions and not side-step them or rush over them.

Avoiding the sadness, abuse and grief is NOT the answer. Fully going in to it and releasing it in NARP Modules is…

If any feelings of addiction pulls come up to substances, then FULLY go in to and release the painful charges of them as well with QFH…

The people who are well and free, are this way because they claimed and released the ‘junk’ out of their bodies…and to do so you have to feel it…

Mel xo

In a nutshell I left the narcissist on November 25th 2012, I had already, through my own observations and investigations sussed him out to be a narcissist but for all that was worth, I might well have not bothered as I was still there, still hanging on, that was until I was driving home one day after spending a long weekend with my family for my mum’s 70th birthday and I was talking to my friend on the car phone when we lost signal but just before we did, she asked me what was happening with me and the narc and I said that he couldn’t make a commitment while he was having this treatment for Hepatitis C so we were going to wait until that’s over and at that point it was like I was having an out of body experience or something, it was like I could hear myself clearly for the first time and I was like no way, no way am I doing this anymore. I could not believe what I was hearing and I didn’t know how but I knew the relationship was over and done with and it was, I ended it as soon as I got back although it took me days to get him out of the house, anyway, long story short, I then, very quickly, came across you and as soon as I read something you wrote I was like, this is it, I can stop searching now, this woman is going to help me get over this and you have. But when this first happened I was living in the north of England miles away from my family and friends and literally in the middle of nowhere and I stayed there for another 4 months (the rented house was still in his name) but it was like a little sanctuary, surrounded by fields and sheep and he never came round and then when I felt a bit stronger I moved to a little town close by but I was still very isolated but then in November last year I felt strong enough to move back to my home town to be near my family and my only son who I love so much and who I pushed to the side for the narc and it’s been a good move, I miss living in the north of England as it’s so beautiful but it’s nice to know that my family are close by. Now I barely go out of my flat as I am getting all organised, turning it into a loving home and I’m studying internet marketing and how to be a coach as well as doing the self empowerment course and some times, most times I am so happy I could burst. I am completely over the narc and feel connected to the true me like never before and most of the time just feel happy for being alive. I have lots going on, eating healthy, getting back into yoga, exercise, getting fresh air, getting back into meditating and sometimes I feel I have so much going on it feels overwhelming and I think I just crash. I get these migraines that see me in bed for at least one day at a time and some times I think I could almost be described as bipolar but I know it’s not that because even in these down times, and this one seems to be the worst as I have really cried this time, I’m not depressed and still know I won’t be giving it, it just feels that I’m safe enough now to let my emotions out. When I found you I wasted no time in getting the programme and did each module like my life depended on it because it did, I have a history of drug and alcohol abuse and I wasn’t going back there again so I didn’t allow myself one moment of sadness, I just kept bringing everything back to me, over and over again and because I haven’t worked for nearly 3 years and have lived in almost total isolation in all that time (mostly without the narc, I was no contact for over 6 months when after one phone call I was right back there) I think that maybe I now just feel safe enough to let my feelings out. I only ever did each NARP module once although whilst writing this I have identified another one to do and I took myself away at the new year to spend 5 days doing the self empowerment course and did a NARP module then that really helped so I’ve been so focused on healing and moving forward that I’ve barely shed a tear so I’m wondering if this is just all part of it and because I’ve never really ‘lived’ as ‘me’ making all my own decisions for me etc then I guess this is going to take some adjusting to and getting used to as well so I’m kind of seeing the tears I’m shedding now as a positive thing, I suppose I just thought all the healing etc would be all over with by now but when I think about it, I’ve also moved house, all by myself twice in 9 months, juggling all this and going into a voluntary debt arrangement which wasn’t easy on the emotions etc and also I had only just given up drugs and alcohol when I met the narc, I met him in NA when I was only 4 weeks clean and sober and thought he was what I had been looking for all my life after being single for 14 years prior to that because the last husband was violent so didn’t want my son to be messed about any more. So I suppose all of this is understandable when you look at the bigger picture and having written it down it makes even more sense. I was just wondering if this is kind of normal. The girls on the site who seem to have ‘got it’ seem to be running smoothly in their lives or they then leave the site but I know your in contact with many more people so thought you might be able to tell me that what I’m going through is normal and not an indication that I can’t cope or I’m going to go backwards.

I am learning internet marketing and I’ve sourced a really great life coaching course to go on here in the UK, I went on their 2 day course and have been accepted on it so now I just have to get the finance together so I’m applying for jobs as well as working hard to get the internet marketing business to take off (which is at times like learning something new in a foreign language!) as well as all the other stuff, healthy eating etc so I’m constantly working at improving myself and my life so I suppose it’s understandable that I have some off days?!?!? But, like I said, even on my ‘off’ days I’m still more positive than I’ve ever been in my life and I won’t give up. I’m a qualified Social Worker and was earning good money when I was with the narc and I don’t want to go back to that, my intention is to become financially free, to build a successful internet marketing business and more importantly build a successful life coach/ healing type business that I can build on and continue to grow for the rest of my life so that I can be of great help to my son, my family and in particular women out there who need the support. So I have big goals and dreams and I won’t give in, it’s just a little hard some times I guess and I thought I was in the stage now of building my strong foundation but maybe I am still in a bit of the transformational stage as well. I have also done your family of origins course which has also helped a great deal so my interactions etc with family still aren’t perfect but they’re a lot better than they’re and slowly getting better all the time so really lots has changed in a relatively short space of time, I guess I just need a little reassurance that I’m doing ok and that I am on the right track so to speak.

I guess I’m writing to you as I know you’ve been through this so wondered if you could identify the stage where I’m at now. It would really help me if I could get a little more clarification around this.

Thanks Mel.

Much love and gratitude for all that you do and for all the help and support you have given me so far.

Karen xx

Hi Olga,

you are very welcome.

That article will be out in just over two weeks!

That is the curse of narcissism – that no-one can ever be good enough.

It is the lack of self-love and self-acceptance which causes the partner to be defective (the projection of the narc’s unhealed wounds and disowned inner child)…

It also part of the disorder to create smearing and triangulation – discrediting exes horrifically (part of the projection) and then returning to them and / or continuing to have sex with them.

Male narcissists are misogynists. The AN I experienced granted me full understanding of the sickness of smearing women horrifically (in explicit detail) then having pathological sexual relationships with them.

Very disturbing – and not ‘human’ or ‘normal’ under any conditions…

You are so right Olga in that ‘being strong’ was not useful, and truly was emotional self-avoidance…absolutely – yet of course we had never had anything different modelled for us.

This self-avoidance is a match for narcissists, as is of course being taken in by the mind (ego) wanting the illusions to be true, even though our intuition was screaming a different reality at us…

ALL of this is leading us back home to the truth, which is what this blessed journey of healing from NA is all about…

It is 100% accurate that ‘just leaving’ is not enough – and thank goodness it wasn’t – and the pain was so severe that we HAD TO go inwards, claim our wounded parts and false belief systems and heal the illusions that we were sourcing and trying to generate our life from.

I LOVE that you and so many others Olga are on your way to truth!

Mel xo

Thank you Mel, for being so open and for answering!
I will be waiting for your article!

I think the narc that I was with was also an altrustic kind.
He had a good career, a job that he had for years, and at the beginning ( for about 4 months) all his actions totally matched his words.
But the biggest red flag was similar to what you said- none of his exes were “never good enough for him”.

And sure enough, 3 weeks after we broke up, he went back to his ex wife, who he was ” so misarable with”, who was “bipolar, crazy” and never treated him like “he deserved”.

None of it made sense to me till I found your website and than all pieces of the puzzle came together.

It’s been an interesting journey for me towards myself. What I can say is that even I was the one who ended the relationship, after being with him for 4 months, all in a honeymoon stage, ( he opened my emails, looking for evidence of me cheating on him and that’s was IT for me), I was left completely devastated. I never returned or talked to him, despite his numerous attempts.

But I was crushed like never before. My point is that even if you are “strong” enough to break up with narc at a very early stage, having certain limiting beliefs about yourself, will leave you in horrendous pain. Until you shift them.

Christina’s story on your Thriver’s show has resonated so much with me. I feel like I needed this experience not because I was weak and I became stronger, but it actually was complete opposite-I always thought that I am strong enough/positive enough, and was completely unaware about numerous limiting beliefs that were blocking me from MYSELF. I was afraid to be vulnarable with myself and one of the ways to cover any pain that I felt -was complete denial and FALSE optimism.

What I’ve learned is that there is a big difference between staying positive and being in denial and cover it for yourself, first of all, under the mask of optimism.

I can see clearly now how the whole False image of the narc was a total match for the false happiness, that I have often convinced myself of, thus denying any pain that I’ve ever felt.

Thank you, Melanie! I am on my way towards truth!
Bleesing and Love,

Olga

Hey Karen again,

as Marianne Williamson writes – there is an enormous difference between grandeur and grandiosity.

Grandeur stands on its own merits whereas grandiosity has none…

And so true – a ‘persona’ can say anything – whereas a ‘solid character’ is integrity in action.

Mel xo