Melanie Tonia Evans

Expanding, Becoming Radiant and Saying “Yes” To Life in 2014

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 2
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Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

I really wondered how I was going to go with a month off from working…and I was pleasantly astounded to discover how much I enjoyed it.

As I write this I am sitting at one of my favourite local cafés in the gorgeous front garden, listening to relaxing music and sipping on a beautiful fruit cocktail.

I’m going over in my mind the amazing time I have had the past month and I’m super excited to share with you the inspiration and inner transformations I received during my break.

So here goes!

 

My Own Rejuvenation and Growth

During this month’s holidays I was very determined to really anchor into enjoying life, exploring more facets of myself and growing as much as I could spiritually and personally.

I had a game plan.

It involved every day waking up and stepping out of my own egoic way, and surrendering to something much greater than myself.

This is how it went…

“Divine Source show me what my highest orientation is today. How would you like me to show up today as my most authentic self and for my highest good?”

By doing this, immediately I was connected to something much greater than my own fears, insecurities, limiting beliefs or confusion of ‘what to do’.

It’s important to understand that I have done, and continue to do an enormous amount of work on myself. I am extremely orientated to releasing subconscious blocks and the wounded parts of myself in order to expand into my True Self. It’s my greatest passion in life.

On holidays I knew I didn’t have the regular routine of ‘life’ encasing me in purpose, and I really wanted to take my hand off the steering wheel, be freed up of fear and doubt and allow myself to be directed.

This granted astounding clarity when I simply surrendered to trusting it.

Some days the divinely inspired message was to sleep in, sometimes it was to get up early. Sometimes it was to do more exercise than normal, sometimes it was to do less.

Sometimes it was an inspirational message like ‘sign up to this meetup group’, go see this person, organise this lunch or dinner. Sometimes it was go swim in the ocean, read that book, or do this healing on yourself.

During the month off I explored different meditations, and some different healing techniques.

Many times the divine inner voice was a deep awareness and powerful calling of how to use this time to expand past my comfort zones, to put myself out in life in a personal and professional way that the old ‘terrified of connecting’ me had previously wanted to hide from.

In one of the previous Thriver Shows Christine and I talked about the recognition that our greatest fears were about ‘shining’, and how we had shrunk back, made ourselves small and been terrified about taking up space in life.

We also discussed how this had powerfully made us targets to be narcissistically abused – in that we allowed ourselves to be emotionally and energetically taken over by narcs, and how we diminished our own life and light more and more in the process.

I was determined to get past this, and one of my first steps was to sign up to spirituality and business meet-up groups to meet likeminded people, and fully present myself for who I am and the purpose I do in life.

 

The Focus On ‘Expanding’

My expansion necessary to get into life was two-fold.

Firstly it was internal.

This entailed facing and releasing my inner wounded parts that were scared, and then bringing in Source, My Higher Self and my Loving Internal Parent to say “Melanie we love you, stand in and for you and we have your back. You are safe with us, we’ve got it all covered – now say YES to life!”

The next step was outer expression.

This involved taking a deep big breath and doing everything I was called to do.

I played, I connected, I ate, I toasted to life, I swam, I danced, I met up, I connected, I cooked, I made reservations, I went to sporting events and engaged in activities and invitations, I sang, I laughed and MOST IMPORTANTLY in amongst it all I showed up as myself. 

 

The Importance of Saying “Yes” and Saying “No” to Life

My expansion into life was deeply related and orientated around two vital things.

The ability to say “Yes” and the ability to say “No”.

Once I had healed enough to take that deep breath and was anchored somatically in my body, I was connected to the knowing that Life / Source / God and Myself had my greatest joy, safety, expansion and truth at heart.

Then I could open up to say  “Yes” to life’s constant stream of opportunities.

The orientation to being able to say “Yes” to life is this: I trust myself enough to be open to all the gifts and blessings life is constantly bringing me, so that I can express my authentic self even more powerfully.

Life DID (and continues to) respond powerfully to that orientation…

As a result, during the last month, I have met and connected to incredible spiritual people, entrepreneurs who are conscious creators, CEO’s and people who normally would have been WAY outside the possibilities of my previous self-perceived identity.

I have also been enthusiastically dating spectacular, attractive, conscious, men ranging from the ages of young 30’s to late 50’s. (More about this in future articles!)

Additionally an incredible opportunity presented which means I will be travelling to Los Angeles at the end of February for 10 days to meet incredible spiritual and business connections. This is something I would never had previously done alone, and I am SO looking forward to this!

I will also be dedicating some time to meet up with anyone in LA who wants to catch up in person. (I will be sending out an email in a few days with the times I will be available, so if you are in the LA area and want to meet in person please look out for that email.)

Now where was I?

Oh yeah… I was about to explain what saying “No” is!

Just AS important as saying “Yes” is the ability to say “No”

This orientation in life is: I will trust myself enough that when my intuition signals to me that something feels ‘off’ in the field, I will confront it and investigate. I will speak up, honestly, clearly and without guilt or fear. I will seek clarification, and I will make decisions and align my choices and actions with the truth.

No LONGER will I ever be shackled by the fear of judgement, criticism, punishment or abandonment and continue on regardless, or dismiss something that I know feels unwholesome.

What this means is:  I will NEVER again SELF-ABANDON.

Can we all understand JUST how relevant self-abandonment was in our narcissistic abuse experience?

I hope you do – because in recognising that it allows you to take so much power back.

This orientation changes EVERYTHING.

Because now you can say “Yes” to life, knowing you can trust your gut, have those difficult conversations when necessary, and you can investigate, challenge, question and say “No” and stop anything that has veered away from the truth of your life.

 

Becoming Free To Be In Life

To be healthily engaged in life you need to be clear, you need to be solid emotionally. You can’t be needy, compulsive, empty or trying to source power outside of yourself from a wounded unhealed internal centre.

To be at this place of being able to fully be in life means you need to have done a lot of work on becoming your own connection to Source, and you must be 100% willing to stand in and generate life from your inner truth without outside dependencies.

This means taking your hands off the steering wheel of life, knowing your real job is to be a match for what you want to experience, let go of all that isn’t (especially the fearful, needy, insecure parts of yourself) and allow life to deliver the rest.

Please understand the total surrender into these orientations is by no means perfected by me – it is a life’s work. However, what is wonderful, and what I am deeply committed to is staying conscious enough to know that when I do feel uncomfortable that I am right on the edge of further development, and I can recognise this and seek to orientate consciously through it and expand.

This is moving me past the glass ceilings which used to keep me limited, fearful and stuck.

And I’m up for it – at the young age of 47 (haha!) it’s time to be an adult woman, not a scared little girl anymore and grow up!

 

Creating Radiance

This year, there is going to be a BIG emphasis on assisting the community to become RADIANT.

Which means becoming authentic, transparent and powerfully anchored in our bodies and in life. This is relevant for both women and men.

I love how the knowledge, messages, teachings and incredible role models I have been sourcing have all been leading me towards Feminine Power and Radiance.

I once stated I am NOT a feminist. Let me retract that. I AM a feminist.

Not in a 60’s way where I think women threw away many of their boundaries (and the ability to be revered) whilst sourcing liberation, but in a way where I believe we can ALL claim our light, power and beauty in spectacular ways.

This is about becoming TRULY and openly ourselves, being free of pain, guilt and fear and powerfully co-creating with life in order to TRULY shine! That is what radiance is…and it is beautiful. It is NOT aesthetic beauty – it emanates from a deep inner beingness.

I shared this picture of my own transformation on Facebook to INSPIRE. To help us all realise that that no matter what we have been through every woman and man has the ability to experience emotional freedom, true inner fullness and then shine the love, wholesomeness, purpose and truth which states:

I am proud to be a woman (or man), and to be human. I am proud to stand for what is good and right and true in Life.

This is the orientation I want to stand in and for this year with this community – to share and co-create with you this level of freedom, light, transparency and authenticity that generates true beauty into our lives, and creates real flourishing for ourselves and others.

We have all been through the darkness, and some of you may even still be caught in its stranglehold – however that is NOT who you really are.

The experience of narcissistic abuse truly is to being forth the greatest necessity to emancipate yourself from illusions, fear and darkness.

Recovering from narcissistic abuse is the evolution into the light that your soul is calling you to do.

 

The MTE Vision For 2014

As we all know the epidemic of narcissism is ever-increasing. Every year the number of people trying to find answers about an abusive person in their life is growing rapidly. Abuse is exploding and so are the numbers of abuse victims.

The reality is a very small percentage of the population knows how to identify a narcissist, let alone know how to respond if they meet one. Millions of people are currently at grave risk of their whole life being torn apart.

In 2013 melanietoniaevans.com had over 600,000 new visitors. While this number is a start, it is merely a drop in the ocean.

In order to make a difference – this number needs to grow significantly.

Beginning this year, myself and the MTE team are going to be putting A LOT of effort into producing material to educate as many people as we can about narcissism, so that we can reduce potential harm on a global scale.

We are starting off this mission by creating a YouTube series on how to identify narcissists, and what to do when you have encountered a narcissist or become trapped in a narcissistic relationship.

In order for this to work I will need your help to spread the word by sharing this material, hitting the thumbs up button and leaving comments.

I will let you know how you can help us in this mission as the videos become available.

 

What’s In Store For You

This year I am providing lots of material to help you focus even more powerfully on your own personal development, creating the release from old patterns of abuse, fear and pain and expanding, becoming radiant and saying “Yes” to life!

As you might know – my belief is that energetic healing is the fastest way to transcend our personal evolution and growth.

So I plan to provide Quanta Freedom Healing to you on the topics that you need to work on most in order to reach your personal growth goals, in a way that is accessible and affordable to everyone.

But more on this later…

I’m super excited for 2014 and can’t wait to achieve the things I have set out to do! Please tell me in the comments section what are you excited about in 2014 and what you are hoping to achieve this year.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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129 Thoughts on Expanding, Becoming Radiant and Saying “Yes” To Life in 2014
  • gginaown@gmail.com'
    Gina
    January 29, 2014

    So happy to have you back Mel and so glad you had an amazing holiday. Your words, as always, are such an inspiration. Cannot wait to hear about what you have in store for 2014!! I hope I can be in LA when you are there!! I am putting it out to the universe.

    • livingdao@orcon.net.nz'
      josephine
      January 29, 2014

      Dear Melanie, since reading your web site, myself and about four of five other people in my life have awakened to the narcissists in our lives. It seemed for a while that everyone wanted to confide in me this horrible realisation in their own lives.
      I had luckily already begun the process of separation from the man in my life I had once thought of as a challenging, depressed, goalless, judgemental… but the rest as they say is history…
      Since then, my friends have said that I now radiate life, confidence, creative spark. I have embarked, like you, on many projects and made so many new connections with people I never thought I would encounter: global spiritual leaders, and other intellectual and ethically oriented leaders in the community. It seems that my life will never return to that place that held me stuck and fearful, drained and shackled to the narcissist’s endless demands for more and more of my energy.
      I feel like I now have an endless source of bliss that cannot be contained, and while well into my forties, like you! I feel like life is full of the promises of my twenties, only with more grounding in human nature and more wisdom. I have become who I am and while currently that is a very self preserving island unto itself, I hope that one day that will encompass another like minded person to share my life with.
      thank you for sharing your heart and your pain and for allowing others to cut through the appearances of what we perceived as romantic love and see it for the ghost that it is.

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        January 30, 2014

        Hi Josephine,

        That is so wonderful that you and others around you have been awakening…The truth DOES begin to set us free.

        I am thrilled that you are claiming your light and saying “yes’ to life.

        I agree that no matter what our age, somehow we are more able to anchor our energy wisely and solidly…time, experience, life and growth has enabled this.

        As your wounds lessen and your boundaries become clear, lovingly empowered and solid, you will start opening up to the energy of ‘another’….absolutely.

        You are very welcome Josephine, and so aptly put – that we did need to see through the illusion and start connecting to what we know in our bodies as truth.

        Mel xo

    • richtamms@yahoo.com'
      Kay
      January 30, 2014

      So glad you are back, Melanie, and that your holiday was great! I had a thought; what if it is not only the brains of narcs that are off, but their hearts, also? To date, no one has studied this.
      The heart is the seat of intuition, and actually puts out a lot more electromagnetic energy than the brain. One of the things that narcs do is to hack the heart/brain connection of their source of narcissistic supply. It appears the narcs are hard-wired to do this. One thing we can do to protect ourselves is not only learn to spot the signs of narcissism in someone, but to strengthen our heart/brain connection and learn to really listen to our intuition.
      What do you think? Thanks!

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        January 30, 2014

        Hi Kay,

        thank you 🙂

        Science is now totally recognising the intelligence of the heart – which is in fact emotional intelligence. The heart registers situations, energies etc much more powerfully (and before) the ‘brain’. Our subconscious programming is in fact throughout our ‘body’ and specifically in ‘our heart’ as to what wounds we do or don’t carry – how open our heart is and how connected we are (compassion / love / empathy) or separated we are (egoic / conscienceless).

        Narcissists are the epitome of egoic separation – and ego HAS to deny and destroy love, because ‘oneness’ means that separation cannot be maintained.

        Therefore the emotional intelligence of narcissists is extremely low – hence the malicious, childish, selfish, nasty conscienceless brat-like behaviour.

        In regards to us, if we are anchored in our body with open hearts and sourcing our life from an authentic heart centre (rather than fear, defences) then we are in heart intelligence (true intuitive guidance rather than logical ‘stories’) and this is where we are NOT vulnerable to predators.

        Everything in regard to QFH and releasing trapped painful emotions is to create true infinite intelligence which is through our hearts and being anchored in wisdom and love in our bodies.

        That is what this work is all about….

        Mel xo

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Hi Gina,

      thank you and it is wonderful to be back!

      That would be LOVELY if we could meet up in LA!

      Mel xo

    • perezab1@att.net'
      Anna
      February 3, 2014

      I am new to this blog. I had been in a relationship with a narcissistic sociopath for eight years eleven months. It has been almost one month since I ended the relationship and am trying to stay strong. I feel your strength and the strength of many others who have courageously shared their experiences. Like everyone, mine was a whirlwind romance. He was extremely attentive and loving. He insisted on meeting my children and immediate family as soon as possible. He gradually moved into my home before I knew it and we married within a year. During this year he called and texted constantly, wrote poetry for me, etc. He worked his charm to the fullest. He was extremely jealous and he had rules for everything. I, too, felt an uneasiness about him, but dismissed those feelings. He had a quick temper. He walked out on throughout the relationship, degraded me with words and was verbally abusive and I took it all. He was manipulative, sneaky and deceitful. My point is I knew I had to leave or I would completely lose what little sanity and dignity I still had left. I am experiencing everything written by you. I will continue to stay strong even when I feel down and out. Every day that goes by is a day closer to getting better. Thank you for your information and for sharing your life experiences.

  • nadsmcqueen@yahoo.co.uk'
    Nadine
    January 29, 2014

    Hi Melanie,
    I feel better today just from receiving your email in my inbox! That is without even having time yet to fully digest all of your new wisdom and recent inspirations. I look forward to this. So good to have you back in my life. Thank you.

  • marromeo@live.com'
    Marianne Romeo
    January 29, 2014

    I just want to thank you. You have no idea how much you have helped me. I was married 40 years in a narcissistic marriage. I left him twice and finally the third time I am not going back.
    Thank you.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Hi Marianne,

      I am so glad I could help…

      I am SO inspired by incredible women like you who leave after 40 years…JUST wonderful!!!!

      I am thrilled for you that you are not going back..

      NOW real life can begin for you Marianne.

      Mel xo

    • cynthiaione@yahoo.com'
      Cindy
      January 31, 2014

      Marianne, thank you for your comment. I was married 25 years to a narcissist. Feeling the guilt of staying in that relationship and the effects it had and still has on myself and my family. I am committed to my healing and also I feel the need to confront him on what he continues to do to us (even though we have been divorced for 14 years). I am seeking wise spiritual counseling in doing so. I truly believe that this needs to be done for my children and grandchildren’s sake.

  • sandrafrost2710@internode.on.net'
    Sandra
    January 29, 2014

    Welcome back Melanie, just listened to your radio show and can feel your excitement. Looking forward to more of your shows and assisting in spreading the awareness of the narcissism epidemic and the radiance we can experience coming out of the darkness into the light. Xx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Hi Sandra,

      thank you!!! I am so glad my energy translated!

      That is it – exactly – when we are in extreme darkness; to get out we have to throw a BIG switch of light…

      And it’s incredible when we do…glad you are feeling it deep within you as well.

      Mel xo

  • aquua@me.com'
    Irene Madrid
    January 29, 2014

    Radient is exactly the word people are using when they see me now. I make conscious choices every time, whatever I am doing. My creativity is back ( what a joy! ).

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Hi Irene,

      how gorgeous! I am so happy for you 🙂

      Creativity is sooo joyous!

      Mel xo

  • vstephens@otic.net.au'
    Vicki
    January 29, 2014

    Hi Mel
    Lovely to hear you had such a nourishing holiday for your body and soul. I think it is a fantastic idea to help people identify narcs early on, there seems to be very little understanding, even by psychologists and counsellors about them and how to deal with the victims of narcs. As surely they are the ones that are left devastated.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Hi Vicki,

      thank you 🙂

      That is so true there is SUCH a limited understanding, which means this insidious problem is not being rooted out.

      Darkness can only operate in the shadows…which is why it does need to be exposed.

      Mel xo

  • jmikaful@gmail.com'
    Mika Pikabu
    January 29, 2014

    I am so excited for you, Melanie–for your own palpable growth and for the parallel evolution of your work to help this community thrive! Your energy zings & sings thru your words & I can’t wait for the sunny weather that your enthusiasm promises to help each of yr 600,000-&-growing members to find shining in our own lives.

    Your work has certainly aided me this last year & a half in my own mindful journey to emerge from what I call the noisefog of narcissistic abuse. I’m thrilled to embrace, every day, further opp’y to develop into the full potential of my being. We all deserve to find the radiance within and to let it burst out from our hearts to make the world a bright and joyful place!

    Many blessings to you!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Hi Mika,

      thank you so much!

      It is so exciting to draw in light, share it and see what happens when we do step into our True Selves…

      There truly is only ‘love’ and developing past the illusions is so liberating…

      Wow your post makes me feel excited for you – I can FEEL how much YOU have embodied light…

      Just gorgeous…

      Mel xo

  • nikkibmorgan@aol.co.uk'
    Nikki Morgan
    January 29, 2014

    Hi Mel, Great blog and a very Happy New Year to you and the team! I had a horrendous start to 2013, I left my Narc husband. I was in so much pain, so confused that at that time I really did not care if I did not wake up in the mornings. I had no idea I was being abused because this level of living was my “normal”. I had no idea life could be great and should be great, when I left my husband and my teenage daughter’s decided to stay with him, I was in such a dark place that I did not think I deserved their love and support and that reflected back to me. Then I came across you (was guided to you) and my life really started to transform, It is an ongoing process but I can now see the light, you were my greatest gift in 2013 you ignited that light inside of me. Thank you. I have no idea what I am going to do in 2014 but I trust in life and my internal guidance system, I have a radiant feeling that it’s going to be a great year, I’m going to go with the flow and see where it takes me 🙂 
    Lots of love
    Nikki

    • richtamms@yahoo.com'
      Kay
      January 30, 2014

      Nikki,
      You are on the right path. Congratulations for leaving the narc! One thing you can do is Falun Gong, take a look at the site falundafa dot org
      Melanie’s course is also very good and healing; check it out. You have to know that you deserve all the good things in life, especially the freedom to love and honor yourself and all the unique gifts you bring to this world. You will have good days and some bad days; this is normal; and eventually you will find the good outnumber the bad by far. Keep up and you will be fine!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Hi Nikki,

      you have made some very powerful points…

      especially regarding how that level is our ‘normal’ until we start detaching, developing ourselves and changing our internal programs which then changes our brain’s neuro-net. Then what was once ‘normal’ is COMPLETELY abnormal….

      That is what evolution calls for – and is..

      That is fantastic that you have honoured and devoted yourself to YOU enough to know you DO deserve, and that you have stood for this.

      Fantastic you are sourcing your truth from the inside guidance and alignment now – because that is where your authentic power truly is…

      Great job Nikki! Very inspiring…

      Mel xo

  • Loadr27@aol.com'
    Roger
    January 29, 2014

    Welcome back Melanie. Glad you had an exciting, refreshing, and rejuvenating get away. I have been missing you!
    Roger

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Hi Roger,

      Thank you so much – and yay – it is wonderful to be back 🙂

      Mel xo

  • paula.s.woods@gmail.com'
    Paula Woods
    January 29, 2014

    Just yesterday I found myself wondering, “I haven’t gotten an email from Melanie Tonia Evans for awhile. I wonder what’s going on.”, and then you post again. Welcome back and I look forward to hearing about your new discoveries!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Hi Paula,

      divine timing – and thank you Paula…I am so excited about sharing what will ‘come through’ this year!!

      Mel xo

    • amyntadenniss@yahoo.com.au'
      Jane
      January 30, 2014

      Ha ha me too! It’s weird how she can read our minds like that :). Melanie’s blog posts always seem to be about issues that are front and centre in my mind or in my life at the time.

  • Terioster@msn.com'
    Teri
    January 29, 2014

    Great to have you back and I look forward to receiving the email about when you will be in Los Angeles. I live about an hour and a half from L.A. I have a 17 year old boy who just moved in with the narc dad this past Oct. and he is spiraling down. Grades dropping from A’s and B’s to F’s and missing a lot of school. Very difficult for me to see this happening. Dad is blaming teachers and tutors for this and trying to keep me from communicating with the school. Today he told me I have no rights and that I am not supposed to be calling the school which is crazy. I would greatly appreciate it if you could put out some more material on teen children and how to help them. Right now he seems to be partnering up with dad and believing the lies. He is learning to blame everyone else and not be accountable for his grades or actions. Very difficult to see such a bright sweet young man turn for the worse. I am so grateful I am out but so hard to see my only son go down this path. Thank you so much Melanie.

    • nikkibmorgan@aol.co.uk'
      Nikki Morgan
      January 29, 2014

      Hi Teri,
      Mel did a great blog on this topic https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/how-we-become-better-parents-as-we-heal/
      Hope that helps! I know when kids are involved it is the ultimate test, when you focus on yourself your light will eventualy outshine the darkness of the Narc, when you focus on what is wrong you just attract more of what is wrong, I’ve only just got that after months of torment, I feel your pain, Nikki x

    • rararuh88@hotmail.com'
      laurey ruh
      January 30, 2014

      Dear Teri,
      I have the same situation.I have three adult sons and they have become narc.My youngest is 25 and we hard a very close relationship.I am shocked to see him this way,growing up he was a happy and well adjusted kid.Married twice and both narc abusive to me and the boys.they are all having a relationship with the dads.Now I am the bad mom,they blame me for everything.I think sons just follow in their dads footsteps.It has been so painfull for my sons
      to treat their mother like this.I am coming to terms that there is nothing I can do about them except to have no contact.We need to take care of us and heal and go on with life.I hope that we both can do this.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Hi Teri and Laurey,

      Thank you – and it would be lovely to meet you in LA!

      I am so sorry to hear what has been happening with your boy – it is SO tough when our children suffer…

      Absolutely please read the article https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/how-we-become-better-parents-as-we-heal/ as there is no greater power than a mother’s energy in regard to transforming and healing her children…

      And I know that if you apply this information you will see results.

      Hugs and strength

      Mel xo

  • blp0625@gmail.com'
    Private
    January 29, 2014

    Hello Melanie, I have to say I have never commented on a blog on the internet. I am a very private person and barely comment or post on fb. This is a testament to how much I appreciate, relate to and value your website and knowledge. I never knew how to describe the abuse I’ve experienced in my life since childhood and have recently been in the most abusive intimate relationship I’ve ever experienced. I’m having a hard time letting him go and saying goodbye once and for all. Until I find the power inside myself to do that, I have felt so much relief just reading your words and feel stronger already. I just wanted to thank you for being you I guess and doing what you do to help others.
    🙂

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Hi Private,

      it is wonderful that you did write your post here, and thank you for doing so…

      You are so welcome, and I am so pleased that my material could help you.

      Please know that the true power does come from the inner work – NARP facilitates that…then you are not having to try to maintain your mind to stay strong – you shift your being….

      There is a profound difference because – it is who we are ‘being’ not necessarily what we are trying to ‘think’ which creates our lives constructively or destructively.. I hope this helps!

      Mel xo

  • mapapazian@gmail.com'
    Maddie
    January 29, 2014

    Mel,
    Welcome Back! You look wonderful and are an inspiration! I am looking forward to 2014 and what it will bring. I mostly look forward to living a sane life without the narc and standing up for myself when he comes attacking. You have provided me with much strength and encouragement. Thank you so very much for all that you have done for me and everyone else who has been sufferering !

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Hi Maddie,

      thank you!

      You are so very welcome, and cheers to a wonderful year for you!

      Mel xo

  • kaarre@yahoo.com'
    Charlotte
    January 29, 2014

    Hello Melanie-I am much like the person before me-very private and have NEVER posted on a blog on the internet either. I can also relate to you and your work-you are an Angel! Because of your resources, I now know that my Mother is a Narc & my two sisters are Narcs. I am also married to a Narc but your healing program has helped me so much to detach emotionally and I am working hard to sever the remainder of the relationship. I also recently retired after winning an abuse case against my boss who I now know is a Narc,Sociopath,& Psychopath. I am 62 years old and have prayed for the day when I could understand why I was different from so many of the people in my life and that some day I could understand what was really going on around me. When I came across your website, I became scared to death and barely able to function as the realization of what I had been dealing with slapped me in the face. I am picking up the pieces and now moving forward with my life as I have always wanted to live it but just could not. I have a long way to go but at least I know what I am dealing with for the first time in my whole life-thanks to you!!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Hi Charlotte,

      that is so wonderful that you are coming out of the fog of programmed abuse into freedom and truth…

      I am so inspired that after this history you are doing the work and that you are determined to break free..

      You so deserve your True Life, you are going for it, and you will claim it – undoubtedly

      Keep going and know this entire community stands with and for you 🙂

      Mel xo

  • jenniferchristensen40@yahoo.com'
    Jennifer Fromm
    January 29, 2014

    I have been thinking that more people need to know about narcissistic abuse. I feel like since I have started healing that I am fining more and more people going through it. It concerns me greatly and I am telling others about your web site and materials. It is amazing how the awareness of this issue is growing so quickly. It seems to me that it is time that awareness spreads on a global scale. The work you do is amazing and life saving and has a huge impact on our future lives. I feel so blessed to be able to finally stop this cycle!

    • richtamms@yahoo.com'
      Kay
      January 30, 2014

      Jennifer, thank you for posting this. You are right; this information needs to get out even more. Our governments have been being run by narcs and that is why we are in the mess we are in today. So, of course it is up to us and people like Melanie to spread the word.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Mel xo

      Hi Jennifer,

      yes NA is an epidemic…

      It is WONDERFUL that awareness is growing, and I will be doing EVERYTHING I can to assist that cause this year…

      I am SO thrilled you feel so gorgeously BLESSED!

      We truly all are Jennifer, and nothing or no-one can ever take that away!

      Mel xo

  • Karen_lyons@rok.catholic.edu.au'
    Kally
    January 29, 2014

    Yay, great to have you back Mel. Your enthusiasm is definitely catching. Thanks for all you do for so many people. Xx

  • Lovejenniferlove@gmail.com'
    Jennifer
    January 29, 2014

    Here’s to you M -and to empowered radiance .
    So good to have you back.
    Re your mission -I am trying to find how best I can tell my story from N hell on earth to here ( heading to heaven -a lifetimes work -but oh god it feels so much better in every conceivable way.
    Thanks for all your insight and advice
    It truly truly works .

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Hi Jennifer,

      Thank you, and it’s great to be back!

      It is a difficult story to describe, because unless people have lived it how can they understand?

      I think what is important is our ‘beingness’ tells the story…it speaks volumes just by being present, and then somehow we tell the ‘story’ the way we are guided to.

      I am so pleased you are feeling the relief!!!

      You are so welcome Jennifer.

      Mel xo

  • noorwinckel@gmail.com'
    Leonore
    January 29, 2014

    Hi Mel

    Great to have you back, I am so happy to hear that you enjoyed such a wonderful holiday!
    Reading your post resonated deeply with me. I am so looking forward to growing more and more into my own this year and feel like anything and everything is possible. I have a very strong positive feeling and feel more connected to myself than ever before. I cannot wait to see what you will offer us and I will participate with joy to keep growing. Thank you again and again for guiding me from the greatest darkness into this glorious light! X

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Hi Leonore.

      Thank you and I am thrilled to be back!

      That is so wonderful it resonates, because I believe something inside of all of us is being called more and more into this joy, light and love…It’s becoming more and more prevalent as a calling..

      Yay – I love that you are eager and excited…it’s going to be that kind of year..the cogs have swung ‘forward’.

      Mel xo

  • joyceytait@hotmail.com'
    Jo
    January 29, 2014

    Welcome back, was just thinking about you yesterday too! I had the worst Xmas and new year ever! My narc left on the 1st feb 2013 and I am still in the house, he is paying all the bills and I have use of card! I am happier now and have actually met a much younger guy who has out the spark back in me! But this is dangerous now, someone is going to get hurt! I am totally confused as too how I feel about either! Obviously the guy can’t come to my house as he may appear! So anyway he did appear on Xmas eve at 6 in the morning and brought me usual very expensive gifts and spent a day Xmas and Boxing Day here!!!! He spoiled my Xmas day with my family as I just stayed in with him! The other one was upset that I couldn’t be with him and I suffered as wasn’t happy either! He then left then appeared again Hogmanay at 7 in the morning and stayed till about the 3rd!!! He now keeps appearing only at weekends between the hours off 5 and 7 and I have been ignoring the door! He called Sunday came up with breakfast and a load off shopping says he is coming back and he is getting an architect do rebuild house bigger and bigger and getting me a new car and all theses holidays and blah blah blah!! The you get guy makes me laugh and can offer me nothing!!! I know I think that n wi never change and no matter how much he gives me won’t bring me happiness!! Can things be ok with the other one with nothing or is it just the security am going too miss!! I am so messed up and can’t concentrate and can’t believe all I want to do is be in the arms if the other one who is now getting tired off waiting on me waiting on him!!! I wish I knew what I am so afraid off!!! Is it just the finances or am I hoping he will change and make me happy or what????? I can’t even say how I feel about him either!! Am just going along In his house and enjoying my weekends laughing and being with the other one but someone going to get hurt!!!!! Please help as I can’t think straight at all! Sorry to be a pest!

    • richtamms@yahoo.com'
      Kay
      January 30, 2014

      You are not a pest; you are just overwhelmed and confused, understandably.
      First things first. You cannot keep going on the way you are or you will short circuit.
      You need to make a plan to get your finances together and get your own place. Are you married to the narc? If so, get a divorce. Whose name is the house in? If it jointly owned, get your name off the deed/mortgage. Tell your new guy about your upsetting situation if your intuition says you can trust him enough to do this. Be careful; he could also be a narc. Do you have any joint bank accounts wit the narc? If so, get some money out and set up your very own account at a different bank and get your name off the joint accounts. You are in a bad situation and either you are ready to get out and start living your own life or you are not. Time to decide. Email me if you are really ready to get into a better situation for yourself. Cheers!

      • richtamms@yahoo.com'
        Kay
        January 30, 2014

        Some further things to consider: The narc will NEVER change. He WILL NOT get better. He can’t. He is a narc. If you keep going the way you are YOU are the one who will get hurt. You cannot depend on anyone to make your security but yourself. The guy who makes you laugh but can offer you nothing may be a narc. He is in it for the bootycall you have allowed yourself to become. I am blunt, and I do not sugarcoat things; I do not waste time doing that. You are so far and beyond what you have allowed yourself to be heretofore it’s not funny. The fact that you are reading Melanie’s blogs and recognize your situation as being untenable says that you do have what it takes to get out of it and that you can support yourself admirably. Time to believe in yourself and get into action.

        • joyceytait@hotmail.com'
          Jo
          January 30, 2014

          Hi, am real mixed up! About them both now! Yeah guessing my previous judgements will probably have picked another narc! He on his own and has 3 kids he has no access too and I don’t understand that! He can’t afford his rent and out off work at the moment! Maybe he does see me as a good catch but he seems to be saying all the right things and I feel have fallen for him or yes maybe taken in by him!! My narc owns this house and we have been together for 7 years and engaged! I prob have no rights but yes need to find out! Think that’s what I am scared off!!! I work three days a week and play golf and garden and look after the house and happy with that!!! Been happy until he left in February but its looking like he may be back! Well he keeps saying he will be back and not actually happened!!!! I do know now how to handle him better, I have blanked his calls for last three days as I know he just wants to come and have dinner and watch tv as he unwell and has no tv in his flat! He is coming into a lot off money next month and maybe that is on my mind too!!! Really confused as the other one is making me smile and I feel like a teenager again but on a sensible note I am worn out with the deceit and cheating and lying and strain I am under! The only good thing is there is a smile on my face and I am able to deal with the narc one!!! Thanks

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Hi Jo,

      thank you 🙂

      Truly Jo you are in dangerous water….because this is never about someone else rescuing us…being rescued is a recipe for disaster…NO one can grant us a ‘spark’ that is ONLY between us and Source / God / Life – everything else is trying to create authentic love from non-authentic sources..

      Life only ever grants us the truth of what is really going on inside of us…

      What you need to be is with yourself, and becoming your own source of responsibility, truth and solidness…otherwise Jo you are merely signing up for more of the same, chasing your tail, and continually ending up in the same position – abused, or unable to connect and love because you have not as yet established that authentically within yourself.

      Time to get seriously devoted to yourself and do the inner work – and stop self-avoiding..

      Because if you do how many more times will you go through this pattern until you finally DO wake up and start doing what you need to do for yourself?

      You can’t be a grown woman and trying to source your power and life as a scared little girl…YOU have to become that adult to that scared little girl and start looking after her..

      No-one else can or will until you do.

      Yes it is scary – yes it is agonising – but there is no avoiding the necessity, or dismissing the truth of your life that lies AFTER you do the necessary self-development to achieve what you really want in life.

      Quick fixes, denial and short cuts don’t work…and the pain doesn’t end, until you do what it is that you need to face.

      Once you do life will support you in INCREDIBLE ways that you could not even imagine previously…

      Why? Because you have started supporting yourself – TRUTHFULLY.

      Mel xo

  • jobrien.bobby@gmail.com'
    Jacqui
    January 29, 2014

    Mel it’s always a pleasure to receive an email from you and see how well you and others are doing, keep smiling !

  • jane@naturalsystemsalignment.com.au'
    jane
    January 29, 2014

    Hi Mel lovely to read your email today. Yay you had a great holiday and look amazing. I had a very sane and lovley Christmas and holiday and feel pretty radiant myself. Different to the last one which was bearable as I worked hard with NARP and your emails really helped. xxJane

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Hi Jane,

      thank you! That is wonderful your holiday time was healthy 🙂

      I am so pleased NARP has helped!

      Mel xo

  • Margarit72@aol.com'
    Jane M.
    January 29, 2014

    Melanie,
    Good luck in all of your endeavors. When are you coming to the east cost? 🙂
    I’ll wait and wish I was in LA to meet you in person.
    Much love.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Hi Jane,

      Thank you 🙂 I don’t know – but suffice to say I am open to and expecting much more travel now…and very freed up in my life to experience it, emotionally and literally!I am going to be directed and go to where I am directed to go!

      I’d love to meet up someday with you too!

      Mel xo

  • 3maeve@gmail.com'
    Nive
    January 29, 2014

    Great to have you back Melanie! My festive period this year was beautiful and full of people – new friends, then being introduced to yet more new friends… I’ve had such a lovely and carefree time full of smiles, warmth and hugs. I also spent my Christmas with a new partner and I really felt like being myself again, creative, fun, confident myself. I started researching synchronicity more as this is something that is a constant part of my life and I used to call it “resonance with the world”. Now people are also a part of my world, I re-connected with them back again and it got the point that once when I was writing a message to one of my friends he messaged me too when I was just about to push the “Send” button. I’m no longer an isolated island 🙂

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Hi Nive,

      Divine 🙂

      I love that you are connected and experiencing heart-felt relatedness…

      Gorgeous!!!

      Mel xo

  • cmungoh@hotmail.com'
    Celia
    January 29, 2014

    How lovely to have you back. I’ve never commented before, but finding you, and reading your emails over the last 2 years or so has helped me to escape from a 30 year narc relationship, and finally reconnect with myself and my family.

    Every one of your emails seem to arrive at a time when I need them….wonderful!

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart, and welcome back!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Hi Celia,

      Thank you – I am thrilled to be back!

      I am so pleased the serendipity of the information has embraced you! It is lovely how that happens in this community!!

      You are so welcome, and much love to you Celia 🙂

      Mel xo

  • ourvillagedances@gmail.com'
    korina bazzell
    January 29, 2014

    Hi Melanie,
    I am very thankful for your work. The first time I did some of your quantum healing I was amazed, because I was asking, Who am I ? Before you said it, I knew in myself, I am Love. That is how I know this is real. I am so happy to hear you are tapping into Divine Feminine, as I am, too. I think this is very powerfully what is happening on the earth. Bringing Feminine into balance with Masculine. I too, know I am radiant. I am thankful for you and you life’s work. Let’s continue to break free from the chains of narcissism. Much Love

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Hi Korina,

      I am soooo feeling your post!

      You are 100% correct we are in an evolutionary time of love, compassion, community, authenticity and true co-creative power coming forth…deeply anchored from within us..and then shining forth as ‘radiance’ out into the world.

      Sooo exciting, and so wonderful to have you within this lovely shift.

      Mel xo

  • ejh7454@clearwire.net'
    EJ
    January 29, 2014

    Oh Melanie! I LOVE your latest post! And your photo is soooo inspiring! This is exactly what I am trying to do for myself, and radiance is such a great word for it! I am working with energy medicine, Christian centering prayer, a personal trainer at my gym, and with my new and wonderful husband to expand in exactly the ways you describe. I have some great new friendships, a developing interest in healing with sound (crystal bowls), and I’ve just published my first book (on an obscure aspect of WW I). My big challenge for 2014 is to really be confident in trusting myself. I still want to hide at home, and I feel a surprising amount of discomfort when people praise me or praise my book. I want to enjoy the results of my hard work, and I want to see what else I can accomplish. I’m 68 and I feel like I’m 22! There’s so much to do and learn. And learning from you has been a major factor in my life. Thank you Melanie. Thank you. Of course I will continue to spread the word about narcissism and your wonderful website. It seems that I meet people all the time who need this information. Can’t wait to see what you do next!!!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Hi EJ,

      I am so glad you love it 🙂

      It sounds like you are efforting and expanding wonderfully…

      Your key to really break free into your expansion is to find the limiting and painful emotions that are causing these ‘blocks’ emotionally and release them.

      Have you gone deep inside to find and embrace what is going on, and then release with QFH?

      I ADORE that you are feeling SO young and revitalised…I do think with all this light we are turning back the aging thing!!! That’s how I feel too!!

      Let me know if you need some direction to ferret out these blocks so that you can REALLY burst forth gorgeously!

      Mel xo

  • xstevex31@hotmail.com'
    Steve
    January 29, 2014

    Hi Melanie. It’s great to have you back from your break. About 4 years ago I was still struggling significantly from the effects of narc abuse that occured 17 years earlier, as I had a child with the narc. After finding your site and listening to your blogs and starting the NARP I have come a long way. I have made major changes to my life and started accepting the abuse I went through and feel the best I ever have. I am buying a 4WD and boat this year and going fishing, and also travelling to the UK and Europe later in the year. These are things I always wanted to do and am really looking forward to them. I am very excited about what the future is going to bring me and will continue to listen to your blogs and move in a forward direction in life. You have made such a major positive impact on my life and I can’t thank you enough. 2014 feels like it is going to be the best year yet! All the best and thanks again.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Hi Steve,

      Thank you! Lovely to be back 🙂

      I am so pleased you have come so far…

      I always love it when we DO feel ‘the best we EVER had’ – it is so incredible when the NA has been the springboard for such incredible development and thriving.

      Yay! I can feel your energy from here, and many wonderful adventures and experiences await you! 🙂

      Mel xo

  • maureen.hughes@mailb.hse.ie'
    Maureen
    January 29, 2014

    Welcome back Melanie, you look fab and happy 2014, may all you wonderful help be returned to you 100 fold. I am hoping for a court hearing in February and get things sorted, my narc turned up in court with all four adult children and hopes to control the court proceedings and give me nothing after all the abuse, put downs, gaslighting, him constructing rows with me and the children and his using the children as pawns to get his way and get at me. Its shocking this man is evil. It would be great to have things sorted and get back my family home and not just become a survivor but a thriver after 29 years of hell. Our children will also need help with their own lives. I thankyou and look forward to your contact xx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Hi Maureen,

      thank you so much for your blessings!

      Yes the narc is doing what narcs do – period…

      And yes sociopaths are the very opposite of light, but truly when we anchor into our light and release the charges of pain and fear and powerlessness you see firsthand how when narcs are not able to feed off fear and pain from you – how powerless they really are..

      That’s when it falls apart from them and the lies and tactics get exposed.

      You are correct in that this is the most powerful energetic example and boost that will also carry down to your children – your emancipation…

      Are you doing NARP, and have you read this article https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/how-we-become-better-parents-as-we-heal/?

      Because that is your highest and most powerful direction to take.

      Mel xo

  • cindylwestcott@aol.com'
    Cynthia Westcott
    January 30, 2014

    Thank you for sharing your hard-won gift with others Ms. Evans. As a psychotherapist, I have for a long time observed that the most common thread shared by my clients, especially those in inpatient hospital programs, is that they have encountered an engaged with and/or are currently engaging with a narcissistic individual. Many, of course had a parent with NPD, and so the story goes. You are saving precious lives. Thank you.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Hi Cynthia,

      thank you for your validation.

      That is so true, as you and many of this community know it IS hard-won..

      Certainly not a walk in the park – but NO less than what our soul chose for our development!

      I am totally NOT surprised that the worst of the worst breakdowns are caused by NA.

      You are so welcome re my work – and keep doing what you are doing too. Mainstream needs people JUST like you.

      Please let me know with your passion and recognition of ‘what is really going on’ if there is any way I can help to bridge the gap between spiritual and mainstream…it is SO needed.

      Mel xo

  • luckynsweets@aol.com'
    Lesley Shriver
    January 30, 2014

    Melanie,
    You have inspired me on my path of recovery. As you mention, the this epidemic of narcissism is growing at an alarming rate. I’ve been extremely impressed and gained a great deal of understanding into this epidemic by recently coming upon Paul Levy’s book “Dispelling Wetiko” and wanted to mention this you and others. Well worth the read. I’m thankful for you, Paul Levy and many others who are putting this illness out there and providing understanding and direction for those who are impacted and who want to make a difference in the world.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Hi Lesley,

      thank you so much for bringing that book to the community’s attention. I haven’t read it, but will order it.

      It IS wonderful that there are so many earth angels now wanting to make a difference – it is SO inspiring!

      Mel xo

  • deb.chiniforoush@gmail.com'
    Debbie
    January 30, 2014

    Hi Melanie,

    Thank you for an interesting read!!! So happy to see you back, I missed you.

    Thank you.
    Debbie

  • sophievpartridge@gmail.com'
    Sophie Partridge
    January 30, 2014

    Hi Melanie,

    So great to have you back and to hear how revitalised and inspired you are. I loved this show and the way that you are ever expanding your repertoire, ever growing and developing and so generously sharing your experiences with all of us! Thank you!

    The timing of your message feels very synchronistic for me. 2013 was the year I ended my relationship with the narcissist, it was also the year I found your work and started to heal. I am so grateful how quickly I found you and how much the work has helped. It was also the year I dealt with the legal case brought against me by the N and so now I look forward to 2014 putting my focus on what do I want to create?

    My dreams and intentions for 2014?

    To continue to make strides ahead in my healing and thriving, to learn to fully love and empower myself and become ever more radiant, sharing my gifts with the world.

    To find myself a beautiful new home to move to, here in London, a home that exceeds my dreams in terms of light, beauty, space, peace and vicinity to the park.

    To set up a thriving tarot business that can help, guide, empower and inspire people and that nourishes and supports me abundantly.

    To connect with a new circle of inspiring, conscious and thriving friends, both here in London and further afield.

    Do come and visit London or somewhere in Europe too! It would be so lovely to meet you and thank you in person and I would certainly travel if necessary to meet up.

    Happy 2014 to you, Melanie and to everyone in this community.

    Here’s to radiating our love, inner beauty, wisdom, and light.

    Love Sophie

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Hi Sophie,

      It’s awesome to be back…

      I LOVE growing Sophie, it is truly my greatest passion in life, and HOW blessed I am to be able to share my journey and help others…

      It makes it even more special!

      Sophie it has been wonderful for me to see how QUICKLY you surrendered into taking personal and empowering responsibility, and how dedicated you were to shifting you inner programs to survive and start flourishing.

      The trajectory you took was direct, your humility was absolute and from there you immediately started to source true power…

      I am so happy for you that you are getting the results that were inevitable from your choices!

      Yay to all of your dreams – dream big because these dreams are the AUTHENTIC you!

      I definitely will be coming to the UK at some stage – maybe soon!

      I’d LOVE to meet up with you!

      Mel xo

  • Adriannaw5000@yahoo.com'
    Adrianna Wilson
    January 30, 2014

    Melanie! Welcome back! I ever since is found you I find myself waiting for the newsletter and postings from you. They are so much a part of my life line. You are one of my hero women! We have so much in common that your stories could/are my own. You have made me a stronger and more aware woman and I am so grateful for you and your courageous work! I live in Palm Springs Ca and would love to meet you in LA. I will email you a longer version privately. Cheers to 2014!!!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Hi Adrianna,

      Thank you 🙂

      Soooo many of us have sooo much in common it is freaky!

      Truly a N is a N, and they have different faces but when the mask cracks they are ALL the same person – a pure egoic self that operates in identical ways.

      I am so pleased my work has helped you and I would LOVE to meet up whilst in LA!

      Mel xo

  • grollalion@yahoo.com'
    LauraG
    January 30, 2014

    Melanie,
    You have made such a difference in my life. Your courage in living the principles of energy attraction even in the most dire situations like having your children abused by a narc is inspiring. Plus you give very practical ways to apply this wisdom.

    As I become a thriver–I am 6 months out of my narc relationship–my eyes are open more and more often to OTHER narcissists. I am surprised at how they are in every walk of life, men and women, and how much damage they do (or try to do). We do need our eyes opened as our world evolves. Especially, we need the strong compassion of our female side. This is a spiritual war. And knowledge and the experience of others really helps. I always read all the comments and find it so comforting to know I am not alone in this baffling and painful dilemma of loving and relating to narcissists.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Hi Laura,

      I am so pleased you ALSO have had the courage to ‘let go and let God’ and realise where true power is when we become a co-creator…

      That really is what transcends the painful human limitations of trying to force outcomes from a wounded centre of fear and pain.

      Yes, correct our evolving world needs the light shone on the darkness, to bring it all up to the surface…in order to heal.

      You are right it is a spiritual war – and we can’t fight darkness by throwing more darkness at it – we have to start glowing the authenticity of love, truth and light – powerfully…

      It is beautiful to have you as another bringer of light, love, compassion and truth.

      Mel xo

  • nadinebernacki@yahoo.ca'
    Nadine
    January 30, 2014

    Welcome back! I am happy you had a wonderful time on your holiday and that you are so inspired about 2014. I look forward to sharing your videos on my networks. 2014 is going to be a very powerful year.
    I feel a change in me too. I used to feel like power (political, economic, etc.) was outside of me or only wielded by a select few. But now I am coming into a real knowing that it is an agreement, conscious or unconscious that we all made, and that we can take it back any time we want/need to, and that we are all a part of it – all connected in a really, really fundamental way – like I believe my thoughts and other people thoughts influence each others even before they are spoken. It’s so cool and also strange. I don’t know if it’s a natural progression due to being a mother or being 43 or if it’s part of a paradigm shift but whatever it is, it’s like seeing life through a different lens.
    Thanks for you healing modules – I’ve used all the ones you have created and am working slowly through the SEC for the second time, really taking my time with it the second time. I look forward to seeing what happens this year – in all of our lives.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Hi Nadine,

      thank you and it IS going to be an INCREDIBLE year!

      Ohhhh yes Nadine, you are RIGHT on it! You are tapping into and accessing the truth of how powerful we really are.

      It’s a paradigm shift – awakening DNA that you are tapped in to – and HEARING the call!

      Because you are doing the work of clearing the junk (static) in the way of Who You Really Are – you are becoming a direct channel with this truth…

      Wow!!! Love your post Nadine!

      Mel xo

  • marciasommers@gmail.com'
    Marcia
    January 30, 2014

    So glad to have you back, Melanie, and glad you enjoyed good holidays. You’ve been an inspiration to me – your website and materials were a wonderful gift to me in 2013, and I can’t wait to see what you’ve got planned for the new year. In the meantime, my confidence is back up, my boundaries clearly drawn, and my goals for myself are developing very clearly and joyfully! Again, thanks!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Hi Marcia,

      Thank you – it is so good to be back.

      Love, love what you are naming regarding your development.

      Just beautiful and very ‘on song’!

      Mel xo

  • Lisaphillips@live.com'
    Lisa phillips
    January 30, 2014

    Hi Melanie welcome back,just today I was wondering when you email would pop up in my inbox,and there it was!!.Thank you soo much for your inspiring articles,radio shows,listen to them all in 2013,helped me so much get through some difficult times.i look forward to more in this coming 7 numerology year,wondered if you could consider doing more on numerology,and karmic numbers,so fascinating,thanks again for all you do.Lisa x

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Hi Lisa,

      thank you 🙂

      You are so welcome….!!!

      I agree the ancient systems are fascinating and incredibly accurate when you delve deeply…

      What a fantastic year for you to do the inner work and develop and grow!

      I certainly will consider sharing some of this information this year!

      Mel xo

  • djpeart7@gmail.com'
    Jane
    January 30, 2014

    Hi Melanie. It’s sooo good to hear your voice:):)

    You sound and look fantastic!
    Yes 2014 is definitely going to be a turning point for me-I can feel it..Your plans sound fantastic and I can’t wait to join in on them:)
    I am nearly free of the Narc….he lives 20 meters away…aahhhh..And with that I am soo looking forward to the rest of my Narc free life-sadly the children have taken his side fully-which leaves me totally with just me-all is good-the light is getting brighter and brighter-you are an enormous inspiration to me-for that I am eternally grateful:)

    Here’s to a narc free life and an abundance of love and light:)

    Jane

    P.S. I’ll be in your area within the next few months:):):):)

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Hi Jane,

      It is lovely to hear from you too!

      Thank you – I truly have never felt healthier and more alive in my entire life!

      Aww darling I know the children thing will swing in time – it may take some time but it will….truly

      I can’t wait till you get here, we certainly have to hang out!!

      Yay – you are NEARLY there!

      Mel xo

  • quintonedward.jantjies@gmail.com'
    Quinton Edward
    January 30, 2014

    Welcome back Melanie!!!
    I was checking your site regularly since the 24th….lol. I am glad that you had such a wonderful soul enriching break in which you became even more self aware and even more aligned with your higher self. Another thing, you look years younger than the number you mentioned in the article; I say minus at least 17 years!
    I am looking forward to finally leaving the N this year and spreading the message of N-abuse and most importantly becoming at one with and taking better care of self.
    This is so needed because when I hear women talking about their relationships and the relationships of women they know, it is clear that they are involved with narcissists.
    xoxo

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Hi Quinton,

      thank you – and I soooo love that I really did orientate for higher development in amongst soooo much fun! Truly the two are NOT separate!

      Thank you for your lovely compliment 🙂

      It is VERY, very true that there are so many women who have obviously been involved with narcs. I am having this conversation with men constantly how many women they meet who have been abused, and how hard it is for guys being labelled because of the actions of sociopathic men.

      Decent men are so disgusted with how male N’s operate!

      Truly it is a blight that does affect good people of both sexes!

      Mel xo

  • annepower772@btinternet.com'
    Anne
    January 30, 2014

    Hi Melanie, Welcome back and so glad you had a lovely break. Lots of love and best wishes for a ‘very’ radiant 2014 from all in our household here in the UK.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Hi Anne,

      thank you 🙂

      Much love to you and yours also!

      To wonderful radiance! 🙂

      Mel xo

  • pattiwill1977@yahoo.com'
    Patti
    January 30, 2014

    Hi Melanie!

    So glad you had such a wonderful “break”! We missed you!

    Here’s what I am looking forward to in 2014. If 2013 was about surviving, THIS year is about thriving. I didn’t realize how much of myself and my happy, life-loving spirit I lost in the 2 1/2 year N relationship I was in. Although I feel I am beyond the initial trauma (yay), I know I have a lot of junk yet to unearth to find the self I lost AND to expand into more of the true self (that I lost as a child).

    I know she is just waiting to be discovered and uncovered…like precious gems in a mine.

    Thanks for your example and inspiration.

    Much love to you, Melanie!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 30, 2014

      Hi Patti,

      thank you!!

      I agree Patti, that for so many 2012 and 2013 were very tough years…

      This year (I believe) is different.

      We can now expand outwards, and that is exciting!

      TOTALLY the real you is waiting for you patiently to clear the rubble away to unearth her – and then she will emerge and blossom fully!!

      Gorgeous! You are so welcome Patti 🙂

      Mel xo

  • raeannerose@gmail.com'
    Raeanne
    January 30, 2014

    Welcome back Melanie. We all missed you!

  • roork_april@verizon.net'
    April
    January 31, 2014

    Radiant Mel,

    Thank you so much for giving me a tool to find my inner voice again. Your work has guided me out of the worst darkness I could imagine. My alcoholic narc literally drained me of every ounce of emotional, physical, psychological, and economical health. It is a priceless gift to have your email in my inbox as it is like pouring strength into my soul. You were and are my strength to setting strong boundaries, make healthy conscious decisions, and not live in fear. Fear is crippling, and being crippled by fear is worse then death in my opinion. In the past three weeks I started meditating. I can think. Everything around me the chaos, the anger, the emotional pain, physical pain, frustration was so loud I could not hear my own inner voice. You have shown me how to quiet everything around me in order stop the stress anxiety catch 22 to heal. I am healing from the inside out with Lupus, PTSD, broken ribs, herniations and a whole lot more. Thank you beyond words for your work! Feeling life and inner radiance suites you well! I am almost there I can taste it!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 31, 2014

      Hi April,

      You are so very welcome.

      I totally agree that living in fear is worse than death.

      Often we start to transcend fear when we would rather die (allow our ego to dissolve) than continue on the way we were…

      Your courage is TOTALLY inspiring and magnificent April..

      You ARE a being of radiance and truth.

      Mel xo

  • suki.bri-ana@live.com'
    Suki
    January 31, 2014

    Hi Melanie, so great to have to back, you look stunning:)) I don’t know if you can remember but I exchanged some private emails re struggling to stop smoking, just to let you know I succeeded earliar this month & am starting to feel again:)) no more numbing hey lol. Read your reply to Sophie re visiting the UK, that would be amazing to meet you in person, really hope you do even just to give you a big hug to say thankyou for all you do. I really feel as though I’ve made a breakthrough, something feels different:) Missed you loads & so good you took a well earnt break, good to have you back:)
    Lots of love

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 31, 2014

      Hi Suki,

      thank you 🙂

      Yes I do remember…that is fantastic that you have broken through. Smoking was a huge one for me too!

      Congratulations 🙂

      Would LOVE to give you a hug one day in person!!!

      Loads of love.

      Mel xo

  • bcuerden@gmail.com'
    becca
    February 1, 2014

    Dear Melanie, last year at this time I discovered you and the NARP program. I had finally left the N, under traumatic circumstances (after 22 years), and found your program. I remember reading others comments saying they could not believe the transformations they had gone through with the NARP program, and I wondered if that could ever happen to me. Well 12 months later- I can say that it has!! I am so incredibly amazed at all that has happened. It starts with horrors, then some good comes in slowly, and builds, and the good starts to accumulate, and then things start to turn around and the despair is outweighed by new energy, and that big snowball just starts rolling downhill and crashing through barriers until you are in a whole new space! The biggest things I learned: NARP like your life depends on it (it does). Listen to Melanie’s radio programs (her voice becomes the new voice in your head). Start meditating in whatever way you can (Joe Dispenza’s book which Melanie recommended was HUGE as backup to what I learn through NARP). And keep your eyes and heart open for the opportunities that start showing up. I now have my own business! After 5 months of my daughters not speaking to me, some healing has happened there. After legal torture and craziness, I finally have a settlement. I lost everything, but now I am getting it back! To all newcomers- hang in there, do the work. Melanie IS A GURU. Really, she is. You do not have to do it alone. THANK YOU Melanie, with all my heart. 2014 is already SO MUCH better than 2013, and beyond anything I could have imagined last year at this time. xxoo

    • psyche@iinet.net.au'
      Suzanne
      February 1, 2014

      Congratulations Becca. Sounds like you have made a very amazing journey into your healing and your new amazing life. I feel so happy for you that you now have a new business that you created and have moved on.

      Unfortunately I am still estranged from my daughter after 5.5 years and things are still not happening between us. She is aligned more with her N father and her new family into which she has married. Still working on that one.

      Congratulations to you on all your efforts on your own behalf.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 3, 2014

      Hi Becca,

      I am SO thrilled for you that you HAVE broken through to this space.

      Oh yes NARP is a massive key to keep shifting the internal emotional junk….totally key…

      I agree that Joe Dispenza’s meditations and deep understanding of how we are rewiring our brains literally is also incredibly powerful …

      And HOW gorgeous that you connected to the field of life – which is what IS possible when we start clearing out the pain…

      Becca it is so true that there IS spiritual compensation – it truly doesn’t matter what we lost, because when we become our True Selves we are unlimited in greater ways than we ever could have known ourselves previously.

      I am so happy you are so happy Becca – you 100% deserve this wonderful life and divine living.

      Mel xo

  • catherinerosa@icoud.com'
    catherine
    February 1, 2014

    So great to hear from you Mel,
    Would love to meet with you in Los Angeles.
    You look and sound fantastic!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 3, 2014

      Hi Catherine,

      Thank you, and lovely to hear from you too!

      That would be wonderful to connect in LA.

      Mel xo

  • raeannerose@gmail.com'
    Raeanne
    February 1, 2014

    Hello. I see 2014 as a year of big change. I hope to transcend to a place emotionally where the Narcs barbs don’t hurt at all and I can immediately recognize them in their falsehood.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 3, 2014

      Hi Raeanne,

      that is great that you see 2014 as a year of big change…

      Now all we need to do is continue uplevelling ourselves to be the change we wish to live.

      Keep healing 🙂

      Mel xo

  • psyche@iinet.net.au'
    Suzanne
    February 1, 2014

    Hello Mel. Loved this bit.

    Please understand the total surrender into these orientations is by no means perfected by me – it is a life’s work. However, what is wonderful, and what I am deeply committed to is staying conscious enough to know that when I do feel uncomfortable that I am right on the edge of further development, and I can recognise this and seek to orientate consciously through it and expand. – See more at: https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/expanding-becoming-radiant-and-saying-yes-to-life-in-2014/#sthash.fRxRHbNw.dpuf

    Recently, you may or may not remember that it was Christmas time and many members were saying that they were having the experience of their ex N turning up unexpectedly in one form or another in their lives.

    I was feeling happy that this had not happened to me,when lo and behold, who did I see walking up my driveway!

    Well, that was an interesting time over the next few weeks as I sorted out some more internal stuff. One of the things that came up was that there was a lot of injury to me re my father from very early in my life and this injury was embedded deeply within my amygdala and solar plexus area. My kinesiologist and NARP modules have shifted this old stuff out. There is some residue but it is also shifting out now and may have already done so. Some of it is to do with punishment and some to do with letting go.

    As I have cleared this, my voice has altered to become a lot more assertive and I have also been able to let go more fully of any connection to my ex-boyfriend. What happened was that one day, I was feeling really disappointed and sad and I also had a deeper realisation that he would never be able to meet my core needs in a relationship and that all he would ever do would use me and everything I have to fill himself up. Something happened inside me that has never happened before and it feels like an inner shield that keeps him psychically at bay.

    For the first time ever, I have been able to be really clear that his energy is not something that serves me in life and have felt a greater letting go. I hope that the process is fully complete now.

    So this blog that you have written, is I hope going to be my story this year. I feel like I am moving into some unchartered waters whatever they might be and something is in the process of being created in my life out of me. Now that I have been able to see the connection between hanging on to my dead father and my ex-boyfriend (one and the same thing perhaps),I have been able to face letting go of my dad who died when I was really young. Somehow, letting him go meant that I was totally alone in the world. I am now standing in the world on my own two feet, alone and I am ok.

    So, the ‘being on the edge of further development is so true for me and I am excited to see what this new year is going to bring for me. I am doing a Bachata workshop this weekend my favourite Latin dance from the Dominican Republic), so I am very excited to be participating and becoming a wonderful Bachata dancer. I am at Advanced level in Cuban salsa now so am loving refining all my steps.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 3, 2014

      Hi Suzanne,

      that bit is really important because we aren’t perfect and we are never going to finally arrive and be perfectly evolved, however if we wish our grandest mission to be the most loving and authentic people we can be that DOES mean taking 100% responsibility!

      Its great that you are continuing to discover and release the old wounds that you need to let go of…fantastic…

      Because until we have healed that painful childhood stuff we don’t have the ability to be adults sourcing life healthily…

      It is incredible how the things we ‘struggle with’ are always giving us the opportunity to find and release the original wound – the ones which get triggered as adults are only copies of that old original emotional pain…

      You are doing a great job Suzanne…I have no doubt this is going to be a wonderful year for you.

      Mel xo

  • lucy.mae@westnet.com.au'
    Lucy
    February 1, 2014

    Well you’re lucky, then (or perhaps you just work hard), because when I asked the Divine Whatever last year to “guide me where I need to be – speak to me, and I will listen” – it did, but I didn’t.
    I had this thought over several months that I ought to get out into the forest, take some pictures, write a piece (mind you, another part of me was going, ‘how odd, I’ve never wanted to be a travel writer before’).
    A few weeks ago, it was a really persistent thought: I really must do that, why not *this* weekend? (though another part of me was saying, ‘Get lost, it’s 40-odd degrees out there’.)

    And now, it’s gone. All gone. Beautiful forest. Razed by bushfire. Australia’s first pine forest and its wonderful Old Nursery of exotic trees, planted in 1877 to test which species would thrive most in Australian conditions.

    I agree with you that the art of life is largely about when to say yes, and when to say no, and I know when it comes to the big things, my instincts are pretty good.

    But I’m blessed if I can figure how, on a daily basis, I am meant to isolate these little intuitive gifts and tips from the passing parade of other good ideas I have every day.

    Life. It’s still a mystery ……….

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 3, 2014

      Hi Lucy,

      I really believe our first stop is facing and dealing with the existing pain we KNOW we have NOW…

      Sometimes it is not time to ‘move forward’ until we have had a red hot go of releasing the stuff that feels like constriction, pain and fear that we know is sitting there…

      Until we have cleared enough of that it can be really confusing to ‘hear’ the call of life asking us to come forward.

      Our inner filters of the past may be confusing the message.

      That was my gut feeling when reading your post – and it may or may not resonate with you…

      Mel xo

  • claytonruth@rocketmail.com'
    Ruth
    February 3, 2014

    Hello Mel. I am so thrilled to hear your vitality and enthusiasm for life!!! I believe this is coming for me as well and for many others here. My process of letting go has reached a new painful depth, and connected me to my primal rejection from my birth mother. While working through pain, I am having trouble telling the difference between peptide addiction to pain and truly moving through it feeling and releasing it. Can you please share with me how to know the difference? I have had a very hard time letting down defenses and feeling what is there. Then when I do feel it, I worry I may be indulging the pain. However, even that may be an avoidance defense. Thank you.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 3, 2014

      Hi Ruth,

      Thank you, it is such a beautiful space to be in!

      I am thrilled you are feeling it too, and I agree that there is an enormous shift happening in this community towards wellbeing.

      Ok this is my take on the difference….

      Our ego is always going to want to keep us hooked into pain…period – that is it’s purpose.

      AND our ego specifically wants us to NOT go to the pain in order to transform it…Because if we don’t claim it, name it and release it then we are never rid of it…

      So this is the deal – going FULLY to it in healing sessions (not random wallowing) in order to totally connect with it and spiral it up and out – and keep digging and going until that is achieved.

      Then the wound will be transformed. If something really hurts (and Mother wounds are huge) you need to go towards it, not away from it.

      It is the total surrender into the pain in healing sessions, dropping all the defences that FINALLY wrestles our ego to the ground.

      Until we can do that we can’t be open hearted, free and flowing in life.

      I hope that helps and please ask any more questions that you may have.

      Mel xo

  • olga_rikova@yahoo.com'
    Olga
    February 3, 2014

    Hi Mel,

    It feels like your amazing energy just goes around the globe all the way from Australia to the US and just fills the space!

    You look stunning! Such an inspiration!

    Mel, I’ve been listening for the past few days to some of your old radio shows. In one of them you mention your partner Dale. I assume that was most recent relationship? Anyway, I couldn’t help but wondering about your experience with the altruistic narcissist. In one of the posts you mentioned that despite all the knowldge about narcissists you felt like you still at that point didn’t heal enough, thus you attracted him in your life.

    My question is- what kind of beliefs did you still have to shift, that you think were still a vibrational match to attract him? Did you discover them after you ended the relationship or you knew about those beliefs, but still didn’t totally shift them when you met him.

    Also, what was different about him, that you didn’t think he was a narc? Now as you look back, do you think there were any red flags at all that you’ve missed/rationalized at the beginning of the relationship or was he so good of an actor, that even with all your knowledge about the subject you couldn’t see through. If you met someone like him now, would you how would you know he is a narc/ altruistic narc?

    I feel like many if us can benifit from your response.
    Thank you so much! So happy for you and for the amazing 2014! I feel it too- it’s going to be an amazing year!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 3, 2014

      Hi Olga,

      thank you.

      The truth was totally before the Altruistic Narcissistic experience I still had work to do on myself – that I hadn’t discovered yet.

      I also believe that the experience with an AN was absolutely ‘meant to be’, because it is a lot more confusing than a ‘regular’ narcissist.

      Even though when the mask drops the behaviour is identical – there are more twists and turns of the ‘great guy’ in between narcissistic rages that used to cause us all to shake our head and say ‘maybe this person isn’t a narc’ even though the abuse clearly is…

      Yes absolutely there was red flags – more subtle but they were there. Also an ex girlfriend popped up very quickly, unfortunately had deleted the proof off her phone of their continued sexual relationship and his lies to both of us (another meant to be otherwise I would have never gone through the experience) and because she was shattered in her behaviour as a result of his abuse was easily scripted as the abuser…by him …and I fell for it.

      Her and I have since cleared a lot and connected with the truths.

      As well as with other women he has abused in his wake…

      The major warning signs were statements of “I want to own your heart’….grandiosity in regards to ‘being able to be better than any man’…and statements regarding why every women in the past was never ‘good enough for him’…

      Yes absolutely now I will not go near another man who has an ex in the background, who goes from one relationship to the next to the next (can’t spend time alone to process), or made statements like any of the above…

      I have come to deeply understand that superiority and arrogance is NOT confidence.

      I will be writing and posting and article VERY soon about my present dating experiences and DEEP understandings of where I WAS going wrong in the past…

      The bottom line was I was still sourcing love through ‘fear’…and was not really sure of WHO I was yet – and I am going to soooo enjoy sharing all of this information very transparently to help others.

      It is great you brought this up!

      You are so welcome Olga, life is amazing, and 2014 is incredible 🙂

      Big YAY!!!

      Mel xo

      • olga_rikova@yahoo.com'
        Olga
        February 3, 2014

        Thank you Mel, for being so open and for answering!
        I will be waiting for your article!

        I think the narc that I was with was also an altrustic kind.
        He had a good career, a job that he had for years, and at the beginning ( for about 4 months) all his actions totally matched his words.
        But the biggest red flag was similar to what you said- none of his exes were “never good enough for him”.

        And sure enough, 3 weeks after we broke up, he went back to his ex wife, who he was ” so misarable with”, who was “bipolar, crazy” and never treated him like “he deserved”.

        None of it made sense to me till I found your website and than all pieces of the puzzle came together.

        It’s been an interesting journey for me towards myself. What I can say is that even I was the one who ended the relationship, after being with him for 4 months, all in a honeymoon stage, ( he opened my emails, looking for evidence of me cheating on him and that’s was IT for me), I was left completely devastated. I never returned or talked to him, despite his numerous attempts.

        But I was crushed like never before. My point is that even if you are “strong” enough to break up with narc at a very early stage, having certain limiting beliefs about yourself, will leave you in horrendous pain. Until you shift them.

        Christina’s story on your Thriver’s show has resonated so much with me. I feel like I needed this experience not because I was weak and I became stronger, but it actually was complete opposite-I always thought that I am strong enough/positive enough, and was completely unaware about numerous limiting beliefs that were blocking me from MYSELF. I was afraid to be vulnarable with myself and one of the ways to cover any pain that I felt -was complete denial and FALSE optimism.

        What I’ve learned is that there is a big difference between staying positive and being in denial and cover it for yourself, first of all, under the mask of optimism.

        I can see clearly now how the whole False image of the narc was a total match for the false happiness, that I have often convinced myself of, thus denying any pain that I’ve ever felt.

        Thank you, Melanie! I am on my way towards truth!
        Bleesing and Love,

        Olga

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          February 4, 2014

          Hi Olga,

          you are very welcome.

          That article will be out in just over two weeks!

          That is the curse of narcissism – that no-one can ever be good enough.

          It is the lack of self-love and self-acceptance which causes the partner to be defective (the projection of the narc’s unhealed wounds and disowned inner child)…

          It also part of the disorder to create smearing and triangulation – discrediting exes horrifically (part of the projection) and then returning to them and / or continuing to have sex with them.

          Male narcissists are misogynists. The AN I experienced granted me full understanding of the sickness of smearing women horrifically (in explicit detail) then having pathological sexual relationships with them.

          Very disturbing – and not ‘human’ or ‘normal’ under any conditions…

          You are so right Olga in that ‘being strong’ was not useful, and truly was emotional self-avoidance…absolutely – yet of course we had never had anything different modelled for us.

          This self-avoidance is a match for narcissists, as is of course being taken in by the mind (ego) wanting the illusions to be true, even though our intuition was screaming a different reality at us…

          ALL of this is leading us back home to the truth, which is what this blessed journey of healing from NA is all about…

          It is 100% accurate that ‘just leaving’ is not enough – and thank goodness it wasn’t – and the pain was so severe that we HAD TO go inwards, claim our wounded parts and false belief systems and heal the illusions that we were sourcing and trying to generate our life from.

          I LOVE that you and so many others Olga are on your way to truth!

          Mel xo

  • karenlynellewilliams@gmail.com'
    Karen Williams
    February 3, 2014

    Hi Melanie (and all ),
    The photo says it alll! A wonderful image.

    In our culture we are told not to look too bold in real life and in photographs, the implication being that we might appear conceited or “up ourselves” to use the slang expression. But why not! We should be in love with ourselves, in fact as Mel says it is a must first before we are able to love someone else.
    I have noticed in the Arabic culture women put a hand on their hips when having a pic taken. Automatically this makes them all appear attractive no matter what they look like. So ladies, next time you are posing for a photograph place that hand on a hip and strut your stuff!
    luv,
    Karen
    (One year out of narc relationship, much better place this year than last, but still working on letting go of fear).

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 3, 2014

      Hi Karen,

      thank you.

      I ADORE your message, and I am behind it 100%…

      Time to shine unashamedly!!!

      Chin up and hand on hip ladies!!

      Mel xo

  • karenlynellewilliams@gmail.com'
    Karen Williams
    February 3, 2014

    Oh one more thing with ref to what you mentioned to Olga Mel; you wrote arrogance is not confidence. So true. One that I am now aware of couldn’t identify before is; (a great) personality is NOT character!
    cheers,
    Karen

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 3, 2014

      Hey Karen again,

      as Marianne Williamson writes – there is an enormous difference between grandeur and grandiosity.

      Grandeur stands on its own merits whereas grandiosity has none…

      And so true – a ‘persona’ can say anything – whereas a ‘solid character’ is integrity in action.

      Mel xo

  • karen.lee37@hotmail.com'
    Karen
    February 4, 2014

    I’ll try again, it’s a long one!!!!
    Hi Mel,
    I wasn’t sure who else to turn to about this as barely anybody knows about narcissism or even co-dependency or about really taking responsibility for themselves and not all these three together and I did think about posting this on the site and after you have read it and if you think that it might be helpful to others I’m more than happy for it to be posted it’s just that I really wanted the opinion of someone who has been through this and come through the other side.

    In a nutshell I left the narcissist on November 25th 2012, I had already, through my own observations and investigations sussed him out to be a narcissist but for all that was worth, I might well have not bothered as I was still there, still hanging on, that was until I was driving home one day after spending a long weekend with my family for my mum’s 70th birthday and I was talking to my friend on the car phone when we lost signal but just before we did, she asked me what was happening with me and the narc and I said that he couldn’t make a commitment while he was having this treatment for Hepatitis C so we were going to wait until that’s over and at that point it was like I was having an out of body experience or something, it was like I could hear myself clearly for the first time and I was like no way, no way am I doing this anymore. I could not believe what I was hearing and I didn’t know how but I knew the relationship was over and done with and it was, I ended it as soon as I got back although it took me days to get him out of the house, anyway, long story short, I then, very quickly, came across you and as soon as I read something you wrote I was like, this is it, I can stop searching now, this woman is going to help me get over this and you have. But when this first happened I was living in the north of England miles away from my family and friends and literally in the middle of nowhere and I stayed there for another 4 months (the rented house was still in his name) but it was like a little sanctuary, surrounded by fields and sheep and he never came round and then when I felt a bit stronger I moved to a little town close by but I was still very isolated but then in November last year I felt strong enough to move back to my home town to be near my family and my only son who I love so much and who I pushed to the side for the narc and it’s been a good move, I miss living in the north of England as it’s so beautiful but it’s nice to know that my family are close by. Now I barely go out of my flat as I am getting all organised, turning it into a loving home and I’m studying internet marketing and how to be a coach as well as doing the self empowerment course and some times, most times I am so happy I could burst. I am completely over the narc and feel connected to the true me like never before and most of the time just feel happy for being alive. I have lots going on, eating healthy, getting back into yoga, exercise, getting fresh air, getting back into meditating and sometimes I feel I have so much going on it feels overwhelming and I think I just crash. I get these migraines that see me in bed for at least one day at a time and some times I think I could almost be described as bipolar but I know it’s not that because even in these down times, and this one seems to be the worst as I have really cried this time, I’m not depressed and still know I won’t be giving it, it just feels that I’m safe enough now to let my emotions out. When I found you I wasted no time in getting the programme and did each module like my life depended on it because it did, I have a history of drug and alcohol abuse and I wasn’t going back there again so I didn’t allow myself one moment of sadness, I just kept bringing everything back to me, over and over again and because I haven’t worked for nearly 3 years and have lived in almost total isolation in all that time (mostly without the narc, I was no contact for over 6 months when after one phone call I was right back there) I think that maybe I now just feel safe enough to let my feelings out. I only ever did each NARP module once although whilst writing this I have identified another one to do and I took myself away at the new year to spend 5 days doing the self empowerment course and did a NARP module then that really helped so I’ve been so focused on healing and moving forward that I’ve barely shed a tear so I’m wondering if this is just all part of it and because I’ve never really ‘lived’ as ‘me’ making all my own decisions for me etc then I guess this is going to take some adjusting to and getting used to as well so I’m kind of seeing the tears I’m shedding now as a positive thing, I suppose I just thought all the healing etc would be all over with by now but when I think about it, I’ve also moved house, all by myself twice in 9 months, juggling all this and going into a voluntary debt arrangement which wasn’t easy on the emotions etc and also I had only just given up drugs and alcohol when I met the narc, I met him in NA when I was only 4 weeks clean and sober and thought he was what I had been looking for all my life after being single for 14 years prior to that because the last husband was violent so didn’t want my son to be messed about any more. So I suppose all of this is understandable when you look at the bigger picture and having written it down it makes even more sense. I was just wondering if this is kind of normal. The girls on the site who seem to have ‘got it’ seem to be running smoothly in their lives or they then leave the site but I know your in contact with many more people so thought you might be able to tell me that what I’m going through is normal and not an indication that I can’t cope or I’m going to go backwards.

    I am learning internet marketing and I’ve sourced a really great life coaching course to go on here in the UK, I went on their 2 day course and have been accepted on it so now I just have to get the finance together so I’m applying for jobs as well as working hard to get the internet marketing business to take off (which is at times like learning something new in a foreign language!) as well as all the other stuff, healthy eating etc so I’m constantly working at improving myself and my life so I suppose it’s understandable that I have some off days?!?!? But, like I said, even on my ‘off’ days I’m still more positive than I’ve ever been in my life and I won’t give up. I’m a qualified Social Worker and was earning good money when I was with the narc and I don’t want to go back to that, my intention is to become financially free, to build a successful internet marketing business and more importantly build a successful life coach/ healing type business that I can build on and continue to grow for the rest of my life so that I can be of great help to my son, my family and in particular women out there who need the support. So I have big goals and dreams and I won’t give in, it’s just a little hard some times I guess and I thought I was in the stage now of building my strong foundation but maybe I am still in a bit of the transformational stage as well. I have also done your family of origins course which has also helped a great deal so my interactions etc with family still aren’t perfect but they’re a lot better than they’re and slowly getting better all the time so really lots has changed in a relatively short space of time, I guess I just need a little reassurance that I’m doing ok and that I am on the right track so to speak.

    I guess I’m writing to you as I know you’ve been through this so wondered if you could identify the stage where I’m at now. It would really help me if I could get a little more clarification around this.

    Thanks Mel.

    Much love and gratitude for all that you do and for all the help and support you have given me so far.

    Karen xx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 5, 2014

      Hi Karen,

      That’s not quite true – as there is a much more growing and evolved understanding starting to emerge in many places and within many people – but of course I am happy to help!

      Truly Karen so many of us had our focus on the narcissist for a long time – thinking that if we did ‘suss’ everything out about them that would allow us to break free.

      The truth is our focus always had to be on ourselves, because that is the only place we can EVER source power – regardless of ANYTHING or ANYONE outside of us.

      Truly that experience you had in the car was your Higher Self being able to communicate with you – it was a ‘bleeding through’ of your soul truth – reaching your conscious understanding..

      What I have been able to identify Karen is that you only did each Module of NARP once. Truly Karen that is nowhere near enough times.

      Karen NARP is not a ‘course’ it is a deep inner process to detangle – to find, claim and release our inner wounds, and that means EVERY TIME something painful can be felt in our bodies (emotions) that can deeply drop in to it and ask ourselves ‘what is this’ and then go to the Module topic it relates to. If we don’t specifically know we can use Module 1.

      For all of us, by the time we have narc abused – we had a lot of old emotional wounds, we carried a lot of baggage, and Life has come along and said ‘time to heal this’ and you can no longer continue on as ‘life as normal’ until you do.

      My highest suggestion for you is to drop the ES Course, its not time yet and really, really work through going to and releasing the abuse wounds in NARP – and work the Modules through as many times as you need to..

      As Debbie Ford said ‘you can’t put icecream on top off poop’

      The self care, creation of surroundings and goals are great – but please understand – all of this IS supplementary only…

      The REAL work is going inside right into the pain and releasing the trapped painful emotions and faulty belief systems (that we all had / have) out of your body…

      Because your inner is the VERY foundation that you wish to build upon. If you don’t heal the inner foundation then your faulty belief systems and trapped painful emotions (egoic fears) will only crumble and sabotage everything you try to create..

      Hasn’t life always done that to us?

      So much more important than the ‘doingness’ is working on the ‘beingness’ which is the internal healing – and then supplement that with healthy ‘doingness’.

      I hope this helps – in a nutshell you need to go INTO and TOWARDS the painful emotions and not side-step them or rush over them.

      Avoiding the sadness, abuse and grief is NOT the answer. Fully going in to it and releasing it in NARP Modules is…

      If any feelings of addiction pulls come up to substances, then FULLY go in to and release the painful charges of them as well with QFH…

      The people who are well and free, are this way because they claimed and released the ‘junk’ out of their bodies…and to do so you have to feel it…

      Mel xo

  • karen.lee37@hotmail.com'
    Karen
    February 5, 2014

    Thank you so much Mel, I so needed to hear this, I am so grateful that I did reach out to you because I know you are right and I totally did not see this before, for the last few days I have been taking some valium, not because I was feeling upset or anything, I just thought I ‘needed’ them to help keep me calm and now after reading your reply I can see how I absolutely do still have unhealed parts ~ damn, I thought I could just get on with things now!!!!! Never mind, back to NARP it is then because more than anything I absolutely do want to build a solid foundation within me so I discontinue the cycle I have always played out.
    Thank you Mel, so much.
    Karen xx

  • jkmath914@gmail.com'
    Julia
    February 6, 2014

    Hi Mel,
    Boy I sure did miss you. Although we have never met face to face, I feel I truly know you. We share a kinship and light. I’m glad you’re back to share with us again and that you had a lovely holiday. In 2014, I plan to return to my country after being away for 19 months to learn about and to heal from narcissistic abuse. During the time away, I found you (MTE), Eckhart Tolle, Walter Russell and a few others. Most of all, I found myself and I’m so excited because I am a wonderful, beautiful, loving soul. I will first go to Florida for a family reunion and then I will return back to my home state for about 2 months to clear up any loose ends. I will turn 62 in September so I will be eligible to collect Social Security. That along with my current pension will enable me to be self-sufficient and I plan on moving to another state and blossom. I have nothing concrete in place except to just BE. The Universe will bring to me what I need and I will be awakened enough to receive it. I am enthusiastic about the new start of the rest of my life and I trust the Creator enough to give me just what I need. Blessings to you and all of the souls in this community. Much Love

  • ruizdoraelia@gmail.com'
    Doraelia Ruiz
    March 19, 2014

    Purely incredible, I am going to print this out and reference it every so often. I as just very recently discussing my self-abandonment and how I cant ever let that happen again. Again TY so much, every day is more gorgeous than the one prior and alot has to do with this clarity and freedom

  • dianfraley@animail.net'
    Swan A
    May 15, 2014

    My favorite Model is
    Marry Queen

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