Your wisdom in how you deal with your mother really helped me to look at the way I deal with my own parents’ abuse. Memories of the abuse and their constant terrible treatment of me as a child come up so much less frequently since I began my journey of healing, and especially since QFH has given me a way to get it out of my being forever. Yet the memories still come up from time to time, and once they do they keep rolling around in my consciousness in very damaging and overpowering ways. You reminded me that forgiveness is not for them, it’s for me, and to totally take the focus off them and onto me. You were so right that you can’t excuse them because of their own horrible childhoods, but that my response to these memories is inside me and is totally my own responsibility.

This blog was also very helpful in giving me a new way to look at how my dependency and codependency was created in childhood, so thank you, Melanie. How could my damaged parents have possibly helped me to grow into a happy and fully functioning adult, while they themselves were desperately dependent on trying to force everyone around them to be the targets for offloading their own inner demons that were gnawing them alive? The only answer is, as you said in a previous blog, to grow up those hurting and underdeveloped parts of myself so I can be my own loving parent.

Thank you so much for this article it makes so much sense why I attracted my significant other and I experienced the abuse I experienced, shuu it this such an eye opener IMG wow wow, I have started on my journey of healing …..but I would like to heal this lack and dependancy ….so so grateful for this article

Hi Patricia,

I adore what just activated within you!

It is soooo key!!!

This is ascension into your True Self right there. You are right you can’t “think” this, it has to be embodied.

So happy you have anchored into this.

Much Love

Mel 🙏💞🦋

Hi Janet,

I am so pleased that this helped.

Love and blessings to you Dear Lady

Mel 🙏💞🦋

Thanks so much for your insightful, real and powerful explanations. At one point reading your article I’ve been able to ascertain for myself that I have no lack within me, that I don’t need to depend on others for love, approval, security and survival. I suddenly had this reality settling in my inside : that I have all I need inside of me. The lie that I’d believed for years has just disappeared. I’ve been fully equipped by God with everything I need for life. It’s been totally liberating!. The first three paragraphs under the caption “As an adult” have led me to this magnificent transformational discovery.

Thanks so much! Lots of gratitude, and profound acknowledgment to you and your thoughtful giving away of this invaluable information.

Hi Lia,

You are very welcome.

Sweetheart it’s so good that you reached out and as I posted other your other comment I would love to offer you the additional support that you need at this time.

The NARP Forum is this coaching and support which is 24/7/365 complimentary with Gold NARP.

I so hope that this grants you the solutions and help that you need

Mel 🙏💞🦋

Hi Lia,

I would love our team to help you work with NARP.

Do you have Gold NARP? If so please log into http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member where one of my lovely NARP specialists can help you.

If you have any problem connecting into the NARP Member’s Forum, please contact one of my support team at support@melanietoniaevans.com

Please know Lia you do not have to heal alone.

Much Love to you

Mel 🙏💞🦋

Hi J I so feel you my mom also had a difficult childhood which caused her to fall into the arms of my narc father and affected my childhood likewise! I feel there is a difference between letting someone get away with a certain behavior and excusing it with their hardship or understanding their behavior and forgiving them for it! Forgiveness does not mean acceptance! My mother has developed what a call a co-Narcisstic behavior because that was all she knew! Even though she is not a real narc like my father she behaves like one, accepts cero boundaries and is super toxic without any regret or realization of her behavior whatsoever! What I have done and works for me is limiting the contact to the bare minimum and when I have to be with her being very present and conscious not to get drawn into her games! I reduce the conversation to certain subjects I don’t tell her any private stuff and apply the same methods like with narc people! Forgiveness is for us not for them in the end this is about me not her! I totally take the focus away from her … her past is no excuse for her behavior and I understand I won’t change it but my response to it belongs to me! I don’t agree with the way she acts but I understand that is all she can do at the moment I don’t try to change her and I don’t engage! I learn from her and see what she mirrors back so I can heal! Blaming will only keep you trapped as it means you still expect something from her like support love etc.. I understood she cannot give what she doesn’t have herself! She has been a very unconscious mother but a great teacher! So I am grateful and integrate the learnings