Narcs are vicious and unchangeable products of early abuse and largely unchangeable. To the extent that you figure out how to NOT let them slip past your radar as and adult, good for you. But, to me, this is the kind of article that promotes airy fairy thinking about bolstering your self esteem by carrying a 25 page list of affirmations to remember while you are being barraged with insults and then taking your 14th place ribbon for showing up to learn how special you are.

Come to terms with who your adversary is, recognizing that there are some really nasty people in the world that will never change and that you should avoid. Get them out of your life. Period. Mom, Dad, Sister, Brother, Spouse, Cousin, Child, Boss? OUT. The same goes for anyone who falls in line with them and plays the “flying monkey” game with you. OUT. Forget about figuring them out, understanding them and brining them to the “light.”. Narcs simply want to get your attention, demean you to make themselves look “superior” (now THERE’s moral bankruptcy for you) and get you to do their dirty work so that you pay the price for what they know is unacceptable. What’s so damned special about them that they deserve space in your life and the privilege of making you miserable?

Stop torturing yourself, walk away and feel the immeasurable peace that comes over your new life. Lonely? You’ll find others. There is your family, and your family of choice. Novel concept: You now get to choose that. Hollowed out shell? Maybe that’s because the way they taught you to think doesn’t work and has to go. Time to go explore the world through your own likes and dislikes, morals and philosophy. Welcome to life.

Maybe the author has some good questions or relevant points for you. I’ll pass. I was too busy losing lunch over the initial suppositions.

Agree what you say 💯 Rachel…I have never been happier on my own now that I’ve done much healing with Narp and am evolving into my truest self. I’m loving my life as is and if I meet someone, who meets me having the level of consciousness and wholeness in his life too and we really like one another and take time getting to know one another …..then yes I’ll consider it, otherwise im no going out to look for a man, no online for me.There is so much freedom and loving life that keeps me happy and fulfilled now.

This article blames the victim? I completely disagree. This article only validates yeah you are a victim and acknowledges yes you got served a shit sandwich. This articles empowers the victim to get over it. It actually says the exact opposite that’s it’s NOT your fault! First accept that this happened to you…don’t waste your energy trying to figure out why the narcissist did what they did just know the abuse is insidious, penetrating and real. Now figure out how to move on from it. How do you do that? Look within yourself, learn from it and armour up to make sure this crap doesn’t happen again. To hell with the narcissist…it’s their problem not yours and for Christ’s sake don’t waste your time trying to fix them or struggle to have them validate what you know to be true. Stop being a co-dependent and get on with your own life. They don’t give a shit about you. Period end of story. Yes you are very much the victim but never feel like you are to blame. Your heart got suckered because narcissist are simply con men/women and are good at it! You’ve been duped! Accept it and move on. Wallowing in self pity is destructive and will only hold you back from creating a happy life for yourself. Detach from the narcissist. You don’t have to forgive them you only have to forgive yourself. The only thing you can do is pray for them. Pray that they may one day find a soul and leave it up to God to forgive.

Hi Rachel,

I totally agree worthiness and wholeness are in no way dependent on being partnered.

Wholeness and happiness are always between us and ourselves, and then can be shared in a relationship (in any form).

Mel xo

I could cry I feel so deeply and profoundly grateful.