Comments on: How Narcissists Use Sex As A Weapon

By: Katie

Katie — Sun, 17 Apr 2022 06:35:25 +0000

Falling for someone is not a logical process. I now half joke that if I was to date one of the first questions would be tell me what is wrong with you? For some reason nature has not given us a flushing out system. But by no mea s should we individually take the blame for the other persons actions if they are aimed at hurting us. I can see how the parents role is vital. We have a super chance to stop anti social behaviors early in child hood. I have seen this first hand with my parents in-laws. I am afraid when a pattern of behaviors starts you are in trouble. Lack of empathy and eye contact, odd facial twitching. A common question that is asked is why did you stay so long? It can take years to see a pattern, but it belongs to them. They control the narrative and are super actors. In my case he trusted me and started to give small things away, like he didnt like people telling him what to do. He had the right answers. What could a theripist tell him that he did not know? He would tell me straight away I was arguing when I hardly said a word, then I saw he was trying to control my voice.. My story is long and not yet finished but I have seen the light and goodness will win! Honesty is the key and supporting the person is super important. There are wonderful men in this world and I remind my self of this when he is trying to work his magic. I have an exit plan and I do see a life in old age without him. What is sad personally is if he had made me a hot chocolat once in a while I may have not noticed what was going on. Stay safe and plan a great escape!

By: Marie

Marie — Thu, 01 Apr 2021 02:34:25 +0000

Who is Jesse Lefever ?

By: Ireland

Ireland — Sat, 20 Jun 2020 11:22:49 +0000

In reply to Nastikka.

He is a highly damaged MONSTER and only one month ago sent me this text when I tried to warn his new supply:
“You crazy bitch, stop contacting me and people I know. No one cares about your fucking problems you stupid psycho, just kill yourself and leave everyone alone.
Die, just Die!”
This deeply damaged demon needs to be called out before someone actually does take their life due to this pathetic monsters psycopathy.

By: Nastikka

Nastikka — Sat, 25 Apr 2020 19:32:28 +0000

Also Jesse Lefever he ruined my life

By: Vivienne

Vivienne — Fri, 24 Jan 2020 21:02:20 +0000

Here’s my experience from another angle. I consider myself to be unapologetically sex positive. I have had had threesomes, been in an open relationship, and even performed in adult films. But the narcissists I have known are never honest about their sexual behavior. They never openly cop to “the life.” Narcissists pretend to be fine, upstanding, “respectable” people, all while cheating on their wives with underage prostitutes and “degrading” their partners with unwanted sex. As someone with an “alternative” sexuality, I consider narcissists to be as big scumbags as everybody else on this site. If your sexuality isn’t from a place of empathy and connection with your fellow human beings, I want nothing to do with you. As Melanie says, love yourself first before you can love anyone else. And enjoy great sex with healthy people.

By: Marilyn Davidson

Marilyn Davidson — Fri, 03 Jan 2020 01:58:31 +0000

Reading here, I have gotten to know my husband better than the over 20 years we lived together. I have also recently become aware of my PTSD from childhood. I guess that made the match complete…Realization and repair have been slow for me, the damage intensely complete. Melanie, you have been a gift and I am very glad I found you. Hopefully I will be able to become whole for the first time in my life…

By: ross fedy

ross fedy — Thu, 02 Jan 2020 07:26:01 +0000

I am grateful for Melanie and all the brave responders willing to share their crazy making escapades with narcissistic ex partner and current partners. Sometimes I was convinced I was the narcissist ,and in some aspects of my befuddled state I probably supported that conclusion. This experience of attachment with a narcissist is not some phenomena that can be logically pieced apart or deconstructed through logic. Understanding is not enough. Healing is the remedy. But for me the healing and repair is so slow . It is deeply rooted in childhood trauma and that is the source of the repair. My belief in my inherent goodness. Why would I work so hard to make love work ,when its not love at all to begin with.. I have 3 years out of the relationship still many wires to unravel that have built pathways over many years. Hearing the depth of your struggles affirms I am on the right path and the work ahead of me to undo the convoluted craziness. And how else could I have come to this work but by the paradoxical gift of the, in my case covert, narcissist

By: slowlearner

slowlearner — Thu, 02 Jan 2020 02:35:55 +0000

I am grateful for all the comments and brave sharing. 3 years out of a 6 year trauma bond I still waiver between the part the narcissist played in the trauma bonding and the part I played unknowingly fueling the dance. I still sometimes think I was the narcissist. Its all a bit crazy making. She would not look in my eyes during love making, or any other time. She could or would not initiate the simplest affection like holding hands. She could not say affirming or kind words about me or the relationship. She would not show any connection to me at social gatherings. Men would often lure toward her beyond flirting…it was sexual seduction. I could feel it I my body as a
n empath. I stayed always thinking it must be my fault (childhood attachment trauma) and it would get better because I could fix her and make it all better and be loved. Yikes what a formula. Its not something to figure out. Its my long journey to heal. Thanx Melanie and everyone in the healing community

By: HearMeRoar

HearMeRoar — Wed, 25 Dec 2019 05:07:13 +0000

You might cover the sexual promiscuity under a different topic not necessarily this one. The narc has an insatiable sexual appetite which feeds the idea that they really use it to fuel their soulless selves. And we are not talking here of just like hetero/homo-sex but involved in everything from polygamy, orgies to bestiality. To even having sex with close friends, their wives, relatives, sisters, mothers in law, other in laws, employees, business partners literally anyone and everyone around you and in doing so creating this sick web of secrecy and disloyalty around you .