Hi Angela,

I am very happy to answer this for you.

The truth is you have already answered this for yourself … regardless of your past, if someone is not giving you straight answers … it’s not okay.

How often has our twisting gut turned out to be right? There is a reason for this.

Mel 🙏💕❤️

I’ve recently felt this gut feeling, this is not right, about a man I’m seeing when hearing a story in his past…10 years ago. Several triggers….
not owning his mistakes, bragging about himself while diminishing the 2 women involved in the story, and a triangulation phone call from one “ex he broke up with 2 months ago” to the new gf one day at random. “I have no idea how she even got her number!?!?!” He says trying to make her sound crazy. Well… of course I ask A LOT of questions. I assert myself and speak up. I have asked multiple times and have pulled away a lot and have expressed that I don’t think I can trust him because I know I’m not getting the full story. I explained my trigger of feeling confused and having holes in the story and not owning accountability UNTIL I speak up about his faults….
My gut was this is wrong. My lack of trust in myself and others goes to “He’s a lyer like everyone else and is probably lying now about everything he’s told me.” Is this wrong of me??? At times I feel like I’m crazy and just acting out because of my past marriage to an NPD. I try to see the good in people and assert myself when I see wrong. My gut said, this is bad. We’ve talked and his story doesn’t change and he won’t admit he was cheating or whatever… he owns in a halfway sort of way not fully. Do you ever think our “gut” and triggers can be due to our past and we are projecting them on to others in the present? Someone could have a past or even have a narc trait but not be a bad person… am I justifying? Am I living out my Survival program?

I’m not sure how old this thread is but your post, followed by my fellow journey-ers is totally enlightening. I came across your blogs when, infuriated that N husband is leaving me, I was searching for answers on why he was displaying no emotion whatsoever. Interestingly, the week prior to my frantic searches, I had sat him down and explained very calmly that I had found out more lies, and that the last one had fried my brain – in an effort to save his job which he can’t manage, told his boss that the reason he couldn’t concentrate was because he is going through a divorce.

So. This brings me to an astounding series of events that rang all my bells! He got so wound up that he had played himself into a corner where there was no other option than to be forced to divorce me… In order to maintain the False God Facade he pretends to be. First I thought it was funny that he had managed to tie himself up in so many lies that he had to sacrifice his main meal supply: me.

I am a firm believer of soul contracts and I have done much work on myself gaining clarity on the ‘why’ and ‘how’. However, since reading many of your posts, I was knocked on my a**!!!! The blinding reality of what I was REALLY doing to myself made me ill. I had consciously taken on these “narc science projects” for most, no…. Probably all of my life. I had done so much work on Ascension meditation, advanced prana yoga, body talk and other tapping modalities that I thought I could battle any ‘dark’ that came my way. That is, until after I had resigned from 8 companies I started, he pushed me and I got a severe concussion. It has taken a full year to recover. This lesson, has been the most difficult of the lot.

He quietly surrounded me with his friends, who like a pack of Narcs, each individually broke me down and slapped the ‘crazy label’ on me and therefore justified and supported the Pack Leader. Condoning his cheating, lying, manipulations, joblessness, moodiness and general narc-isms that everyone here talks about. When confronted in a sane (I say that it took much courage, determination and carefully wording – or so I thought) conversation, he would fly into a rage where his face contorts. He hurls the most unimaginable insults and breaks stuff.

This brings me to the best part, he was so obsessed with controlling me that he managed to bankrupt himself. I have managed to start a new career but it’s consulting and even though he has a job now, I make 3 times what he does. This was a huge win for me because I had suffered under a subconscious program that a man needed to take care of me.

Since I have read your blogs, which give me strength when I have my panic moments… I have tried working on myself using the tapping techniques I’m trained in. There have been a lot of shifts for me and certain parts of my body that were aching, no longer feel like that. What started out as a search for some sort of retribution or justice has turned into a karmic healing on myself!! I absolutely celebrate you, the work you have done on yourself and now, the incredible work you are doing for others.

You are the star that has guided me out of a 49-year stay in a desert. I finally have a word to assign to this abuse, which started in the womb (my mother tried to ‘get rid of me’ – her words) to now. More so, I know I can heal myself! I am enrolled in your webinar and very excited to continue picking out gems out of myself.

Thank you! And thank you too to the other people who share so lovingly so that people like me can “wake up”!

Ang xo

Sophie – bless!

You are SO welcome.

I am so glad this “spoke to you”.

Mel xo

“And again I found myself doing what I did with narc #1. I would phone and text incessantly … I was not able to let go. I even threw myself onto the bonnet of the car when he tried to drive off. Once I clung to his leg as he dragged me along”
Hi Melanie,
That was really difficult to read and to know that a wonderful soul like your self went through that type of pain is heart wrenching. Thank you for being so open and sharing your story which alot of us can relate to. It was painful because it brought me back to a time where I also acted in similar ways (clung to leg) complete meltdowns…
I also struggle with abandonment issues and when he found that weakness of mine …WOW …did he ever know how to push my buttons…the worst part is that I knew he was pushing my buttons and I would see him smirking(it brought him so much pleasure) while I was in meltdown…I still couldn’t stop…the most disgusting part is he started video taping me to show ” how much help I needed” this would be his proof. I don’t want to share to much on here ironically, (I might sound paranoid) I saw him post on one of your articles. He is not aware that I know his alias name ( I had a heads up from a good friend of mine) and he is posing as someone who was affected by many narcs in his life. (No shame whatsoever) Is this common that they find these resources and participate in the forums…Hes a twisted freak and I haven’t done the work yet and still wish awful things for him…sorry…I have been NC for (still trying to not share to much) lets say longer than 10 months (and strangely enough no meltdowns..hmmmmm). The good thing is I didnt fall for his BS this time (this is round 8 going NC) I changed all my contact info he tried getting through some mutual friends…however, I guess I am in the angry stage. He did exploit me in ways that I never ever thought anyone could do to a human being much less someone who I thought cherished and loved me. I am determined even more now since I found your site…I dont care if he’s on here playing the victim…that is how he lured me into his pathetic life….I will get to that higher level of healing…thank you for your site it truly has been a blessing I hope all the light here will make him dissipate….

Thanks so much for your response, Melanie. It helped a great deal. xxx

Thank you so much, Mel. I so appreciate you taking the time to reply, as well as appreciate the content of what you’ve said… I keep re-reading it. 🙂 And, I have signed up for the next webinar. 🙂 Thank you, thank you!

Hi Sophie,

My pleasure!

Runi had it 100% right – in that we are the generator of our own experience as per the emotional composition we are carrying within us.

This goes for all faulty programming including Survival Programs.

It can be SO compelling to believe the fears are to do with love – they are not – they are to do with faulty painful inner belief systems and then getting to live out the validity of those beliefs with people who represent them and co-generate them with us.

The reason why you couldn’t feel attraction / connection to men who didn’t represent these beliefs was because you were not an emotional composition (chemistry) match to them – your Inner Being was on a trajectory of living out those painful beliefs.

The bottom line is THIS – you need to do the inner work of tracking through those terrors and fears of men who cheat and leave in order to clean it up within you .. and this is NOT a cognitive job.

It is only through working on your subconscious that you will get there.

What is happening now is your are TRYING to work it our logically, and I promise you that when we do this we are not even on the football field let alone near the goals!! You need another way, another process that DOES work, and DOES clean it up.

And I promise you WHEN you do, you will be wildly attracted to good men, totally repulsed by ones that aren’t and it will be wonderful!

But that is NOT going to happen without doing the inner work!

You are presently in the thick of the pattern Sophie with people who continue to represent the pattern, and that being my greatest suggestion is LET GO and do the work inside yourself and don’t connect with men until you have cleaned it up.

Its your only way through to where you REALLY want to be.

Come into my next Webinar Group https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar – and commit to the work, and you will be getting there before you know it.

Mel xo