Comments on: How To Separate Your Identity From A Narcissist

By: KellyRose

KellyRose — Fri, 18 Oct 2019 14:05:05 +0000

Sometimes I extrapolate too much. But I am taking this opportunity to extrapolate this just a bit. I am going to try, at least in my self-talk, to not even use the words, ‘my mother’ or ‘my ex-husband’. I will see how it feels in my body to not take ownership of these people. It’s a bit different from not taking responsibility for them. I like the sound of ‘husband ex.’ Hmm…. parent female? I can try it out loud with the dog and my therapist first.
I am so much not a label person. So I tend to hesitate to declare the ex-husband (whom after almost two years of being divorced -after being married 30 years I still tend to call my husband) a narcissist. Definitely his brother’s wife was a narcissist. But I never saw her as mine, not chosen. Although I did claim to like her when she was in the Love-Bombing phase. I will work on forgiving myself for that.
My new man lives with his mother, and at 37 years old I don’t think he has ever really moved out of her house. But I always found it strange hat he calls her by her first name. He also sometimes calls her ‘the toddler.’ She is 75 years old and purportedly needs some help at home now. When I asked him about why he called her by her first name…. I got an answer which was very much what Melanie says here. He is able to detach from her emotionally. Yet he is still able to stay in her presence, and her home. I like this guy. He is emotionally very mature. I am older than he, which I guess makes me labeled a Cougar. I see him as being very emotionally independent. Although he did say to me that he could see himself being very clingy. So is that a red flag? Or is that a white flag because he is recognizing that in himself?

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Mon, 05 Feb 2018 07:30:21 +0000

In reply to nza.

Hi nza,

please find this resource: https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/what-if-the-narcissist-is-a-family-member/

Also this may help: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDnGjIqg0Y4

I hope this can help!

Mel xo

By: nza

nza — Mon, 05 Feb 2018 06:14:09 +0000

Hi Mel,
Any suggestions as to how to go about this when the N is a parent or a sibling. Especially when you talk to people who aren’t concerned with what’s going on. And how should one address them when they are inquired about by people who are unaware of this dynamic.

thank you

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Wed, 12 Jul 2017 00:15:24 +0000

In reply to Theresa.

Hi Theresa,

I am so pleased you have found my information and it is has helped you Dear Lady!

You are so very welcome 🙂

Mel xo

By: Theresa

Theresa — Tue, 11 Jul 2017 17:36:59 +0000

Wow. I had searched for some comfort on line to understand why I felt broken and hollow after the breakup with narssistist. Thankfully for me I was in a long distance relationship where we seen one another on weekends. I truly believe this is what saved me. Your articles and Thriver clips truly opened my heart to understanding what I had fallen into and realize now that it’s not me. A guardian angle had been carrying me through his insanity. Thank you for what you do and the education you provide.

By: Julia

Julia — Sat, 01 Jul 2017 13:52:52 +0000

In reply to Melanie Tonia Evans.

Before I learned about narcist abuse and understood what narcissism was about I was going to counseling for domestic violence. The group was using the term “my abuser”.
I didn’t like saying “my abuser” from the get go. I didn’t want an abuser! I didn’t want to be with an abuser! I was looking for help. It was very confusing because I was trying to figure out why this relation ship was not working. That no matter what I did or didn’t do the abuser narc was never happy within the self and when I was happy he tried to pull me down. Iwas going to al anon meetings for years because the narc was a “recovering alcoholic. Or so I thought, and the al anon program did help a lot. It was suggested I take the focus off the alcoholic and put it on myself , to not be a doormat, etc. now I realize the domestic violence awareness groups were doing the best they could at the time. As well as al anon but that focus was on alcoholism and I had to keep searching for help. I am now three years steppe rated from the narc abuser and going ahead with the divorce I have worked hard to break free from this mess Thank you for the help you share Melanie I want to be happy again I realize I am a caregiver and have to give myself the same love and care I was so willing to give to the n
Love julia

By: Nicole Lewis

Nicole Lewis — Fri, 05 May 2017 19:18:40 +0000

So the thing I’m struggling with is this: how in the moment do you bring it back to you? When feelings of anger, hurt etc set in, or you start thinking about the N – what they did, what are they doing now etc how do you immediately bring it back to you and your healing it, without stopping to do full module/meditation.

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Mon, 01 May 2017 22:57:19 +0000

In reply to Nina.

Hi Nina,

I really want to reach out to you in this painful and confusing time to help you unravel it all in a way that will start to bring you more peace and healing … by suggesting My New Life Starter Package which is all free and will lead you through this in the Thriver Way – step by step – https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freestarterpackage

Sending you healing and I hope this helps.

Mel xo

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Mon, 01 May 2017 22:54:46 +0000

In reply to Nicoleta.

Hi Nicoleta,

Cheers to that!

Mel xo