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I married a narcissist who threatened abandonment any time I tried to state an opinion or set a boundary, unless he wanted to be able to blame me for any outcome. I have filed for divorce from this narcissist but I am stuck living in the same house during the pandemic and until the divorce settlement is finalized.

While I now understand that I can walk away from these personal relationships, my question is regarding work issues. I have managed to work under 5 narcissists over the past 30 years. These have been truly terrifying people, throwing baseballs at my head; staying after hours to stand in my doorway and shout abuse at me; telling me to shut up in meetings where I am the only female and they don’t tell any men to shut up; etc). How should I go about setting my boundaries with these people, and staying true to myself when the company that I work for has to do what clients want? How do I stand up to a boss when I need my job because I need money and I cannot afford a blemish on my CV?

Typically, I would advise someone to file a complaint with Human Resources or a State office but in these instances, I have been the HR representative and my boss is the head of the company or I’m working for the State government, which isn’t going to find fault with its own.

Hi Veronika,

You can state your truth, yet other people don’t need to accept it or agree!

If you are in a toxic relationship then there will be no middle ground, because you can’t speak sense to insanity.

The bottom line is, your boundary is not about whether somebody else “gets it”, it’s about whether or not you “get it”.

If someone in your life, no matter who they are is not prepared to meet you at a place of mutuality, respect, teamwork, communion and understanding then you don’t have a relationship.

I know that it’s really hard to understand this, but the only way is to detach and create your life in a way that does match your values and truth. Often times in these situations it means that this person is not a match for you, and it’s time to heal and move on.

I hope that this makes sense and much love to you

Mel 🙏💕💚

Sounds like my sister exactly! She is the older of us two siblings, and I can see she has some very strong narcissistic tendencies. Ever since we were kids, she’s tried to outdo me. It’s like she’s always got to be the one getting all the attention and admiration from our parents. But when no one was around, she’d be horrible to me. When I was going to high school, where she’d been for two years already, she told me not to come near her – ever! She told me that boys would grab me and drag me out onto the sports oval and try and take my underpants off! She absolutely put terror into my heart about going to high school, and sure enough I was
bullied the whole time, yet my sister treated me like a stranger. I knew I couldn’t call on her or rely on her protection.
Later on when I was offered a great opportunity to do WWOOFing at a place on NSW’s north coast, which I didn’t take up, she then joined the WWOOFing community and travelled all over Great Britain, like she’d come up with this amazing idea herself! About middle of last year, I joined a pet sitting website and quietly went about doing some pet sitting. Mum must have mentioned this to her, as she’s now set up her own pet sitting Facebook page and publishes stuff about each and every pit sit, and how wonderful she is! I could do the same but I like being low key, but her antics just make me laugh.
She calls herself a Clairvoyant Healer and has her own business and lots of people who think she’s wonderful, and good luck to her. But my experience of having her as a sister is completely different and she has done nothing in our family that I could ever class as ‘healing’, it’s just all about her and how wonderful she thinks she is. I now live within 30 minutes drive of her for the last 12 months since I left my narc, yet not once has she called in on me, or called me on the phone, to ask how I’m doing or if I need any support. Like a friend, let alone a sister, might do.
I happily ignore her now, I think she can see that I’m finally coming into my personal power, and she had better back off with her underhanded criticism and undermining ☺️😁😃