Melanie Tonia Evans

How To Speak Up Without Fear Of C.R.A.P

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 14
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Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

Do you relate to feeling like you don’t have any rights regarding you opinions, values or needs?

Perhaps this has made it very uncomfortable for you to speak up in your relationships.

If so, it’s also likely that you’ve experienced first hand, being silenced, invalidated or abandoned when you’ve tried to speak up.

Maybe, you were made to feel wrong or defective for attempting to assert your rights.

Or perhaps the fear was so intense it literally felt like this for you: If I speak up I’m going to get hurt, REALLY hurt. … or maybe even annihilated.

At some level we all knew when our inner warning bells push us to stand up and confront a situation; yet why can it be so difficult to speak up for our needs?

And … why does it often bring disastrous results when we do?

This is something I struggled with all my life until my life and death narcissistic experience. I had always tried to keep the peace, play it safe and go along with other people’s opinions and needs rather than honour my own.

It was only through the utter powerlessness of narcissistic abuse, that I finally learned an incredible Quantum Truth about all of this.

Here it is:

I believe handing our power away comes down to four fears that all humans experience on some level, and until we own these fears and learn how to dissolve them piece by piece, we will continue to suffer how people treat us – regardless of whether they are overstepping our boundaries, disrespecting us, or even abusing us.

What are these fears?

Criticism
Rejection
Abandonment
Punishment.

When you understand how these fears play out in your life and learn how to target and dissolve them, then finally pain and abuse in your life can end.

And, you will feel clear, calm and confident and observe how abusive people are easily pushed out of your space, and how life starts to fill with people who support your rights, and meet you at the highest level of partnership.

 

Transcript

The following is so true regarding being narcissistically abused – we didn’t have a voice.

I know that you, just like I have, have been through the terrible trauma of being silenced, invalidated, and abandoned when you tried to speak up.

This is what I want to dive deeply in today, explaining to you how we can change all of this –emerge from within with confidence and power, have a voice, speak up and get our rights and needs valued and honoured – regardless of what certain people are or aren’t doing.

You may or may not have heard me talk about CRAP – the fears of being criticised, rejected, abandoned and punished. For those of you who haven’t, this is about the fears inside us that don’t allow us to a) know what our rights are b) voice them clearly and calmly and c) make decisions that align with them and honour ourselves.

Having the fears of CRAP inside us is probably the biggest susceptibility we have to narcissistic abuse. Because as soon as we can’t define and be in alignment with our values and truth, it means that we will be controlled by other people’s values and truths, no matter how skewered they are (in the case of narcissists these values and truths are completely unhealthy and twisted) and without knowing why we are doing it, we hand our power away.

When we are derailed with the fears of CRAP we don’t back our inner being. This means when we get that inner gut twist that says ‘Wrong Town’ and we have a signal pushing us to say or do something, meaning ‘I really need to confront this’, we shut down instead. We don’t put our best foot forward and we get locked down into experiencing the very fears that we are trying to avoid facing.

I want to go into each of these fears of CRAP one at a time.

The fear of criticism is the fear of being reprimanded, disapproved of, castigated, and denounced. Then things step up a gear into the fear of rejection, which is the fear of being dismissed, pushed away, overlooked and excluded. Then the fear of abandonment is something else again, these are the fears of being neglected, left alone, left behind and deserted.

The fear of punishment is the culmination of all these fears, coupled with the feelings of being powerless to stop what is hurting us – just as if one was a child overpowered by an adult, or we lived in times where there were no personal rights to be had.

Whilst experiencing the fear of punishment, we may have the heightened fear of criticism escalating to the terror of persecution … the fear of rejection could blow out to the fear of eviction or even elimination … and the fear of abandonment could become the terror of being left to die.

This may sound like I am sensationalising these fears, but those of you who have been narcissistically abused, know I am not exaggerating … the fears of CRAP range from the feelings of being overlooked and deemed wrong and defective to others, all the way up to literal, primal, deep survival programs.

Narcissists trigger this stuff powerfully, they tune into it, tap into it and detonate it within us regularly.  When we are in relationship with a narcissist, once the mask has fallen, we often experience invalidation, devaluing and dehumanising. The very fabric of our being is terrorised … and we find it impossible to assert our rights … absolutely.

The fear of CRAP runs deep, deep, deep through many of our veins, soul and spirit. I personally used to have a while hot fuzz come over me, that felt like I couldn’t even think straight, let alone speak up in certain incidences. I literally felt like every cell in my body was vibrating with the possible horror of annihilation.

I know many of you who have been narcissistically abused have also felt like this, even at times before narcissistic abuse, and then you discovered in narcissistic abuse that when you did finally try to speak up because things were so bad – the fear of staying became worse than the terror of speaking up – that you were punished horrifically. Let’s face it, the narcissist’s False Self demands that you appease, worship and fear it. Of course when you tried to have your own thoughts, feelings, opinions and rights you were going to be punished.

The narcissist brought up for you the deepest primal fears of persecution, fearing your elimination, and the terror of being left to die, because the narcissist knew that to dismantle you and eliminate you as a threat to the narcissist’s fragile identity’s existence, that hitting you were it hurts the most would be the most effective way to make you powerless.

So many of you have reported that you literally felt like you were going to die when experiencing and in the aftermath of narcissistic abuse … we all felt like that. And the reason why we felt like that is because all those human terrors, lying dormant in our subconscious, that we had been trying to avoid by not speaking up, were activated, came to life and met our consciousness with the force of a hurricane.

What did the narcissist punish you with? The very thing that was stuck in your craw that was (or still is) the BIGGEST unresolved terror that you have in the CRAP department. Or maybe you had more than one terrible unresolved terrors stuck inside. Maybe you can relate to all of what I am sharing with you today.

I know for myself all the fears of CRAP, criticism, rejection, abandonment and punishment applied and they all kept me quiet and trying to keep the peace and play it safe. Yet with me, as the narcissists did with all of us, the narcissist works out what your CRAP terrors are and then uses them to belt and burn you with every time you try to have your own mind and healthy autonomy. Pushing you back down into submission and obedience and being under the control of the narcissist’s False Self again.

How does this get set up? Where did these terrors originally come from?

I’m going deep today, down into the Quantum, collective and energetic truth. The history of human carnage at the hands of each other on this planet is extreme. Sadly, in many parts of the globe brutal atrocities are still taking place.

I believe, collectively, all of us to varying degrees carry the trauma, the fractures of our very spirit, of what humans are capable of doing to each other in our veins. Women who worked with herbs and midwifery were drowned or burned at the steak. Free thinkers were labelled as heretics and courtmashalled and executed.

Those who were accused, regardless of what they said to try to plead their innocent, may have been set upon by a group of frenzied righteous people wanting blood as their vindication, and taking it in the way of stoning, hanging or tearing them apart with galloping horses. That was the plight of people singled out for trying to assert autonomy amongst a system of demanded compliance that favoured few and damaged many.

And … there were people who simply by virtue of their skin colour or gender were attacked, brutalised, raped or who became a cheap causality in the greatest atrocity known to mankind – genocide.

What has all this stuff caused? Unspeakable trauma to the collective spirit of humanity itself. Trauma trapped in our ancestor’s beings, that was then passed on down through the generations into our beings. Neuroscientists now prove epigenetically that the effects of trauma are inherited, and then those who do inherit the terror of CRAP – the fears of speaking up, of having opinions, values and rights and asserting them – are then born into families where the parents embody trauma and therefore have their own battles with CRAP.

Which means: 1) they don’t have the resources to healthily model for their children how to establish values and know they deserve to have rights, speak up for them and align with them and 2) because the parents had their voices and rights taken away from them, they are very likely to strip their children of them also.

Hurt people hurt people.

The disease of CRAP gets passed on and on and on.

Think about this: how rare is it for someone to know what their values and rights are, be able to confront any conversation, ask questions to clarify and speak their truth without fear, whininess, justifications and guilt, then be able to unconditionally without the requirement of any particular outcome hear what comes back at them, and then healthily ascertain whether or not that person of situation meets their values and walk away and keep generating their own true life if that person or situation isn’t a healthy match for them?

Do you know anyone like this? If you do they are not from earth! Well actually they can be – but they are no longer carrying the earthly traumas that we all have. They either came from a family that dodged the traumas of humanity, which pretty much would have needed to be a healthy isolated tribal society, or they are a product themselves of being internally released from humanity’s trauma and they are living free of it.

In stark contrast, this is the way most earthlings operate. ‘I’ll keep all my cards close to my chest. I won’t tell the truth about how I’m feeling. I will try to work out what that other person is up to, what their motives are and what is really going down and then I’ll make a decision about what I say.’

You see humans don’t trust each other and the real reason why they don’t trust each other is because they haven’t gone Quantum yet. They haven’t released their trauma and come out of the slumber of thinking that life happens from the outside in. Like so many of us, before Thriver recovery, they don’t understand the total Universal System of ‘so within so without’, and they don’t trust themselves.

They haven’t realised that when they become trauma (and therefore fear) free and just start showing up truthfully and honestly, and you won’t give a CRAP who tries to hit them with CRAP …. because it all starts to roll like this:

‘If you criticise my values and truth, if you reject me, abandon me or try to punish me, then we simply aren’t a match and that’s fine. I am already whole and healthy; I don’t need anything from you to grant me myself. I am only interested in merging with what and who creates more of what already is – not less.  If you are not aligned I’ll take myself, my values and my life to what and who is aligned with me.’

Do you dream of being like this? Do you want to live like this? Well I promise you alien, angel Thriver you will be, when you rescue and revive your True Self who had been buried under all that trauma.

There is an incredible freedom, liberation and emancipation to be had when we focus on and start releasing the traumas of CRAP.

You realise this: you’re not living in the times of being stoned, drawn and quartered, drowned or burnt as a result of being yourself. We are in golden times, evolutionary times. We are in times of the emergence of True Self, where we can rise into the glory of knowing our power to create, be happy and fulfilled and generate that en masse – significantly for our children and their future generations – simple by taking our focus off the outside and what everyone else is or isn’t doing, and directing our attention within to clear ourselves of our internal trauma.

So that we do have a voice, so that we can show up calmly, clearly and honestly – knowing we are lovable, worthy, whole, healthy and deserve more of the same.

How will you be taken down from that place? How will you be abused? You can’t be.

A narcissist will never get with someone who is solid and whole, who knows their values and rights and, who will not accept being criticised, rejected, abandoned and punished. A narcissist will not continue harming and hurting a person who has no need to cling to and try to define themselves through what the narcissist promised to grant – because they are a generative whole source of creating this for themselves now.

With you trauma still having a life of its own within you, your worse fears will continue to manifest into your conscious reality, until you have healed them completely from your subconscious, and set yourself free from them.

I hope you can deeply understand that your inoculation to abusers and being aligned with your greatest life requires you getting out of the fears of CRAP, so that you can show up as your true, powerful, honest, confident, radiant and self generative self.

It’s a deep desire of mine that that this episode has resonated deeply with you – because it’s a very important one; it’s not just about us all personally, it is about all of humanity collectively. And I’d love you to share your comments and questions with me about this, by scrolling down and writing them below.

Okay, so If you get it and you know its time to unleash your True Self and True Life, I’d love to show you how myself and thousands of other Thrivers in this community have achieved this. It all starts by signing up to my 16 day recovery course where you will access to my powerful healing resources, including an invitation to a Quantum healing workshop with me, a set of eBooks and lots more.

So until next time… keep smiling, keep healing, and keep thriving because there’s nothing else to do

Lots of love, bye-bye.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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75 Thoughts on How To Speak Up Without Fear Of C.R.A.P
  • sidgibson241967@yahoo.com'
    sidney
    April 16, 2018

    does the narcissist ever break down when they see you move forward and do very well. you don’t look back or communicate with him

    • jraltizer@gmail.com'
      No Name
      April 17, 2018

      In my experiences – yes.

      This incident happened several years ago but it has stuck with me. Since he couldn’t take his anger out on me he took it out on our son. We had moved from my small cramped condo to a townhouse in a very nice neighborhood. The Narc and I had been long divorced and he did not contribute support in any way. Yet he was livid and had an angry, drunken meltdown. He was mad and pouting for no apparent reason. I later figured that the reason for his “tantrum” must have been my success. He threw a beer bottle at our son who was about 11 at the time. Fortunately our son ducked but the beer bottle broke the window behind him and shards of glass rained down on him. He was cut but nothing serious fortunately. The whole incident could have been much worse.

  • martha.kovack@sympatico.ca'
    Martha Kovack
    April 16, 2018

    Your ability to write, speak, and help me understand what I have been dealing with is unparalleled. I get it now. I use the NARP modules (after resisting for 2 years 😉 and although I got a LOT out of watching your video clips, I didn’t really understand what you meant about ‘releasing it from our bodies’ until I started using the modules. And I have been thriving. it is just so much easier to get right down to the pain and let it out of my body. I didn’t realize that I have been trying to heal this with my mind.
    And so I am so grateful, and while I have known this (in my mind) for years, I now have connected with the cells in my body and am nurturing myself back to wholeness. I remind myself several times a day that it is safe now. It is safe to be whole. I have to check first – look over my shoulder – but then i realize that yes, I am safe now. These are golden times for those who are leading the way.
    I was supposed to have a court date on Friday but it was postponed until July. The narcisssist’s lawyer – the best in the city, sent me a notice of change in representation. He is no longer going to represent him. That was his third lawyer.
    I was in a meeting the week with this lawyer and the narcissist the week before and I knew my rights this time. I voiced them calmly and collectedly (is that a word? lol) spoke my truth, and asked questions, and stated what I wanted and needed. And now I am learning to make decisions that align with my rights, and I am honouring myself right now by going through the child support over the years, and finally I am going to file a report of outstanding arrears. I LOVED your message about the ego – that helped tremendously (the ego wanting to be safe and to win). That was another turning point for me.
    Thank-you for being there for me and for thousands of others. I love your message today. It is loving, and kind of sad, and kind of joyful. Like grief. Collective grief.
    Thank-you Melanie for having the courage to do this.
    I am so grateful.
    Martha 🙂

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 16, 2018

      Hi Martha,

      I am so pleased I can help!

      That is fabulous you started doing the inner work because it truly is where ‘changing our life’ needs to come from!

      I love your word ‘collectedly’ it is such a validation of having it together, when we are no longer struck down by internal trauma.

      Awww Martha I am so feeling you in your beautiful and poignant message today which is resonating deep in my heart.

      You get it Dear Sister and please know how grateful I am for you and your messsge today.

      Mel 💕❤️🙏

  • Bjoystone@Gmail.com'
    Joy
    April 16, 2018

    Melanie, many thanks for adding your healing words, delivered in video, in a written format.
    Your kindness and informative messages are received with continuing gratitude.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 16, 2018

      Hi Joy,

      Dear Lady please know you are more than welcome and so am so happy I can help.

      Mel ❤️💕🙏

  • Gravelroad@mac.com'
    Nattie
    April 16, 2018

    I keep distancing myself from this community or site or organization 1) because I’ve never been a “group” person 2) it’s a bit more – idk- gimmicky” than I feel comfortable with 3) I’m lazy 4) who knows?
    But I am amazed with how often- every time!!- I find myself in the predicament of sitting g through some sort of confusing/traumatic/painful situation with a love interest, up pops a subject line tat DITECTKY relates to the SOECIFIC issue. It’s buzarre, actually. But so I read…or I listen… as I just did to tonight’s episode on having a voice, etc…
    I started a new relationship. I wondered if I was capable, if I could trust my judgement. I decided yes. I was so excited. I chose someone so healthy. Living. Responsible. Helpful. Supportive….. But it imploded two nights ago. I was shocked. I’m disillusioned. But I have been strong. I’m not abandoning myself. I spoke out. There was CRAP. Now love-bombing. I’m remaining calm. I’m watching. I’m learning. I’m hurting but I am brave.
    I am amazed by and grateful for Melanie’s insight and articulation of the depth of this whole experience some of us have. It is lefe-threatening at a minimum in the sense that we each have so much to give- so much to contribute- from our whole selves. We stand to lose what is our very honorable essence when we subject ourselves to narcicistic abuse. It is sel-abuse because we do indeed have a choice. We must recognize the responsibility we have to ourselves- our beauty beings- and protect and support all that allows us to add beauty to this world.

    • Karynchoate@gmail.com'
      Karyn Choate
      April 16, 2018

      Nattie, there is no getting around this one. If we don’t change our belief systems and up level by removing the trauma stored in our bodies we continue to attract more of the same. I took some time off relationships first to heal, then to do the inner work, and looking back on who I once was and what I accepted into my life I do not wonder how I attracted such a person in the first place, but it wont happen again. This community is a very safe and supportive place because we’ve all been there, but I would never consider any aspect of the work here as gimmicky.
      I also found that as I was going through certain issues Melanie would post a video about that exact topic ~ it was uncanny.
      I hope that you continue to heal with the modules and work through any pain you are going through.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 16, 2018

      Hi Nattie,

      There truly is nothing gimmicky about rolling up our sleeves and getting our inner work done.

      Are you ready to do that – the deep inner work to put these patterns and confusions to rest to claim what you really do want?

      Why not take that oppportunity rather than not?

      If you are ready: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      My purpose is to serve and help you do that … without exception.

      Mel 🦋❤️💕

      • Gravelroad@mac.com'
        Nattie
        April 17, 2018

        Melanie,
        I’m afraid in my exhaustion I was not as articulate as I wish I had been.
        It is not gimmicky. I, with my own fears/aversions thought it might be. I was meaning to say that my distancing was my own stuff while, in fact, consistently, your videos and information have been extraordinarily meaningful and applicable every time.
        Furthermore, I did indeed take the free course and bought the program and downloaded/printed out all the modules and have done some of it.
        I read all your emails and watch all the videos and save them, too.
        It’s a ton of work. It’s very time consuming to keep doing the modules. I, myself,have the time but still I find it daunting. As you point out, however,there really is nothing else to do. That’s the fact of the matter and my recent situation has shaken me a bit into realizing I do have more work to do.
        I apologize for sounding negative. I really meant for that statement to be a comment on my inability or unwillingness to fully embrace what has repeatedly been completely on point and oddly sequentially applicable for me personally. I’ll have a day filled withco fusion about an incident and bam! You send a video about how to handle such an incident. It has happened countless times.
        Thank you.
        I need to get back to it.

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          April 17, 2018

          Hi Nattie,

          I get it!

          Stick with it Lovely Lady … it is effort, but omg life by comparison trauma free is so effortless on the other side.

          Sooooo worth it! You’ve got this.

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Happyhair28@msn.com'
    Kathy
    April 16, 2018

    Mel,
    Your are an awesome teacher! Today was exactly what I needed! Getting rid of all the C.R.A.P in my life!!
    You have taught me more in the last 3 years of me being on my journey to self partner!
    I have been divorced 3 years from the narcissist, as horrible as it was, it was the biggest gift of my life! I am a totally different person, my heart is bigger, my voice speaks the truth with love! Shifts have happened all around my world!
    I thank you from the bottom of my heart, Mel!
    I love you and how you were my safe place to fall!
    God Bless You!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 16, 2018

      Hi Kathy,

      Thank you for your lovely comment 😀

      I am so happy for you that you have claimed your evolution from this and that you are doing so well.

      Many continued blessings to you Dear Lady!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Pennylh@comcast.net'
    Penny
    April 16, 2018

    Melanie,

    I do get it and I understand exactly what you are saying. It will be a year the end of May 2017 since I started in NARP and I am not the same person. It’s a process and I work on me every single day. This is a journey as well as it is a way of being. There is no end to this learning and getting the CRAP out of my life.
    Thank you for all you’ve done for me. I would not be who I am today without you and your program. It has been truly life changing. There is a new lesson each day and along with it a sense of power and wholeness I haven’t known before. I love me in a way I never could have imagined. I am going to continue this journey for the rest of my life as that is how it has to be!

    Blessings to you!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 16, 2018

      Awww Penny,

      Your comment is so gorgeous.

      It makes my heart sing with joy every time I hear if and feel about another beautiful soul breaking free into their True Self.

      Thank you for your post and so much love to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • success@simonejeavons.com.au'
    Simone
    April 16, 2018

    Hi Melanie,

    This is great. I thought I was doing so well and had healed, but after filing affidavits for our Readiness Hearing I was surprised to discover the terror arise again. His material is so weak and careless and there is nothing to be afraid of, but it tapped into something in my subconscious. I am so strong and balanced and ready to hold my ground so there was nothing logical to attach the fear to, hence why this episode today makes so much sense to me. It took only one night of sleepless terror before I was able to move myself out of it, but I am excited to revisit the NARP program, to get rid of the remaining remnants of CRAP!!!

    Thanks for sharing your wisdom and knowledge. It means so much, to so many 🙂

    Love Simone xx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 16, 2018

      Hi Simone.

      I am so pleased this resonated with you and you are very welcome 😀

      Brilliant that you are going back
      inwards with NARP to find and release that trauma and rise into even greater strength and personal power!

      Go you sweetheart!!

      Mel 💕❤️🙏

  • samantha.seager@outlook.com'
    Sam
    April 16, 2018

    Dear Mel,

    Yet another amazingly helpful video. Thank you so much, I love this work and am working on my fears of CRAP all the time. It is getting better. 😉

    Could you please advise me of a good way to word this in the GOAL setting setting modules on NARP so I can work specifically releasing traumas relating to CRAP? I am still trying to find the most useful to phrases.

    In gratitude and love

    Sam xxxx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 16, 2018

      Hi Sam,

      I am so happy this has helped you.

      Sam I am a huge fan of using the Goal
      Setting Module and setting up ‘The Source Healing and Resolution of That’ (whatever that is … say for example fear of abandonment.)

      Then what you do is focus deeply into the charge of abandonment and keep clearing its trauma and bringing in the Light (the goal – Source) until there is no charge left on abandonment.

      I personally use this as one of the most powerful ways to clear our trauma.

      Also please know coaching and specific help to guide you Sam is in in the NARP Forum, and that’s a resource that I cannot recommend enough: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      I hope this helps and keep up the great work 😀

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • vssmith@bucknell.edu'
    Victoria
    April 16, 2018

    Wow, another layer of my harden heart has been exposed after reading this article. It’s so painful, yet so healing as I am pealing off the trama from my childhood and the deeper I go the more painful it gets, but I know it also means I am getting closer to the new me, who will not be controlled by fear.
    This brought to mind, as I was growing up, if I expressed any feelings or disagreed even in the slightest, I was called all sorts of names, spoiled, disrespectful, etc and I was sent to my room and told to stay out of her (my mother’s) site, she couldn’t stand to look at me. I had buried this abuse to the point I didn’t think, actually I could say I forgot, about it.
    Again, all I can say right now is Wow.. what an eye opener!!! I am already feeling relief as I write this 😊

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 16, 2018

      Hi Victoria,

      I am so pleased that this is bringing you home to you 😀

      That is beautiful Victoria that you are meeting and healing you.

      Your True Self and spectacular life awaits sweetheart.

      Mel ❤️💕🙏

  • tricote73@mail.com'
    Trina
    April 16, 2018

    Like others have said here, your messages seem catered to exactly what I am going through at the moment, and are such a blessing- thank you!! <3

    It is also a reminder that I need to return to the modules, as apparently there is still trauma there, bringing me another A.I.D. (angel in disguise). I couldn't believe it this time- I thought I was in a much better place and could trust my intuition when I felt 'good' and comfortable and happy with a new person in my life. I got a gut-twisting feeling the first time we were supposed to meet (and he was the one who seemed to be initiating things), when he didn't show up, only to find out when I called him that he'd over-slept during his afternoon nap. I thought the gut-wrenching was triggered from old trauma, and gave him the benefit of the doubt, as he seemed genuinely regretful and apologetic. Things seemed to be going really well, and then suddenly… silence. I've been racking my brain to think of what I did wrong, feeling shameful and guilty, sad and confused. I've considered asking straight out 'what happened?', but my fears of CRAP won over, particularly rejection (though it's already happened anyway). I've also caught myself a few times thinking, 'do I really want to feel like this?' and realize I am ok as I am outside of this recent drama. I can't help but still feel triggered by this, as it feels so personal, and I thought something good was finally transpiring. Time to hit the modules again, and meet my little me who is feeling awful right now.

    Thank you again Mel. I really identify with these fears (they come up over and over again)- looking forward to clearing and upleveling them soon.

    Much love,
    Trina xoxoxo

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 16, 2018

      Hi Trina,

      How perfect that you know through this AID that this is happening ‘for’ you and not ‘to’ you.

      He is absolutely granting you the next uplevel to be closer to your goal of true healthy love.

      So within, so without. How exciting!

      Go get it Lovely Lady.

      Mel ❤️💕😀

    • Meabh.costello@gmail.com'
      AngelA
      April 22, 2018

      Trina isn’t this a measure of your healing? Your gut wrenching feeling was telling you something was off. The fact that he didn’t contact could be viewed as positive – not that he has rejected you but has realised that you are out of his league and there is a good chance that he is also a narcissist? As Melanie said above “A narcissist will never get with someone who is solid and whole, who knows their values and rights”. Maybe he sensed this from you and you really don’t need to say anything to him or feel bad about not speaking up and asking him about the silence. If he is a narcissist contacting him to ask what happened could be just granting him supply – so you’ve probably done the right thing. There may have been some unhealed part that attracted him in the first place but once he realised you wouldn’t ‘feed’ him he ran a mile 😀

  • karencarter21@yahoo.co.uk'
    Karen
    April 16, 2018

    Melanie … thank you so much for this miraculously timed episode .. am about to potentially re enter into legal proceedings with ex narc from years ago (father of my two sons), having been intimidated not to for years since we split. Slowly, since finding you .. someone that just nails what I’ve been going through unlike anyone I’ve found before.. I’m finding my power and the need to speak my truth. My ex narc has made me the scapegoat and has succeeded in infiltrating my family and some friends to twist, confuse and influence people against me. Though I’m lucky to still have a great and solid group of friends who get what he is doing, some simply can not see this, nor through his extraordinary charm. Please can I ask, what advice would you give to speak my truth to these people? How would you make a stand about being made scapegoat and dishonestly slandered to people in your community, because as well as finding the strength to face him again soon, I feel compelled to speak my truth in my community and more widely.. and I’m unsure how to go about that?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 16, 2018

      Hi Karen,

      That’s wonderful that this episode is timely for you.

      That’s great that you are coming into your power. The most important thing about this is becoming ‘Anti Fear’ not having a charge in your body about the fear anymore.

      That’s when our ‘being ourselves’ works.

      This is a resource about smear campaigns that I really hope can help https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mUuK6hDakW4.

      Also I’d love to invite you into my free webinar to experience how to shift out the trauma of what he is doing in order to anchor into creating another reality from the inside out: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/

      I hope this helps.

      Mel ❤️💕🙏

  • hannah.woolhouse@gmail.com'
    Tuesday
    April 16, 2018

    Dear Melanie

    I know so well those feelings of “white hot fuzz” and every cell of my body vibrating and those things keeping me awake all night. Fortunately that is now behind me as the only way I could get through that time was by clinging to life like clinging to the edge of the cliff by my fingernails.

    Unfortunately when I do NARP modules I can never identify anything specific, my child is always “ancient” and no particular current or past-life events manifest themselves. Both my parents/sides of my family carried heavy, although largely unspoken burdens so I suppose it’s best just to keep going even without more precise detail….?

    Thank you for yet another excellent and helpful resource.
    Much love from one who is doing better although not yet really thriving but keeps trying!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 16, 2018

      Hi Tuesday,

      Please know absolutely you can just feel the trauma in your body and do the visualisation without any information at all.

      Information can be interesting but that is not what heals us. What heals us is getting the trauma out of our bodies, which only requires being with it and feeling it.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • lorrainewilcock529@gmail.com'
    Lorraine Ann Wilcock
    April 16, 2018

    Your words soothe me …I truly believe you are guided and your experience was necessary to help all us who have been affected by the disease of narcissim. .you are a beacon of light in my darkness Thank you from the bottom of my broken heart.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 16, 2018

      Hi Lorraine,

      Awww I am so pleased I could help.

      Please know our hearts break to let incredible Light and Truth in.

      That’s when we are reborn.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • daksha999@gmail.com'
    Pari
    April 16, 2018

    Melanie thank you so much for sharing this topic. I am a recent member of NARP and what you say resonates so much. It is incredible that I am a clinical neuropsychologist and did my doctoral thesis on domestic violence and still ended up staying in a narcissistically abusive marriage for 18 years! Only when I realised my physical health was deteriorating and I was loosing my mind did I find the courage to leave. My long drawn out divorce is still not over but I am hopeful that the future looks bright.

    C.R.A.P is a great acronym. Thank you .

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 17, 2018

      Hi Pari,

      You are very welcome. I am so pleased you are unravelling and healing all of this.

      It’s so true that us being in there – it really didn’t matter ‘what we know’ it is all about ‘what we need to heal’.

      Lovely to have you here in our community Pari! Bless!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • sevass@rogers.com'
    Siobhan
    April 16, 2018

    I will keep my comment simple. Amen !

  • rowenascotney@btinternet.com'
    Rowena
    April 16, 2018

    Dear Melanie,

    So inspiring! and such truths. Love the acronym too. Thank you x

  • Jupitersun@hushmail.com'
    Joni
    April 16, 2018

    Thank you dearest, Mel! I’m so grateful you got it so I could get it. It all seems so simple now. But back when I first got entangled with the narcissist I didn’t know what that twisted feeling in my gut meant. As an educator and children’s book author , I’m interested in helping children who were like all of us before the narcissistic abuse, to get it, so they don’t spend 35 years in a traumatic relationship which finally breaks them down so much that they have no option but to heal or continue in misery until death. So, how can your message be brought to children and teens to empower them to understand the gut feelings and heal before having to go through narcissistic abuse? How Can we short circuit it for the next generation and heal humanity without losing so many years and lives ? For every one of us thrivers there are probably ten people who are stuck in abuse. ❤️🌷☀️🙏

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 17, 2018

      Hi Joni,

      You are very welcome 😀

      I too am passionate about our children and my thing that I love doing is helping adults lead the way by getting healthy themselves.

      This so far has been a very powerful innocation for the children of adults who are now becoming healthy and empowered.

      Where we go our children follow, and they truly can’t heal at early ages unless we do.

      I have no doubt that there will be people as yourself who become direct facilitators for children’s emotional self awareness.

      I hope this gives you hope for a better world and brighter future.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • revelaine@cfl.rr.com'
    Elaine S
    April 16, 2018

    Thanks for identifying and articulating the core issues so clearly. You have a gifted and guided ability to connect words with feelings. I have just begun your Empowered Self program after working the Quantum Healing program diligently since Dec 2017. I questioned whether or not I was ready to take that next step. Now, after only completing the second module, my yardstick of measurement has been affirmed. Yes! I am ready and know it is so based upon the progress. I feel better, stronger, more capable and have had a small glimpse into what thriving means. Can’t wait for further unfoldment.
    You are mentoring me through all the CRAP. Thanks, Mel!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 17, 2018

      Hi Elaine,

      Thank you for your lovely message 😀

      I am so pleased that you enjoying the ES Course!

      Awww how wonderful you are loving expanding further! I am so happy for you Elaine.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • andrea_hobkirk@yahoo.com'
    Andrea
    April 17, 2018

    Mel, it’s been a long road. My stbx narc is so crafty but every single time I do a module or listen to a video I feel like a warrior. Sometimes I watch 50 a day! It’s teaming the subconscious to move forward. I want to host a support group in my town. I know a few more women getting abused by narcs and they need narp. What do you recommend. It’s my mission to heal Andrea and my boys. My narc has triangulated my sister in law and family. It’s dreadful but I will rise up… I have been doing narp for a few months now. Nothing has happened to him yet. He prances around town but I move forward w/ confidence and pray

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 17, 2018

      Hi Andrea,

      That is great that you are healing and working through this.

      My suggestions with groups is to keep a set of conduct rules that are going to be healthy for the participants.

      Because what is not helpful is too much focus into the trauma causing peptide addiction to be triggered and dragging people emotionally into those chemicals without the way to shift out of them.

      Are you in the NARP Forum and working with the Code of Conduct there? http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      I personally would not work with an abuse group unless some healthy protocols were in place which protect all participants as well as myself!

      Please know Dear Lady things tend to happen to and when we have absolutely no emotional focus on needing it to.

      Your doing great, keep going Warrior Thriver!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • andrea_hobkirk@yahoo.com'
        Andrea
        April 17, 2018

        Hi Mel,

        Thanks for the kind words. I am a narp silver and I’m sure I need to upgrade soon. I do agree with you regarding a healthy protocol. I have no desire to spouse bash or speak of anyone poorly in town. That is not my angle and I know it never works to blame. I want to talk about up leveling and your program….

        ❤️❤️❤️

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          April 18, 2018

          Hi Andrea,

          It’s my pleasure.

          You will find The NARP Forum wonderful.

          I look forward to see you there.

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Mabemyoung@aim.com'
    Mona
    April 17, 2018

    I have talked with my Mom a lot about my recovery. The other day I was talking to her and she said that her great grandfather had shot and killed her great grandmother. I am 46 and this is the first I had ever heard that this happened. At the same time, it’s like I’ve always known.

    I have been terrified of being killed by a man since I can remember. I married an N who loves guns. He worked in law enforcement, so logically it seemed safe. Our relationship ended with threats from him that triggered every wound in my being. I haven’t needed to know what happened to my great, great grandparents to heal, but learning about it now is such a confirmation. I would say to everyone, trust your body and your inner being. Even if it doesn’t seem to make sense.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 17, 2018

      Hi Mona,

      Oh my gosh what a trauma to have in your genetic history.

      It is so so true that when we receive the proof of our fears it totally correlates. The body 100 percent knows.

      I am so pleased you are unravelling and healing this.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • tuuliturtola@hotmail.com'
    T.
    April 17, 2018

    Yes, this video resonated with me, unfortunately! I thought I am a tough lady, have watched a dozen of your videos but this one made tears come into my eyes. Who has caused me the most CRAP…my father. Quite annoying, that today, some 30 (!!) years later, I still find his behaviour when I was a child, upsetting, disturbing. Isn’t it interesting, that now when I write about this, I feel I’m the bad one here, that I sort of betray him talking about him this way, that I am an “ungrateful child”. I have somewhere deeply ingrained this thought that children should always respect their parents. What about parents respecting the child? 🙁 Physical punishments are not only crap, but actually also against the law! Yet still I feel/felt, that somehow maybe it’s my fault, maybe I triggered him, I did not please him, that I was a “wrong kind of child”. Is it any wonder that I learned to walk on eggshells, that I should accept and tolerate crazy behaviour from men, that I should somehow adapt myself to that, in other words become submissive, “non existing”, marionette? Now when I have healed a lot, even writing this way disgust me!
    It is also disgusting, that this became “my normal”. And now at the age of 42, I still sometimes become silenced by my dad, if I say something “controversial”, expressing some “negative” emotion, in other words, when I’m just being ME!
    Being loved exactly as I am (by a man), in all my humaness…has been my whole life something like an “impossibility”, I’ve always felt huge pressure to be “perfect”. Uff, I’m still working on it, and probably will be my entire life 🙁
    It is not easy at all to just suddenly “decide” to start to think/believe, that yes, of course I am lovable, right now, right here, as I am!

    Just last week something interesting happened. I talked on the phone with a man (who is not the ex n, and actually not a n at all), he was on-off boy/friend to me couple of years ago. It was late in the night, looks like he wanted to hmm…relax, suddenly the call took quite a sexual tone, “are you in bed now, what are you wearing, do you still have a big ass (pardon??) I was not interesting in this kind of a conversation, so I said, please stop, this feels awkward to me. He just continued and then I said, now you are not respecting me, so I need to end this phone call. And so I did. I felt he tried to take advantage of me, against my will, use me as a “material” to his fantasies while we talked, yuck. After the n, I do not want that anyone abuses/takes advantage of me, damn it!
    This is the FIRST time in my life that I have set boundaries, never never never ever in my life I have behaved this way before! I shocked even myself 🙂 I was proud of myself. I clearly expressed myself to him, I don’t want this, we can be friends, but if you behave this way and do not listen to me, respect me, I will not be your friend anymore. What’s even more amazing, the next day he sent me a message and apologized his behaviour. No-one, NO man has ever apologized me anything! (well, the n certainly would never do that)
    I feel I’ve gone from doormat to brick wall…maybe I’ll find the balance 🙂 I used to chronically abandon myself, be a people pleaser, aww, I think it was so sweet, that now for once I did not abandon myself. Something did not felt right for me, I stand up for myself! I feel I disappointed him (refusing to give him sexual pleasure)…but yeah, is that really my problem? 🙂
    Interesting indeed…this video triggered many thoughts in me!

    • flowertherapy@icloud.com'
      Val
      April 18, 2018

      Dear T,
      I give you my promise that doing Melanie’s NARP program would heal the feelings you mention of feeling like you “ are the bad one” forever. I remember feeling that way too , all the years of my younger life to beyond middle age, despite all the evidence to the contrary. And when you say you feel disgust about what you are writing..that is really self abandonment and self rejection…doing the modules will transform that into loving self acceptance and inner peace. As you say it’s not easy to “ decide” that we are lovable to think/ believe that …because as Melanie often says it’s not a cognitive process and that is like trying to put ice cream on top of rubbish. We have to clear these old sub conscious beliefs out of our body and energetic being. This is what the module work does. Blessings and thank you for sharing 🌺

  • Leola79@gmail.com'
    Laura
    April 17, 2018

    Dear Mel,
    You must have read my mind today, because the moment you released this, could not be more perfect for me! 🙂
    Today I got dumped by a “friend” I,ve known for a long time, when I asserted myself and spoke up for my needs and she discarded me without even a face to face conversation. It was the first time in our friendhip that I spoke up for my needs, she clearly didn’t like that.
    It,s painful but I,m proud of myself for sticking up for me and not abandoning myself! 🙂
    I used to run back to people who would discard me when I spoke up, but I won’t do that no more. If they don’t like it when I speak up and can’t be mature and talk things out, then so be it. I,ll look for friends who can.
    I,m changing because of Narp, and I guess it,s time for ” Out with the old, in with the new”:-)
    Thank you so much for this!

  • ndw2369@gmail.com'
    Nancy
    April 17, 2018

    Melanie,
    Off topic, but I want to let you know how much I appreciate that you now provide your information in transcript. I live out in the middle of nowhere and wifi to play a whole video is hard to come by. Thanks for all you do! You have taught me so much and have literally saved my life!!
    Nancy

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 17, 2018

      Awwww Nancy,

      You are welcome and thank you for your lovely note of appreciation.

      So many blessings to you Dear Lady.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • victoriabernhard@hotmail.com'
    Victoria Bernhard
    April 17, 2018

    Hi Melanie,
    I did invest in the silver NARP program and havery done module 1 a few times. I sometimes feel I’m not doing it right as I’ll have an age and the feelings the trauma caused, empty out fill with light as well as my little child and then go through it again and again with different numbers of the affects. For each time you do it,is it the same age and feelings of trauma that you take through the process? I don’t know why but I feel like I’m complicating it or maybe rushing. I know there are many ages and traumas in my life and feel like I may be on module 1 for a very long time.
    Of course I feel dumb for asking this ,but I really want to get stronger and move forward as it’s much needed. I know you say to do module one several times. I just want to be doing the process correctly.
    Thank you, Victoria

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 17, 2018

      Hi Victoria,

      This is a great question. Absolutely the age and the details of the trauma can change because you have cleared a trauma and now the next one has surfaced.

      Sweetheart please know every question is valid and I do hope my answer has helped.

      You are doing great.

      Please also know the NARP Forum is a wonderful resource for any guidance that you may need http://www.melanietoniaevans.com

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • J.onofri32@gmail.com'
    JJ
    April 17, 2018

    Melanie,
    Thank you for this one. I had been unintentionally ignoring my valued and rights because I didn’t know them. This made me think of the time when the N did or said something horrible about me and I would shrug it off and then it would surface in my mind later and make me angry that I didn’t say something at that point.

  • bar-car@live.ca'
    Carole
    April 17, 2018

    Hi Melanie. It is only through your video’s and the work you do that I have survived this last year.Im far from being completely recovered and have not actually participated in the Quantum Healing yet.I am so greatful to you and the information you share on this topic & the word NPD in which I had never heard of until last year when I watched in unfold in my life.Great work and so informative!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!! Carole

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 17, 2018

      Hi Carole,

      You are very welcome and I am so pleased I could help.

      You will love the levels your breakthroughs go to once you start Quantum Healing!

      Many continued blessings to you!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • sophmacken@gmail.com'
    Soph
    April 18, 2018

    Hi Mel
    Thanks so much for another awesome video. I can relate to all of CRAP. I got really triggered when you talked about P… punishment!!! My reaction surprised me, I thought I was more of a rejection and abandonment type girl!
    In the family I grew up in, I am one of six kids and I am the odd one out. it honestly feels as though somehow I got all the trauma!
    A question about the modules…. Can I do mini clearings when I’m out and about or when I don’t have full privacy or in the bath or shower by following the script in my head?
    Thanks so much.
    Love Soph 🌈🌈🌈💜💜💜🌷🌷🌷

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 19, 2018

      Hi Soph,

      Thank you and wow that is great that you have some more clarity in what to focus on and heal.

      Yes you certainly can do mini Modules our and about. Once you know the pathways and protocols you certainly can perform them within you and you!

      Wishing you incredible further healing.

      Mel 🦋💕❤️

  • anna_elina@luukku.com'
    Elina
    April 18, 2018

    Hi Melanie!

    For me the most difficult to understand is C- Criticism. I just had this aha-moment: Is there actually such a thing like “normal amount” or healthy criticism in a relationship (romantic or any relationship)?

    For example, my mom can criticise me about eating too many candies and chocolate. I would hate it if my romantic partner would interfere with what I choose to eat. But mothers are mothers <3 So I take it as a caring, concerned "criticism". I complained to my ex boyfriend (not a n) about his smoking. He actually stopped smoking, very good and good for him too! But alas, when I criticised the n ex about his drinking and being drunken…he attacked me verbally violently, with an arrogant "take it or leave it" attitude, ending up criticising ME. Crap (indeed).
    What's worse than a n? A drunken n! Nowadays I would not tolerate such an individual in my home not even one nano second!! How on earth I could have ever believed that this was "love"?! :/

    I'd love it if you Melanie could clarify this. Like what is normal criticism, what is too much, toxic criticism? Isn't it the ability to take some amount of criticism actually a sign of a normal, healthy person? I mean: One of the first signs (when I did not yet knew he was a n), when I started to feel something is seriously wrong, was his zero ability to tolerate any criticism. One "wrong" word from me and the result was a silent treatment that could last up to seven months. (bizarre thing with n's are that they can criticise us as much as they want).

    So, what is the dilemma here? To become criticised, or the fear of that happening…or maybe for me it is if I do it, then I will be "punished"? Are men (even the healthy ones) made of sugar, that they can never tolerate ever any amount of any kind of so called criticism? 🙁

    I'm sort of sad I even have to make these questions, that so many things are unclear to me. Having been with a n, "what is normal" has become a very clouded concept to me 🙁

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 19, 2018

      Hi Elina,

      It’s a great question. And really not any easy one to answer! And it can be very very confusing to try to work it out.

      Maybe my personal experience with ‘criticism’ can help you. I came from a family of criticism, I was understandably completely self-critical (perfectionism programming) and constantly attracted people where I was never good enough. Not surprising I was also incredibly critical of others.

      When I did my deep inner healing journey with NARP I released the traumas about conditional love, never being accepted as ‘enough’ and all the ways I used to judge, condemn and berate myself.

      I noticed how I stopped criticising myself and others and criticism dropped away in my life. If people did critics and it felt wrong in my body I could speak up for myself and respectfully ask them to look after their own lives and allow me as an adult to be responsible for my own.

      Constructive suggestions and guidance were welcome and I found it so much easier to disperse and accept’healthy Guidance’ rather than criticise.

      It came from healing within … truly I don’t work it out any other way. Logically I was stumped on it.

      I hope this makes sense, our shifts always truly come from the inside.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • anna_elina@luukku.com'
        Elina
        April 19, 2018

        Thank you!
        Yes, not so simple at all…maybe relationships are for all of us (even when we are healed and being with a non-n man) always navigating, balancing…to see what “works” and what doesn’t? 🙂
        Hmm, maybe indeed criticism can be constructive or destructive. Like saying please consider stop smoking, it is not good for you…Or a n telling me 50 times (that has happened) how “bad” person I am! (which I am not!)
        Funnily, it just came into my mind, I notice I easily take the role of a “mother” in a relationship, attracting criminals or persons who need to be rescued (usually financially), so I became the “care taker”, or “mother”…Hmm, I don’t know where that comes from. I’m not sure if it’s so harmful or dangerous, but for sure it is surely a romance killer…I can’t feel myself a partner, or a woman in a relationship with a man, if he makes me feel “motherly”, a parent instead of a partner. Any ideas? What is the core wounding that causes this? (by the way, I am not a mother, I do not have children, strangely I have never especially even felt myself a “motherly” person, but I do am caring, with animals, friends, people).

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          April 19, 2018

          Hi Elina,

          It’s my pleasure. I so do believe that ‘relationship’ is the most powerful contextual field to trigger within us what we still need to heal!

          Which is a never ending growth journey – fascinating and glorious when we take it on.

          Absolutely criticism can be constructive and destructive. Yet really on both levels it is controlling and quite codependent. What is more healthily adult is saying, “I choose to not have cigarette smoking in my life, and if you wish to continue that is totally your choice, but I’m not going to stay. Rather than nagging someone to stop smoking so that it isn’t in your life.

          It is such a false premise that we can make people make decisions to make us happy. We can only make decisions for ourselves to make us happy.

          The other way to inspire change within another is being loving – a message such as, “I love you and I don’t want to see you hurt or dying. I’m asking you to stop smoking because I love you.”

          We would be much more likely to take notice of that than someone nagging us.

          That’s great that you recognise the pattern of mothering. You won’t know what that is about exactly until you selfpartner in your inner being and connect with it.

          Trying to guess is like staring at a closed car bonnet that is shut trying to work out what is going on in the motor.

          Does that make sense?

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • michellepdaniel@gmail.com'
    Michelle Daniel
    April 19, 2018

    Dearest Melanie, Everything you have said here resonates so deeply with me. I had an incident the other day that triggered the old C.R.A.P. wounds inside me and I actually broke down. The wounds were very painful and raw. Even though the pain was intense and overwhelming – it was in that moment I realized this was a “trigger” of something I desperately need to work on and heal. I immediately had the knowledge and understanding that I have more work to do to heal these specific inner deep wounds that so deeply struck me that day. I was only able to have that profound understanding of things because of listening to your Thriver TV, Blog/Radio shows, reading your e-books and newsletters, and doing the QF Healing work. It has all given me the tools to understand what I need to continue to work on. I now have the knowledge that this work will set me free from the old debilitating way of life. There are not words to express how much you have helped me. You have saved me through your amazing program and put me on a path of LIFE. God/The Great Oneness have given you such a beautiful voice to share and heal others. You truly have a wonderful gift and are so very blessed my dear…and we are all blessed for it! Thank you for sharing your gift with the world!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 19, 2018

      Awwww Michelle,

      I am so happy for you and thrilled that we have connected!

      It’s beautiful that you have come home to healing you.

      So much love and continued blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Charaln71@gmail.com'
    Nina
    April 19, 2018

    Hi Mel
    I love the written script. It’s true what you say, hurt people pass on their damaged genes to the next generation and this goes on for thousands of years. The cycle can be broken with
    Self love
    Self connecting
    Spirituality
    Hope for the future
    I have a lovely circle of friends but every so often a baddie breaks in and I swiftly remove them from my life. It’s very empowering.
    Thanks Mel
    Lots of love

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 19, 2018

      Hi Nina,

      I am so pleased it helps!

      That’s great you are going do well.

      Bless you 😀

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • marymwalsh1@freenet.de'
    Mary
    April 24, 2018

    Thank you Melanie for these amazing videos and your direct words on what the real story is behind narcissistic abuse and the recovery process.
    It is so empowring to have this connection
    in my own recovery journey.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 25, 2018

      Hi Mary,

      It is my absolute pleasure and I am so pleased I can help!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • elaine_duddy@outlook.com'
    Divine Nature
    April 25, 2018

    I’m a NARP Member. This video totally hits home and is EVERYTHING. It is so in alignment with other sources that resonate. Is the Golden Age indeed. Time to thrive, but… Oh my CRAP… I have been so stressed. My dynamic surrounding narcissism seems to be a bit different from most, as in I escape to Narcissist romantic relationship for false comfort & protection from my work scenario. When the romance explodes, I then have to face the work CRAP and then deal with CRAP of being alone to face the CRAP. The peptide addiction is wamting escape into someones arms for comfort & safety after being victimized at work. Hope I am making sense. I am feeling so dishonoured at every turn at work. Every time I try to articulate that the situation is just wrong, to those perpetuating the cycle of abuse, I get talked down & feel like a tit. I then start agreeing with their agendas & am left feeling even more trapped in the wheel. I just don’t know when next I will be stabbed in the back & by whom. For this reason I did the healing module again tonight. It’s difficult because I drift off while modulizing (if this wasn’t a word… it is now) I am so so exhausted from many long days at work. I think this is because I am dishonouring me by not acting or speaking my truth. My truth is that I want to be in an environment where there is balance. I love applying myself to get results, but there needs to be time to take care of myself. I feel like I am robbed of this in my current situation. I have been without work in the past it was CRAP. I am an immensely talented problem solver that can make my niche anywhere, but few that hire take a risk on potential (Gets to Z), but battles with a few fundamentals initially. Employers just want someone that knows A-F perfectly, but never gets to near to Z. As you can well see… I am full of fears. I do know that I need to be a better self partner, while realizing that if I could have done better in the past I would have. My current fear is that I will be victimized & judged for doing it (I saw my Mom always putting her own needs below my Father’s while growing up & I swore I would never be like her), as it doesn’t fit into my bosses (himself full of his own CRAP) agenda, who wants results & doesn’t care of the cost to his employees.

    Thanks Melanie… I so love and appreciate you.
    Ps. I just love your nails, outfit & jewelry. You look fabulous.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 25, 2018

      Hi Divine Nature,

      Ohhh I do hear you! Ok I want to try to help you find your straightest and most direct way through this rather than getting more exhausted in the analysis paralysis of it all (which can so easily happen when we are exhausted)

      On a day off, or as soon as possible my suggestion is to sit with a journal and list what ‘hurts’, such as what you have shared here. Then list them as highest to lowest regarding the emotional charge they carry for you.

      The highest on the list is the one you can start shifting with Module 1 first, and please listen to the Tips Module regarding suggestions on how not to stay awake.

      Standing up while you do the shifts until you get used to staying present can really help.

      Also are you in the NARP Forum for support and assistance that can help immensely – http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      I hope this helps DN.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Joy@pitmanbrighton.com'
    Joy
    April 28, 2018

    I have a sister and often wonder how to deal with her – she is constantly in competition with me and I am not in any competition – she is also a different person than what she used to be when we grew up together – I find this uncomfortable that she has always got to be more Wow than me and I often find her company just …dissapointingly boring and I justwish he would drop the crap basically.

    How does one deal with thee types of people where she makes you feel that your life is nothing and she is leading is fabulously wonderful life. I find my self dreading going to see her. She can be really good company when she drops her act – how do I bring that out in her?

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