Melanie Tonia Evans

Why I No Longer Get Triggered By Narcissists

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 13
46
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

Being triggered by narcissists is excruciatingly painful.

And … the narcissist doesn’t even have to be in your life.

It can be the horror of a bomb going off inside you when you see something that reminds you of them.

Or, talking to someone about what you’ve been through.

And, of course, there is the threat that you could bump into the narcissist, or heaven forbid come up against another narcissist in your life somewhere in the future.

How do we protect ourselves from this?

How can we not be triggered and stay safe?

Do we need to be triggered as the warning to keep ourselves safe?

We know logically that we want to feel free and safe and calm, as well as happy. But is that even possible after narcissistic abuse?

This Thriver TV episode is packed with EXACTLY the Quantum understandings to let you know HOW this is possible.

I will explain each one of them in detail to you, as well as the PRECISE belief systems that you need to embody to make your life a narcissist-free reality.

If you are still triggered by narcissists and have the quandary about how to not feel the pain, yet be warned and stay safe – then this episode is a must watch.

 

Transcript

I am very excited about this topic because I know it will help you so much.

Today, we are going to look deeply at why we are triggered by narcissists, what these triggers are about, and how to create our life from the inside out so that we are no longer ever triggered by them

Because this is the thing: we all want to stop experiencing narcissists and being affected by them. That feeling of being unsafe in the world, susceptible to human vampires and knowing there are dark undercurrents around us that can affect our lives and our souls in terrible ways.

Heck, narcissists have taken us to to the brink! That’s why we are all here together in this community, and many of you may be right in that still, wondering how on earth you are going to recover your heart, sanity, and life from what you are going through with narcissists.

I know that today’s episode can help you a lot, those of you who are out and even in deep recovery, yet understandably fear narcissists still, and those of you who are still stuck in the terrible throes with them.

I get asked this question all the time: ‘Melanie how do you work with people recovering from narcissistic abuse daily, and yet not get stuck in narcissistic feelings and them being in your life’. Because surely what I do would defy Law of Attraction – meaning where your focus goes is where your life goes – right? And people also ask this question: ‘Surely when you talk about narcissists you must have to relive all those terrible feelings that take you back into that trauma?’

I so want you to know that once upon a time I would agree with you, because naturally, at first, in my recovery from narcissistic abuse, narcissism was front and center in my consciousness. Yet when I powerfully realised that the most important information and work we can do on this topic – narcissistic abuse – is between us and ourselves, and not narcissists, that all changed.

What my focus became was the diligent purging from myself all the reasons why I was previously hooked up with narcissists, and purposefully liberating myself so that I could be anything and everything but that reality.

I’m going to dive in with one of the most powerful Quantum understandings that we can ever have, in order to set ourselves free. It’s this: our life and the state of us has nothing to do with what other people are or aren’t doing. As children it did, we were absolutely dependent on caretakers to grant us our literal survival. As adults, we aren’t.

Please say this mantra out loud: ‘My power to choose and generate my life means that other people have no power over me. I am free to create my life and my truth.’

How does that feel to you? If you have done the inner work it may feel clean, clear and exhilarating for you. Even if you haven’t, and before the ‘but’s’ jump in, cellularly within yourself you may recognise this truth and momentarily feel a sense of freedom and empowerment.

This is an essential belief to have anchored as a truth in your body and your being, and when we don’t have this as a cellular truth within us, then we are immediately co-dependent; we are handing our power away.

We have needy, inner parts of our being that will allocate someone else to be the provider of our love, approval, survival and security. Please know of course we are humans and want connection and to share our lives, and even depend on others in certain ways – this is normal and healthy. And naturally we are going to be disappointed and even heartbroken for a time when this doesn’t work out.

What I am talking about is when this becomes a tragic co-dependent danger (as it did for all of us in narcissistic abuse) when we cling to people who hurt us terribly, even destroy the very fabric of lives trying to force them to be our Source. When, all along, the only recovery is letting go, healing and becoming that to ourselves.

Where this dangerous tendency has come from for us, is being a child who wasn’t allowed, supported and assisted to grow up solid inner parts that are healthily independent. We had not yet become an adult able to define, generate, share and sustain durable wholeness interdependently with others.

Narcissists exist in an energetic universe where symbiosis is necessary for their survival. They are a False Self, they have no true energy source and inner wholeness for themselves, so they seek others who also unconsciously require symbiotic relationships. With these people, narcissists enmesh and start sucking that person dry.

When we are co-dependent we are as susceptible to a narcissist as an injured gazelle on the edge of the pack is to a lion. We feel empty without enmeshment, and allow narcissists to bond with us in this way, and we will continue to until we become our own power source.

As soon as we have handed power away to another in order to try to gain love, approval, survival and security from them, we are going to be highly emotionally triggered when things don’t go to plan. And of course they don’t with narcissists – rather than be loved and approved of and granted safety, comfort and security, we get criticism, rejection, abandonment and punishment (CRAP) instead.

The very things that we suffered as children (to varying degrees) which had not allowed us to develop and become whole are thrust up into our consciousness again. If you came from a Family of Origin narcissistic situation, which is your abusive situation now, then this continues and amplifies. Then the trauma within us becomes so extreme that we continue to break down, all the way to the point of our personal catharsis opportunity, whereby if we want to survive, heal and then live a great life, we have no choice other than to break away from the abusive person, stop assigning them as our source, and become that healed source of essential love and life-force to ourselves.

The first main reason I’m not triggered by narcissists anymore is this: I no longer need anyone in particular to be my Source. I am that source between me and myself, my higher power and all of life. Thank goodness all three components are healthily connected now; all energetically and ecologically on the same page. Thus, if certain people, situations or commodities are not a match for my healed and established self-worth, deservedness, and values, then I can easily say ‘No’ now and move on. I can go without because I’m solid within until other potentials arise and then I can choose or choose not to accept them in my life and being as well.

If we are walking in a desert dying of thirst, we would drink a bottle of urine out of desperation. Yet if we are walking through our own fertile landscape, knowing that there is unlimited potentiality everywhere within and without, then we are quenched and satiated, and we can wait and choose healthy sources.

Please know it took a lot for me to heal this and I was determined to because I had lived where my co-dependency took me – almost to my death. When I assigned others, specifically men to be my voice, my decisions, my security and my protection, because I didn’t believe I could be that for myself, I didn’t get guardian angels coming into my life – I got hammers, not rocks. I got people that showed me, as an adult, the disastrous effects of not healing and developing myself up to be my own power source. I got the results of so within, so without – the deficit of my own personal power.

I got people who brought to life my terrible fears of ‘I am unsafe’, ‘I can’t look after myself’ and, ‘I can’t generate my life’, and the more I clung to these people and tried to force them to be, the more they ripped apart my soul and life forcing me to heal this. And I needed to if I was going to live.

I really hope for those of you who have felt like me – that emptiness, fear and lack of self-belief within – that you can understand how vital it is for us to repair this. And I promise you if I could from where I came from, then you can too.

So here is the first step of why narcissists don’t trigger me anymore – because I have no requirement from any narcissist or any person to provide me with anything. Therefore, if someone is to ‘let me down’ I’m still whole, and I can speak up about it, and if they don’t meet me at a higher level of integrity and authenticity then I just move on. No reliance or dependency enmeshes me with people now.

Ok, the next thing is this: I don’t fear narcissists; meeting them, bumping into them or having them show up anywhere. I worked very, very hard on my beliefs regarding ‘evil’. This was huge for me as I know it has been for many Thrivers – the understanding of so within, so without – meaning whatever we choose to have as our inner beliefs are the unfolding of our lives in our experience to the letter because after all, we are Quantum Creators.

I realised if I believe in evil, focus on it and give it life that is what I will experience. And before and even during recovery from narcissists, initially, I was shocked to see how many people around me had ‘issues’. The issues that so many people have – inner wounds; many unresolved ones.

I remember asking one of my angels, my son Zac, ‘Who can I trust? So many people have wounds that make them unsafe’, and with that inherent wisdom that our children have, he replied: ‘Mum everyone has stuff. We all have issues. You do too, so what are you going to do? Are you going to push everyone out of your life or are you going to love people?’

I got it. I got that we are all in this together, and it didn’t matter what other people are or aren’t doing, it mattered who I was being and how I could be in life. We are all living in a planet presently being liberated out of the darkness and painful illusions, into consciousness and personal power, and if I am going to judge others, look around me and start labeling everyone as ‘narcissistic’ is that going to add to this healthier consciousness?

No, of course it isn’t! What would be more helpful is to realise we are all wounded to various degrees and no-one is perfect. And if I work on my wounds and keep showing up honestly, then I will allow people to also be real and grow on this incredible journey that we can share together.

Or they will unravel as False Selves do under the bright light of authenticity – and their narcissism will appear – which to me by definition is: a person steeped in unconsciousness, not taking personal responsibility that they are the generative source of their own experience, and refusing to go inwards to meet and heal their wounds in order to become a healthier self.

And of course these are people I don’t want to play life with. In the process of letting them go, I can still bless them wherever they are on their journey. That is an act of love within itself.

Why do I need to hate and resent anyone? Wouldn’t that simply be flooding me with toxic painful chemicals? Wouldn’t that just keep drawing to me the experiences that keep showing me how effectively I am creating my own reality? You bet it does:  Whatever I haven’t blessed and accepted – whatever I resist – will persist in my experience until I make peace with it and choose differently.

So this is the thing: when we heal enough and make that healing our most total epic mission, then we stop judging people. We know hurt people hurt people, and the levels of trauma on this planet have been horrific.

This is my total suggestion to stop hating narcissists coming into your life. Stop hating them. And to take it a step further this is what I did and do: I don’t judge narcissists and I don’t ever look out for them or try to avoid them. All I need to do is focus on being myself, and if something feels off, or wrong or needs clarifying then I can show up, question, assert myself, lay boundaries and walk away.

It all goes back to this point – I am no longer a woman in a desert dying of thirst seeing a shiny false oasis and diving straight in. Those days are gone. And once we are honest with ourselves and others, are willing to have the difficult conversations and make sure we take our time to get to know people, and do our due diligence before signing up our souls, bodies homes, money or a business deal, narcissists are not going to go through that ‘getting to know you at a healthy rate’ process with us.

They are instant gratification junkies; they need the hit, they need the payoff quickly. And if we are desperately empty with our own internal self-worth, self-love, self-soothing and self-solidness bars then we are as equally frantic and needy. When narcissists expend energy, that they cannot generate or maintain for themselves, they need a payoff return very quickly. They don’t continue with people in their solid self-integrity.

Thank goodness I realised that I never again had to focus on the other 7.4 billion people who live on this planet, trying to monitor them, work them out or attempt to control what they do! All I had to do was develop and be myself – controlling and working with the only entity that I ever had any power to – me of course!

I hope that really puts it into perspective for you.

The other thing is, that I have spoken about in a little video on Instagram before: I purged the pain and trauma out of my being with Quanta Freedom Healing. I spent months on my couch releasing the wounds, one a time, and of course, when I did this, I discovered that so many of my internal wounds were not even about him, he was simply replaying these wounds and bringing them up into my consciousness for me so that I could heal them. (That was the incredible gift of this A.I.D. – Angel In Disguise posing as an abuser.)

And through him being the messenger of my wounds, bringing them into my full consciousness, I was able to reach deeply inside find and release tons of past life trauma, epigenetic family trauma, trauma from the collective human experience, as well as childhood trauma, in order to be finally free of it.

I’d never had a recollection of being free before. As a child, I was totally the kid that hung onto my Mum’s skirts and was terrified of the boogie man at night. I even used to be terrified as a child of dying in my sleep and I didn’t want to sleep. I know many of you can relate to always being fearful of people and life and even this planet!

People say young children are born clean and fresh. No, we can be born with a ton of trauma on-board in our DNA’s even before we get going – and that is the trauma we have accumulated lifetime to lifetime, and it will have its way with us until we clear it.

The great thing is when we do clear it, the benefit is not just for ourselves, it assists the entire consciousness of humanity – its helps clear it for everyone.

So … today, all I have inside me is this feeling of liberation regarding narcissistic abuse. The abuse itself feels like it happened to another person in another time and there is no emotional charge on it whatsoever.

It is so interesting that whenever I tell someone parts of my story, they usually say ‘Are you okay to talk about this? Is this taking you back there?’ and I forget of course that they would think that, after all that is the human normal experience we were taught – that when we have been traumatised that we need to continue living on with that trauma still inside us, and just learn to live with it.

I forget that my normal is not everyone’s normal – that we do have Quantum Tools, and that we can now live completely free of the effects of even the most horrific trauma, and evolve ourselves into incredible new and higher ways of living.

So, I hope that this explains and has inspired you and given you hope that you too can get to where I am – no longer triggered by narcissists.

And please know I am not Robinson Crusoe, there is no way I am a sole traveler on this journey – there are thousands of Thrivers like me, in this community, who are living exactly what I am – no more fear regarding narcissists, not caring that they exist and simply forging their own higher vibrational lives, free to be themselves, regardless of who and what is or isn’t out there.

So … I hope you enjoyed this video and if you’d like to start Thriving in your true abuse-free life, to really bring home what I talked about today, at a cellular Quantum Level, you can sign up to my free 16-day recovery course; it includes an invitation to a profound healing workshop with me where you’ll experience a big inner shift, a set of eBooks and lots more.

And if you want to see more videos make sure you subscribe to my YouTube channel so you’re notified when each new video is released.

So until next time … keep smiling, keep healing and keep Thriving because there’s nothing else to do

 

 

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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46 Thoughts on Why I No Longer Get Triggered By Narcissists
  • CherylKeenan@comcast.net'
    Cheryl
    April 19, 2018

    Thanks Melanie. Especially loved this video, although I have heard you say it many times, I think this time it really resonated with me in a very clear and concise way… So within, so without, yikes, I finally get it. The healing process is a daily reminder to me also to NEVER give away my power ever again, so important. Thanks again for your daily dose of reality and healing wisdom, your videos on different phases of NPD always seem to come at the right time.

    Cheryl

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 19, 2018

      Hi Cheryl,

      It’s my pleasure 😀

      That is great this deeply resonated and was embodied within.

      Sending you many blessings and continued Thriving!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • Vannareisman@yahoo.com'
        Angela
        April 20, 2018

        Hi Mel,

        I want to share something with you. Every time there was a trigger to see the narc something bad always happened to me. From a flat tire to so many other things. I realized this was all negative karma and now I see the chaos this person creates for me and others. Something always seem ro repelled me from him. I realized I was no longer a match. I wanted to share this because this video helped me realize this.
        The hurtful thing is that while I heal
        myself I still look at the amazing and fun life he has which I once knew, and even though as strong as I am I still miss, but now realize that it was all a complete illusion. Anyway thank you again for the most amazing insight!
        A good friend said to me that she was actually diagnosed with PTSD from living like that for so long. Truly amazes me how much influence a narc can have!
        Best, Angela

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          April 20, 2018

          Hi Angela,

          That is great that you recognised the lower vibrational energy and the effects of it!

          Please know as you continue to heal and become your source, that your life will fill with the beauty and joy of you generating your happibess.

          When we get there, there is no missing anymore! And then next time you will share that fullness with someone who also has their wonderful real life and self to share with you.

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • ball-kim@att.net'
    Kim
    April 19, 2018

    I guess I would have to honestly say that people are my least favorite species. While all of us have a dark shadow side to us, I’m enough of a sensitive empath to when I see people, almost invariably men I might add, doing things like abusing animals and children I have essentially lost faith in people. I am not of the opinion that people are basically good. At best I believe we are a mixed bag and I haven’t found too many human beings worth trusting. I have become the self generative source of my life to a level of contentment thanks to resources like this one for which I’m grateful. However, given human nature and our tendency to inflict our wounds onto other people, I can’t imagine ever choosing to allow myself to get close enough to people to get that burned again.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 19, 2018

      Hi Kim,

      I can totally understand, and fair enough because absolutely no choice is right or wrong.

      Wishing you all the best in your happiness and wholeness.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    • cladyriderx@gmail.com'
      Cathy
      April 19, 2018

      Hi Kim, my name is Cathy. I hope I can give you inspiration in humans by the fact I try to hold near and dear and that is, we are all brothers and sisters in Christ walking our own journeys in life. People are all dealing with lifes ups and downs so I try not always successfully to love them unconditionally. Everybody is somebody! God loves us all just the way we are so others deserve and need that from us as well.
      I pray for you ,myself, Melanie, and the rest of this community Freedom, Love, and Healing on our journey

    • Vannareisman@yahoo.com'
      Angela
      April 20, 2018

      Kim,

      I can totally relate but don’t loose hope!! There are good people out there. Someone once said that all relationships are somewhat forced and I believe that but doesn’t mean they are all negative either. People come to use for a reason good or bad. Enjoy your life and if someone hurts you move on and tell yourself it’s no longer a match!

  • natasha.whyte@outlook.com'
    Natasha
    April 19, 2018

    Hi Mel,

    You really hit home when you mentioned ‘it is something we learn to live with’ because that is a huge belief I have had to carry. My DNA through my trauma line especially mother is poverty, displacement, racism, prejudice, victimhood and tragedy and it’s something I have learned to live with myself. Living in the first world country I have always felt different to others but only have been able to relate to those with similar trauma back grounds including abuse and neglect along with the cultural pre-disposition. It is a wake-up call to see how consciousness works and how trauma is so much about that because how can those improve like myself without clearing it and the truth is they cannot without healing it inside. I always yeared to belong, to feel adequate and to feel accepted because my outside experiences young were painful but then my home life was filled with violence, female personality disorders and trauma the list goes on. I have trouble taking air in because I can’t take in life and after a sociopathic experience many years ago the collective trauma has taken it’s toll but now after hearing this news well the truth is I don’t have to live with it or the rest of my history of abuse and lineage. WOW it is so true that ignorance is bliss to some and I don’t want to hate narcissists or perpetrators if we really are all in this together they are just showing me what is inside my own shadow.

    Thanking you,
    Natasha

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 19, 2018

      Awww Natasha,

      I am so happy this spoke to you.

      I feel your shift and totally know you can come home to your True Self.

      You are an incredible catalyst for change Dear Lady.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • mariyaa@hotmail.com'
    Aminath
    April 19, 2018

    This is so wonderful Melanie. I am no longer scared of Narcs and don’t really look out for them. I just be me and listen to my body and I know that I am finally ready to date again and there is no burning need to have a person in my life either, no need inside anymore to settle for anyone who shows up but to get to know the person before it proceeds into more intimate relationship. It has been 4 years since I started doing NARP, ES Course and Family of Origin Course. My life has transformed and no longer does stresses impact me like it use to. I still have stressful situations come as as we are humans, but when a trigger comes up I just take it to the modules. Life is unfolding so differently how it use to. I am still also in contact with thriver friends and we talk if something comes up. Thank you so much for these regular videos and the tools that you have given us for life.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 19, 2018

      Oh Aminath,

      I’m glad you enjoyed this 😀

      It’s lovely to hear from you and I am so happy for you that you are ready to date again!

      That is so beautiful you are ‘here’ and Thriving.

      So much love to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Angeltalk710@aol.com'
    Theresa
    April 19, 2018

    Thanks Mel for your profound wisdom and your no more fear mantra is so empowering and one we can never hear enough. Lots of love and gratitude from the U.K
    Theresa Xx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 19, 2018

      Darling Theresa,

      My Angel Lady!

      You are always welcome and thank you for your continual upliftment.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Ditadelempicka@googlemail.com'
    Dita
    April 19, 2018

    Thanks Mel, one if the things that was bothering me the most after narc 2 was my feelings of near hate towards him. I have never felt this emotion before and found it distressing. I am one year since leaving the house and 8 months since going no contact and having been working on myself with your help. I feel lighter, happier and free.
    If and when I choose to have another relationship, I worry that I will not see the true colours as narcs are so good at mirroring. I do know though that the first sign of any trickery that my gut feels, I will not try to make excuses, I will let them walk on with my blessings.
    Thanks Mel x

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 19, 2018

      Hi Dita,

      That is wonderful you have worked through releasing and uplevelling those emotions!

      My next a Thriver TV episode released early next week – I know will help a lot on this topic.

      Please look out for it!

      Sending love and blessings.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • rhoda.ww@gmail.com'
    Thriver
    April 19, 2018

    Ooh dear Mel, thanks for this episode, its brilliant how you share with us your wisdom.
    I am happy to say that this episode came at the right time to validate and affirm how i have been feeling the past couple of days.. its been almost two months now since i left narc husband.. because of the children we have had to still interact quite a lot, am glad that when i have had to do this, am not filled with anger or negative emotions.. To him cuz he has been trying to hoover me back ,he thinks that cuz am able to interact with him without anger and fighting that it means our relationship is not broken and that since he has accepted he is wrong and willing to do anything that we can patch things up and be a better couple.
    I know very well that am able to do this cuz i have continued to heal my pain, wounds with QFH. I have been encouraging my family too not to hate him or take anything personally but in the event they happen to see or meet him to be kind and not judge…
    Thank you, I confirm that in deed am on the right path..keep shining the light gal.
    Lots of love.😘

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 19, 2018

      How beautiful Thriver,

      That you are on this path releasing your wounds and choosing the High Path.

      You are a true inspiration.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • rhoda.ww@gmail.com'
        Thriver
        April 20, 2018

        Thanks Mel, for your encouragement.

        It does feel so good, doing the healing and evolving. For sure the truth does set us free. Am grateful I found your resources last year.

        You have been a true inspiration. Lets keep healing.

        Sending you blessings..😊❤️

  • Charaln71@gmail.com'
    Nina
    April 19, 2018

    Hi Mel
    I love the part when you say it doesn’t matter what people are or aren’t doing it’s all about us.

    It’s about not being scared to speak against someone.
    It’s about not being scared of being rejected by someone.
    It’s about not being scared someone will think we are a bad person.

    We can only control ourselves – no one else

    Love it
    Thanks Mel

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 19, 2018

      Hear hear Nina!

      You’ve got it!

      So glad this deeply resonated with you

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Helenstacey_@hotmail.com'
    Helen
    April 19, 2018

    Melanie THANK YOU so so much for this. I have spend a lot of time with your words and insights this morning (the transcript is really helpful, thank you for providing that) and while I feel I’ve been doing well on this process of recovery from my relationship with a narcissist, these insights have taken my healing to a whole new level. Thank you for articulating such freeing truths. I will return to this often in the next few weeks and months and I claim my own power in the world and rely on the true Source within me to be all I need. Thank you so much.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 19, 2018

      Hi Helen,

      That is great you are enjoying the transcript and please know you are very welcome!

      I love that you are shifting and coming home to you!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Bevburkett@gmail.com'
    Bev
    April 19, 2018

    Melanie,
    This is your best episode ever!!!! I heard what I need to do through your words in this message!!
    Thank you!!
    Bev

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 19, 2018

      Hi Bev,

      Awww I’m glad you really felt this one!

      Soooo much love to you!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • cladyriderx@gmail.com'
    Cathy
    April 19, 2018

    Good morning, thank you Mel, for another inspiring message, and lesson which was needed! I was triggered the other day when a receipt of two fire sticks my ex bought for someone else, as he did for my birthday in the past, was sent to my email address accidentally by the lady he purchased them from. Of course as you can imagine how that ended up!
    Thank you for all you do.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 19, 2018

      Hi Cathy,

      You are so welcome.

      Yes, I can imagine how that ended up …

      Keep healing, you’ve got this Cathy.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • saturnajoymm7@aol.com'
    Joyce A Miles
    April 20, 2018

    Dear Melanie,

    You are so right on with all this wonderful wisdom. I have 2 narcissists who happen to be my 2 adult children. Difficult as it was, I did “let them go.” I cannot have contact with them. All I do is pray for them. They have brought much to my life that needed for me to be healed from. I did it and there is no going back. Thank you Melanie

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 20, 2018

      Dear Joyce,

      You are an inspiration to let go and heal from such painful narcissism in your life.

      Wishing you so many blessings and continued healing.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • brewer.asha67@gmail.com'
    Asha
    April 20, 2018

    Hi Mel,

    Your videos are so on point that it feels weird to now be here disagreeing with you. But I must say that I am really tired of hearing people associate the acknowledgment of evil with the emotion of hate. While I can recognize that many people in the world who perceive another human being as “bad” often act out that belief in the form of some sort of punishment or mistreatment, I do not believe this applies to people who are sincerely dedicated to a healing journey. There are some people who use their perceptions of others as an excuse or justification for their own horrible treatment of others as in the case of using someone’s skin color to justify or cover up the fact that they are actually, in fact, abusers covertly using race as an excuse. But when it comes to people who are sincerely dedicated to healing, there is no harm in calling a spade a spade. Labels only become destructive when the person using the label has a destructive, violent heart. We do live in a world of hot and cold, dry and wet, hard and soft, night and day, full and empty, sweet and bitter, pain and pleasure, etc. Why must we accept good but deny evil? If we are truly living a life where we are taking full responsibility for our actions and sincerely making an effort to decrease violence in the world via our participation in it, there is no more hate in seeing that evil exists then there is in acknowledging that a shark will chew you up and spit you out without any care whatsoever. It’s just doing and being what it came here to do and be….nothing more…..no right or wrong…..just is.

    I’ve come to know love as a form of acceptance and it wasn’t until I accepted my ex’s and members of my family for who they are, only then could I leave and go my own way and leave the violence. And to be clear, when I say “accept them for who they are” I don’t mean condone, I mean accept the characters we have all come here to play. We are both marionette and puppeteer come here to earth to play the roles we play for the sake of evolving. I feel no hate in my heart simply because I acknowledge both the Angel In Disguise as well as the disguise. Love is so big and powerful that we can most definitely acknowledge the existence of evil without hating it, especially when we’ve healed enough to see that particular character’s purpose.

    I accept (not condone, not tolerate) the evil characters. They are totally responsible for fast-tracking my spiritual journey and I’m truly grateful for them. I’ve done more healing in one lifetime then in a hundred lifetimes because of their existence and discovered things about the human spirit I could never have known without them. We can totally recognize evil and still love them (at a distance) because we learn just as much from the things that are broken as we do the things that are not. Denying evil, being paranoid about it or hating it never works out in the end because nothing goes away simply because we refuse to look at it. The world is a perfect example of this. I’m talking about changing the way we see evil rather than denying its existence. When we can see that everything has it’s purpose we don’t need to deny anything.

    Love you much Mel.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 20, 2018

      Hi Asha,

      Thankyou for putting it out there – this is a great forum for opinions and debates. Thank you for yours about ‘hate’ it is a big topic. And it grants me the opportunity to share my views about it.

      Absolutely hate is a stage and a necessary one. It can grant the power of ‘enough’ and ‘no more’ And also help break through the illusions that something is good for us when it certainly isn’t.

      Yet I uphold, as my message, that hanging on to it only brings more of it into our experience. And there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ it’s more like what does it doesnt work given what we wish to experience.

      Absolutely Asha we can take action that is proactive in our lives, and that is part of the growth and development. Such as ‘that is not okay and I have boundaries and rights here.’ And standing for them. Yet without exception I have seen in my own life and so many others that when ‘hate’ is onboard they only get ‘more of what they hate’.

      Absolutely we can be powerful and acknowledge something without emotional derailment. That’s the Quantum work – so within, so without.

      Also there is the chemical harm in it. The toxins in someone’s breath regarding ‘hate’ put into a confined space kills lab mice. (I have the direct scientific quote for that in my new book!)

      What is that literal poison doing to our inner beings m, our lives and our children’s health and future generations?

      Our world has countries who are born into war against each other and know nothing other than hate. We see the effects of that.

      Wouldn’t it be a better world if we all looked at it from a level of woundedness that needs healing?

      I believe so.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • brewer.asha67@gmail.com'
        Asha
        April 20, 2018

        I agree completely. But I wasn’t speaking about hate. I was speaking on your statement that there is no evil and anyone who believes in evil must be feeling hateful. Paraphrasing. There IS evil just as there is cancer, but one doesn’t have to experience hate because we acknowledge the existence of either. It’s okay to believe a person can become enlightened but not okay to believe a person can be evil? Why?

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          April 20, 2018

          Hi Asha,

          thanks for clarifying!

          However it’s the same principle. If you give it energy – so it is.

          It’s not ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ there is no such thing. Energy is just energy.

          And Asha, I can only speak from my personal experience. Yes, I acknowledge evil things happen, but I focus on the Light and healing wounds, and my life has had far less ‘evil’ come into it as a result.

          And I know I am doing my part the best way I can to eradicate it (evil) – this way 🙂

          And mind you this is the ‘experience of evil’ I actually do believe at the Quantum Level there is only Love and God – but they are just MY beliefs.

          Power and love to you Asha. Please know of course you are free to have whatever beliefs you wish – as is everyone else. Take what you want and dismiss the rest!

          And in no way should your reality need theirs to be different.

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

          • brewer.asha67@gmail.com'
            Asha
            April 21, 2018

            Hi Mel,

            I truly appreciate your response. Let me just say on a different note, and you are already aware of this, that it is a bit uncomfortable for those of us who’ve had a cluster-b parent to speak up and do something as mundane as disagreeing with someone that we love, or admire out of concern of retaliation for having a different reality. I do not experience this discomfort in any other interaction with the people around me and this “now mild” discomfort happening now exposes to me more clearly what happens to me on the inside when I am relating to someone who I perceive as both an authority figure as well as someone I look to for help. I do not experience this discomfort when someone is just an authority figure nor when someone is just helpful. It is the combination of the two that reminds me of a parental type figure which then triggers the discomfort. I’m sharing this with you because I wish for you to know that I am not attacking you on the subject of evil for which I will get back to in a moment. I’m not implying that anything you are saying about it is wrong nor am I trying to be argumentative. I truly am exercising my freedom to also share my experiences in real time, in real practice rather than simply knowing something in my heart, but fearing to say it out loud. At the moment, the subject of evil isn’t nearly as important as the therapeutic response my body is having for just speaking about it out loud. So I thank you for your time and your gentle responses.

            Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, let me say this. I am truly an empath. Not a HSP. And because of this gift, I have never felt the desire to punish anyone for anything they do nor have I ever had hate for anyone. Ever. Maybe non-empaths have felt this way and I have no judgments about that one way or the other. One of the most beautiful things about being an empath is that no one ever has to teach you that everything is energy and that we’re all connected because we’re born feeling it. And I’ve never stopped feeling it no matter how much trauma I’ve experienced. I seem to have an inexhaustible amount of patience, compassion, understanding, and desire for truth. I do not know how to be any other way because it is as natural for me as breathing. Evil has never been something I “focus” on or “give energy too” as you’ve implied. I’ve worked as a clinical massage therapist, Reiki practitioner, and meditation teacher for 20 years and even as a child I was reading complex spiritual and psychological texts regarding healing. I don’t even own a television, nor listen to the radio more than a couple of times a week. Literally, my whole life is about healing, helping others and enjoying life. I wouldn’t know how to “focus” on evil even if someone offered me a million dollars to do it. So to say to me that I am giving evil energy or that I’m focusing on it is simply untrue.

            I am simply pointing at it in the same way that one would point at a mansion on a Hollywood bus tour. “Oh look, there’s Oprah Winfrey’s mansion.” This does not give her or her mansion energy simply by seeing that it is there. As an empath, I am clear about the difference between “what is” and the difference between my feelings about what is. I have not expressed any strong feelings about evil or evil deeds in any way during this chat because I’m not triggered by evil. But had someone said to me, as you’ve said in a recent video about narcs, that they are completely disconnected from the light and can not change, which I define as evil (without judging them) I would have listened to my gut five years ago when I was in a relationship with a sociopath. I would have accepted the truth and moved on. The dissonance created for empaths who can truly feel that we are all connected and then encountering someone who is in complete darkness with no way out (until they return to source) is the most overwhelming and confusing human experience an empath can have.

            I agree that it doesn’t really matter who is evil or who isn’t. It’s important to stay focused on our own healing and growth and that makes the world a better place ultimately. But if someone says to me, “hey Asha, don’t pat the lions during the African safari because they will eat you because that is their nature” I would be grateful for the information and simply act accordingly with no hate for the animal whatsoever. I do not speak of evil as though it is wrong or bad like most people do. As an empath, I know better at the level of energy. I speak of evil as a complete absence of light, love, compassion, and empathy. You obviously don’t like the word “evil” and I would like you to know that I am not using that word in the manner in which it is commonly spoken. I am not judging it or hating it and I see no reason to deny it any more than I would deny a shoe sitting on the floor. But for empaths who continuously feel empathy, love, and compassion flowing from their being, it is my belief that it is important to know that there are humans that are so deep in darkness no amount of the empath’s compassion or love can penetrate it. You don’t want to call that evil? That’s you’re right. It’s just a word. I don’t need to use it. I just truly wanted you to understand where I was coming from. The term “Energy Vampires” works for me as well since light hurts them and they are also dead. LOL!

            Thank you Mel, for all that you do and thank you so very, very much for taking the time. Love you much.

          • Melanie Tonia Evans
            April 21, 2018

            Hi Asha,

            Thank you for your post honey … yes understand you! And I understand that whether it be different ways of expressing or even different ideals – and even if they are not – is all perfect!

            And neither of us in anyway need to convince the other to understand us for us to feel whole!

            To me that really is the biggest point here.

            Sweetheart as an empath, a spiritualist and a revolutionary thinker as we both are as Lightworkers there will be many times when people don’t agree in part or fully.

            Naturally as an example the Thriver Way is not always palatable for people!

            Hun just be you … gloriously you. You don’t need anyone’s approval.

            You are perfect as you are.

            Mel 💕❤️💕

  • spritzler@aol.com'
    karin
    April 20, 2018

    My SHORT CUT for RECOGNIZING who is toxic to me is this: If they do not SELF REFLECT… something which is actually readily apparent, even in a first time meeting… then I KNOW that they are in the toxic category of the “Wounded, Who Hide Their Wounds” people. We are ALL wounded. But ONLY those who are OPEN about their wounds, are SAFE to be around. The others who hide them, will project them, and do all sorts of damage.. in only a matter of time. Summary: If a person is not willing to look at their wounds.. I know they are toxic for me and I draw a firm boundary around them to stay clear. And I can perceive this quality, almost immediately !

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 20, 2018

      Hi Karin,

      That’s great you understand that … yet there can be people in our life when we have great boundaries and authenticity that we can help model personal responsibility to – who may be great people who can grow.

      Yet I absolutely agree if narcissistically inclined – no deal!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Kristinahund@gmail.com'
    Kristina
    April 20, 2018

    Hello Melanie

    This is amazing this episode came this week. Just when I was speaking about in the forum about Narc relationships and I have had this on my mind heavy lately.

    Now that I am emerging back into society aware it’s astounding the triggers from narcissistic abuse.

    I am triggered by cars that look like x narcs, I am triggeeed by people body language if it reminds me of narcs I have dated kr friendships , I am triggered by conversation. Yes it seems like alot but the difference is I am in society feeling deserved of living and not using the only two tools I had fight or flight.

    I recall a post u sent and I saved the image. Pay close attention to whatever triggers reactions you. Your triggers reveal the spot where ancient pain is still
    Buried. I have this engraved in me.

    A story I wanted to share just yesterday I was at a gas stattion and two gentlemen were buying a lottery ticket. I was standing behind them and the cashier asked me “you like the Tennessee Titans” I responded with a “yes”. One of the gentlemen stated to the cashier “that’s a great pick up line”. He then looked at me with a strange stare and smile. It just felt weird.

    First thing I noticed was a my reaction inside, triggered in my stomach. I had thoughts emerging as if I had to justify myself. But I quickly uprised it to it to Source. Politely half smiled and nodded my head and walked out.

    This story is just a small example of triggers.
    When I arrived back to my car I told myself I can handle myself in public. I am safe and people are allowed to be who they are. It doesn’t mean I have to be who they are.

    I am thankful for you and your healing program. Today I am ok with triggers now I realize it’s that ancient pain. I am just sooo grateful I am not who I was before which was fixing everything outside of me to be secure Or. hiding from the world due to no self power.

    Thank you 😊 and thriving is what I plan to do!!
    🦋🦋Kristina

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 20, 2018

      Hi Kristina,

      I am so pleased this was timely for you!

      Sweetheart the total key really is, when we do have lots of trauma onboard – as many of us had – to do the work to release it with Modules. Getting it up and out so that we can live free if it.

      Otherwise by the time it has become this detonated it is exhausting trying to deal with the continual triggers whilst it’s still there.

      That’s precisely why I took the hiatus out in my life, every time I could to release trauma with QFH and bring source in.

      Oh gosh … It takes time, it’s a journey and not easy but it is a true solution to finally be trauma free.

      I hope this helps inspire you to keep going Kristina.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • ayameyana@gmail.com'
    Esther
    April 22, 2018

    Hi Melanie,

    I really loved this Thriver episode. It feels so true!
    It almost goes as far as me not wanting to use the word narcissist anymore. Instead I am focusing on healing myself. I finally feel that life simply gives me an opportunity to grow. Because I feel triggers on different occasions and also with non N-people. It’s been 6 months after I started the NARP porgram and I would have never hoped to feel so much relief and space for love and life! I am still on my journey and always look forward to your new shows and blogs. You are delightful! Thank you very much,

    Esther

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 22, 2018

      Awww Esther,

      That’s great you enjoyed it.

      I am so happy for you that you are feeling this good.

      Thank you for your lovely uplifting post!

      Many continued blessings for you 😀

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • christinerussett175@gmail.com'
    Christine
    April 22, 2018

    During my 3 year course at my horse riding college for young people with special needs aged between 16-25 year olds in the New Forest, Southern U.K when I was aged between 17-20 3/4 years of age from September 2002-July 2005 (I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome – a form of Autism on the Autistic Spectrum Disorder – it’s a learning difficulty – in 2014 – I joined this college as I was found to have some sort of learning difficulty) – most of the members of staff and most of my college student peers done and said to me and treated me like what I can only sum up in three words as a “reign of hell”. I hold all of them accountable how they treated me, their attitudes towards me was not condonable, unacceptable, intolerable, unbearable, unjust, unjustifiable, unfair, not admirable, shameful. I say shame on all of them. I want and I need justice. They lack empathy, compassion and remorse they never ever once apologized to me. I always tell the truth always without exaggeration, I’m a truthful and an honest person and my integrity is intact and undamaged. I’ve been triggered so much so that I see that my first ex-group teacher for my first 2 years at my college is now living over on the Isle of Wight – (IOW) part of the British Isles with her husband and they have set up an equine learning centre business over there and they have entered a National Lottery competition hoping of winning £50,000. There are 5 businesses – the top 3 winners receive £50,000 each and the 2 losers receive £5,000 each – so altogether that’s £150,000 shared between 3 different businesses that’s £50,000 each. She and her husband have been on the t.v, radio station, library, an Isle of Wight council, outside Tesco and Asda supermarkets and all over social media, nearly everywhere. It’s been triggering lots and lots of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder symptoms in me. She had a reign of hell, terror over me. Her husband was always nice to me though. Some of the staff were nice to me including her husband perhaps they were playing the “bad cop, good cop” mind games with me – who knows?!. How do I stop being triggered??

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 23, 2018

      Hi Christine,

      Please know that the resolution of the triggers happens when we have released and resolved the traumas that are related, in our body.

      This allows us to unconditionally and independently heal without having to wait for others to make amends. Which quite honestly doesn’t resolve the inner trauma anyway even in the unlikely event that we would receive that.

      If you come into my free webinar I’d love to show you how myself and many others in this community have achieved this. http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • hawk00073@hotmail.com'
    hawk
    April 24, 2018

    I thought I was past the being triggered stage in my life so this was perfect for me. I realize how much healing I still have to do. I got a stupid advertisement in the mail and only noticed a few minutes ago that it was forwarded to my address by my narc. He only put my address on it and then forwarded it to me but when I looked close it was his handwriting. The emotions in me on seeing his handwriting just did a huge number on my emotions. Anger, despair, love, all of it came back as if it was the first day he discarded me. It’s been so long, over a year and a half that I’ve heard anything from him, I just figured I was safe from hoovering now. But just a few swipes with a pen has nearly undone me, how crazy is that? Why does he want to bother me now? I cant even believe the upheaval he has caused in me and I just want to go smack hurt him back even harder. Leave me alone you asshole! Ya know? So, it’s back to the modules for me because obviously I’m not as healthy in my heart as I thought.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 24, 2018

      How great Hawk,

      That you realised there is more to go and you are in to it!

      Now you get freed to the next incredible level of you! Perfect!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

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