Comments on: How To Start Healing When Everything Seems Helpless

By: How Does a Keep At Dwelling Mum Survive After Narcissistic Abuse? – olutions

Wed, 09 Nov 2022 18:17:52 +0000

[…] narcissistic abuse, regardless of how a lot you may have misplaced, how previous you might be, how hopeless it feels or how a lot your coronary heart has been damaged. What you’re going by way of doesn’t […]

By: Janet

Janet — Sun, 30 Jul 2017 04:23:28 +0000

I’m coming home to the place of not needing people to understand me, or validate what I’ve been thru anymore. I totally relate to those feelings of intense sadness, frustration, and anger, when people believed him and his supporters, over me, and how the more that bothered me, the more I was disappointed in mankind. It is toxic to feel that way and have to again, be dependent on someone else, and at the mercy of the fickelness of people, in order to feel worthy and whole. It was like being gaslighted again and again, and was giving me a persecution complex, and inviting people to persecute me again and again. It was becoming all that I knew, being a victim, despite alot of sucesses on my part, as well. I still didn’t feel right. I loved your video about that issue, and the one about not being able to stop loving the narcassost too. Thats my next hurdle. When I accomplish that, I’ll be entirely free. I’ve taken back my power, and I can live just fine, with how I feel about me. I don’t need to be validated all the time, to know I’m a good person.

By: Faith Krcmarov

Faith Krcmarov — Wed, 26 Jul 2017 05:25:40 +0000

Wow this episode has come just as I have hit a wall Mel, but then you hear that a lot.
I’ve been NARPing for nearly 12 months consistently. Just recently I’ve been going at it pretty hard.
I know I wouldn’t be here in the same way I am now if not for NARP. All sorts of things about me have changed organically, effortlessly. I have been truly humbled by the process. My life has always been small but I ‘thought’ I was living large. Looking back it was like a reverse tardis effect; I was surrounded by bright shiny train wrecks that I tried to survive, while possessing few internal resources with which to do it. Surviving is not living. I wont go back to that, but right now I have reached an impasse. I cant seem to get life happening and I find that I am still just trying to survive. Waking up to that realisation has been a huge kick. I’m still shifting and have gotten through a great deal over the last few months. But I am nevertheless just living in the present loop only. Disassociation makes the past foggy and after losing everything I have no future plans or goals. I’m in the waning throws of a 15 year science career that through self-sabotage and lack of confidence has finally failed. I want to get out because it isn’t who I am and never was (I know that now thanks to NARP). My creative spirit has reawakened after 20 years of brutal suppression. But the gulf between the two in trying to find a suitable occupation while I pursue my art is vast. I’m still in the flux of becoming a fuller person and find it difficult to relate to others while that is happening. I’m working hard to breach the chasm between my daughter and I who is displaying strong narc tendencies, knowing and preparing myself for the possibility of losing her too. I’m feeling groundless with no direction and no way out. I guess I’m just sick of myself Mel, and cant seem to make any more headway despite trying very hard to do so.

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Wed, 26 Jul 2017 00:29:43 +0000

In reply to Nicole.

Hi Nicole,

I am so pleased you reached out and had the courage to post.

Please know that where we can help you with the coaching and support to find what it is that you need to tweak / shift to breakthrough is in the NARP Forum https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

It is free with Gold NARP and you can easily upgrade to get in the Forum with a Silver membership by emailing support@melanietoniaevans.com

I can’t recommend this resource for you enough Nicole.

Mel xo

By: Nicole

Nicole — Tue, 25 Jul 2017 16:01:10 +0000

Dear Melanie,

I started doing NARP in the beginning of 2015 and have always had periods of 2 – 3 months where I did the modules 1 & 2 and then I would stop because of resitance and self avoidance. About 4 weeks ago I started doing the modules again and finally noticed the point where I get so overwhelmed by emotion and pain that I rather chose to disassociate. When I tried to shift my “resistance to shifting”, I couldn’t feel anything and got very impatient and very angry at myself and the module. Thoughts came up that “modules don’t work/take too long” and that “I just can’t do this”. So my question is how do I get through this when I’d rather give up?
The second reason for stopping the modules was that after being in touch with deeper trauma I felt worse than before. I felt lonely, overwhelmed, depressed, like “I didn’t wanne be here” and distant from everyone and I was afraid I wouldn’t get out of this state of feeling. So I was scared of continuing and feeeling like that. How do I move on from here?

Thank You so much Melanie for your latest video “when everything seems helpless”. It really resonated and gave me the courage to write to you.

Lots of Love, Nari

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Tue, 25 Jul 2017 04:12:09 +0000

In reply to Kelly.

Hi Kelly,

My heart goes out to you for the pain and trauma that you have suffered, and I am so happy for you that you are detaching, letting go and healing you.

It is the only way to recover …

Wishing you all the best in healing, wellness and loving success.

Mel xo

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Tue, 25 Jul 2017 04:07:48 +0000

In reply to Maryam.

Hi Maryam,

The truth is Maryam we all get to decide and create what is our truth.

The easy way to work it all through is to let go of the trauma we feel, no matter what it is, how it got there or how it is affecting us.

Because under that is our True Self who knows organically what is our truth, rights and what is or isn’t healthy.

Otherwise it can do our heads in trying to work it all out.

Mel xo

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Tue, 25 Jul 2017 04:01:58 +0000

In reply to Reva.

Hi Reva,

I am so pleased they resonate with you 🙂

I so get where you are coming from! Please know my astrology and numerology is AWFUL!

If I believed it was all predestined and was not about the grist for evolution I should be dead or institutionalised.

We are heal to release our traumas – I believe – and these existing skirmishes are “that”.

When we do, we become our True Self which is free from karma, trauma and painful patterns – and that is exactly what NARP creates.

I hope this helps.

Mel xo

By: Kelly

Kelly — Mon, 24 Jul 2017 15:11:12 +0000

Hi there, almost 2 years ago I found out that my husband of 15 years (together 18 yrs, with 2 kids) had 3 affairs over the prior 9 years in our relationship. I was heartbroken, confused, angry, and everything else you can imagine. Basically his first response to me finding out fluctuated btwn “Yes, I’m a horrible messed up person” and “Well, I wasn’t happy, and I didn’t believe you truly loved me”. I was completely crushed, my world truly turned upside down, as did my sense of who I was, etc. etc.

Slowly over time, after doing an incredible amount of research, I came to the realization I was married to a covert narcissist. That slow realization helped me separate myself emotionally from him. It has been a long road, I would say most of the people around me have been extremely supportive, and on some level I am grateful for the affairs b/c they give a concrete indication that something is off with him. From the outside it is hard for people to get a full picture and it can make you question yourself and your own perceptions. My ex doesn’t have verbal or physical abuse tendencies, but his behavior – such as the intensity of his anger which was frequently disproportionate to the offense – was rarely seen by other people and it seems uncharacteristic, so I think people would have thought I was being dramatic. My ex is very successful in his career, appears even keeled and rational, and people love him at work – but that’s b/c he exerts all of his time and energy there b/c he thrives on being viewed that way. My kids and I apparently don’t give him the hits to his ego that he constantly requires so he truly didn’t invest time and energy into us, esp in the last 5 years as my kids turned into teens/tweens.

My ex grew up with a mother with a personality disorder, his father was anxious and distracted with a stressful job, and he was able to avoid the brunt of things by doing well in school, being well behaved, and doing what was expected…he was the “golden child”. But as he got older, I think he felt stifled by being “normal” (b/c he believed he was unique and special) and doing the right thing that was expected of him. Unfortunately he waited until we were married and I accidentally got pregnant, and suddenly he started smoking cigarettes, pot, going out all of the time, drinking excessively, and in retrospect I realize he was finally going thru the teenage rebellion phase…and guess who got to play the role of his Mom?!

I have a compulsion to prove my case here that he is a narcissist for some reason, but I won’t spend any more time on that. : ) I worked really hard to understand him early on just so I could save my sanity and understand how and why this happened, and now I am mostly focused on my own healing, growth, and trying to be the best parent I can be. I wanted to say thank you to Melanie for the wonderful info on a subject that is grossly misunderstood, minimalized, normalized, etc., and helping people through a truly dark, disorienting experience and coming out the other side. Admittedly I haven’t done the full program at this point, as I came across this site late in my process, but the blogs and videos have been very helpful. I also want to give hope to people by proving I have made it out the other side….slowly but surely, and you can get there too!! It was absolutely essential to me to find other people and a community of people that have survived this, and materials like Melanie’s. I wish you all healing and peace!