Comments on: How To Survive A Break Up With A Narcissist – Part 2

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Wed, 21 Dec 2016 11:23:23 +0000

In reply to U.

Hi harmonytherapy,

I have created many resources in regard to our children and coparenting ..

If you Google my name + coparenting + children my resources including articles, radio shows and videos will come up.

There is so much more in these resources than i could share here.

I hope this helps.

Mel xo

By: U

Tue, 20 Dec 2016 18:18:05 +0000

Dear Melanie, I do hope you receive this and wonder if you can help please. I left a narcissitic husband 2 years ago. Through personal therapy I am now I am proud to say mainly living my life from the inside out although it has NOT been easy to get there! Since I have done so and given him less fuel he has SERIOUSLY upped his game! (predictable if nothing else) The problem is that we have two children between us. They spend 1/2 their time with me and other half with him. I remind them when he frequently ‘uses’ them of how important they are, try really hard to instill a sense of self in them and remind them they have ‘choices’. They are doing really well I have to say (well all three of us are). My youngest is having difficulty regulating her affect at the moment and tolerating uncomfortable feelings (she is aged 13 almost). If myself and my daughter have a normal disagreement she will go upstairs and text her Dad explaining what I have ‘done to her’. I know that I have behaved calmly and given her appropriate consequences for her behaviour in the moment (trying to instill a sense of responsibility in her for her actions). However, teenagers don’t always see it that way do they and she quite expectedly, given her age, plays the ‘its not fair’ game, unable to see matters from anyone else’s perspective but her own (in the moment of it all). Once she has settled she will apologise to me and feels guilty for texting her Dad. I have offered suggestions in order to support her in tolerating her feelings without the need to text her Dad and it has resulted in less texts to her Dad. However, my concern is that every text she sends him against me is fuel for him which he uses to smear my name and abuse me. I don’t want to tell the children their Dad is a narcissist and it is dangerous for her to keep sending these texts to him (this I feel will lead to encouraging a blame game and provide more fuel for him and then the only people that suffer are my beautiful children). For the first time in a long time I feel powerless and very unsure and confused as to what to do for the best. Thank you so much in anticipation U xx

By: Rocio vega

Rocio vega — Sun, 13 Nov 2016 15:29:41 +0000

I am. It sure how I found out about you but I am so grateful I did. I have signed up for your emails and will have to look into NARP. Sometimes the simplest of things are the hardest to do. I have been. Series for 33 years. 3 yrs ago I found out about the pornograohy my husband was into. 3 years later of counseling with CSAT got us no where. Found out in June this year he was having and affair with co-worker. Having sex in her van at a public park. Also going out he has had affairs thru out our marriage. Since reading and listening to you I know that I was looking for protection for someone who would not abandon me, what irony. I can’t get out of my mind the question why he doesn’t love me. Why isn’t he willing to work it out . How can he stop loving me . We where best friends we did so many things together . Played sports , home improvements. How can they not have empathy ? How can they just as u said discard us?

By: Saurabh

Saurabh — Thu, 10 Nov 2016 06:34:32 +0000

In reply to Saurabh. Please Melanie, Please write an article for this case. I would be really grateful. I would really thank you from my heart if you can give some advice. I know there are many articles about child alienation, but can you write for this specific case.

By: Saurabh

Saurabh — Thu, 10 Nov 2016 05:56:16 +0000

Hi Melanie, I am a Gold Narp member and I do your NARP modules for two hours. It has really helped me calm down and be my self partner. I have read almost all your articles and they are really helpful. However, in most of the cases the children are with mom. In my case, I am a male, the laws in my country favour females and my daughter is with my wife who does not even allow me to even talk to her (child alienation).
I would be grateful if you can post an article where the narcissist parent (female) has the custody and she really wants to deprive the other parent of the child which is her last narcissist supply from me. She uses different legal threats to keep me away from my daughter. Can you please write an article specifically for this case.

By: brandy

brandy — Mon, 07 Nov 2016 23:59:56 +0000

Is it possible to work with your ex who is a narc? We both work in the same building and our offices are only two away from each other. I don’t want to leave my job, I’ve been there for 10 years and enjoy it. But will there ever be a time of normalcy? Or will I always have to expect his callousness and disregard? I can probably answer the question myself but wouldn’t mind helpful tips if any. I realize I have always sheltered him from the consequences of his actions. He used to bombard me at work with anger and tantrums (when no one could see of course), then find reasons to hover around my office. At one point I had ignored him after a break up for three weeks and he kept throwing things into my yard (things I bought him) when my car wasn’t at home, then he would threaten suicide Bc he knew my girlfriend killed herself that route and I think he thought it would be the most painful for me. He sent me a pic in the middle of the night, waking me out with a pic of him hanging. I of course, at the time ran out there,(half wishing he did it) and saved his sorry self! Bc he was always bothering me at work and his reputation matters A LOT, I pretended to be oblivious to that and told his boss (his drinking buddy who never saw that side of him) and showed him the texts and showed him the pic of him hanging. They called psych services and let me tell you he was not happy!! Lol, it was kind of funny. I played stupid and said I really cared and told him that I was worried for his safety and felt it was a concern that I couldn’t shoulder alone. I also did talk to his other employers so that he couldn’t barge in and freak out anymore thus taking the wind out of sails at work, if he wants to look good. He doesn’t mind being seen as angry and dominating but doesn’t want to me seen as weak or ridiculous. I think I have reduced the aftermath at the workplace but anymore suggestions?

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Sat, 05 Nov 2016 06:03:16 +0000

In reply to Darcy.

Hi Darcy,

thank you and I am so pleased your enjoyed it.

That’s great it has helped you turn inwards again.

Mel xo

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Sat, 05 Nov 2016 06:02:31 +0000

In reply to Rewind.

Hi Rewind,

None of us should ever condone being sexualised or objectified at that level.

It’s beyond atrocious …

I’m glad you are not continuing to allow, or feed into it.

This is about healing and moving on, and never again confusing that as healthy attention or love.

Mel xo

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Sat, 05 Nov 2016 05:56:39 +0000

In reply to Resilient.

Hi Resilient,

It’s my pleasure 🙂

That is wonderful that you up-levelled and be-came the result you wanted – and then it happened.

It is so wonderful to see the results that people have in this Community as a result of working with NARP, and I am so thrilled for you that you are one of them.

Oh gosh, what you are asking is such a BIG topic … and one that I would love to address in greater detail one day.

To simplify – our Soul and True Self is always aligned with “Wellbeing” … that is our organic state … it is just we have “ourselves in the way” … the parts of ourselves that have trapped internal trauma about separation from that … namely fear, pain etc.

When we release “enough” of those traumatic inner parts, then the organic flow of Wellbeing comes naturally as Source through us expressing “as us” (True Self).

In other words our conscious (what we want) Who We Are Being (subconscious) and super-conscious (God / Creation / Existence – whatever your understanding of a Higher Power is) … come into alignment enough for the shift to happen.

It happens bit by bit as the “line up” of the integration is taking place.

I hope this explanation helps!

Mel xo