Comments on: How To Survive A Devastating Break Up With A Narcissist https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/how-to-survive-a-devastating-break-up-with-a-narcissist/ Devastated by a narcissist? Melanie's Narcissism blog offers support & empowering tools to heal & thrive after narcissistic abuse, gain a new life & fulfilling relationships. Wed, 29 Jul 2020 15:07:09 +0000 hourly 1 By: No name, for fear https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/how-to-survive-a-devastating-break-up-with-a-narcissist/#comment-1239874 Wed, 29 Jul 2020 15:07:09 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=5917#comment-1239874 Wow, great content and you hit the nail on the head. I am stuck in the same house..he has pushed me, totally degraded me for years in front of my kids , literally pulling me out to have him call me a pathetic turd ..with my kids there..he then has recorded my reactions to his words and actions against me when I can no longer take them. He now has a collection of my reactions and played them to the police, the attorneys..he took my kids away for a week to punish me ..the police only sees my reactions and told him I am unstable and to keep everyone away from me. He brought them b avk home , but if I don’t behave ( stand up for myself) he will get a restraining order against me and make me leave , or take the kids away …we have been ordered to go to counseling..which has been great…the counselor is starting to see through his behaviors …but right now, I am in a prison with no way out…all the cars , the house, everything is in his name .it appears hopeless

]]> By: Kelly https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/how-to-survive-a-devastating-break-up-with-a-narcissist/#comment-1229220 Sat, 11 Jan 2020 09:40:31 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=5917#comment-1229220 Hi, Im looking for advice. I have been in my relationship with a narcissist for 10 years now. He is someone I fell for early in life. We went to the same high school and had our hook up relationship from the time I was 19 years old. I am 50 now. I was engaged 10 years ago to a person who was my best friend, who adored me and loved me like I had never been loved. The only hang up I had was the narcissist. I didn’t see the narc when I was with my fiancé and that was for 8 years… then right at the time I was feeling a bit nervous about getting married, the narc called and told me he was getting a divorce from his wife. I took it all as a “sign” that I shouldn’t get married because I was nervous and that it was “meant to be” because the narc called the day before I was going to mail out invitations. Long story short, I cancelled the wedding, moves out of my brand new home with my fiancé and within one month, I knew it was the biggest mistake of my life. Unfortunately my job also took a bad turn and I lost my managing position for reasons that had nothing to do with me. I was frantic so I moved in with the narc…. this is before I had ever even heard the word narcissist…. that was several years later. One of the first instances of him lying was about text messages that were off color on his phone that o found. Eventually I confirmed that he had been talking to other women and it has not changed in all the years. I found another job which was a bad fit for me and I’m convinced the narc sabotaged me by hiding keys etc., and I ended up getting really sick and was let go for too many absentees and being late. I was absolutely at the bottom. Defeated. And I have not gone back to work since. My anxiety is so bad I can’t leave the house sometimes. I have lost family support and have no friends. I’m literally alone 90% of the time. I rely 100% on the narc financially and have no security. If he knows I need something and he’s mad, he makes sure it doesn’t happen. This is how I live. I need to leave but have absolutely no help or resources or money. My anxiety is full blown panic when I attempt to look for a job or revise my resume. The thought of going to an interview makes me feel Like I’m going to collapse. I’ve tried a counselor once but being on medi-cal, I was sent to a 20 year old who was of no help to me. He gave me a photocopied pamphlet about trying to fight negative feelings with positive affirmations. It was as if he didn’t know what a narcissist was. My mom disowned me becasue she is non emotional and says my issues are non existent. And she is an alcoholic so when she drinks, she calls to point out all my flaws. I paid for a counselor for a couple months out of pocket until I couldn’t afford anymore and she told me my attraction to the narcissist could come from the emotional chaos and relationship I have had with my mother all my life.she was abuse eyeball and physically and I was afraid of her. She made me feel like without her approval, I was worthless…. and that’s exactly how I feel with the narc. The counselor said the abuse and anxiety with my mom made the narcs abuse fell almost normal and familiar. And she was right. Im used to the abuse. I feel like The last ten years has destroyed me completely and I don’t have much in me to fight my way out. I’m looking for something to try or do to change this for me. I used to believe in fairytales. I never imagined life could become such a nightmare.

]]> By: Ngy https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/how-to-survive-a-devastating-break-up-with-a-narcissist/#comment-1093745 Sun, 05 Aug 2018 00:12:26 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=5917#comment-1093745 I’ve left my husband 6 months ago still hoping I could transform our relationship. We’ve been together for 5 years, living together. He was basically my family, or at least the unreplacable part of it.
First I did No Contact (just because I couldn’t see him for awhile). It lasted about 2 months.
Then we started seeing each other again, it was mostly me trying to connect with him, spend some time together. I missed him terribly.
And just when I started to hope we have another chance at this he asked me out himself (for once) and then just told me out of the blue that he decided to dissapear. I wouldn’t be able to contact him, know where he lives. “You shouldn’t have left me alone”. Also he said that he LOVES me but IT DOESN’T MATTER.
He was focused on the mere fact that I LEFT, not the reason for me leaving.

When he embraced me saying goodbye he even cried, and that was truly shocking because he’s not the type, not really, he had always successfully kept the facade of cold detachment and the inability for empathy.

I’m more than confused. Some days I think why should I even bother, I deserve to be truly happy. And some days I miss our time together… I miss him holding me when I drift off to sleep – this sort of thing. His smell, his touch, his jokes.
I have a keen feeling I will never ever get this close to anyone. Nothing would be like home.
It terrifies me. It is a true loneliness.

]]> By: Melanie Tonia Evans https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/how-to-survive-a-devastating-break-up-with-a-narcissist/#comment-1093614 Thu, 02 Aug 2018 23:20:01 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=5917#comment-1093614 In reply to Nick V..

Hi Nick,

It is so hard and painful getting off the addiction to toxic people especially when we have believed they are the one.

My strongest suggestion is to connect to my free inner transformational resources so that you can start to learn how to detach yourself from her and get relief.

https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

I hope this can help.

Mel 🙏💕❤️

]]> By: Nick V. https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/how-to-survive-a-devastating-break-up-with-a-narcissist/#comment-1093610 Thu, 02 Aug 2018 20:49:12 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=5917#comment-1093610 In reply to Melanie Tonia Evans.

Thank you for your advice, it was 8 yrs. before I went out again, found her at a Ballroom dance. Hurting inside as I thought she was the one I would sure the rest of my life with. Plays games, secret phone calls. states its her son (Would not show me his number), I now hold her hand, walk along side of her, and complains about sex (I do anything right), blocked phone calls, so they go directly to voice mail. I was treated better when things were not good. Since I recognized I needed to change from the toxic person (Two Yrs.) I had become, which I believe because of her and needed to get back to the person I was when I first met her three yrs. ago. She left me Maye 15th and now I have watched yours and other videos to get back on the right path for myself. She has gotten worst, but I have kept texting her and taking phone calls which are only once in awhile. Help

Nick V.

]]> By: Anne https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/how-to-survive-a-devastating-break-up-with-a-narcissist/#comment-1093581 Thu, 02 Aug 2018 10:10:36 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=5917#comment-1093581 In reply to Michael Land.

I truly get what you are going thru. It seems to me…I must be counter intuitive in my thinking process. I too feel so much like I am going against the grain when I stick to the NO CONTACT process. After 17 trauma bonding years together, thee opportunity presented itself and I was able to break free, within 6mths her was married….fast forward 16mths later he now has stage 4 cancer and stops by my house when ever he felt like it and wants my support being he was given a year to live (I believe the cancer came on due to several yrs. of heavy alcoholism and addiction) I could not fix or rescue him while we were together, how could I do it now (part of my still wants to due to our trauma bonding) He is married to a woman who I am grateful for….otherwise I probably would of caved in and took him back like I did after a 10mth. break up) What I am trying to convey is that keep working this healing program, I started it and never completed it partly do to my brain could not even function properly enough to go to the computer and figure out how to get into the technical aspect of the program (which I paid for). You don’t have to stay in the sick relationship. I am devastated that he may be leaving this earth soon because he couldn’t look within and get sober. All I can do is EARNESTLY and continuely pray fro him and his wife. He and I never married…just something about it I didn’t want to make that commitment to him however, wasted probably the best years of my 30,s and 40,s. Today I don’t know much however I do know the beginning is no contact. Now I must get on with it and do the inner work to be truly free and able to live out the rest of my life reasonably happy. Sorry so long and I must admit just replying to your comment has helped me. Thank you and God bless.

]]> By: Melanie Tonia Evans https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/how-to-survive-a-devastating-break-up-with-a-narcissist/#comment-1093552 Thu, 02 Aug 2018 03:54:27 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=5917#comment-1093552 In reply to Nick V..

Hi Nick,

If trust is not possible there is no healthy or safe relationship possible … only more trauma.

At any age we all deserve better.

Your life and real love still awaits you.

Mel 🙏💕❤️

]]> By: Melanie Tonia Evans https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/how-to-survive-a-devastating-break-up-with-a-narcissist/#comment-1093551 Thu, 02 Aug 2018 03:50:47 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=5917#comment-1093551 In reply to Mia Sarah.

Hi Mia,

It is so true that knowledge is not power when it comes to trying to release and heal from deeply embedded trauma.

At best all we can do is try to manage that still existing trauma, which if significant is virtually impossible.

Mia my Quanta Freedom Healing method is a complete healing solution which has allowed myself and thousands of others to heal for real from this.

To connect to all the information and processes about this you can sign up here: https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

And please know this is all completely obligation free and you can work with my free resources or choose to take it further.

Mel 🙏💕❤️

]]> By: Melanie Tonia Evans https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/how-to-survive-a-devastating-break-up-with-a-narcissist/#comment-1093550 Thu, 02 Aug 2018 03:43:31 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=5917#comment-1093550 In reply to Lorinda.

Hi Lorinda,

You are doing so well! I love your orientation and it is so true!

We know once we have fully realised and accepted that this person is pathological that nothing we receive in the way of information from them is healthy, supportive, safe or nourishing for our soul.

Therefore why would we allow more abuse to hit?

Great job!

Mel 🙏💕❤️

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