Truth bomb

Hi Nords,

you are very welcome.

Many continued blessings to you!

Mel 🙏💕💛

Mel, thank you for giving the gift of you and NARP! It’s been just over a 2 year journey and I am loving the you-know-what out of myself ♥
A very short while ago I could not see myself dating ‘on purpose’. I wanted the easy way out – “Oh I’ll just let it happen organically” Yeah, like every other relationship – and they were all Narcs lol
This past week I showed up, I asked the tough questions and you know what…it felt GREAT. I am in my power like never before – and keeping my ego in check 🙂 There were a couple things that niggled in the back of my mind so I kept watch and within 3 conversations I knew I wasn’t going to take it any further. I’m doing what’s best for me. It is SO different. I am so different. This feels really good.

Thank you Mel! I wouldn’t have healed like this without you. Truth.

God bless!!!

I ended a friendship 3 years ago after a stalking, harassing, and isolating event with the person. It was empowering and authentic. I was so tired of being responsible for their emotions, the gas lighting, having to justify everything, the stalking, violating of boundaries, etc.

Well…they came back when they saw a picture of my baby I just had 12 hours earlier. Love bombing congrats messages, multiple messages, found my phone number, etc. I panicked and got a sick feeling in my gut. I was afraid to block them thinking the rejection would be triggering to them and they would make it worse for me. Then I fell into the trap of their trying to wish me well, they must mean well, they were my friend, etc. I would be impolite to not respond, or maybe if I did they would leave me alone.

I called them to try to kindly say that I didn’t want to reopen the friendship and that I wish them well. I did this to avoid conflict and to have no surprises for deleting them. Of course it went nowhere. And I felt so grimy that I compromised myself. They made me feel as if I were the crazy one and I felt even worse—offering to be Facebook friends at minimum. To not make the situation as “ugly”

This was a mistake because this person used my social media account to stalk me, and when triggered would call me multiple times, my family members, etc. I felt sick—why did I let myself be manipulated again to make them feel better? Why did I think I had to give them peace of mind so that I’d have if? Why did I have such a strong need to avoid conflict?

I begrudgingly accepted the request and restricted them so they could not see my pictures, especially those of my son. It was my boundary. Somehow 8 hrs later they discovered they were restricted and they attacked me for it, calling me immature etc. I responded back: I don’t need to justify my privacy settings or anything else. I don’t want communication. Please don’t contact me or my family. Then I blocked them. Of course they tried to contact but I didn’t respond.

The aftermath for me is still traumatizing because I feel like everything I did came from a huge place of fear, ignoring my gut, and not from a place of authenticity. Ending the friendship the first time was so authentic and empowering that I walked away not looking back. I was calm. Rational. This time I felt like a virus downloaded into my brain that robbed me of joy, confidence, etc. To the point I felt guilt toward them for enmeshing myself only to exit out for good. All of these memories and thoughts of them being just a hurt and wounded person that I should make allowances for keep creeping in and I’m doubting myself. I’m not doubting that I wanted out of this. I still do. It just all came about…all the events in between because I was so scared and scared to be a bad person…that it ended tumultuously. Not from that calm empowering place but from a place of anxiety and escaping, except instead of relief I feel like my fears and hype about were unnecessary and I could have just blocked her without explanation from the start.

So my question is…when you leave the narcissist from a place of fear and victimization…how do you deal with the trauma and feelings afterwards? I can’t make sense of the doubt and guilt I feel because I know this person is not someone I want go entangle with. I feel like I ruined a bad relationship…it’s still bad and had to end but I feel guilt for my hand in crashing it because I didn’t listen to my gut!!!