You changed my Life!!!! Thankyou so Much

I AM CURRENTLY DEALING WITH SOME NEW PAIN, BEYOND THE NARC I WAS MARRIED TO FOR 22 YRS. IT IS SAID THAT YOU WILL FIND OUT WHO YOUR REAL FRIENDS ARE AND WHO REALLY CARES ABOUT YOU WHEN YOU GO THRU A MAJOR ILLNESS OR GET A DIVORCE. I HAVE FOUND THIS TO BE SOOOO TRUE. FRIENDS THAT I (WE) HAVE HAD FOR MANY YEARS, HAVE SHOWN NO CONCERN FOR ME AT ALL. NO CALLS, NO VISITS, NOTHING. EXCEPT FOR MY BEST FRIEND. 1 PERSON OUT OF THE APROXIMATE 20 FRIENDS WE HAD. ONE FRIEND ACTUALLY THREATENED THAT IF I OR MY NARC HUSBAND INVOLVED HIM IN ANY WAY, THAT THEY WOULD IMMEDIATELY END OUR FRIENDSHIP. I ASSURED THEM THAT I WOULD NOT. I ALSO MADE IT CLEAR THAT I EXPECTED THEM TO STAY FRIENDS WITH MY HUSBAND. THAT I WOULD NEVER ASK PEOPLE TO CHOOSE.UNFORTUNATELY, MY HUSBAND, I GUESS, CONVINCED THEM I WOULD. HE WENT TO VISIT MY HUSBAND AND TOLD HIM EXACTLY WHAT I HAD SAID TO THIS “FRIEND”, WORD FOR WORD. SO OF COURSE THE NARC HAD TO LET ME KNOW. ASKING ME WHY I WAS CALLING OUR FRIENDS TELLING THEM TO CHOOSE SIDES. THIS IS ALL TOO IRONIC, CONSIDERING THAT MY NARC HUSBAND IS THE ONE WHOS BEEN CALLING FRIENDS TO TRASH ME! SOME THAT HE HASN’T EVEN SPOKEN TO IN YEARS, JUST TO TRASH ME AND TO CATFISH. ASKING THEM ABOUT ANYTHING I MAY HAVE SAID OR REVEALED ABOUT US, TO THEM. THEN HE WOULD TEXT ME, SAYING THAT THEY HAD TOLD HIM THINGS ABOUT CERTAIN THINGS. IS THIS SOME OF THE GASLIGHTING AND MIRRORING YOU TALK ABOUT? I THINGK SO. HE WANTED TO TO FALL FOR THE BAIT, GET MAD, CONTACT HIM IN ORDER TO DEFEND MYSELF. I FOUND THAT I INSTANTLY SAW THIS FOR WHAT IT WAS. I WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO HOLD MY TONGUE, MY ANGER AND RESENTMENT, HAD I NOT BEEN READING YOUR SITE AND TRYING TO WORK ON MYSELF. BUT, UNFORTUNATELY, I DID HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT SOME OF THESE “FRIENDS”, REALLY WEREN’T MY FREINDS. THEY COOPERATED WITH HIM, IN SPITE OF CLAIMING TO NOT WANT TO BE INVOLVED. HE HAS PEOPLE SO CONVINCED THAT HE IS A GOOD GUY AND GETS THEM TO FEEL SORRY FOR HIM. THE MALE FRIEND THAT THREATENED TO END MINE AND HIS FRIENDSHIP IF INVOLVED, IS THE SAME FRIEND THAT I SAT WITH ON MULTIPLE OCCASIONS AFTER HIS WIFE (MY BEST FRIEND AT THE TIME) HAD PASSED FROM TERMINAL ILLNESS. I LISTENED, CARED AND CRIED WITH HIM. THIS SAME GUY, TOLD ME A FEW TIMES, THAT THE ONLY REASON HE STILL VISITED WAS BECAUSE OF MY FRIENDSHIP. THAT HE KNEW HOW MY NARC REALLY WAS. HE ALSO TOLD ME THAT IF I WASN’T MARRIED, THAT HE WOULD LIKE TO BE WITH ME. I NEVER TOLD MY NARC HUSBAND THIS BECAUSE THIS GUY IS THE ONLY “FRIEND” WHO STILL HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIM AND I ALSO KNEW IT WOULD CREATE A HUGE PROBLEM OVER SOMETHING THAT WAS NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN, THIS FRIEND AND I BEING TOGETHER. LOOK WHAT I GET IN RETURN. ONE FEMALE FRIEND HE CALLED AFTER YEARS OF NO CONTACT COOPERATED WITH THE NARC TOO. IT WAS THE FRIEND THAT I CALLED, VISITED AND TOOK OUT FOR LUNCH FOR YEARS AFTER HER HUSBAND DIED. SHE HAS NOT SPOKEN TO MY HUSBAND IN 5 YEARS. BUT SHE DID LAST WEEK, REVEALING THINGS THAT I HAD SAID TO HER CONCERNING OUR MARRIAGE. MY NARC HUSBAND JUST LOVES THIS. THE OTHER DAY I GOT A GARDENIA PLANT FROM HIM FOR VALENTINES DAY. IT WAS OUR WEDDING FLOWER AND MY FAVORITE. HE KNEW THIS WOULD GET TO ME AND IT DID FOR JUST A MOMENT. I CONSIDERED TAKING IT TO WHERE HE LIVES, CHOPPING IT UP AND TOSSING IT ON HIS DOORSTEP. BUT AGAIN, I REMEMBERED WHAT I READ ON MELANIE’S POST ABOUT THE MIND GAMES. THAT AS LONG AS HE KNOWS IT GET TO YOU, HE WILL CONTINUE TO DO IT. I DID ENACT THE ABSOLUTE NO-CONTACT MELANIE TALKS ABOUT AND SHE’S RIGHT. I USE THE TERM “INCIDIOUS” TO DESCRIBE HIM. IT FITS. EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE IS “FAIR GAME” IN HIS MIND. USING OUR “FRIENDS” IS JUST ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF HIM HAVING NO MORAL CHARACTER AND HIS LACK OF CONCERN FOR THEM. PAWNS & PUPPETS IN THIS GAME TO GET ME. I, OF COURSE, DIDN’T CONTACT OUR FRIENDS TO WARN THEM TAH THEY WERE BEING USED. ALREADY KNEW WHAT WOULD BE SAID OF ME , IF I DID IT. I WOULD BE THE MANIPULATER, THE GAME PLAYER, THE LIAR. SO I SAID NOTHING TO THEM ALL. AND DECIDED TO HAVE A NO-CONTACT POLICY WITH THEM AS WELL. NOT MUCH CHOICE, KNOWING THAT THEY WOULD BE CATFISHING ME TO GIVE THE NARC WHAT HE WANTS AND NEEDS, ALL TO MY DETRIMENT. IT IS VERY SAD TO ME THOUGH, NOT ONLY THAT I HAVE LOST THESE “FRIENDS” BUT ALSO BECAUSE I KNOW HE DOESN’T GIVE A D… ABOUT THEM EITHER, THEY JUST DON’T KNOW IT AND ARE BEING USED. BUT TO TRY & HELP THEM, WOULD ONLY HURT ME. SO FOR THE 1ST TIME IN A LONG TIME, I PUT MYSELF FIRST. CONSIDERED WHAT IT WOULD PUT ME THRU, NOT WHAT THEY MIGHT HAVE TO DEAL WITH. THIS IS ONE OF MY ISSUES, I AM A PEOPLE PLEASER, ESPECIALLY IF I LOVE/CARE FOR SOMEONE. IT HAS MATTERED TOO MUCH TO ME FOR MOST OF MY LIFE. AS LONG AS EVERYONE ELSE IS HAPPY, I WILL SOMEHOW BE FILLED UP BY THAT AND BE HAPPY TOO. LET ME TELL YOU PEOPLE….THIS…DOES…NOT…WORK. YOU INEVETABLY END UP EMPTY BECAUSE NO…ONE…ELSE…IS WORRIED ABOUT YOU IN THAT SAME WAY AND TO THAT SAME EXTENT,….IF AT ALL. UNFORTUNATELY, IT HAS INCREASED THE PREVAILING THOUGHTS THAT …..I CAN TRUST NO ONE AND MOST OF ALL MEN. I ALREADY KNOW THAT THIS ISSUE IS GOING TO TAKE A LONG TIME TO RESOLVE. I READ, IF A DOG KEEPS BITING YOU EVERYTIME YOU TRY TO PET OR LOVE IT, SOONER OR LATER, YOU JUST HAVE TO QUIT PETTING THAT DOG. EXPECTING IT TO RETURN THE LOVE IT NEVER HAD FOR YOU IN THE 1ST PLACE, IS BY ALL MEANS A DISILLUSIONING AND SELF-DESTRUCTIVE KIND OF LOVE THAT JUST LEAVES YOU EMPTY…….AND SCARED OF ALL DOGS. IT’S ALSO, I BELIEVE, ANOTHER DEFINTION OF INSANITY. WHEN YOU KEEP DOING THE SAME THING, BUT EXPECTING DIFFERENT RESULTS. AND FOLKS……THIS PRETTY MUCH DESCRIBES MT 22 YEAR MARRIAGE TO A NARC. I JUST KEPT PETTING THAT D… DOG, THINKING WITH ENOUGH LOVE AND TIME.. THIS IS THE PIPE DREAM THAT I HAVE HAD TO WAKE UP FROM. SO, TODAY I’M TRYING TO LIVE IN THE NOW, THE REALITY, NOT WHAT I WISH WAS REAL, NOT WHAT I WANT TO BE REAL. IT DID TAKE ME A LONG TIME TO NOT JUST SEE HIM FOR WHO HE REALLY IS, OR SHOULD I SAY, WHO HE REALLY ISN’T. EITHER WAY, I DO NOT LIKE THIS PERSON AT ALL AND FIND THAT WE NEVER SHARED THE SAME VALUES, LIFE GOALS, DEDICATION AND COMMITMENT. AS A MATTER OF FACT, HE INFORMED ME IN JULY OF 2019, THAT I WAS A “TRY-ON” WIFE AND THAT HE DIDN’T MEAN THE MARRIAGE VOWS WHEN HE SAID THEM, THEN HE LAUGHED, THINKING IT WAS FUNNY THAT HE DUPPED ME, MADE A FOOL OF ME AND MY TEARS, MY PAIN, MY BEING DEVASTATED BY THAT ADMISSION ON HIS PART. OH YEAH, I WAS ALSO TOLD “GET OVER IT”. THAT WAS HIS GO-TO COMMENT WHENEVER I GOT UPSET FROM HIS CRUELTY. NOW THAT I GOT THE STRENGTH, WITH THE HELP OF GOD, TO FINALLY LEAVE HIM, WITH COUNSELING, PRAYER AND MELANIE’S WORK….I AM TRYING TO BUSY MYSELF WITH……WAIT FOR IT…..”GETTING OVER IT”. I KNOW GOD BROUGHT MELANIE’S SITE TO MY ATTENTION. I HAD NEVER LOOKED UP ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE. YOU DO HAVE TO CALM YOURSELF DOWN THOUGH SO THAT YOU CAN SEE THE LIFELINES AND FLOATATION DEVICES WHEN THEY ARE THROWN OUT TO SAVE YOU. I COULD HAVE JUST AS EASILY HIT ANOTHER BUTTON ON THIS COMPUTER AND NEVER HAVE SEEN IT. AND HONESTLY, NOT SURE I WOULD STILL BE ALIVE. YES, I HAD BEEN BEATEN DOWN THAT FAR. I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE BEFORE I COULD GET OUT AWAY FROM HIM. I LOST 60 LBS IN LESS THAN 2 MONTHS AND COULD NO LONGER EAT. AFTER LEAVING, IT STILL TOOK ANOTHER MONTH BEFORE I COULD EAT WHAT ANYONE ELSE WOULD CALL “A MEAL”. I SURVIVED OFF OF YOGURT, COFFEE AND CIGARETTES. STILL DON’T KNOW HOW I DID IT EXCEPT THRU PRAYER. FOR 5 YRS, I PRAYED FOR GOD TO CHANGE HIS HEART AND TRIED TO LOVE HIM HARDER, ALL THE WHILE BEING CRUELY TORTURED. THEN FOR 3 YRS, I PRAYED THAT GOD WOULD GET ME OUT OF THE VOWS THAT I REALLY MEANT. THEN IN THE LAST FEW DAYS THERE, I WAS SOOO SICK, WEAK AND HAVING CHEST PAIN, TO THE POINT, I WAS AFRAID TO FALL ASLEEP, THINKING I WOULDN’T WAKE UP. THEN I PRAYED TO GOD THAT IF HE DID CALL ME, IF I DID DIE, I WAS REALLY OK WITH IT. I SAW IT, MY DEATH, AS BEING A VERY VIABLE “WAY OUT”. I KNEW THAT IF I STAYED, I WAS GOING TO DIE ANYWAY THROUGH MY OWN HAND. GOD PUT IN PLACE A WAY FOR ME TO GET OUT AND BE ENABLED ME TO DO IT COVERTLY. LET ME TELL YA, I HAD TO HAVE HELP WITH THAT. BEING SNEAKY, DECEPTIVE AND MANIPULATIVE IS JUST NOT MY FORTE’, NOT HOW I’M BUILT. IT REALLY TOOK SOME BRAVERY ON MY PART. EVERY TIME I SNUCK SOME OF MY PERSONAL THINGS OUT THAT BACK BEDROOM WINDOW LIKE A THEIF IN THE NIGHT, I JUST PRAYED, GOD, KEEP HIM BLIND LIKE HE’S ALWAYS BEEN. KEEP HIM OBLIVIOUS TO WHAT’S GOING ON WITH ME, LIKE ALWAYS. CAN’T BELEIVE THE NEIGHBORS DIDN’T CALL THE POLICE IF THEY SAW ME SNEAK STUFF OUT! LOL!! GOD PROTECTED ME. JUST REMEMBER, YOU HAVE TO ASK.

Thank you so much for these words of healing and wisdom. Today marks a year I left my spouse because of abuse. I celebrate today I have regained myself, my power, my voice and my joy.

I think you do not understand who this poem is speaking to…
The entire point OF the poem is gratitude.