The Power of Choice
By EJ Paterson

Please help me I say, from the core of my soul
Which is battered and bruised from the hideous control.
Domestic Violence is Terrorism, in the home and the heart
It is the most suppressed kind, of torture I know.

ABUSE doesn’t always come in a loud roaring tone
It is sanctimoniously delivered as he whispers in my ear
Its not sweet nothings as though it would appear
Its horrific, its cruel, its crippling and mean
Its destruction, dysfunction all controlled by FEAR.

The silence is piercing and terrorism is imminent
Like waiting on the plate for the ball to be pitched
No idea of direction, of speed or strength
On guard I wait to cover my base.

The curve ball from left, is what I expect
The attack so severe the defence so weak
Moments of fear, destruction and torture
“Your tears are a weapon” as I cry and not speak.

Strike one; I’m down and no where to run
Face the onslaught of what’s about to take place
Reading the play, as it churns in my soul
“You have no credibility” I miss again to save face.

Strike two; I beg, yet not on my knees
Time ticking by with anticipation high
Power and Control are reigning supreme
“You will not scream” but I will not lie.

Strike three; I’m out its time to go,
The punishing silence, the push, the pain
Game over, I choose life over death
“Its my life” I say and my safety will remain.

Its starts up again as I leave the ball park
The memories, the injustice, the right to survive
In the lounge room, the bedroom, the courtroom I pray
With children and scars, I thank god we’re alive.

With dread, fright and panic that his lawyers instil
These bullying tactics are no longer to be
Change is essential and focus I must
As others have sacrificed the ultimate before me.

Entrapment beckons with lawyers in tow
But no one to stand up and say it is wrong
Only me to decide what is to be
The road being tedious, tumultuous, insidious and long

Growing tired and exhausted, weary and sore
With no money left to pay the huge legal bill
Nothing to hide and proud to be me
All I have is my children, my dignity and my will.

With chains with roadblocks, it doesn’t matter anymore
I’ve been through the tunnels of torment before
With my children alongside in the darkness of horror
Change on the cusp, of what is in store.

A writer I am, no fear in my words
Erin Brockovich, Bono or Geldof I’m not
Just a brave little person breaking the silence
on a life of fear, intimidation and violence.

With courage I stride gathering kindness from many
Speak up I will for me to grow tall.
My heart in tatters, my spirit crushed
Trying to stop the pain of it all.

For my children and me
We wear no shame,
We are wholesome and good
Not scapegoats for blame.

The silence is broken, the wisdom is known
The barriers removed, the door no longer shut
There’s no turning back in the darkest of tunnels
It’s too black to reveal the deepest of cuts.

In a world of self battles, delusion and grandeur
The terrorist lives on, though not on TV
It takes strength, courage and the will to survive
Plus the power of choice to say “NO! he’s not living with me”.

Strike me once, I chose to cry in pain;
Strike me twice, I chose to run and save face
Strike me three times; I chose to walk the Safety path with my children, my pride and my battered soul to fight for our freedom.
Strike me never again.

Hi Cathy,

You were right not to share your grief (unfortunately). My experience when my mother was put into palliative care not long before she passed away, was that I was bombarded daily with 8 or more texts during business hours, from my Narc, about his sexual fantasies. He had not been interested in sharing any sexual fantasies prior to this, and he knew my phone would normally on silent at work except I was expecting news about Mum. This behaviour was so obviously aimed at letting me know that his sexual fantasies should be more important to me than my dying mother (as well as being available for the rest of my family at a difficult time!).

It was only a little bit more than a year into our relationship and unsurprisingly things went downhill very quickly from there, so thankfully it prevented me from committing more emotionally, materially and financially (lucky me!). However it still took a few years more to extricate myself. But it wasn’t until I found Melanie’s website that I realised that all the the ‘humble apologies’ (eg “I don’t know why I act like an idiot when it comes to you”) were completely insincere, and I started to look even deeper for inconsistencies that pointed to lies even more far-reaching than the ones I had found out about. I am beginning to belive that just about everything that everyone thinks they know about him, is a complete lie. His whole persona and life history is a complete fabrication. There is no genuine human being underneath all the fakery.

This knowledge has made “no contact” much easier, despite being baited by rubbish claims of self-realisation and repentance and promises to change and make amends. Thanks to Mel I have also been able to resist other kinds of baiting, such as being told that I have been forgiven for what I have done to HIM, eg unwittingly revealing the lies he told me, by repeating them to other people he knows! Of course none of that is my fault! Initially it was difficult not to actively resist such irrational claims but I’m now aware that I can’t win by arguing against them.

So now I consider that my gift from this relationship is greater wisdom and self-awareness, as well as greater awareness of what’s going on with people arround me. A hard lesson but one that I had to learn.

Keep up the great work of self-realisation and growth!

Lots of Love Mel xx

I have read so much of your work, listened to some of the radio recordings, and participated in your free radio Quanta Healing Session, and have now read this article Melanie.

Thank you, sincerely for this sharing this journey – there is a big wide google world out there, a really small community of real life people around me, but i can only find one Melanie Tonia Evans. Melanie and this online community have given me the tools, the practical stuff I need, the words to use in my daily practice, and I am so thankfull to you. Thank you.

I am still reeling with exitment and joy from the Quanta Healing experience, that was about three weeks ago, and Melanie, I have tried EVERYTHING… I’m nearly middle aged now, and finally I feel like I have been set free. I know this is only a beginning, and I have a lot more work to do… but one thing is for sure, that experience for me was so profound, and so real, it has affected me so deeply… so much so, I am enjoying this relationship i am having with myself, I am not that concerned with a love relationship with anyone else (yes still going through stuff, but so much less so), cause I am strutting my stuff only for me. I have always wanted that true love experience and to give it freely. But I was blocked and have only been able to attract that block as a way of healing my own deep hurt. I think all my fellow beings will be hurt in one form or another, and it will only be when honesty comes in the form of an open love to work towards those common goals, as you have written about Mel in your ebooks.

Melanie, thank you for your clarity. Thank you for your articluation. I think you are stunning. Your heart is love, and it is very powerfully free to give and receive that from where i can see from.

With Respect

Me x

This is what I call true guidance.

Do you remember or know of an 80’s song, ‘I am going to Harden My Heart’. I sang that a lot.unfortunately.