Do Narp and leave the narc alone. If you don’t heal, you’ll just continue down the same hell path. Have you read Mel’s posts or listened to her You Tubes. You must do the inner work to have a different outer world. WHY are you even talking to the narc. It’s a black bottomless pit.

Carol,
They’re full-blown pschycopaths by the sound of things!
Be careful)

Hi Isabelle,

you are very welcome!

Isabelle, I would love you to come into my free 3 keys to thriving after narcissistic abuse workshop.

The answer to your question is a pretty deep conversation, and it is one that I cover in this workshop. As well as go through how to get the relief and the healing from family of origin narcissistic abuse.

The link to join is this http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

I hope that this can help.

Much love to you

Mel 🙏💕💚

What if someone doesn’t want to heal with the goal of hanging out w the person!

What about healing in order to have person removed from life completely and forever! So we can be free. That’s it.

It seems to me the goal always seems to be to “heal FOO” means you hang out and all’s ‘great’

~~~~

For example

I’ve been working on relationship w someone in FOO all my life. Consciously, w intense, deep energy healers etc since 1990. It’s enmeshed codependent as far as I can tell, non-narc.

Over years and years have been able to converse etc and I can even get lulled into it — like it feels benign or even “FINE” etc

But then I run into someone I really like and I realize what really liking someone feels like!! It’s AWESOME!!! It’s uplifting! It’s FUN! It’s strengthening!! I get to learn stuff!! new insights! Lots of laughter!! (there might be pain, but it feels progressive for healing) it’s just FUN and I WANT IT WANT IT WANT IT!!!

In contrast then I realize the FOO situation is something I can endure. It’s ‘ok’ — it can be benign! I celebrate when it doesn’t cause inordinate pain! HEY!! I survived that one!! It’s not violent, it’s not AWFUL!! it’s just eh (and this is after decades of working on and healing it)

It’s familiar, it’s old and it’s FOO — so there’s a lot of pressure to keep that together. How does one EVER remove from that? WHAT is it??! Why don’t more healers talk about it?

A long time ago I sort of gave up my life and figured well, I’ll just have to hang out w FOO and that’s it. There’s not much more to be able to get away from it.

So why would I want to heal FOO in order to hang out with them more?! Again, it seems like the goal of healing, spiritual healing is: heal wounds so you can hang out w FOO and all get along.

This feels like a closed cycle. constricting. Like the problem (being enmeshed and feeling unable to release, not being FREE alone) is the goal (hanging out, all getting along, not being FREE alone)

I’ve been SO confused about this ever since I read your story about your parents. Like your shifting was successful bc now you hang out with them. That was the goal.

It’s not just your web site — I’ve read this a lot on healing web sites. it actually often is touted as a testimonial for how well a technique works —

Is the goal ever NOT to do that? Not to hang out — how do we ever get free??!

Oh I wish you’d write more about enmeshed codependents (if that’s what this is). bc it’s not like narc, which seems so obvious in its horror. This can be benign but internally it just feels AWFUL and never free! EVER. (But not awful like the narc —- like resignation, like settling for LESS, like not love as joyful and free —- but just OK)

Could you write more about the various options of healing in FOO. Even in the comments here I see so many ppl who want to heal those relationships. But I almost never see anyone who wants to heal in order to leave and be free. Why not?

I wish there were more templates for this: heal means being able to leave, be free and never having to go back!

Pls could you write about this?? thanks!!!!

Are we allowed to be FULL NC with people we don’t like?

(I have situation where I never liked a person and all growing up this was never an issue. I didn’t like them, never connected, stayed away and basically it was like they didn’t exist! Later there was abuse out of the blue. Over time I went NC —-

NC was for the abuse but it had a WONDERFUL side effect of essentially removing this person fr my life (very strong boundaries not just for myself but also not wanting to hear ANYTHING about them etc) It’s been heavenly in that sense — like the person just doesn’t exist

You write a lot about how NC is prescribed for narc situations. But what happens if you heal a situation that is NON-narc?! I don’t want to have to go back to this person ‘existing’ again : ( it’s just ugh

Makes me NOT want to heal it!!
Bc it’s not up in my face now. NC worked!!!

~~~~

Also, does digging around in old wounds that are NOT actively showing up cause them to appear?!

As in, I feel that jostling a bunch of old junk would call that situation to appear in life!!!

I don’t want that, obviously!

In all these yrs of NOT healing a particular wound I have NEVER had to run into person! When we dig around in wound, wouldn’t it cause that stuff to appear, especially if it takes a long time to shift???

It’s enough to make me NOT want to touch it!! LIke why jostle it if it’s not up in my face (even though I DO feel the wound there in the body/emotions)

It’s almost like holding on to the wound is KEEPING THE PERSON AWAY!!! and if I heal it, then the crap comes back

(this is unconscious person, abuse happened out of blue with lots of years in between and I have not had to have ANY run ins AT ALL for decades. Like I wrote above that’s super nice bc I never liked this person to begin with!!

(writing this out now I sense something else. at a time when I felt ‘guilt’ like need to hang out it was always low-grade sludge feeling. I’d leave it feeling like sludge, junk yuck and thinking; I don’t choose to hang out w ppl like this in my life as friends! How does one handle this with family?!)

I’m so afraid that healing something means then we have to hang out like friends

(it makes me think of what you wrote about your parents. You healed all those shifts and now you hang out all the time)

Is that the solution?

I know you’ve written before about seeing if ppl rise up (not sure of your wording) —- but I already know I don’t like this person. I felt that way long before the abuse. I’m not interested in seeking anything out there. But is that what happens as a result of healing???

I don’t want to do healing if it means the end result is having to hang out etc

That reminds me of the way if was before abuse —- like an obligation, but NOT uplifting, NOT fun, no connection —- just familiarity but UGH. It is so dispiriting to think that healing leads to that.

these are not narc situations.

(I also would love to read more blog posts about non-narc! such as enmeshed codependents!!!!!! (super UGH on that one!!!) and on what it means to heal as a spiritual being, do we have to hang out with everyone?!)

~~~

I see this SO often on healer’s web sites. Like the goal is to get along with family. It turns me off from doing the healing work bc who wants to go towards a goal they don’t want?

What is the alternative?

There is so much pressure in society to get along with family. why? Seems to me there’s a lot of pain there and familiarity and old patterns, but not necessarily true joy freedom etc. not like we would choose with our friends! Even on your web site, you discuss how you hang out with your parents all the time now that you shifted and healed.

Feels like being bombarded by the idea that that is the only goal!

I’d love to see post about healing, shifting and then YEEEEAAAAAAHHH!!! You get to be FREEEE! And leave and create your own life and hang out with wonderful people around whom you feel uplifted, strong and powerful.

Family like school —- go through exams, it’s hard, do the work then PASS THE EXAMS and Yeeeeaaaah!!! You get to GRADUATE!!! you get to leave, move on, not ever go back

I see almost no writings on that anywhere. I don’t see it in the healing community. It’s not an idea I find (except in myself) and that makes it hard. It’s like the goal of healing is NOT what I want!!!

I don’t understand why we have to hang out w these ppl forever! We didn’t even consciously choose them! We may not even LIKE them!!! (and that SUCKS. it diminishes life, IMO)

But if it’s not narc and if you heal your wounds, then how does one leave? Or rather, the goal seems to be to heal everything IN ORDER TO STAY!

And like it seems that that is a very good, spiritual person who heals those relationships and then can, for lack of a better word, flaunt the awesome relationship they now have w their parents, family whatever. It makes no sense to me! but it almost seems like only non-healed, non-spiritual people don’t hang out with their non-narc families.

I wish I could read more about this!! Have talked with so many healers over the years but it’s hard to find anything on this specifically!

I just want to be totally free! not hanging out —-

and also not have to have the ppl show up just bc I start shifting the wound (no matter how long that takes)

Hi Jeanette,

it is so great that you want to recommence and that you are looking forward to this beautiful journey with you!

Do you have NARP Version 3? If not please email support@melanietoniaevans.com and one of my lovely team will help you get connected!

Truly – start at the start again.

Also, if you are a Gold Member, for wonderful guidance, come into the NARP Member’s Forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp
It really is invaluable.

Much love and breakthrough healing to you

Mel 🙏💕💚

That’s awesome Col!

So much love and thank you for spreading the word!

Mel 🙏💕💚

I love everything that you have written Pamela,

It’s powerful and beautiful..

You have got this soul angel!

So much love and much appreciation to you.

Mel 🙏💕💚