I had a bad break up about 6 months ago, after 12 years together. I had been suspecting for a while, but never had solid evidence of cheating. I was always scared of confrontation because the very second I would ask questions (even a normal day-to- day question like “where are you?”), I would get a reaction like an atomic bomb. Then after the initial reaction, the conversation would turn towards me and I would get blamed for something…. anything… to divert the attention to me. To this day, he rationalizes everything, and says that “everything happens for a reason (even negative things)”, and ” I should be glad because I have been taught a lesson”..

For the entire 12 years, I always aimed to please, and would put his wants before my own, and always put myself last. When truth came out that he had been cheating (for the past 3 years, and probably the 3rd time.. that I know of), he placed blame on me and told me that I pushed him away by not doing exactly what he wanted me to do. Nothing was ever good enough.. too much dust in the house. I got an air purifier. Temperature was too hot in ththe house. I turned the ac on. I looked out the window driving in the car bc I was checking out another guy, Was accused of cheating (or trying to hook up) with LITERALLY every single guythat he introduced me to… even tried to accuse me of cheating with his SON when he came to visit for a few weeks in summer. He says what “pushed him away” was Too much cat hair. I groomed them, and vacuumed every 2 days, offered to put his clothes in the dry cleaners. Said the apartment was too small and there wasnt enough space to run around. What did I do? I moved into a house with a whole ACRE in the back yard. You think that made a difference? Not at all. I asked him if he has regrets. He said No regrets, no remorse because it happened for a reason..

This is all just inthe last 3 years. There are PLENTY of other things to say. I could create an entire tv series based on my relationship… but your article basically summed everything up precisely how I have experienced the last 12 years. I have letgo, but sometimes still struggle with remembering the “good” times and not wanting to let that go. We also have a child together, which makes things trickier… so I am trying very hard to balance the parenting friendship/dynamic for the sake of our daughter, who has experienced the wrath of her Dad’s narcissistic-ness first hand also. About 95% lecturing and yelling and being told what NOT to do, Instead of praise and being guided on what To do. Unfortunately, I fell for his reasoning on the way he likes to parent.. and I believed that I was wrong and that the reason why she doesn’t listen all the time and do what I ask at the drop of a dime is because of my own fault (not at all because she is a pre-teen 10 year old who is trying to figure herself out, and her own emotions). He has bla.ed me for trying to “pit her against him”,(which I NEVER have. In fact I do still speak highly of him because he is still her dad, and I dont want her to think any less of him), but the reality is that he is the one putting her against me. Sometimes he praises me, but when hes angry he Says things like “mom will never be good enough”, or “the next person she meets will be nothing like me”, or ” I built your mom from the ground up. She would be lost without me”…

My poor daughter and I are so traumatized by her dad, that I pray that I can catch this in time so that she does not become a narcissist too (like your other article mentioned .

Sorry for the SUPER LONG POST, but this is the FIRST time I have expressed any of this fruatration to anyone in 12 years (except the narcissist himself) !

Staying strong, and doing my best to avoid letting him weasel back in to my emotions. Most days it’s sort of easy, bc I just dont talk to him… but the times when I do talk, he is usually so friendly and charming with me, I feel myself getting sucked back in.

Hey Gabriela,

I truly do believe that all our ‘less than’ parts are to do with unhealed trauma within generating that behaviour.

There is only one solution: meet and heal those inner traumas.

NARP is a very effective solution to do that. Many people in your position have used it successfully for your situation.

https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

I hope this helps.

Mel 🙏💕❤️

Hi Megan,

That is great that you are getting clarity and being strong.

Please also know that the transformational work I offer which puts the focus and power back into us can assist powerfully to stay away and keep moving forward.

Maybe check out those free resources which are here: https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

I wish you continue strength and a powerful recovery.

Mel 🙏💕❤️