Comments on: Narcissists And Sex

By: Jackie

Jackie — Mon, 04 Jul 2022 13:50:34 +0000

Thank you for this video. I was with my narc husband for 40 years (only sexually partner) and you have put into words exactly what I always felt and couldn’t understand. I always felt that I just wasn’t “sexual” enough and it was me that had the problem. I was always able to orgasm, but I always felt a complete emptiness and sometimes would cry (and not know why). I now understand I was emotionally feeling used. When I finally told him to leave, I, for whatever reason, finally felt and realized that it wasn’t me. This realization came, not with getting into another relationship, but deeply feeling my own emotions. It’s insidious what these people do and your videos are truly eye opening. Thank you again.

By: Jenna

Jenna — Sat, 25 Dec 2021 22:59:31 +0000

I had orgasms every single time when I was with my non-narc ex, but after I started dating the narc, orgasms just stopped. Now I know why.
I also felt bad, sad and empty after sex. Sometimes I cried and he didn´t notice. He said I was difficult to please in bed and he wanted written instructions on how to make me aroused. He thought there was something wrong with me when I said that there is no one particular way that will every single time work for me. Now when I think of it all, it was so disconnected 🙁

By: Bec

Bec — Sat, 12 Jun 2021 02:06:20 +0000

I’m so grateful to read this stuff as I’ve never talked about it with my friends because it’s awful. Sex with my ex was great at first. He seemed so happy to be with me. But it changed quickly. It always seemed like porn sex, he wanted it to go on for hours every time and while I was up for that sometimes, with 3 kids and a job I didn’t have the time or energy for it to be like that every time! He was always asking me for things that I didn’t want to do – to come on my face, anal, sex in public and I’d explain to him that while I wasn’t necessarily unwilling to go there with him at some point, there would have to be a deeper level of intimacy and trust with him than I was feeling yet. He told me other women let him urinate in their mouths – and I made it clear that would never happen with me and he said he didn’t want it to but I’m sure it’s what he would have pushed for if my other boundaries had dropped. He would spit on me, slap me and choke me and call me names and I’d tell him I wasn’t into it, that it made me feel disconnected and again, that while that stuff could be on the menu, I needed connected sex and that given that he was verbally abusive, that stuff didn’t feel like playing around and sexy – it just felt like abuse. Once after a verbally abusive night, I really wanted us to reconnect and he was at my house and saying he would only stay if I came home and slept with him and the sex was so unconnected and more of the same and I began crying and he just stopped when he saw that I was crying but never said anything about it. He was constantly accusing me of being sexless – even though we had sex pretty much every day were together – it was like he’d forget that we did – maybe because he was also an alcoholic. He pushed me into sex when he was just out of hospital and had a colostomy bag in and when I had a sprained pubis and pinched nerve in my spine – even though I told him I was in pain. It was just easier to give in because if I said no he’d rage at me. He’d try to get me to have sex with him in the back room at the shop I managed or in my friends driveway while we were waiting for a cab. The night my stepmother died and I had to call my brother and tell him and was also preparing to have surgery the next day and he could see that his chance of sex had disappeared, he went through my messages and came in calling me a bitch and a cunt while I was on the phone to my brother because I used more exclamation marks when I messaged a friend and it was warmer than when I messaged him. When I was at my grandmothers deathbed in another town for 4 days he kept messaging me that he needed more sex and I suspect he fucked a mutual ‘friend’ in my bedroom. I kept leaving him – because of his verbal abuse of me – and every time he’d be straight in bed with one or more of his back-up women. Why would I stay with him? He was absolutely adoring to me a lot of the time. He really convinced me that he loved me. He showered me with compliments and acts of service. He was desperately broken hearted when I left him. And he was fun and funny and was up for partying as hard as me. I went back to him 3 times. Almost a fourth but, after spending 3 days with me and then back to his property in another town for the week messaging me that he loved me, he came into town and the night before my kids were going to be away and he was going to come over I felt suspicious and went to the mutual ‘friend’s place he was staying at and heard them on the verandah, him calling her ‘baby’ and them going off to have sex. He messaged me ‘Baby!’ first thing the next morning. Ugh. When I confronted him, once he realised I knew and he couldn’t lie his way out of it, he told me I’d always had a problem with that friend and it didn’t count because he wasn’t properly hard! Then sent me a message sarcastically thanking me and telling me he was suicidal. 2 weeks later he came over to take away a tree in my backyard that he’d promised to and ended up drinking whiskey with me and trying to convince me that he really did love me and when I went in to change the record I looked through the glass french doors over his shoulder and could see him messaging another woman he was sleeping with and her telling him that she didn’t believe in the sisterhood, she just worked around it and him telling her he was going ‘balls deep in your arse tomorrow night’. God. Why am I even sad about this guy? I am though, there’s been noone in the 18 months since and it’s still on my mind all the time. He still tries to hoover me back. I feel like I’ve been poisoned.

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Mon, 12 Apr 2021 10:23:01 +0000

In reply to Tom.

Hi Tom,

you have absolutely described what many men with narcissistic women do.

Wishing you powerful healing and fantastic future, soul fulfilling relationship experiences.

Mel 🙏💕💚

By: Tom

Tom — Sun, 11 Apr 2021 05:10:50 +0000

As a man recovering from the fallout from a relationship with a female Histrionic Narcissist, you are beyond fooled in the love bombing phase. She is the ultimate femme fatale and looks the part. Bridget Bardot meets Pamela Anderson. The sex is incredibly intense. After all the “knight in shining armor” BS and intense soul fucking, you truly feel you are bonding with your soulmate. You believe this is emotional sex, but perhaps just a tad kinky. The sex itself had elements of the following:

1. Overall, I felt a desire from HER to please ME. I had the same enthusiasm, but I was always left wondering if I was genuinely pleasing her. Even though the evidence might be there with orgasms and words like “You are a fucking stallion”, you still feel like something is amiss. That unsure feeling is pervasive, but you shrug it off because you are absolutely mad.
2. Objectified in every way. Everything in bed was about objectification, control with a mix of possession. “Is this c%ck mine?” “This is your pu$@y!” …it goes on and on.
3. Role Play. Lots of dirty talk “Am I your slut, a whore, etc?” “Punish me.” (in reality, she was unfaithful, so that could be its own perversion). Don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with playful trash talk, but again…something just feels slightly off about it when THEY do it. That said, you’re crazy for it and ignore the voice inside you asking “Is this trash talk feeling a bit strange in some way I can’t explain?”. Perhaps, that’s your subconscious giving you a warning. You’re being used and abused. Or “hey, maybe this feels phony.”
4. The sex always felt thrilling, but sometimes oddly mechanical and pragmatic. Lots of times she would just ask plain and simple out of nowhere “Wanna fuck?” Of course I do. Reward!
5. Nothing emotional postcoital ever. Sex for her felt more like going to the bathroom and coming back to bed. It’s more like how you would imagine a stereotypical emotionless man being finished.
6. Eventually, it felt like I had no power initiating sex and it was all on her watch when/how it would play out.
7. Lots of talk outside the bedroom of sexual conquests and scenarios that any man would die to be a part of. It had its desired effect. It made me insanely jealous of her past, of those men. I’ve never felt that before, even with other exes sharing past experiences. Why did this rile me up?

….These are just a few of the reminders.

What also struck me is how in-sync she was with my body. It was uncanny and consequently addictive. She could almost sense EXACTLY what I needed/when I wanted to climax. It was like having a mind reader inside my body. Never before has a woman read me so well physically. We all love some kink and emotionless sex, but I found it absolutely intoxicating. I was thrilled by the dirty words of objectification, of herself/myself. I loved the role playing with control/power. I even liked the pragmatic invites, “let’s fuck”, devoid of any foreplay. I imagine my sexual attachments have everything to do with the mind games that preceded the bedroom. I’ve definitely “made love” in other deep relationships with dirty talk etc. Why was this so much different? The one thing I try to focus on was the stress outside the bedroom that made the sex that much more intense. They are so unpredictable that the sex is actually weaponized as our release – the brief moments we have that feel like harmony with them.

By: Trehvn

Trehvn — Sat, 20 Feb 2021 12:35:08 +0000

Chronic cheaters, addicts and liars can definitely pull you to their level, then happily go about their lives earning lots of money with wealthy companies, buying themselves expensive items and feeling totally healthy to climb mountains and live their best life while you struggle to get by and meet your responsibilities.

By: Faye

Faye — Sat, 20 Feb 2021 11:41:43 +0000

Spot On Mel ❤️❤️❤️🙏

By: Diane Roth

Diane Roth — Thu, 03 Dec 2020 20:38:06 +0000

In reply to chris. Sex with my husband went like this; for him to perform he demanded for me to give him oral sex so he could get sexually excited and when he got excited he would try having intercourse with me but he couldn’t preform because he would go limp and then he would make me do this over and over until I was literally mentally exhausted and it was a real chore from trying to have sex with him; he would blame me telling me I wasn’t good enough. After multiple times of his attempting to try to perform, I told him I was no longer going to have sex with him since “I wasn’t good enough” and I don’t think he ever thought I would stick to my guns ; it has been about 5 years since I had sex with him. Now that I think about it; It was really bizarre because he was watching porn all the time and was treating me like the women in the porn movie . He was blowing air in my ear telling me this is what women like and spitting his saliva in my vagina to get me ready for the act and pulling my hair as we had sex, on and I could go on and on. He would always demand sex and there was a price to pay if I didn’t comply . To be honest I don’t know how I ever did it. I’m still married to him, we are both age 68 and I now sleep in another bedroom which is my sanctuary . He doesn’t try to have sex with me anymore for which I’m grateful but he actually gets very angry at times telling me he wants to have sex and when I remind him why I don’t want sex with any more and remind him what he said to me, he just shrugs it off and never says he’s sorry and of course he doesn’t ever apologize ; usually he gives me the silent treatment for days or weeks like a child and I just ignore him and I go on with my life or he lashes out verbally and sulks and treats me bad and I tell him again I will not be having no more sex with him and when he threatens to get a divorce, I tell him I agree we should get a divorce (figuring it would be easier for the Narc to make the first move because they don’t like rejection) but then after a week or two he forgets about it and life goes on. I figure if I make it harder on him he will want to leave. Honestly I wish I would of left many years ago but he always threatened me if I would try to leave. I waisted my whole life away but he always threatened me telling me he would ruin me financially. He has agreed to put our home on the market next year to sell and I told him when this sells we are going our separate ways. It’s been worse this year in 2020 because of COVID. I’m just so glad there is these sites about narcissism and now I’m learning to cope and get a lot stronger and get the hell out of this horrible relationship. Thank you for all these article on Narcissism.

By: Milly

Milly — Tue, 13 Oct 2020 21:08:44 +0000

In reply to A.

Omg, that’s next level psychopath! And drugs open you up to other dimensions, just like killing. Sounds like this guy is demonic (archons/reptilians) and searching for more gratification to still is empty void. This is a very dangerous predator.
I’ve met narc drug addicts who got addicted to more perverted stuff overtime. This happens in secret societies as well and they move on to children and murder.
I hope you are safe, but creatures like him shouldn’t exist. Especially if he damages and kills innocent beings.. 😢