Comments on: Narcissists Trick You Into Believing They’re Good https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/narcissists-trick-you-into-believing-theyre-good/ Devastated by a narcissist? Melanie's Narcissism blog offers support & empowering tools to heal & thrive after narcissistic abuse, gain a new life & fulfilling relationships. Tue, 13 Jun 2023 03:49:09 +0000 hourly 1 By: Melanie Tonia Evans https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/narcissists-trick-you-into-believing-theyre-good/#comment-1258084 Mon, 25 Oct 2021 22:51:25 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=8443#comment-1258084 In reply to Iris.

So much love to you Iris.

It is a joy to write and share about what is on my heart!

Mel πŸ™πŸ’žπŸ¦‹

]]> By: Iris https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/narcissists-trick-you-into-believing-theyre-good/#comment-1257938 Sat, 23 Oct 2021 20:09:15 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=8443#comment-1257938 Melanie,

You have so much strength to keep giving and giving email after email.

Staying patient despite misunderstandings.

Healing so many people!

You’re a God send πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™

Just ❀️❀️❀️❀️ from overseas.

]]> By: Melanie Tonia Evans https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/narcissists-trick-you-into-believing-theyre-good/#comment-1241828 Sun, 06 Sep 2020 08:41:33 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=8443#comment-1241828 In reply to Faye.

Hi Faye,

you are very welcome.

Much love to you

Mel πŸ™πŸ’•πŸ’š

]]> By: Faye https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/narcissists-trick-you-into-believing-theyre-good/#comment-1241796 Sat, 05 Sep 2020 23:48:26 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=8443#comment-1241796 ❀️❀️❀️ this. Thank you Mel for all you wonderful work

]]> By: Safou https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/narcissists-trick-you-into-believing-theyre-good/#comment-1241612 Thu, 03 Sep 2020 15:59:24 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=8443#comment-1241612 Dear how well you know them!!!! πŸ’•

]]> By: Anna https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/narcissists-trick-you-into-believing-theyre-good/#comment-1241490 Wed, 02 Sep 2020 13:40:48 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=8443#comment-1241490 In reply to Anne.

Maybe I missunderstood Melanie’s message. I understood that she said that we SHOULD “grill” the new date about his romantic past and past relationships. I’d never do that! True, like you said, too personal, too soon! Not even polite. And what does it matter how was someone’s past relationship and why it failed. I’d be more interested in at that point about the future and if that person will be a suitable partner for ME πŸ™‚
People can be completely healthy and normal, but not a match or compatible with everyone, of course not. It doesn’t always have to be so “pathological”. I felt Melanie was trying to find something “sick” with a magnifying mirror from each date partner and that for me didn’t felt…normal. Maybe I missunderstood, hopefully so.
By the way, my parent’s have been married about 50 years now. Neither is a n. My mom has told me, when she was younger and tried to ask something about my father’s previous romantic life from him, he never did not reveal anything and up until today he hasn’t! I think he wanted to be a gentleman. Maybe he thought, what’s in the past, is in the past. Yeah, very nice real life example I’d say. I would not even exist if my parents wouldn’t have continued dating and eventually marry! πŸ™‚

]]> By: Anne https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/narcissists-trick-you-into-believing-theyre-good/#comment-1241458 Wed, 02 Sep 2020 02:27:04 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=8443#comment-1241458 Well… if someone asked me on our first date to explain what happened with my previous relationships… that’s all wrong town. That’s too personal, too fast. I’d have to laugh straight away, and reply… its pandora box and not open for discussion. Or if he angered me w such a question, I’d probably answer with a similar response as Mel’s. Maybe someone wants to size you up and asks personal questions, but for me… boundaries are critical. Mel was not being arrogant, she drew a boundary.

]]> By: Anna https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/narcissists-trick-you-into-believing-theyre-good/#comment-1241230 Sat, 29 Aug 2020 15:16:19 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=8443#comment-1241230 I also found it little bit bothersome and arrogant that “you’d get in the car crack up laughing.”
How can you diagnose someone as a n in one hour or less? If that’s immediately so evident, why did you accepted that date with them in the first place?

I think most regular men, bless them, are endearingly interested in things like sports and cars. Maybe not so much about personal evolution and that inner stuff.
When suddenly confronted with these questions β€œOkay, great. What did you learn? What have you read? What healing did you do on yourself?”…it could be baffling and they are clueless. Those are not so easy questions. Then they just give some answer, because they do not want to appear as idiots. How can you be 100% sure their answer was BS? I think that was little bit arrogant.

I’m not defending n’s. I’m not naiive. Having been with two n’s, I’ve spent quite a many years in a black hole. I must be very very careful not to buy into any excuses or explain away someone’s odd behaviour. But I also don’t want to judge people instantly and do hasty conclusions.

I’m interested in to the study the history of ancient Egypt. It has happened, that the date partner starts to show great interest in that topic too when I mention it, even if they have no knowledge about it and then we talk about this topic during the date. Does that immediately mean they are n’s? No, I don’t think so…I think it’s just polite that they even try to show interest towards something that matters to me.

]]> By: Anna https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/narcissists-trick-you-into-believing-theyre-good/#comment-1241227 Sat, 29 Aug 2020 14:02:34 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=8443#comment-1241227 Hmm, I don’t know. All of this sounds for me little bit unrealistic and unpolite first date.
Even before I was unhealed and now more healed, whether the date would be with a normal man or n…I just think it is way too much deep and personal question in a first date to ask
β€œWhat happened in your previous relationships?”
Or maybe that question is ok, but I would not give detailed explanations at that point. I refuse to talk bad about anyone, not even the ex n who was merciless abuser. If someone would ask, I’d now just say that “we were not compatible” (heh, clearly not) or “it didn’t work out”. If I will start a relationship with someone, I think then later we can have that deeper conversation. Before that I rely on instinct, intuition, not intrusive questions!
I’d like to think first date as a way to getting to know the person more, keeping the conversation light yet the same time try to pick his “vibe”. Indeed it is a date, not some psychiatric-spiritual session! I’m not going to lecture my date partner on the first date about my “personal evolution” or he’ll think I’M the crazy one!!

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