My Narcissistic ex girlfriend and i had a lovely dinner at a very nice restaurant one night. After returning to the car, in which i ALWAYS had to open the door for her, she punched me in the face because she thought i was flirting with the waitress. LOL!!

Regardless of what the intention was, it was a huge violation of my privacy and integrity. What’s worse is that he took the liberty of ‘diagnosing’ me with covert narcissism, saying that while I appeared different on the outside, I had all the “same shit on the inside” as his narcissistic exes.

We tried to reconcile after that but he never really apologized for the videos or what he said, and he continued to voice his belief that I’m a narcissist. We talked about trying to find a couples therapist but it never happened. Either way I think he believed that getting us into couples therapy would reveal to me “who I really am.”

He told me that I’m controlling and manipulative, and that the reason he was jealous and controlling was because I was provoking his jealousy– if not deliberately then on some subconscious level. I know myself well enough to say that that wasn’t my intention in any way. He considered this to be another instance of me gaslighting him.

He couldn’t stand that I had male friends, but instead of admitting to this, he said that he didn’t really mind except that I threw it in his face to make him jealous. In particular he was angry because two days before his birthday I asked if he would be uncomfortable if I went to a concert with one of my classmates who happens to be a guy. He berated me on text for the next three hours, telling me things like “stay the fuck away from me”,”I can’t let the abuser be the one to help me”, “there’s a lot of pain in your love”, “the part of you that tries to make me jealous is an ass”, “who I love needs to be fixed”, “you’re the most dangerous person in my life”, and “I was fine before and after you, but now I’m not the man I was.” He accused me of trying to “triangulate” him with other males so that he would be jealous and become even more codependent on me, of “grooming” him by telling him I loved him too soon and being kind to him only so that he would be subordinate. He said that I was grooming my male friends so that I would have a new source of narcissistic supply lined up in case we broke up. He also claimed that I was trying to convince others that he was abusive, and that I was using his kids on social media to these ends. He said he feared that I would abandon him and take away everything that’s his. That I would “butter [him] up only to destroy him from the inside.”

I knew he had issues with jealousy because in times past, he had questioned me a lot about my dating history and almost never went out with me anywhere. When we did, he would either notice or imagine that other guys were looking at me which pissed him off and made him question whether I enjoyed the attention. A few times he claimed he saw me checking out other guys at the gym and the pet store. I never did any of these things and it was really confusing to me because often I didn’t even remember there being guys around me during those times.

Toward the end I noticed he actually tried to gaslight me. He’d make “typos” in his texts that would make me look twice but I didn’t take the bait. When I didn’t react to the typos he got annoyed, which he expressed through emojis. When I confronted him about the purpose of the emojis, he only said “I don’t know.”

When he broke up with me the third time, he wasn’t explicit about it. He texted that he “knew what was going on, it’s so scary” and threatened to contact the police if I tried to reach him again. He then blocked me from social media and put me in touch with one of his friends so that someone else could facilitate the move (I had moved in with him over the summer).

He won’t let me say goodbye to his kids which is really painful because I got close to them and loved them, and they were attached to me and loved me too. He said he didn’t want to explain the breakup to them so chances are they’ll probably think I just disappeared.

The self criticism is like an addiction. I keep finding myself googling his Instagram handle, and I see where he comments under posts about narcissism, saying how he can relate because of me… I know I shouldn’t keep looking but I guess when you miss someone you look for ways to feel like they’re still with you, even if it’s traumatic.

And in spite of all of this I still love him, or at least I love the illusion of who he was before all of this came crashing down, and I don’t want him to be ill or unhappy. It’s hard not to believe that I caused it all despite the evidence, because it was an argument I had initiated that led to the break up. I guess I was tired of feeling like a hostage with his commitment but still, I pushed it… and I wonder if I just hadn’t picked that battle, whether I would still have a family.

Hi Ali,

I am so pleased this helped.

Ali the truth is if someone is insecure and can’t be appeased they have issues and need to address them honestly if there is any hope of a true healthy relationship with them.

If they are not even beginning to have compassion for the person they inflict the behaviour onto and are not willing to do deep healing work on their triggers, then this person will remain unconscious and therefore things aren’t going to improve.

This is really the issue. I don’t unfortunately, with such a large global community, do consultations just for ‘chats’. I only do them as hour long healing sessions, if you would like to find out more about these you can email support@melanietoniaevans.com

I hope this helps.

Mel 🙏💕❤️

I wanted to know if it’s possible to speak to you by phone and you charge $ for a consultation? I just wanted to get further confirmation that she indeed was pathologically jealous.