It sounds like you are still a little stuck let me help. Having an ego and needs is normal. Your ID has been engaged by being around a narc. Narcs both consciously and unconsciously tap into your fears and anger[childhood and otherwise] and exploit to their means. They attempt to program you to attend to their needs and not your own. Anything they can do to do that they will do. Do not put anything beyond a desperate narc In essence they cant control themselves and will be happy to control you. The fact that you need to ask if your needs are from your ego or legitimate are telling. You have lots of self doubt left. Ask yourself is what I need legitimate will it hurt someone or myself. If the answer to the first is yes and the answer to the last two are no then its a legitimate need.Bascially narcs are parasitical brainwashing con artists with no real morality or emotions. Especially the covert ones. For what its worth overt narcs aren’t always overt narcs some are mislabeled and misdiagnosed. They have dealt with narcs so long their personality is fractured. When in rome you get the drift.

For many years, I’ve believed in “The Secret”/ Law of attraction, and finally I realize that those methods set us up to forget about what’s wrong with us, focus on the “good”, and guess what- it surely only provides temporary relief and sets us up for further disappointment.

The primary reason why I am not self-partnered is because I viewed/am still viewing myself as defective from a physical point of view. It’s extremely painful looking in the mirror and realizing “wow, I really don’t measure up to society’s stsndards of physical ‘beauty'” – it’s a crazy, painful thing… it’s about feeling that I can only be loved if someone else finally comes and accepts my flaws.

My 3 year relationship with my ex Narc went abit like this – feeling lovable and beautiful to once again feeling defective in those devalue stages of the relationship

Because I am only starting Narp from next year onwards, I was wondering how I can tackle that insecurity starting NOW? Sure, I have thoughts of cosmetic surgery (ha ha), but this would just set me up for continuous pain as I wait for that moment…

Thank you for your kind words Lu.

I love being connected in this way.

Bless you.

Mel xo

It’s my pleasure Lu.

So pleased this helped 😀

Mel xo

I want to say another heartfelt thank you for being as engaged with the community as you are. As Lady Jedi said, not everyone does it. I can’t think of another person who engages in such a compassionate and consistent way with his/her audience across *any* self-help community. You’re incredible. 🙂

Yes, that does help! I’ve found that as I clear trauma and feel less self-doubt, the distinctions become easier… It’s good to hear you confirm this. Thank you!! xo

Hey Lu,

I missed this before I did.

I hope the addition helps 😀

Mel xo

Hi Lu,

An extension of a desire from True Self is ‘more of us’ showing up. I feels warm, expansive, natural and inspirational to do! And we have no attachment to the outcome because we already feel like we ‘are’ that thing.

A need coming from the ego feels anxious, needy, desperate even. And we feel like ourselves or some aspect of our lives will not be whole unless we ‘get’ that thing.

Does this help?

Mel xo