What exactly is self-partnering … and how do we achieve it?
Is it something that we need to continually think about and work at, or is it something that we can be-come at a deeper level where it just starts to become automatic?
Self-partnering is talked about a lot in this Community. Does this mean it’s essential to do in order to heal from narcissistic abuse?
Is it something that relates to MUCH more than just abuse recovery?
I believe it is … absolutely!
I will even go as far as to say I believe self-partnering holds the key to not only our Highest Potential and the Game of Life …
It also unlocks the literal power of All of Creation itself.
So I decided to list the 10 most impactful ways for you to start self-partnering right now. Which means after reading this article you will have a roadmap of how to start connecting to peace, inner solidness, joy and confidence as well as learn how to tap into your Infinite Power.
I know that may sound like a really BIG claim, but maybe after reading this blog article you will understand why I say this.
I hope with all of my heart and Being that after reading this article it will unlock the space and flow within you to achieve self-partnering and experience the pure miracle of Life and yourself.
So many people in this Community ask “how” to self-partner … and this is why I wanted to produce this article for you, and hopefully as a result you will connect to your power, truth and the generation of your incredible life.
Self-partnering turns on its head what we were taught, which was to live life from the “outside in”.
We have actually been programmed into believing that meeting our own emotions was the wrong thing to do! Yet, when we honour self … not the egoic small, needy insecure self, but the core of our Inner Being … then we become whole, and we honour all of life in wonderful ways.
Please find the following 10 Ways to Self-Partner.
Number One – Listen To Your Inner Being
Your emotions are vital to connect to … they are there to tell you “where you are at”, which is in stark contrast to your head which can make up stories and often try to talk you out of “where you are at” instead of dealing with it.
When we self-partner, we realise that ignoring our emotions is like trying to drive a car out of a bog, spinning wheels and only digging ourselves in deeper.
Just like a dripping roof or a care engine making weird noises, things get worse if ignored. Our inner traumas, trying to get our attention via anxiety or depression or physical symptoms, are exactly the same.
How bad does it need to get – or what outer event, or physical dis-ease does it need to manifest in order to get our attention?
But how to know this if we stay in our head?
Being in our head, instead of connecting deeply with our own emotions, is like staring at a closed car bonnet and trying to guess what is wrong with the car engine. It isn’t until we come inside and connect and be super-present, that we are in a position to love and heal ourselves back to wholeness.
All emotions are sacred … and all roads lead to home, when we are self-partnered.
Number Two – Validate Yourself Fully
Imagine your child coming up to you with he or she saying, “I’m feeling sad” and you said “No you’re not, just ignore that feeling and get on with it.”
How many of us were told this as children?
How many of us keep doing that to ourselves?
That response has done us no favours and makes our Inner Being feel totally invalidated, just as it invalidates other people when we try to talk them out of what they are feeling.
This is the exact opposite of self-partnering.
Self-partnering is this model: I see you, I love you and hold you with your wounds in order to transform them for you, and I will not judge your emotions as ‘wrong’.
In no way does validating our emotions mean we are going to be stuck in the rolling around with our trauma and the compounding of it.
That is caused by invalidating our emotions when our Inner Being fights back … screaming “See me and heal me. I am not meant to be trapped in this junk!”
Rather, when we validate an emotion by self-partnering lovingly with it – we realise that it was always impossible to heal ourselves back to wholeness when we were blaming, shaming or invalidating ourselves.
Number Three – Love Your Negative Emotions
Your negative emotions are awesome!
I mean this with all my heart, because every time you have a trigger here is the truth of the opportunity … This is a trauma that can be released to create more space and power within.
The irony is when you stop judging negative emotions and simply work at upleveling them, you immediately grow from Who You Were Being into more of Who You Really Are … namely your Higher Potential living trauma free.
This allows Creation and Consciousness (Higher Power / Super-Conscious) to flow through you, because it now has the space in your cells to do so.
To turn self-avoiding around into essential self-partnering, you can try saying this, “I bless and accept this emotion” next time you feel a negative hit of something.
Now rather than turning away, you have turned towards and you are immediately self-partnered.
The people in the Thriver Community who heal the fastest, are the people who learned this formula – Don’t think about it, SHIFT it instead!
They use the Modules in the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program as often as possible when triggered, instantly releasing their inner traumas, hence why they become inner joy, space and inspiration (there are countless testimonies of this on line for you to see how true this is!)
And, they discover that rather than being engulfed in a trauma that has come up, which is exactly what thinking about it causes, or trying to shut it up by avoiding it, which means it will simply reappear somewhere down the track even MORE ferociously to get their attention – they go inwards purposefully to transform the traumas into space, relief and freedom.
Our greatest gold is mined from our wounds, because when we release them from our Inner Being we literally fill with joy and inspiration (Creation) – truly that is the alchemic journey of Self when we meet our Inner Being.
When you start living like this, you wonder why on earth you didn’t get onto it sooner rather than spend years battling Life whilst carrying your inner traumas.
Number Four – Let Go of Needing to Change Things Outside of Yourself in Order to Feel Okay
When we are self-partnered we understand a profound truth – that if we work with “emotion first” and unconditionally bring ourselves back to a space of inner wholeness – then we independently feel solid and empowered, regardless of the outer situations.
Our egoic self would have us believe that if we make peace on the inside that we will tolerate “what is” and not do something to transform it.
That is a complete false premise, and when you let go of the egoic beleifs, you live and understand a Greater Truth: We do not need to be negatively triggered about something to realise that it is NOT for us.
Having awareness in our power is not about fearful and painful triggers – it is simply awareness.
When we aren’t triggered into our insecure fearful self, we have the power and “space” to experience quality inspirations and make aligned decisions that bring us even more of the wholeness we have established on the inside.
It is Quantum Law – so within, so without.
This is when we transform situations, rather than adding more to the problem with triggered reactions that are at the level of the consciousness of the trigger – namely fear and pain.
When we transmute our emotion first – meaning tackle the trauma on the inside rather than the outside – we are less likely to self-avoid, procrastinate or add more drama to the mix.
Rather … We KNOW what to do … or we know to do nothing at all.
That is the wonderful side-effect of aligning ourselves with inner peace.
We be-come the solution.
So within, so without.
Number Five – Release Expectations and the Need For Set Results
Law of Attraction believers would have us focus on something in order to “get” it in our Life.
I believe being truly self partnered is much more effective than this, because when we BE-come something on an inner level, we are as whole and full as if we had it, and we actually don’t need it at all.
The danger with Law of Attraction work is that it can deeply feel like something is “missing” if it hasn’t shown up yet, and is becomes a condition on our existence to be fulfilling.
That is still living Life from the “outside in” – which defies Quantum Law.
If we feel something is “missing” all we will manufacture for ourselves is more of the experience of “missing it”. We have in fact “missed it” because we are not aligned.
At an inner level when we are “with ourselves” unconditionally, unloading our inner wounds and becoming more space, consciousness and joy inside of us … that is all we desire … the feeling of becoming space, joy and expansion.
Then we simply live as Source being us, living through us, which is expansion, creation, prosperity, love and joy … and however that manifests in the real world is really not of consequence, because we no longer need anything in particular to happen to feel whole.
That is THE juice, joy and personal freedom – and our Ultimate Power happens when we are happy for Ultimate Consciousness to take over the “how” and the “what”.
All we have to do is BE joy and expansion!
This is the way we open up to outcomes that are so much bigger than our own limited “wishes” and “thinking” could conjure … we become unlimited.
What does Consciousness “need”?
Nothing at ALL – Consciousness just IS.
Creation needs nothing either, because it is “all of it”.
We already are Consciousness and Creation and our only job to allow miracles to flow through us and from us is to emulate (be) Consciousness and Creation by cleaning out our inner toxic junk (pain, fear and judgement) to become the real 99.999999999% space in our cells that is our cellularly coded birthright.
The only thing EVER separating us for this birthright is the toxic trauma clogging that space up, NOT allowing Consciousness and Creation to express itself through us.
The power in the space in our cells is Consciousness and Creation itself, and that is what we become within and what flows through us and creates magic in our outer world … when we are free of trauma – organically and naturally.
It just IS.
That is Real Life and Freedom.
Number Six – Put Yourself First
This is hard one for so many people; they think this is selfish and even “evil”. They also think this is narcissistic.
You must remember that a narcissist is putting their ego first – their False Self – which when energised simply causes more pain and destruction in its wake.
When we are self-partnered, we put our Inner Being first – we DO love ourselves more than we love others – because that is our TRUE responsibility to love and accept ourselves with authentic self-partnering, so that we can be the healthiest, most love-filled, truth-filled Being we can possibly be for all of our human experience.
If we fill our tank with consciousness, love and whatever sustains our healthiness, then we will lead by example and affect people healthily to empower them too.
No longer will we be showing up as “giving to get” or being empty and needy clinging to people enabling abuse and bad behaviour by demonstrating, I will try to make you love me even if it costs my Inner Being dearly.
This shift, and releasing any trauma of associated guilt with putting ourselves first, changes our lives and everything we touch beyond description.
Number Seven – Establish a True Relationship With Yourself
Whenever you get needy or feel empty, ask yourself, “What am I trying to get from outside of me that I am not providing for myself?”
And, “what am I not believing I am worthy of receiving” … and …
“What truth about myself do I need to be humble and honest about and share with others? Can I be vulnerable and real with myself first and then expand into true honesty with others?”
If we are not anchored into granting ourselves solid inner wholeness, worthiness and realness we will continually meet and enmesh with the people “on the outside” who reflect back to us the ways we have not healed this essential relationship with ourselves.
When we shore these authenticity keys up within ourselves, we discover that people in droves supply us with what we are now granting ourselves, and we become detached from the people who don’t have the resources to.
These people just aren’t a match for us anymore.
Number Eight – Expand Out Into the World
When you are self-partnered (meaning tending to your inner wounds and becoming more and more space-filled within) then you want to get out into the world to experience all of it – including triggers.
There is only so much wholeness we can achieve alone, whereas out in the contextual Field having everything reflected back to us, the possibility for growth is unlimited.
If we feel left out and needy or hard done by – we can uplevel.
If we find people push our boundaries we can uplevel.
Any angst we can uplevel.
If we are truly self-partnered, we want growth and expansion more than anything.
In this Life Orientation, we get to the level where we can be open-hearted without handing our power away and we recognise every uncomfortable feeling coming from interactions with others grants us the opportunity to grow up some part of ourselves from our original wounding into authenticity.
There we get to live as expansion and growth and joy, and we get to experience love and connection whilst doing so.
We find we are more alive than we ever have been – experiencing the miracles of Life and ourselves constantly – including the rolling up of our sleeves to get the necessary inner work achieved. (I personally use Quanta Freedom Healing on myself whenever a trigger comes on).
These are inevitable by-products of open hearted authenticity and being willing to meet Life as a self-partnered Being.
Number Nine – Live Free of the Need to Be Healed
When we are self-partnered, we unconditionally love ourselves warts and all. No longer are we the critical inner parent condemning ourselves to having to be a certain way to feel loved and worthy.
We recognise we are human and wounded and we love ourselves regardless.
We recognise that our wounds are sacred, and bless the fact that they do come up granting us the opportunity to become a New Self continuously.
We stop having the ridiculous expectation of having to be perfect, and striving to be perfect till healed. We simply settle into our lifestyle of upleveling, granting ourselves clemency and the divinity of knowing we are perfectly imperfect.
We are human and an evolving soul sorting out our stuff in divine ways and in perfect timing.
Any embraced wound is an expression of our Divinity. So much so, our lesson is to love and accept ourselves wounds and all right now.
That is when we transmute into Grace – because we are emulating EXACTLY the same love that all of Creation has for us – pure and unconditional.
That’s what Being a True Self really means.
Number Ten – Be Willing to Lose it All to Get it All
This is the biggie … this is where we tap into infinite power and set its power loose.
Many people may think this means “biting your nose off despite your face” … but it isn’t. That is an egoic knee jerk reaction born from stubbornness, fear and often vengeance.
What “being willing to lose it all to get it all” really means is this: you are so self-partnered that you are aligned in your values and truth and stay true to them.
And, you are willing to lose anything that is not.
I feel that I need to share an example here to help you understand this concept, because Number Ten is vital and I want you to have a really clear understanding of it.
Here is my example that is personal – someone dear to me in my life has a terminal habit of being late for everything.
I attend certain things with this person – and I stated to them “I’m not doing lateness and the anxiety that goes with that. I refuse to live like that. I’m just not doing it again. I’ll just drive myself it it happens again.”
And I meant it! I was willing to lose their companionship to certain events and take myself there … simple!
I was even willing to lose the relationship if this person decided to walk away because of a perceived criticism.
I just was not having this as my reality!
It was astounding how this person completely transformed and starting being organised and on time – despite every family member and previous associate saying it was a chronic issue no matter how much they nagged, pleaded or yelled. I had been warned!
This allows us to understand Quantum Law, so within, so without.
I was aligned with punctuality … and please understand I had NO need for this person to transform.
They would either step up or I was “in alignment regardless”.
When we are willing to lose it all to get it all – that is when we are aligned with Pure Consciousness and Creation, and we realise that we are the resource of our truth tapped into the Universal Storehouse of Creative Power.
We harness this power by choosing our truth and saying “No” to what isn’t. But it is important to realise this can’t be “faked”. If we agonise or stress, or default back, or think we should capitulate because we will “go without”, we are NOT in True Alignment … we are missing something.
We are missing that we still have trauma trapped in our Inner Being causing us to hand power away – and it is those traumas that need to be healed in order for us to Stand True.
It’s vital to understand we will get what we tolerate.
When something in a work sense, relationship or situation is not our soul truth and we stay with it out of poverty and limited consciousness, we are saying “this is me” and we are delivered more.
Yet, when we take the transformative stand of making choices in our outer world aligned with our inner world, NOT attached to outcomes and not needing to see the physical proof of what we want … we enter the magic of “the void”.
The void is WHERE it is at! Here we meet our maker, The Space of Pure Consciousness and Creation unravelling the match of our Inner Being choice.
Which means the thing we were struggling with and then decided, “Nope not having that!” has the space to transform up to your chosen Truth, or will clear out to make way for the superior replacement.
Self-partnering is not something we do logically through our limited mind – it is a way of life that we choose with our entire Being at an unlimited Soul and Heart level.
I truthfully don’t know any other way to be self-partnered other than to be inside ourselves meeting, feeling and totally being connected to our own emotions.
This may scare some people – as it used to terrify me – and the reason it terrifies us is because if we have significant trapped trauma inside us, meeting ourselves may feel like taking up residency in a war-torn country with missile, bullets and unsuspected landmines at every turn.
This is why releasing our trauma to be-come space and consciousness (liberty, peace, and inspiration) inside of us is essential to be self-partnered in joyous ways.
My true definition of self-partnering can be encapsulated in this one sentence …
Meeting and being with our inner wounds, to release our traumas and love and heal ourselves back to wholeness.
All else follows from there.
I look forward to the conversation that can come from this article, as well as experiencing so many more of us becoming a model of self-partnering in this Community and in our world!
Latest posts by Melanie Tonia Evans (see all)
- Emotional Blackmail – The Devastating Weapon A Narcissist Uses To Betray You - August 16, 2017
- Why Unconditional Love Is The Key To A Fulfilling And Joyful Life - August 11, 2017
- What To Do When A Narcissist Swiftly Replaces You And Flaunts Their New Supply - August 9, 2017