Melanie Tonia Evans

Empaths – How To Stop Being A Narcissist’s Snack

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 7
152
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

It is well known amongst Abuse Communities that people who are empaths can be very susceptible to being in relationships with narcissists.

It is also noted that spiritual people, caretakers, or individuals in human service industries … for some reason, seem to be high on the narcissist’s snack list.

Empaths are sensitive, caring souls who sense other people’s pain and try to make a difference.

Narcissists are self-absorbed, self-involved people who create pain for people while they make themselves the number one fixture.

It makes sense that these opposites would attract and that Empaths provide the perfect opportunity for narcissists to “take”. 

However, the information in this episode may turn upside down what you previously believed about the Empath / narcissist union.

(Just as this learning did for myself …)

 

It is my deepest wish that this episode will help everyone who has been taken in by a narcissist …. especially those who feel that they are sensitive Empaths.

After watching this episode, I’d love to hear what your thoughts about this issue!

Please leave your comments or questions in the comments section below this blog and I will do my best to respond personally.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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152 Thoughts on Empaths – How To Stop Being A Narcissist’s Snack
  • jhsbell1@gmail.com'
    Judi
    April 5, 2017

    Very helpful. I didn’t know this was so simple. I’m a nurse and an empath. I am learning how to be loving without being a doormat. For now minimal contact with narc sister is working well. Thank u MTE.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 5, 2017

      Hi Judi,

      I am so pleased this has helped!

      My pleasure!

      Mel xo

      • oldstonehomestead@gmail.com'
        Darcy Miller
        April 5, 2017

        This ‘snack’ webinar is one of the best in your thriver series. Perhaps it’s because I Implemented no contact and followed many of your lectures I love myself and finally recognize I have needs. My therapist of years ago said she never met anyone like myself who did not recognize personal needs. It would have benefited me greatly for her and other therapists to understand narcissism and in my case being brought up by a narcissist mom. Thank you.

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          April 6, 2017

          Hi Darcy,

          thank you!

          And you are so welcome!

          That is great that you are self-partnering now 🙂

          Mel xo

      • Becsr@live.co.uk'
        Becs
        April 6, 2017

        I met someone 2 mths ago and I’ve realised he’s narcissistic… I’m definitely an empath as I seem to end up in the same pattern each time

        How can I break the cycle?

        • Nubonewales@gmail.com'
          Nubone
          April 6, 2017

          Treat yourelf to a narp therapy package! I is a life saver. It allows you deep deep inside yourself. You give you the keys to free yourself totally from any and all abuse.

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          April 6, 2017

          Hi Becs,

          it is about going inside and shifting the core wounds that are causing you to hand power over.

          That is what the NARP Program does – directly reprograms that.

          http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

          Mel xo

    • CherylKeenan@comcast.com'
      Cheryl
      April 6, 2017

      This episode was particulariy enlightening. I am sooo an empath, this makes sense to me. I was married young and 7 years in my husband up and left myself and our baby son for another woman to fend to ourselves. Not only, at that time, did I lose the man I loved, but I was also petrified of being left on my own to raise our son. I was immobilized with fear, shame, guilt and thinking I wasn’t “good enough.” So on top of being an empath, I also had these deep abandoning wounds, the result, (2) narcissistic relationships to follow. I almost didn’t survive the last one, Melanie, I read your blogs and listen to your tapes and I want you to know that YOU are a big reason for my on-going path to healing. I finally realized that this last relationship happened to make me see what my inner wounds and that if I did not consciously start cling my life and healing them, I would be in line for more toxic and damaging relationships. I have made in through the rain, thank you, thank you, thank you. By the way that baby is 24 years old now and I raised a great man and we are both doing well.
      Cheryl

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        April 9, 2017

        Hi Cheryl,

        I am so pleased this episode helped.

        And how wonderful that you turned inwards to meet and heal the wounds and be free of the painful abuse pattern Cheryl!

        Big kudos to you 🙂

        I love hearing that you and your son are doing well – I believe there is something so special about our next generation when we heal from abuse. They are the new evolved way – absolutely!

        Much love to you.

        Mel xo

    • zoumalaforever@gmail.com'
      zozo
      April 8, 2017

      Melanie, this video explains it all. I have listened to hundreds of videos and due to my experiences this is the one i agree most with. Thank you

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        April 9, 2017

        Hi Zozo,

        thank you for your very lovely comment!

        And I am so pleased you enjoyed this video!

        Mel xo

  • joellekutcher@gmail.com'
    Joelle
    April 5, 2017

    This is so helpful to hear, I have learned so much from you and the NARP program and my growth feels Great! I also use these techniques with people who dont really fit into the narcissist profile but use empaths as targets for their own agenda. However, i find it hard to explain to people that I am no longer willing to enable them because they have no self awareness and don’t even understand the growth you have just acquired. I am sure that reflects a something about me but I have not identified what it could be. I want to stay humble and not sound like I am above it. Conflicted.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 5, 2017

      Hi Joelle,

      I am so pleased this resonated with you and you have done so much evolving through NARP …

      Hmmmm, I’m just trying to get a handle on what you are saying … It sounds like maybe you are feeling a charge when stating “I will no longer enable” … Is there an inner program of “fear of appearing superior”?

      If you go into the “conflicted” feeling and start shifting it with Module 1 or Goal Setting Module (Goal to resolve the conflict) then you will find and release the trauma and go to the next level.

      I hope that helps Joelle, and please know the NARP Forum is a wonderful resource with your NARP Membership to get in contact with Thrivers who can help clarify and guide you 24/7.

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      Bless 🙂

      Mel xo

      • joellekutcher@gmail.com'
        Joelle
        April 5, 2017

        OMG…..yes!!! I am afraid of appearing superior like the father/sister narcissists in my life. Vowed to never do/be the same. I will get to work.
        So grateful to your work and the sharing of your light/hard work to enrich others. Much love to you and family. Blessings,
        Joelle

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          April 6, 2017

          Hi Joelle,

          great that you relate.

          That’s your next reprogramming shift to do!

          Mel xo

  • Lisaphish@aol.com'
    Lisa
    April 5, 2017

    I have been using NARP for about a month and have noticed some positive changes – thank you! The videos and blog are very helpful. Thank you for your work, MTE!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 5, 2017

      Hi Lisa,

      I am so pleased NARP is helping you, it is amazing how we do start to shift into wellbeing when tackling it all at subconscious level!

      You are so welcome Lisa, and much love to you!

      Mel xo

  • Michelle.Mayer@freemanco.com'
    Michelle m
    April 5, 2017

    Wonderful perspective and so insightful. Much love to you for sharing your discoveries
    Michelle

  • saurabhpatna.ss@gmail.com'
    saurabh
    April 5, 2017

    This was a beautiful post Melanie! I am following your blog and you always tell the truth that sets us free. Any pain and trigger that rises in us is a part of us and instead of fixing other people or blaming them we should take the responsibility and heal ourselves. In fact this blog came at very right moment. My father is a very big narcissist. Now I am trying to move away from his house and he is tries all sorts of tantrums to be hooked and enmeshed with him. I thank you Melanie that now I am able to move out of my house, even my city ( I had big agoraphobia). My latest achievement is that I came to New Delhi ( 1000 km from my home town) and gave an interview in a very good university. I am a professor in Computer Science. I did very well. Most importantly I remained calm in the interview and kept loving and talking to my inner child. I knew he was becoming a bit fearful in giving interview. I love him and calmed him and said that this interview does not matter and I will always love you no matter what happens. I am very happy for my achievement. Melanie I give all the credit to you. I really thank you from my heart. You are my angel and God. When in difficulty I try to remember you.
    I narcissist father was very upset at my trying to leave him and he is applying all kind of hoovering techniques to stop me from moving out. I was triggered. But I blessed him and looked at my trigger and moduled at it yesterday night. I am feeling much better. Thank you for every thing Melanie. You are the most impressive person on this earth. Bless you!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 6, 2017

      Hi Saurabh,

      Thank you, and I am so pleased this resonated with you, and it is wonderful that instead of reacting or taking on more trauma that you are going inside to release yourself from it and evolve even higher.

      Big kudos and hugs to you Saurabh!

      Mel xo

  • jodicummings@bigpond.com'
    Jodi
    April 5, 2017

    Wow.. I so needed this right now. Thank you again Melanie. You are so inspiring.

  • Karinjeanne@gmail.com'
    Karin
    April 5, 2017

    Hi Melanie Thank you for your help. Can I ask you something. What if it hurts too much to see someone suffering. Even though I recognise him as.a narc. When he is pain it affects me terribly that it doesn’t matter how bad he has behaved towards me, his pain is all that matters at that moment. Please respond if you can. Thank you

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 6, 2017

      Hi Karin,

      You are very welcome 🙂

      This truly is about healing the parts of you that get hooked by this … and I promise you when you do, you will not take responsibility for his pain, you will be firmly anchored in taking responsibility for your own – which is the ONLY healthy way to live and be healthy for other people.

      The NARP Program is your solution to find and heal these wounds. http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

      That is what myself and the other Thrivers in this Community used to heal ourselves from the deadly hooks trapping us into narcissists.

      Mel xo

  • atherton.cait@gmail.com'
    Tina
    April 5, 2017

    Dear Melanie

    Your insights have helped me so much …

    5 years ago my lone-wolf of a brother brought a narcissist right into the heart of our lives. After her blatant love-bombing (he did try to get rid of her initially, but the hooks were in) he married her, they teamed up, and she’s in the process of trying to destroy our family – whilst he watches on. Everything from whispering toxic things like “are you lonely as a only child, I would be!” to my 11 year old daughter, digging around for every argument we siblings had ever had (including going back to distant childhood) then using the vaguest info to create rifts (clearly to alienate my brother for her own uses). The worst was getting my brother to tell my poor mum he had had a bad childhood (his childhood was fine, she was an energetic and devoted mother to us all). She has no boundaries whatsoever and tells our entire extended family in great (lying) detail that she has been treated badly, by me in particular. The list is long and awful. I had no idea that people could behave like this, I was very naive I know.

    What I want to say though is I am a moderate empath who is sensitive to other people’s pain (good) and feels obliged to help (I now realise not so good!) but possibly not entirely for the people-pleasing you mentioned. I think I am an empath because of early exposure to the Church. The “parent” that will shame and blame me is not my actual parents, but a childhood conception of “God”. This is why I stuck with the narcissist, tried to forgive her despite mounting evidence, tried to befriend her, heal her pain, felt awful about going No Contact even when it finally became apparent that she was really toxic … I thought “God” expected me to forgive her, help her, stick by her regardless of what she did. I felt I needed to do all this to be worthy of the love of God. She very nearly got me on my knees because of this conflict: half of me wanting to get away, half wanting to stick by her to help.

    I am surprised to admit all this. I have a 15+ year happy marriage, some great friends, professionally successful, plus am a spiritually active person (more Buddhist now). I don’t believe in an external God, know we are all aspects of Consciousness and really don’t need to be carrying this “Disappointed Divine Parent” around in my mind! I know that deep within all is well with me and I must take care of my own energy … but regardless, childhood patterns are hard to erase. I want to put it out there as I think others of your readers may relate.

    I think that this is the worst aspect of having a narcissist invade your life, they can destroy your feeling of basic goodness inside … before I met her I knew myself to be not perfect, but basically well-intentioned, then she projected all her horrible stuff onto me (terrible twisted accusations) and as I am open to evaluating myself from outside feedback, I allowed some of it in … plus I dread what she has told some very dear relatives … I sometimes struggle to feel “good” anymore. I have made a lot of progress (thanks to you) but every now and again a little voice says: “now you’d better forgive and forget … a good person doesn’t reject anyone.” I am back on my knees again, feeling conflicted. I totally accept that this is my challenge to overcome, even that it is already turning out to be a blessing in disguise as through it I can weed out spiritual misconceptions, but right now would love to hear your thoughts …

    Has conventional religion got it wrong and set us up to harbour narcissists???

    Thank you so much Melanie. For every person that writes, there are probably 10 or more that also see you as a soul-saver 🙂

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 6, 2017

      Hi Tina,

      I am so pleased I could help 🙂

      You speak of some of the issues that truly can come when we were taught to forgo the truth of what our inner being is screaming at us – “pain” – and self-avoid in order to try to grant someone else redemption or salvation.

      This defies all Quantum Law … because as the centre of the hologram that is our Life – of we don’t honour our soul truths (which speak to us as e-motion, and truly I believe is “God / Consciousness”) then we deny ourselves of divine connection, truth and innate wisdom and everything we do from that place can only be more of a reflection of that – which enables and fosters abuse. It does not heal it.

      If everyone showed up honouring God Consciousness within, then they would not stay to enable or tolerate abuse and they would do this, “The most loving thing I can do for you is bless and accept your journey no matter what it looks like and set you free to do it any way you wish. No longer do I need to have to try and fix you in order for me to feel better.”

      The true solution for all of us Tina? Realise that everything that is triggered within – no matter who brings it and how … is showing us the evidence of dense energy (toxic) that we can unpack from our Inner Being in order to be freed into Who We Really Are (God Consciousness) …

      And how heavy does the pain have to get before we do that?

      We can slice it and dice it a thousand ways Tina (the product of the mind trying to “work it all out”) but really we only have to release it out to get well …

      And there is no other way to truly do that.

      And when we do get well, we KNOW exactly what to do with the abusers in our Life.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

      • annakulpa@hotmail.com'
        Anna
        April 9, 2017

        I too have been through situations of being horribly abused, while believing I must love and accept them for who they are as they are God’s child too, and we are all brothers and sisters. I am now able to lay some boundaries, and getting better at knowing and expressing my own needs. I’ve got a long way to go still and can still descend into whining and crying and trying to get them to change. The programme and blog posts are tremendously helpful and encourage me to keep going! Thank you x

      • teresadexter44@gmail.com'
        Terri
        July 11, 2017

        Hi
        The Christian church teaches us to .”Love your neighbor AS YOURSELF..”……so it is presumed that we will love OURSELVES……. JESUS was well balanced and mentally healthy and encourages us to be the same. He did not suffer fools gladly and did not take nonsense from His followers…….I was not taught this as a child…. wrongly presuming that Jesus was meek and mild in all circumstances…now I know He wasn’t!!!
        Ministers have a big responsibility not to encourage us to be doormats…..

        What Melanie teaches is not a specific religion but is a balanced and healthy way to think and see life ……thank you Mel !!😁

  • mariyaa@hotmail.com'
    Aminath
    April 5, 2017

    Thank you Mel, Wow! I work in the field of human rights and yes I use to be that person who was focused on the external and since doing NARP, ES an the Family of Origin wounds I now operate from within. Whenever a trigger comes up I take it to the modules. Like you said I became more compassionate and I do not take on other people’s responsibilities. I am able to put boundaries without feeling guilty. Feeling safe in the world is something I am continue to work on but it has significantly improved. I hope many more will continue to join NARP and experience the benefits.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 6, 2017

      Hi Aminath,

      I love that you have turned in and now operate from that space.

      The work you do and who you are is sacred Aminath!

      And I am so thrilled you believe in the NARP journey – as I do – so much.

      Mel xo

  • annakulpa@hotmail.com'
    anna
    April 5, 2017

    This is very helpful thank you. I fall into the self pitying victim mode very easily. I feel bad when I realise how much effort I’ve been putting in to change and control him… It’s hard to release all the anger and shame at myself for being a life long door mat and martyr. I’m really trying with the NARP programme but not finding it easy. Your blog posts help a lot & maybe stop me from going into more harmful behaviour again.

    I think the shame is really about being the ‘nice’ one, but knowing I am seething underneath and, like you said, not giving from a good place. It’s hard to face up to a life time of doing this, and realising I caused and fed a lot of the conflict in our relationship. This is yet another pain to tackle!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 6, 2017

      Hi Anna,

      I am so pleased it helps!

      Please Anna come onto the NARP Forum http://www.melanietoniavenas.com/member and there we can coach you to break through whatever limiting beliefs are sabotaging your healing process – and then I promise you will be able to break through.

      It’s so so important – when we are entrenched in victimisation (I’ve been there too!) that we find and heal the beliefs underpinning that state – otherwise it can feel like trying to dig our way out from underneath an avalanche!

      Mel xo

      • annakulpa@hotmail.com'
        Anna
        April 9, 2017

        Thank you so much x

  • claytonruth@rocketmail.com'
    rose
    April 5, 2017

    This is painful right now. I am feeling in to the pain…finally reaching some deep toxic emotions. I am working hard to remain grounded in compassion and reality. The anger coming up is so big, angry because I thought I was doing my best to love, but my love was to get love….it was my mission to make someone love me, who couldn’t.

    I hope to find my way through to the other side of forgiveness, doing NARP is helping.

    me: if I love you you will love me back
    narc: if you love me, I will enjoy it, thank you. yum yum yum

    Frustration, escalation, reactivity, PLEASE PLEASE love me. Haven’t I been great to you? Am I not deserving? After all I have done for you? Enabled you, denied myself, etc….it was a perfect toxic cocktail. How I wish sometimes, that being out of the relationship would be enough. It is not. That is how I know, that it wasn’t just his problem.

    • claytonruth@rocketmail.com'
      rose
      April 6, 2017

      ahhhh I just got it, listening to evicting the narc…so it is ego that is angry? I get confused about going in to the body and experiencing the pain, shifting it out seems a real challenge.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 6, 2017

      Hi Rose,

      It really is so about realising you don’t need to be grounded in compassion and reality when you have deep trauma to release … don’t be too hard on your Inner Being – simply make it your mission – now – to help release her from that trauma.

      Then compassion and reality will come organically without the struggle – as it does when we have cleared enough of our wounds.

      You are so right – just getting out of the relationship is not enough.

      I hope this helps and sending you hugs and healing.

      Mel xo

  • colleen_murtha@yahoo.com'
    Colleen
    April 5, 2017

    Thank you. This wasn’t difficult to hear at all. I have always known that my inner child was wounded and that is why I am drawn to being the helper/fixer/pleaser. The NARP program has been helping me tremendously and it’s only been a week. I already feel a sense of safety within myself, knowing that if I am feeling upset about something I can go to a place within myself and allow the feelings to come forth without judging them and give myself compassion. That is a new experience for me and very empowering.

    I am going through a divorce and I’m not sure I would be able to have the strength to do so without the benefit of your ability to articulate your ideas so well. I finally realize how “normal” I really am. You describe my experience, thought processes and put into words my feelings with an accuracy that stuns me. With your help and my commitment the future looks much brighter. The truth has set me free and I’m barely out of the gate!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 6, 2017

      Hi Colleen,

      I am so pleased this wasn’t difficult to embrace 🙂

      That is wonderful NARP has been helping set you free … and I love that it has brought you home to self-partnering with you.

      Bless you and keep going Colleen, you are doing so well!

      Mel xo

  • karentrippier@btinternet.com'
    Karen
    April 5, 2017

    Hi Melanie

    This is only my second day of the email program having very recently been (as I now know from reading your information) “discarded” by the narcissist partner. The two lightbulb moments for me so far are:
    1. That my demise (if that were to happen) would only make him feel more powerful. So I’m determined that I can’t give him that too.
    2. Watching this made me realise that yes what I’ve done so often in my life is given the responsibility and power to others through my own fears of abandonment and rejection.

    This made so much sense to me.

    I hear you and others talk a lot about the NARP programme. Is this what I am doing through the emails or is it something separate I need to sign up to?

    You have given me so much insight already…..I want to make sure I capitalise on that and actually take action to make the changes in myself that I know I need to do.

    I am so glad I found you 😊
    Karen x

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 6, 2017

      Hi Karen,

      That is great you are a New Life member and getting my emails, and that they are helping 🙂

      Yes the NARP Program is the next step up – it is the healing Program that works directly on transforming your subconscious programs. It is how myself and other Thrivers in the Community healed our wounds (as you have been reading about on blog posts etc. ….)

      This is NARP here: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

      It is so great you are ready to take action and truly heal Karen 🙂

      Mel xo

  • colleen_murtha@yahoo.com'
    Colleen
    April 5, 2017

    P.S. Mel – is that you in the pic on the video?

    • shsmte@outlook.com'
      Sandra
      April 5, 2017

      I was just going to ask the same question 🙂

  • simone@boehning.net'
    Simone
    April 5, 2017

    Dear Melanie,

    thank you very much for your thriver episodes. Until now I didn’t know that I was an unhealed empath.
    I’ve been working with the NARP-program for two months now and I now realized that my childhood wounds can be triggered by other people. In my case, my (female) boss. Thanks to Narp I said NO for the first time in my life, when she wanted to change my working hours. What happened? She was mad at me. She didn’t greet me anymore. She doesn’t see me anymore. My believe systems got activated. I feel anxious and angry. I feel her negative energy and I keep telling myself that I should have said YES in order to be loved. I thought I had to endure it. But then the irritable bowel syndrome gives me a hard time. I’ve lost weight and have severe stomach cramps. You mentioned in your thriver episode that empaths always try to please others. I’m suffering physically because I wasn’t the “the good girl”. Thank you very much for NARP. It is the best you can do for yourself. I’m suffering but I’m also proud of myself.

    Many regards,
    Simone

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 6, 2017

      Hi Simone,

      I am so pleased this resonated with you.

      How wonderful you were able to say “No!” … and it truly now is about targeting those wounds and releasing them …
      and then all conditions and symptoms can go (because they don’t need to get your attention to heal … )

      You are so welcome regarding NARP … and I am so thrilled that you are proud of you …

      It means you are coming home to you Simone!

      Mel xo

  • winnie.ramsey@live.dk'
    Winnie Ramsey
    April 5, 2017

    Dear Melanie

    Brilliant, what a “lighthouse” you are – big thank you for your outstanding generosity sharing these valuable lessons with us.

    Big love
    Winnie

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 6, 2017

      Hi Winnie,

      you are so welcome and thank you for your lovely words.

      Big love to you Dear Lady!

      Mel xo

  • mibadoda@gmail.com'
    Miba
    April 5, 2017

    It is spot on.

    • mibadoda@gmail.com'
      Miba
      April 5, 2017

      HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH (phone) I just saw that

  • susanmwyer@gmail.com'
    sue
    April 5, 2017

    YEP MY EX NARC WORKS WITH UNI STUDENT I SO WANNA PROTECT THEM …BUT IM STILL A MESS AD DONT KNOW HOW I NEED TO DO MORE OF YOUR HEALINGS THEY R WORKING THANKYOU

  • williumarthur@hotmail.com'
    Richard
    April 5, 2017

    This was the best advice and video you have done for me ,it made me feel that I have passed the test of dealing with Narc ,,, l have counted the no of slightly mad women (narc) I have dealt with and escaped from in my 70 years
    But this last lady , only lasted 3 months ,when I say the crasy person ,I was in love with ,give her manyexpensive gifts,that were not appreciated ,and dealing with her want to do anything for herself ,yet complaining , I was as you mentioned ,brave enough to pack her bags ,give her money to survive ,and buy her a plane ticket back from whence she came ,so thank you for comfirming ,that I have passed the Test ,, But I still wish it could have been differant , However After countless Narc encounters , i have my Peace ,money and freedom ,
    You are doing a GREAT job ,and I pass on your site to other hurt people

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 6, 2017

      Hi Richard,

      I am so pleased it resonated with you … and that you were able to honour you 🙂

      Thank you for passing on my information!

      Mel xo

  • samantha.seager@outlook.com'
    Sam
    April 5, 2017

    Dear Mel,

    Thank you so much for your insights and wisdom and for sharing your knowledge and discoveries around this whole fascinating subject. I am almost through all my NARP modules and feel so excited and inspired for my life now… I see it is all a gift and if I can transmute this darkness, I can do anything and you have been the light guiding me through this period of intense growth.

    I have also recently met three women independently who have been in narcissistic relationships who I have recommended your work to who have been helped too… synchronicity!!!!!

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 6, 2017

      Hi Sam,

      you are very welcome …

      I love that you are breaking free into your True You … because when we do – it does feel “unlimited.”

      How wonderful Life connected you up with these women … I adore synchronicity.

      Bless and much love to you Sam.

      Mel xo

  • rturner331@sky.com'
    Rachel Turner
    April 5, 2017

    Thank you Melanie, you are an inspiration!

    “Só within, so without” – I have manifested so many amazing experiences by finally facing that there is no “out there”. My healing journey continues and your articles and TV shows continue to inspire me.

    Much love, Rachel xx

    By the way, did you know you have a bright aqua colour aura, almost turquoise, it was shining so brightly for me all around you during this episode 😁

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 6, 2017

      Hi Rachel,

      It’s my pleasure 🙂

      Oh gosh there is no “out there” … at all.

      Wow – so you see auras!

      I love that colour!

      Love to you Rachel,

      Mel xo

  • katie.bunting@btinternet.com'
    Katie
    April 5, 2017

    Amazing video and knowledge there Melanie. Honestly like a revelation for me to hear that. I know I have alot of work to do with myself. Thank you so much for all you do, you are helping me massively in my life right now 🙂

    Katie xx

  • nicopopliceanu@yahoo.com'
    Nicoleta
    April 5, 2017

    I recommended your website to two people, the both were abused in childhood and they said you are blaming the victim. I realised that they wont change and I stepped out. What a huge difference! In the past I used to try to fix everybody. Now I give them 3 chances and if they don’t want to heal, I’m out.Thank you for everything, Melanie!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 6, 2017

      Hi Nicoleta,

      yes … victimhood can perpetuate that belief.

      That is wonderful that you no longer take responsibility for “where people are at”.

      Bless!

      Mel xo

  • georginawhitehead@hotmail.com'
    georgina
    April 5, 2017

    Hi Melanie, thanks for above, in trying to sort out a only child upbringing with a mother whom guilt trips beyond measure and little contact since this year its been uphill struggle to make sense of it all. One day perhaps it will.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 6, 2017

      Hi Georgina,

      the real truth, I believe, is there is no logical sense in what happened to us … there are only subconscious reasons and wounds to release.

      THEN everything makes sense.

      Within trauma the thinking we have, can only match as painful thinking – we don’t have access to a Higher Consciousness to make “sense” (the true purpose) out of this. It is only when we free ourselves from the wounds that our consciousness raises to grant us access to that.

      When we heal within, the brain follows …

      I hope this helps grant you a model of what that “one day” looks like

      Mel xo

  • boudjebosma@hotmail.com'
    Boudewien Bosma
    April 5, 2017

    …Hi Melanie, your words sounds as if a guardian angel is around ….
    True words , honest and relieving more and more pain,
    Life’s a bitch sometimes, module 4 was my resque and then ‘shit happened’ :\
    only now I’m back on track finally getting to module 6 knowing each module has to be totally emptying what it stands for.
    and I still am doing so.

    Thank you for keeping up with me helping me and all who need so much time and effort and picking up the pieces ( ‘peaces ‘, hi hi ) again thrivers out here.

    much love,
    with respect,
    BB
    ( it’s hard though sometimes, releasing far more trauma then I ever thought was inside and still is more , I am aware of all of it ,,, and that …pffff , bye x )

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 6, 2017

      Hi BB,

      Thank you that is very sweet of you 🙂

      Oh yes … so true every Module in NARP is a deep empty out / re-programming of the core wounds … so needed to get truly free of our trauma.

      Love your play on word with “peaces” (how TRUE is that?!)

      Bye bye too – for now BB … as we are eternally “in this together”.

      Mel xo

  • nyerinct@gmail.com'
    Kevin Jones
    April 5, 2017

    Dear Melanie,

    Your recovery plan has really begun to transform my inner and outer life. Thank you for all that you have done and are doing to help us thrive. I have found a deeper peace and wholeness through this work than I have before. It is changing my inner life, my personal relationships, my work life, and my music-making. I have a far deeper sense of self and worth, and I am finding a calmness in myself that I have never before experienced. It’s amazing what can come up working with the modules! Wow. Thank you for your insights and teachings.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 6, 2017

      Hi Kevin,

      I am so pleased NARP has helped you so much.

      It’s my pleasure Kevin and how fabulous that you are working the Modules devotingly for yourself … and getting such benefit!

      Bless!

      Mel xo

  • aloovaree@yahoo.co.in'
    Jen
    April 5, 2017

    Hi Mel

    This was not difficult to hear at all. I had a growing sense of this truth over the last couple of years anyway. I had started to sense that while I am a soft and kind hearted empath who wants to help others, I also am hyper vigilant about the moods of those around me (thanks to CPTSD), and I automatically end up bending backwards to be ‘nice’ so I can be safe. It was very humbling and painful to realise this on my own a while ago, but I had zero trouble with listening to this video! The truth is the truth after all 🙂

    I liked the example of the Healed and The Unhealed Empath giving a speech, really made things clear for me. And I am a bit dismayed to realise that I am still an Unhealed Empath when it comes to performing in front of other people!!! While I have been working hard with myself and am healing from all my buried inner wounds, I STILL find myself petrified when I am asked to play music for even a couple of people, much less an entire audience – I freeze, panic, adrenalin makes my heart pound and I break out into a cold sweat within a few seconds. and I end up making awful mistakes and just sound plain terrible, often stalling midway and feeling horrified and humiliated when I see the seemingly judgemental and disappointed expressions in the eyes of those expecting to hear good music. It’s so bad that I live in fear of being asked to play for anyone; to refuse is considered rude and snooty and to not refuse means I end up losing more and more self confidence with each incident! I play quite well when I am by myself and I don’t sense expectant eyes boring into me (I’m sure others are just looking but I feel their gaze like a painful laser!). I havent moduled on this because I’ve been working on the big stuff around N abuse – but this video made me realise this might be an unhealed wound at work? I am already so much better at being centred within myself after my Inner work, so it puzzles me greatly that I have seen no improvement in the music playing in public. Any suggestions on how I can module on this, or how I can try to connect to myself? While I don’t want to be a music superstar or anything, I would really love to be able to give others joy through my playing live in front of them. (Whenever I play any previously recorded music clips for others, I am often told I play beautifully! It gives me great joy to give others happiness through my own playing so I would love to heal this!). I want to be the Healed Empath who becomes the passion of the music I play!

    Jen

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 6, 2017

      Hi Jen,

      That is great you could absorb this!

      Oh gosh yes Jen, I would totally prioritise going inwards and healing that wound!

      TOTALLY!

      Then it just won’t be there … also please know PTSD is trapped trauma that needs to be released / healed. You can target that directly too.

      And it is very important to not associate with PTSD … it is a label that is not the real deeper, wider truth (and please know I had shocking “PTSD”) .. what it is is this: “trauma generating symptoms that can be released.” But that doesn’t happen for people who hold onto the labels and associate with other people who have the label … meaning that there is only ongoing PTSD and trying to “manage” it.

      That is not Thriving.

      Bless and I hope this helps … and please know you are SO on your way … Humility is SO empowering!

      Mel xo

  • careymanuel1@icloud.com'
    Carey
    April 6, 2017

    Excellent insight. I came upon your website doing Narc research after being blindsided with a character assault by my highly recommended trauma therapist! I am learning all I can about Narcissism in order to be able to discard everything he said. He used all of my traumas that I shared with him to condemn me after I politely questioned some of his interpretations.

  • JohntheBaptist2nd@yahoo.com'
    John the Baptist the 2nd
    April 6, 2017

    Hi Melanie. I took such delight in listening to above presentation and your skilled presentation in presenting the harsh reality that an unhealed empath is, regardless of outward appearance to some others, in fact, basically concerned with self. I have found such souls in as much denial of this truth as would be the narcissist of the truth concerning him or her. As a healed empath, I have been the target of the anger and resentment that an unhealed empath is capable of directing towards any soul that dares to imply or educate an (unhealed) empath of the following fact being truth, that they are motivated by self-interest, not unlike the narc. Your mention of the two personality types appearing at times similar, is so ironically true. Thank you for taking such enjoyment in doing this most important and needed work in this arena of life on this planet.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 6, 2017

      Hi J the B the 2nd,

      I agree – and these were the hard facts that I had to face within myself … what was “cloaked” as givingness was actually a “give to get” …

      You are so welcome, and I am so blessed in doing what I do!

      Keep up the great realisations and work!

      Mel xo

  • vivryan7@gmail.com'
    Vivien ryan
    April 6, 2017

    Hi Mel thankyou so much for that inspiring video, can really relate to it, Ive come a long way in my healing , no contact just gets better and better, im so busy in life now doing lots of exciting things, i dont have time to think about the narrcissists, im so much stronger. Lots of love , please keep your videos coming .

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 6, 2017

      Hi Vivien,

      you are very welcome 🙂

      I will and keep healing and loving you and Life.

      Mel xo

  • mailmuralinaidu@gmail.com'
    Murali
    April 6, 2017

    Thank you Mel you are my Angel!!

    This is just incredible, i’m only half way through the video, but it’s like a smack on my head to wake me up wide, long story short: Attracting people in to my life who are always in struggle, and want to remain in their struggle also not ready to let their Ego go even though they are failing, lost some money helping them.
    About 6 months ago i started my First NARP Module, after few weeks i started repelling the above people, nothing wrong but just not in the same vibration, i’m still friends with few but the connection is terminated.now i see things more clearly, also started deleting negative people from my life as soon as i can,
    Few months ago i had a question for myself: how many people i know since past 10 years are Healthy-physically,emotionally and financially: Almost none.
    How many people i personally know whom i can consider my Mentors: literally none.
    The information in this video is exactly what i was searching for since long time.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 6, 2017

      Hi Murali,

      sweetheart you are so welcome 🙂

      How wonderful you are up-levelling your life from the inside out!

      I am so pleased this resonated with you.

      Bless 🙂

      Mel xo

  • lucyrunforjoy@gmail.com'
    Lucy
    April 6, 2017

    Thank you Melanie,
    That was such an articulate and clear post, delivered with grace and compassion. I have found your website and newsletter helpful and supportive. Without describing my backstory–it’s similar to almost every empath/narcissist story–I do have a question that comes up over and over for me, as I process a year of therapy, my unhealed parts, couples therapy, learning about copedendence and empaths and narcissism in original family and current relationships. It is clear to me that unhealed wounds are what get most empaths into toxic relationships and it is those very relationships which become our teachers, if we can embrace that lesson and grow. Years ago I read about the Imago theory of relationships. We are attracted to the person that is meant to show us our unhealed wounds, and by working through this, we reach a point of deep love in relationship. Can you possibly explain why it is important to leave a narcissistic partner in order to heal. Why is it so hard to get clear when you are enmeshed.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 6, 2017

      Hi Lucy,

      aww thank you for your lovely words!

      Lucy you have the dynamic of relationship 100% correct.

      It is necessary to leave a narcissistic relationship because this is not “evolving team play” … it is the ultimate lesson of “coming home to one’s self” – and establishing the CORE relationship that is necessary to then move on into evolving partnerships with others.

      Meaning people who WILL grow and develop beyond who they were being into Who They Truly Are.

      N’s don’t take that path.

      Truly our souls chose the N path after we were not anchored into self and were trying to get self from others …

      And if we are STILL trying to get an N to do Imago with us, it means that we are placing our wholeness as a reliance on another playing evolution with us. People will but it may not be THAT specific person, and people are going to be more inclined to when we have made the true commitment to our relationship with ourself.

      If there was ever a time we are getting show point blank someone is not going to evolve with us – it is when we are with an N- because the unconsciousness is totally front and centre.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

      • Lucyrunforjoy@gmail.com'
        Lucy
        April 8, 2017

        Melanie, Thank you for taking the time to respond. I appreciate your insight and understanding. With light, Lucy

  • eileen.white8@gmail.com'
    Eileen Olsen
    April 6, 2017

    As usual, your truthful instruction in this episode was incredibly helpful. Your direct delivery of truth is what we weak ones need to have the faith to move forward. You absolutely model the authentic, passionate (and GIFTED) deliverer you use as an example of someone showing up authentically in their own body. You are the true messenger I’ve needed, and your messages come to my box with just the RIGHT needful words and topics and just the right time. I’ve been rescued over and over by your sharing and caring.

    My former husband continually bombards me with messages. Even though he is blocked on all of my accounts and phones, some get through or are forwarded by family members. HORRIBLE. Your program has taught me how to keep my energy by not reacting, and certainly not replying…but I recently found out an alarming answer to my prayer to know where my present anxiety comes from. My narc admitted last month he has been doing energy work and sending a constant stream of negative energy to me. Even though he lives on the other side of the United States, he claims he can even enter my room energetically to destroy me (for going no-contact in 2013). I found that the principles and methods you teach can even block these efforts. But I wanted to make others aware that even the energy of narcs can reach you. So just being apart, if you are not healed, will not be enough protection. Healing is the answer. Plus I visualize a beautiful shield around myself whenever I feel his dark energy. This shield can deflect it and send it back…or even better, send it back transformed into light and love.

    As you and Heaven have taught me: Humble yourself enough to go into the burning building and view yourself as God does. Christ’s infinite atonement will carry off not only the wounds, but the grief over living such a self-destructive life. Enjoy every moment remaining to you in pure love, acceptance, forgiveness and encouragement (from Heaven and yourself) to enable you to reach our Home…where you can share success stories rather than “war” stories of defeated living.

    I love you and your work, Eileen

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 6, 2017

      Hi Eileen,

      I am so pleased this has helped, and I am so happy I can serve you in this way 🙂

      Please know psychic attack is very common with N’s – most do it at some level … even unconsciously.

      I promise you that if you take “that” – the psychic attack and track it through you body with NARP Module work you will release everything within you that is “allowing” that to hit and then it will be totally ineffectual against you.

      I love what you say about walking inwards to view it ALL with pure love … that is where the true power is to transform ourselves.

      Thank you Eileen for your enlightened post and love.

      Much love Mel xo

  • joy@pitmanbrighton.com'
    Joy
    April 6, 2017

    Oh my goodness this couldn’t have come at a better time. I am going no contact or low contact with my narcissist and he is doing everything you say he will do – he is charming and attempting everything to hook me back and yes a year ago this would have worked so so well on me and I would have been back in his clutches. This time its as though I can see right through his nonsense and all I do is look to myself and my feelings and emotions and ask myself does anything he says sit well in my gut and more often than not the answer is no. So I discard what he says as an emptiness as if he isn’t saying this to me (I work with him) He is doing everything to appear unconcerned and he keeps mega busy and he has just employed a female that he only sacked last year just to make me feel jealous. I have no feelings – they are gone, he has no power and its great. I go home and he has no effect on me at all. But I assume he will battle on until he thinks I will change. But my realisation of how so wrong I was in the past of being taken in by this narcissists only fills me with shame and just reminds me of how I need to keep working on my inner self and partner back to me. It is a humble experience but its a great de-tox! Than you Melanie, after watching all your videos, you probably saved my life! All my life I have suffered from these people, my mother was the worst narcissist ever.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 6, 2017

      Hi Joy,

      That is great this is timely for you …

      That is so wonderful that you are taking your power back and self-partnering … and so, so important to release the shame as well as all other feelings that are painful.

      I am so happy for you that you are on your way!

      Mel xo

  • mbyggdin@shaw.ca'
    marie byggdin
    April 6, 2017

    Melanie, I am sorry that you had to endure all this abuse to leave this incredible legacy. NOW, you are helping so many ppl as a cause. I too have suffered, but like you, I had to go deep inside and look at my part.
    I just rid myself of another abusive relationship, but my heart was intact and calm. It did not hurt. JUST A FACT.
    I still have some work to do. I seem to still present as a snack. I am very aware now.
    THANK YOU. YOUR WORK INSPIRES ME.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 7, 2017

      Hi Marie,

      Thank you, the truth is it was such a personal blessing as well, because I would never have got free from my trauma and negative programming if N-abuse had not happened FOR me!

      How wonderful you are getting in you power Marie.

      Bless you and thank you for your lovely post.

      Mel xo

  • doriadenning@hotmail.com'
    donna
    April 6, 2017

    Hi, Melanie, what are your thoughts about narcissistic friends? I lost two long-term friendships a year ago. One woman blew up at me in a state of fury when I declined to post a Yelp review for her ex-boyfriend from 20 years ago, someone I don’t even know. She called me a bitch and hasn’t been in touch for a year. We used to walk every morning and discuss our personal lives in detail. I’d always been very supportive, but noticed that if I challenged her on her point of view, it would set her off. This wasn’t the first time she blew up at me. I would be the one to reach out after a blow up. The second friend literally wrote me off during a weekend stay at her home. She had stayed at my home many times and vice versa. I was in town to attend a conference and informed her in advance that I wouldn’t have a lot of time to spend with her. I returned to her home the third day of the conference and found a note telling me that she was done with our friendship because I hadn’t devoted enough time to her and was obviously using her home as a hotel. Mind you, we had plans that evening to go out to dinner so I could spend time with her and thank her by paying for dinner. Prior to this, we had never had a conflict. She went so far as to move out until I left. Despite several attempts to speak with her to resolve the misunderstanding, she has never responded. Both of these experiences left me stunned. They happened on the same weekend. I can only explain their erratic, dismissive and dramatic behavior as a form of narcissism. Yet, how do I process the loss of these two long-term “friendships”? I bonded with them and trusted them and I’m having a hard time understanding how they could reject me as they did. I’d appreciate your thoughts. Thank you.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 7, 2017

      Hi Donna,

      I am so sorry that you are still carrying the trauma for that.

      My whole take on ANY narcissist in our Life is that what they are triggering within us is a gift. Meaning that “the purpose” of N’s in our Life and what they do is to bring up for us the parts of ourselves that we need to heal.

      This is why when we try to resolve and work out “them” there is no relief … because the true purpose of this was to help us heal origin wounds that we have never healed before.

      The “message” needs to come from people who are significant to us, and (in the case of N’s) needs to be something we just can’t “shake off” so that we have to turn inwards to resolve it.

      Donna it really is about who earlier in your life, when you were little (which is when our subconscious programming happens to us) betrayed, dismissed or emotionally abandoned you? Who hurt you by not being there for you? And truly dear lady when you track that back though you and heal those original traumas, you will discover all pain regarding these two previous friends will be GONE.

      Completely I promise you.

      And then, what is wonderful is that you don’t have to go through a similar experience for your Inner Being to try to get your attention “Please come heal me” again.

      I hope this helps you in regard to the true resolution and solution.

      Mel xo

      • doriadenning@hotmail.com'
        Donna
        April 8, 2017

        Melanie, thank you so much for answering my questions and for your words of wisdom. The work you do is invaluable and I am very grateful that you are in the world. Truly, God bless you!

        Donna

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          April 9, 2017

          Donna,

          it’s my absolute pleasure and thank you for your gorgeous words Dear Lady! 🙂

          Mel xo

  • patricialang3@gmail.com'
    Pat
    April 6, 2017

    Thank you Melanie, I am learning a lot about myself and my reaction to them. I am grateful for the resources and knowledge and that my eyes are wide open. Thanks for your assistance in my healing.
    Blessing to you.

  • Romeojo555@gmail.com'
    Josephine Romeo
    April 6, 2017

    Thank you so much. Im out from under the narc spell, which was really my own wounds manifested for almost 18 months now. (20 year union)The discovery of how I see myself now as compared to then, it is a totally different person. The narc or ANY narc would just not awaken anything in me anymore. I wouldn’t stay and see where it all goes, when a boundary is broken i just see the writing on the wall and walk whereas i used to negotiate with narcs. And usually end up forgiving them before i forgave myself, destryong myself for them in their honor. What a mess!!!
    I wouldn’t have ever gotten to this place of clarity and understanding without you Melanie. Thank you for all your videos, blogs and work. Your insight is worth peoples lives being saved. One by one. Thank you so much.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 7, 2017

      Hi Josephine,

      I’ts my pleasure 🙂

      Oh gosh you have termed this perfectly what we used to do – SO true!!!

      I am so happy for you Josephine and thank you for your beautiful comments!

      Mel xo

  • anna_elina@luukku.com'
    Julia
    April 6, 2017

    My relationship with N ended in january. It’s hard when a relationship ends, even more hard when it ends rudely and without “clousure”, when I sincerely believed this would be “The One”. But I’m zillion times better now, especially thanks to your 16 email series! <3

    Sometimes I find myself missing "the good old times", little bit sad nostalgia, but then I just say to myself something like "I know I know"…It's amazing how a feeling disappears, when I just let it be, do not not resist (and do not react!).
    I have this silly feeling/question. I know we should focus inwards, but I feel I've done too much of this self improvement….or tried to do. You know this feeling, not seeing the forest, because there are so many trees.
    Could it be, that "self improvement" in itself can become an unhealthy obsession? 🙁 Something really "annoys" me, because I still don't "get it", all this talk that we should be the source for ourselves, give all the love, support, safety etc. myself to me, so that I don't need anything or anyone outside. Sounds good to me, but I don't know how to do that!
    But it is just so…if I'm for example with my sister, I feel so much more energetic, happier and better. I love to have lunch with friends, surely I can do it alone too, but it is just so much nicer with friends! I love riding; how would that feel if I'd go to a stable, which would be empty, no horses and people there…not happy at all. Of course many "external" things make me happy, like my dog, friends, new clothes…we wouldn't even survive without many external things and people (doctors etc.)! And of course I need a man to fully express my femeninity/sexuality…I do not feel "sexy" at all, if I'm always alone, watching tv alone at home 🙁 I don't understand how to get safety from inside…of course for example I feel safer at home, when I have my dog with me, good neighbours etc. it's common sense…
    I mean, all of this…isn't this just normal, living the life…and not being some sort of "co-depedant"? And all this talk about "self abandoning"…sometimes for example at work, I'm very inspired about some project and really immerse into it and forget "all about me", you know a wonderful flow-feeling. Even if I was badly treated by the N, do I really have to somehow connect with the inner child all the time? I want to heal the wounds, but I also just want to live the life!! What's wrong with that? 🙂 I think I have understood something incompletely, and this all gives me anxiety.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 7, 2017

      Hi Julia,

      I am so pleased my email series is helping you!

      I can understand that feeling … at times in my journey – to be totally frank I questioned that myself.

      However … when I simply focused on clearing out toxic trauma and replacing it with wellbeing (the QFH process) I got well in ways that were so real and true .. and I know there is no way NOT doing that would produce this result.

      Regarding being a Source to yourself, when we are trauma free that JUST happens. We just ARE that.

      It is not a “doing”, it becomes an organic “being”. But we are not to know that when we are still clogged up with inner trauma.

      The thing about releasing our trauma for real (QFH in NARP) Julia is that it gets less and less and less, which means several things – eventually we barely have to do ANY work on ourselves because we just ARE wellbeing in our cells. I love an up-levelling opportunity (being hit with a painful trigger) but it now would be about once a fortnight I get anything at all to trigger me … at the beginning of course I had tons of trauma trapped inside to offload … (which I had been trying to work on cognitively to no avail previously for over 2 decades) …

      Also, as a HUGE bonus we are certainly not suffering the effects of trying to manage our wounds that are forever trapped inside us.

      (That is exhausting and confusing! It’s like chasing our tail!).

      When we become trauma free (enough) we just are with ourselves .. as a natural state, trusting, backing, feeling solid and safe and that equals “joy”. IT is not something we have to try to do – it just IS.

      It’s actually our natural state of Being that we have all been trained out of by not being able to release the trauma and having to find ways to self-medicate from the outside.

      I hope this helps!

      The simple thing is grasping that releasing our trauma is possible not “the work” we were doing on ourselves previously … it certainly was not how I used to try to heal and develop – and it wasn’t for so many of the Thrivers enjoying the benefits now in this Community.

      Bless you and holding the belief that you will come home to your True You!

      Mel xo

      • anna_elina@luukku.com'
        Julia
        April 7, 2017

        Hi Melanie,
        Thank you for the answer, I appreciate it!!
        After the N-mess, my head is not very clear…it is difficult to know what is real or normal anymore.
        I feel anxiety reading co-dependancy articles, I mean, isn’t it totally normal that we NEED other people and are meant to co-exist with them, and that others do have a great impact to our well-being?
        To joke now a little bit, if we could ask people on their death bed what was the most important thing for them, probably all would say, “family, friends and loved ones”, maybe no-one would say “the time I spent alone meditating and doing self-improvement”.
        (By the way, I worked in zoo and people almost always wanted to feed the animals, I used to wonder why. I think it is, people don’t want to just observe things but to also feel CONNECTION! :)).
        I think I still don’t understand that how to be the source of love. Sometimes I feel if I still will hear someone talking about this “love yourself” stuff I want to scream! 😀 I mean, right now right here in this moment, do I love myself or not…actually I don’t even know!!
        Like, “be the source of love and then you will attract real love”. This sounds good in theory but it frustrates me as I can’t feel/understand it 🙁
        You say that only information does not heal/create transformation. But “just” reading the emails and articles and get this logical understanding has helped me tremendously! (thanks!!) For example, I have no urge to contact or connect with him at all anymore. And I used to be extremly obsessed about it, so this is remarkable!! If I ever find myself missing him or wanting to send a message…I visualize myself talking to a cactus. Really, this helps! 🙂 Because this is just how much love, understanding and real connection I will get from him…none. And touching or going too near a cactus..surely will hurt me.
        It is painful to talk this way. I sincerely loved him and was disappointed I never got the chance to live together with him (I have actually never before lived together with a boyfriend). But I can see now, it is better it ended before it all got much worse..because he is what he is. Maybe I still love him a little bit, maybe always. But what I have also realised, only love is not enough, a relationship needs more than that. For example that the other person actually has the capacity and “stamina”, and a healthy motive to share the life with other person. He can’t and yes, it was hard for me to swallow this fact!

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          April 9, 2017

          Hi Julia,

          absolutely we are supposed to co-exist and the really wonderful thing is when we are so much more trauma free in our Inner Being we “do” relationship so much healthier with other people who also have the capacity to be healthy.

          The healing hiatus is somewhat about being “alone” (which is very different to “loneliness” – I believe it is about a few key safe people in our life, not doing romantic relationship for a while (relationship fast) and focusing on releasing the trauma that hurts.

          To give you a comparison – in previous relationship I was giving to get, anxious if someone else’s energy felt “off” was never able to be honest and show up truthfully about what I needed or if something wasn’t okay with me. I was not doing healthy boundaries (so important in every relationship to “train” people what is or isn’t our truth – TRULY!) and was allowing more and more violations of my boundaries because I was a wounded little girl inside terrified of criticism, rejection, abandonment or punishment

          How was healthy relationship possible from this place?

          It wasn’t!

          How was someone going to come into my life and magically fix it for me?

          They couldn’t.

          Now in my loving, healthy intimate relationship I can show up, have the difficult conversations when necessary and ask for what I need, because I am with a man who reflects back to me “unconditional love” (because I met and embraced myself to heal my inner wounds) and of course we have things we have had to confront and grow within the relationship – but this time I am in a relationship of pure honesty, vulnerability and the willingness to do whatever it takes to grow and heal together.

          That is in stark contrast to the previous needy co-dependent wounded pattern I allows played out in intimate relationship.

          There are many people Julia who have died on their death bed totally regretful that they never experienced healthy relationship at the level they wanted to.

          Also “self-development”in the contemporary sense and “meditation” is not directly releasing our wounds and replacing them with wellbeing (the QFH process) I tried all of that to no avail for decades before now.

          Julia, when we have had people not capable of healthy relationship with us, and we are still in pain about that (so many of us have been there) the real truth is we are not as yet in healthy relationship wth ourselves … because when we get there (and which is ONLY about releasing trauma, not crazy amounts of PD / meditation that get us nowhere – TRULY!) then we have no feelings of “love” for these people.

          They are not a match.

          I understand you confusion – it is perfectly understandable and I hope the above helps.

          Mel xo

          • anna_elina@luukku.com'
            Julia
            April 10, 2017

            I really thought about this…why should we so much hurry to “let go” of this person (from my mind) and hurry to “un-love” him? What I mean with love re. this person…It is sort of divine, cosmic love…not (anymore) romantic love or that I would like to continue relationship with him, nope.
            He used to say, “you have a very big” heart, and of all the fake things and lies he said…this one actually is one of the truths that ever came from his mouth!
            I can accept he is “this way” (mentally ill), but of course I do not approve it, and of course I do not pursue a relationship with him anymore. But I can’t never deny or “un-do” that this person will always form a crucial part of my history, my life. I used to pray God that I would become a better person and finally find “the one”, instead I found the N. Because of him, I have learned so much about myself, relationships, healed my past. N is of course a excellent “actor”…but somehow, he has been a crucial phase in this my “love journey”…and somehow, in a beautiful way therefore our relationship was something very real, in a raw, beautiful way, meeting him feels like a divine intervention, because now because of him I know where I still need to grow and heal myself, to be able to love and receive love even more. I read this beautiful quote somewhere from internet: “Nothing is gained, nothing is lost, everything remains. Nothing is one-sided, everything contains its opposite. All is energy. All is love.”
            I have no obsession about him, I do not want to communicate with him, I do not any really any “big feelings” or reactions towards him at all anymore. But somehow, what I have learned in this my “spiritual journey”, this is something to explain with words, but love really is the strongest force in the universe…yeah, am I nowadays in peace with everything re. him.

  • catherinekaar@talktalk.net'
    catherine
    April 6, 2017

    hi, I joined Narp a few years ago and did the moduals but unfortunately I remain stuck and drifted away but your last thriver tv about Empaths has had a major effect on me and broke me out of my disassociation – because it is so true. Could you please talk about this more as I need to digest this before I can accept and deal with it without more shame and self-hate.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 7, 2017

      Hi Catherine,

      I am so pleased this resonated with you.

      Catherine a profound truth is this – the mind insatiably wants proof … yet we never get it that way. The only way we get well is to release what ails us regarding negative emotion out of our Inner Being – which is exactly the NARP Module process.

      I can’t shift your inner traumas and painful beliefs – only you can.

      Mel xo

  • det_nagels@hotmail.com'
    Caitlin
    April 6, 2017

    Hi Melanie,
    Today A friend noticed that I seemed so strong, not devastated, although I broke up with my narc partner only 6 weeks ago, and I realised it’s because of the work I’ve been doing om myself with narp, and the insight your blog gave me. Only 2 weeks ago I still felt terorised whenever my ex tried to contact me. Today she found once again a way to do so, and my reaction was ‘ whatever’…
    I tried to do module 1 several times, and iT felt difficult to do so, so I thought iT wouldn’t make a difference, but today I realised it already does!
    Sometimes I still cry a lot because I feel sad, but Now I understand how my ex partner is functioning, and that I’m sad because I long for the cosiness of a relation, and not because it’s her that I’m missing…
    And I’m srtarting to organise my life, found someone to help me with practical things, and finally accept help instead of trying to do everything onmy own.
    So I’m motivated to continue with narp, and start finally to love myself.
    I’m so glad I found you in internet!
    Know there’s still a long way to go, but so glad I found that way!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 7, 2017

      Hi Caitlin,

      I am so happy that the NARP Program has been moving you through so quickly. It is amazing what happens when we do the releasing with the Modules!

      It is so about this formula “Don’t think about it – SHIFT it instead” and then you will just get better and better Caitlin, as those deep inner traumas get released up and out – for good.

      You truly ARE on your way sweetheart – keep going and NARPing on … any emotion that comes up as painful for you, and before you know it Life inwards and outwards will transform beyond recognition.

      Mel xo

  • anapvela@yahoo.com'
    Ane
    April 6, 2017

    Please do one on how to recover from an adrenal malfunction. I know you went through this as well. I am doing the modules, healthy diet, and I can’t seem to shake it off. Please shed some light on this topic. Thanks Melanie. God bless you!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 7, 2017

      Hi Ane,

      I may well do a Thriver Show on recovery from physical and nervous system disorders.

      The short answer for right now – is the true answer …

      Ane all you need to do is put into Module 1 or Goal Setting Module all the resistance (trauma) of the adrenal malfunction and you will get down to real reasons why adrenal malfunction is in your reality.

      Then, once released, you will reset back to wellbeing and it won’t exist.

      That is exactly how I healed my nervous system disorders … all of them.

      Mel xo

  • chris.whittaker2@btinternet.com'
    Chris
    April 6, 2017

    It would be great to recover from Narcissistic abuse from my Mother and then from a Housemate, but it wouldn,t turn the clock back to when I was young and ambitious, this ambition at the time was taken away from me by the abuse so I have been in dead end jobs ever since, is it worth buying into the course in these circumstances ?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 7, 2017

      Hi Chris,

      yes it is.

      There have been so many people in this Community who suffered also sorts of limitation and abuse and unlocked their Highest Potential regardless.

      You Inner Being is not limited – it is only our existing trauma that makes us so.

      Once that is gone, life transforms beyond recognition regardless of our past.

      Mel xo

  • mak4trips@yahoo.com'
    Marina
    April 6, 2017

    Brilliant as always! Seeing caretaking as a symptom of unresolved inner trauma, waking up to the need and necessity to attend to your own inner child instead of fixing your environment for safety. We are the only source of our safety and well being. Greatly appreciate you naming unhealed empath’s behavior as toxic. We need to be able to see the truth in order to heal. I bow to your commitment, clarity and compassion, Melanie!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 7, 2017

      Hi Marina,

      thank you and that is wonderful that it clarified empowering truths for you.

      Bless you Dear Lady, and thank you for your beautiful post.

      Mel xo

  • sharabb99@hotmail.com'
    Healingpath
    April 6, 2017

    Hi Melanie

    Thank you so much for your video as could relate to this topic so much as being an empath of many life experiences to being a fixer and rescuer for approval from the Narcs to feel safe since childhood it has being a great opportunity to do the inner work with the NARP programme as the breakthroughs have brought so much emotional awareness. It will be so great to reach the complete solid ground as still have the feelings of crisis consciousness and will keep doing the inner work with the modules.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 7, 2017

      Hi Healingpath,

      its my pleasure … and I love that you have been experiencing breakthrough. Remember to be literal with your NARP work – target the crisis consciousness directly, and also know that if you require any coaching or guidance that Senior NARPers and myself are there to help guide you in the Forum.

      Narp on HP!

      Mel xo

  • katwoman0318@gmail.com'
    Kathleen Reynolds
    April 6, 2017

    Melanie,
    Thank you so much for your articles and videos, they have been so helpful to me; the “snack” video today made sense to me, because,my whole life i have gone out of my way with my family and friends, feeling like i have to go overboard to gain approval, and i am not sure why, i came from a very loving home with 3 siblings, i am in the middle. However, my father died in 2010, and i had an awful experience with my siblings “triangulating” against me, why i am not sure, but it was very traumatic, on top if losing my dear, sweet father. I still feel the,need to please people to get approval, when sometimes they don’t exert as much energy into me, and lately i am getting a little angry about it, ready to distance myself, but it is my family. I am getting ready to divorce my Narcissstic, addictive husband, and i am seeing a therapist, but how do i stop feeling like,i always have to go overboard, then when i don’t receive the same thing, i am disappointed. I am almost to a point where i want to separate myself for a while and do things i want to do that i have been missing during my relationship with the Narcissist. Any suggestions?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 7, 2017

      Hi Kathleen,

      you are very welcome and I am so pleased this episode spoke to you.

      Kathleen I am such an advocate for doing the inner work on our traumas in our subconscious – because I know from my own history and having worked with thousands of people over the last decade, that when we have deep trauma programs within us – we can’t “think” our way out of the trauma.

      I certainly couldn’t and most mere mortals can’t. This is the problem with cognitive therapy – we can learn all about “where” the trauma came from but it stays trapped within us, generating pain, confusion and repeat patterns no matter how much we dissect it!

      When we release the trauma cellularly we just become well. That is the truth.

      Thats why I don’t suggest recovery anyway other than the NARP Program – because working on the subconscious directly is how I see people get truly well.

      Mel xo

  • clarkch5@hotmail.com'
    Resilient
    April 6, 2017

    Wow Melanie, another great video with brilliant connections! I never considered the notion that empaths behave in toxic ways when enmeshed with narcs. Definitely food for thought. Embarking on relationship with narc felt like “God’s work” for me initially, I felt that I could be the person to show narc enough love to move him beyond his issues. Now I’m seeing it was “God’s work,” but for me and not the narc.

    New and/or brighter light bulbs when I see your videos! Thank you thank you!!!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 7, 2017

      Hi Resilient,

      OH yes it is God’s work for us!

      Love that you have connected in to that now!

      Mel xo

  • Faeone@hotmail.co.nz'
    Kate
    April 6, 2017

    Melanie this was one of the best episodes I have seen, it really helped me get stuck back into healing. Really resonated with all of it
    Thank you again!
    Kate

  • Jimberquist@yahoo.com'
    Jim Berquist
    April 7, 2017

    Oh my goodness, Melanie is right on!! I bought Her NARP program months ago and started using it, then this fall life got crazy and backed off, and finally around Christmas finalized the divorce, my X is a narciciss and had at least one affair on me that I know of. I did not go no contact until recently when I realized there is no way I can get healthy if I am dealing with her at all. I have 4 kids with her so I realize I need extreme limited contact. Hired a lawyer last week who will be the designated parent coordinator as requested by me and ordered by the court, so I am beginning the process of no contact. I am a Christian, and Melanie’s principles are completely biblical. We can’t be doormats for people, we have to do everything we can to be our best, even if it means we come across as selfish, and only when we do that are we capable of helping others in a healthy manner. I have been focusing on this principle the last 3 months, and I can honestly say by doing this, I have had more heart felt conversations with complete strangers, met more new good friends, and feel more loving and generous to all in the process. I still have a ways to go, but I know I am on right track.

    • Jimberquist@yahoo.com'
      Jim Berquist
      April 7, 2017

      Dam, forgot to mention I will be starting her program back up and finishing it to completion.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 7, 2017

      Hi Jim,

      thank you or your lovely post, and I love that Christians (some of which are my dear friends) and spiritualists can come from Love / God essence together.

      This always makes my heart sing!

      Fabulous you are doing the work and yielding the results of NARP, and experiencing lovely consciousness and relief along the way.

      Bless you Dear Man!

      Mel xo

  • trudyt6@bellsouth.net'
    Trudy
    April 7, 2017

    I am sitting in front of my computer crying. I am so grateful that you decided to help people that are stuck in their nightmare. And it is a nightmare. I am 62 years old and wasted 7 years on a person. Take Take Take is all he did and made me feel guilty for everything. He lived in my home, took money and never llistened to my thoughts about me being unhappy in the relationship as it was. My thoughts were constantly on him and what he was doing. He did things to make me feel like I was going insane (I won’t go into that.. it is too long of a story). I would get him to leave my home (finally) and the harassment and guilt he laid upon me let him come back… for a week… I would say, but he never left. He beat me sometimes and said it was my fault because I made him mad. Three times total. But when he did it, the third time, I was very sick from the stress of the whole thing. So sick I could barely stand. He hit me then and that was it. I had him locked up. Now he is out of prison and telling me that I did wrong buy calling the police because he had a parole violation and I knew they would put him in prison. He is after me again. I know he is lying to me behind his sweet treatment. I can’t take another round of this. The stress almost killed me the first time. I can’t do this again…. I can’t. I am not strong right now. Other bad things have happened. I feel like I am on the ledge of a cliff. Thank you so much for your understanding. Nobody else does. They ask how in the world I let this happen to me and think that all I have to do is tell him to stay away. I have done that many times, but he knows what he is doing and is good at it. Thanks for listening.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 7, 2017

      Hi Trudy,

      I am wishing you big hugs and healing – and please know it is never too late to connect to and commit to your Inner Being.

      There are ladies in this Community who have been in there 70s who as a result of dedicating efforts to their healing are now living amazing lives.

      Sending you angels Trudy … bless you Dear Lady.

      Mel xo

      • trudyt6@bellsouth.net'
        Trudy
        April 9, 2017

        Bless you and thank you.

  • Lduress@yahoo.com'
    Lisa Duress
    April 8, 2017

    Love this/! I have not the words to describe/, as a new NARPER, how this information iis my now eye of tiger/!

  • jennysherrell@gmail.com'
    Jenny
    April 8, 2017

    I can’t tell you how glad I am to hear this message in your video. I am fully aware that I’d become just as toxic as my partner, the narcissist, and that I no longer knew who was which. Listening to videos on how bad the narcissist’s behaviour is etc made me feel guilty not better. I was starting to feel stuck and confused when your video came along. Thank you for continuing to put your energy into this situation. The truth really does set us free. Again, thank you so very much, Jenny

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 9, 2017

      Hi Jenny,

      you are so welcome and I am so pleased you are getting clarity and empowerment from this video!

      Mel xo

  • Paintedlaughter@yahoo.com'
    Nicole
    April 9, 2017

    You are spot on. One of the biggest eye openers after my toxic relationship was realizing that I was attracting narcissists because I was raised by narcissists. This realization changed me in so many ways, but most notable is that it helped me start setting better boundaries with my parents and as a result, those relationships started to improve. That’s why meeting the narcissists felt like “coming home”… because in an energetic sense, I was doing exactly that.

    One thing I would love you to cover is how to do “no contact” when I’m still psychically connected to my ex. I haven’t talked to my ex in a year….but I still FEEL him multiple times a day. I’ve tried shielding and “turning down the volume” on his energy, but nothing works longterm. I feel his nervousness, his sadness, his horny thoughts, etc. I’m tired of being an unconscious puppet to his energy and moods.

    • Paintedlaughter@yahoo.com'
      Nicole
      April 9, 2017

      Also, how do you heal those deep childhood wounds…those fears of being rejected, hurt, and abandoned by the people you love and trust?

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        April 9, 2017

        Your second question Nicole,

        the same way – NARP.

        That’s how the Thrivers and myself in this Community all did it.

        Mel xo

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 9, 2017

      Hi Nicole,

      Thank you! The truth certainly does help empower us, and that is wonderful that you have been creating boundaries wth your Family of Origin.

      I will be doing a video about the psychic enmeshment wth a narcissist soon … and please know what you work with the NARP Program http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp you clean out all the hooks that were keep you connected in every way – including psychically.

      It is the complete answer for that.

      Mel xo

  • radmosaic@gmail.com'
    Rebecca
    April 9, 2017

    Hi Melanie, I am so thankful I found your website and videos, came across them today for the first time! It was meant to be! I have learned so much , you have a way of explaining the patterns that puts the pieces together. Being 1 year away from the narcissistic man I lived with ( I was not even in love with! but felt trapped …) and now less than 1 month of no contact, I was still beating up on myself with the why did I get involved/stay so long etc etc… This video helped me be more gentle with myself and see that I was enacting ingrained patterns, I now see the time with that person was all for a purpose. To show me I am ready to release myself from the unconscious prison I have been in. Being ” trapped” with that man was really just a symbol of the way I have ” trapped” myself in these patterns whilst neglecting my own self.
    Thank you again! Your sparkling self shines through and I can tell you really care about all of us.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 10, 2017

      Hi Rebecca,

      That is wonderful that the truth has become clear for you!

      Thank you for your lovely words, and I wish you incredible healing Rebecca.

      And please know you are so welcome 🙂

      Mel xo

  • Mittys2@live.com'
    Michele
    April 10, 2017

    Hi Melani, I really enjoyed the video on the narcissist and the empath. I am an INFJ Empath. I feel other people’s pain and emotions really deeply, and am very intuitive. I am a wounded empath, due to a number of things that happened in my childhood. I am in a marriage now for 20 years with a narcissist. I have had costochondritis now three times which is commonly referred to as the broken heart syndrome. This video spoke volumes. I need to heal, and I need to learn survival skills especially since I am an empath, sometimes the pain in my heart is so deep that I cannot handle it. You make us feel like we are not losing it, or imagining things. Your articles describe exactly what I experience. I want to thank you for sharing your experiences and for providing counsel and advice for people like us. I sure appreciate you. Looking forward to more videos and articles from you in the future on narcissists and empaths.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 10, 2017

      Hi Michele,

      I am so pleased that this helped, and please know truly Dear One that when we clear original trauma we just are not stuck with the terrible pain of trauma and sensitivity.

      Your True Self does await Michele, she is in there under those wounds ready to be herself.

      Bless and sending healing and love.

      Mel xo

  • adriana.zekaj@live.com'
    ADRIANA
    April 17, 2017

    Wow, you are amazing Melanie!

    Glad you have healed and are helping others.

    Thank you so much, I really liked this episode. It all makes so much sense how we have to heal on the inside. I am on path to recovery from a narcissistic female friend, who I was close to for few years.

    I just have a question and that is whether I should remain in contact with her? When I stopped contacting her and giving her supply for about a month, she got such a big ego and probably told people how I “don’t care about her”, I assume this as she always plays the victim. But then she contacted me, so I replied and she suggested to catch up. We did but it was totally different as I felt like a “new” person.

    Is it okay to have this person in my life from a distance? (as I believe that if I completely ignore her, I’ll turn out to be the bad person, I truly wish she can heal, so if I stay around in the background, people around her will maybe also realise she needs help). Maybe this sounds silly, sorry.

    Thank you!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 22, 2017

      Hi Adriana,

      Thank you 🙂

      The truth really is why would we have someone toxic in our life … just like why would we take drugs when we have realised they are no good for us and we love ourselves enough not to continue?

      Heal feeling like the bad person – that’s your evolution lesson.

      Is any REAL relationship based on feelings of guilt or obligation?

      I think not …

      Don’t be sorry we’ve all done it, until we grow up from that and do the work and heal.

      Mel xo

  • valerieAwedel@gmail.com'
    Valerie
    April 18, 2017

    Dear Mel,

    Awesome vid, thank you as always!

    This is a really great take on understanding the weird connection between abusers and abused. What a fascinating journey we are on. 🙂

  • missymcc808@Gmail.com'
    missy
    April 21, 2017

    Thank you for helping so many women heal. I was wondering what program you think would be best for me? I was in a long term on again off again relationship with a narc. We met when we were 12 years old. I always knew something was off about him and kept him at arms length for a long time even though he was professing his love for me constantly our telling me i could heal him. I am an empathist to the core. When I finally gave into a relationship at age 22 and stayed was with him (we sometimes took brakes) until about 33. It’s has now been over 3 years apart and i still can’t find it in me to try another relationship. 🙁 I don’t Mind being alone, and i am starting to see healthy people as more attractive. I just still suffer between the ‘i’m not good enough/maybe after I get a better this or that and ‘ why even bother im just going to end up with another jerk/narc. Thank you for letting me vent!

  • muellerconniea@gmail.com'
    Healing as fast as I can
    April 24, 2017

    Very insightful. thank-you

  • lakers455@gmail.com'
    Nikki
    April 24, 2017

    Hi Melanie,

    I’m new to your blog and teachings. This video really helped me see what’s going with me (empath/co-dependent) and some family members (narcissists). I understand that the narcissists are there to teach us about our wounds that need healings but i’m conflicted if we energetically closed off to them and stop being their puppet and create distance with them is that wrong because then we wont learn from them what wounds we still need to heal?
    The reason i’m confused is that when i return back to myself and taking care of my inner being i begin to feel better, and the narcissists become nicer and more caring but their energies make me feel anxious and drained. However as soon as i get a little open and caring towards them they become mean and not caring. So then I wonder, am i supposed to be more open towards them to keep learning what I need to heal more of or is this actually causing me more damage and harm by adding more pain and hurt? Will i know that i’m healed once the narcissist no longer hurts me?

    Hope my question wasn’t confusing, I would love your advice as this is the place where I’m conflicted.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 28, 2017

      Hi Nikki,

      I am glad that this episode has helped grant you clarity.

      Nikki the truth is that when we start doing the work on ourselves we go within and all the wounds that the narcissist has already triggered for us all exist within. We find them – and also a whole host of others start unravelling and presenting when we are on this journey.

      Narcissists are simply the trigger letting us know there are parts of us that require being healed back to wholeness. Hanging on beyond there is unnecessary and usually takes us away from working on ourselves.

      We aren’t supposed to remain attached to narcissists, the true goal is to come home to self partnering with ourselves – and from there on we do NO Contact or Modified Contact with healthy self-honouring boundaries.

      Narcissists are mean to us because they are narcissists – it gets to us and we put ourselves in those situations because we have not yet done the work to recover and heal and become a source of love, approval, survival and security to ourselves.

      I hope that clarifies things for you.

      Mel xo

  • nancylund1961@yahoo.com'
    Nancy (Holt) Lund
    April 28, 2017

    Melanie – Do you know what I love about you more than anything since finding you years ago???
    You give of yourself without trying to get something from me. You gave me valid information to help and support me without making me buy something. I did eventually buy your healing tapes, but you gave me years of help before I did that purchase. You know my pain and your heart is truly out here to help, so possibly others may be spared some of the horrible pain you went through. Thank you for being you and giving so much of yourself without trying to get something from it.

    I have never met you, but I do love you and appreciate you!! I love listening to your Australian accent!

    Nancy from the States, specifically, South Dakota

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 28, 2017

      Hi Nancy,

      you are so sweet!

      It is my absolute joy to serve you and others on this mission – I truly do have the BEST job in the world 🙂

      So much Love to you too!!!

      Mel xo

  • naminokerry@gmail.com'
    Namino
    May 9, 2017

    Thank you so much. God Bless you!

  • mariadejchavez@gmail.com'
    Maria
    June 24, 2017

    Thank you for understanding. It means so much to find out I’m not the only person going through this.
    I’m in my late 20s and recently met a very attractive man in his late 40s who absolutely captivated me. When I met him I was so attracted it was scary, I kept running away from him, until one day I actually had a conversation with him. He started to tell me his life’s woes and basically forced me to meet his eyes. I had years of verbal abuse as a child and have always kept men at arms length, which is why I have never been in a relationship before, but all those walls broke down at that moment. Since then I felt these intense addiction to him- that’s the only way to describe it. I don’t understand it since I barely knew him but it was still there. And he enjoys making me uncomfortable. He will boast about his accomplishments to me, and ignore me, but as soon as I’m starting to pull way he comes back doing everything he knows I like in a man and gets closer only to disappear for a week after. A close friend of his befriended me to get information and I was too stupid to see it, so he knows everything about my past and what I like in a man and how to hurt me. Through his friend he got me to change the way I look, act, even smell. I knew he was doing it but I couldn’t understand how until now. This is exactly how I felt. Last time we had a huge argument, I was trying to encourage him to improve in something and he exploded. He always thinks people are trying to put him down and I’m always trying to reassure him. he left for a week after this incident and then I found out he had spread horrible lies about me with his friends. When he came back he was cold and distant, and a close friend of mine gave him her number. It’s only been 1 week since we had the argument! And yet there I go apologizing to him for the misunderstanding. The next day he sends his friend to basically let me know he is keeping his options open and I shouldn’t follow him around. ME when it is HIM that kept chasing me. In fact, several people made a complaint bc he kept leering at me and basically stalked me around. Somehow he got me hooked and turned the tables so it looks like he’s the victim and I have no idea how he did it. Understanding how he got so much control over me somehow makes me feel better. I don’t feel insane, but instead I realize it’s that damaged trauma from the past that I need to face. It helps me realize that most of my life I have attracted these kind of people, and the only way to stop that is through myself. Thank you. I only hope I’m strong enough to get away and stay away before he further damages my already low self-worth and reputation.

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