Melanie Tonia Evans

How To Eliminate Narcissists From Your Life

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 6
71
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

Narcissists enmesh with you mentally, emotionally and psychically; it is literally like this person unzipped us, stepped inside and is crawling around under our skin.

That may sound farfetched to anyone who has never been narcissistically abused, but for those of us who have, it is a common feeling that collectively we have suffered.

This Thriver TV episode is not about why we have that feeling, it is about what happens when we no longer do.

What does it feel like when we have eliminated the narcissist’s presence and the narcissist is no longer our reality?

During this Thriver TV episode, you will learn how levels of consciousness operate, how this relates to an ancient myth that is deeply connected with narcissism, and exactly what is necessary to be at a level of consciousness whereby narcissists and narcissism simply can’t exist for you.

 

Truly this stage of your Thriver journey is enormous … because once narcissism is no longer your reality, you are free to FULLY be Your Self. No longer is your Life-force being pulled down or sucked dry.

Instead you be-come Life-force and Wellbeing in real human form.

If you are not yet at this stage, I want to do whatever I can to help you get there!

If you have any questions about today’s Thriver TV episode, please share them in the comments below and I will respond personally.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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71 Thoughts on How To Eliminate Narcissists From Your Life
  • ekt0120@gmail.com'
    Emily
    April 11, 2017

    I love your vlogs so much. So many are applicable to what I’m experiencing in that moment. In this case, I saw my ex – Narcissist for the first time in 7 months due to a family emergency. With NARP, I was doing extraordinarily well. Really living and engaged with life. When my ex showed up it was tough, but I held to the modules and had a much easier time than I used to. Unfortunately, my ex lost control and turned on me because I wasn’t complying with his wants and needs. He was arrested and spent 5 days in jail with a felony charge. I was a complete mess for days. However, the beauty of it all is that through the fear and pain, I healed so many things I was previously aware of. And they were HUGE. Ultimately, I feel even better and of course everything is working out as it should in my favor with almost no effort on my part. BUT, I can feel there is still more to work on because the fear slips back in from time to time since the incident a couple of weeks ago. This video was a gentle reminder to keep at it, keep going, and as I get closer to the truly authentic true self, I will be free. A reminder that, “Yes, it will end.” That all the wonderful, beautiful, and inexplicable things I’ve experienced through upleveling will be even more beautiful and wonderful. And I’m sort of glad he came so that I could move these out faster because he helped make the easier to identify and consequently heal. Soon I won’t have to concern myself with him at all. I love it!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 12, 2017

      Hi Emily,

      I am so glad these episodes and articles have been helping you!

      I am so, so happy for you that you have stuck to the NARP Module work and keep up-levelling regardless of what he did.

      That is the the formula to have life meet us at the level of devotion we have for ourselves.

      Yes Dear Lady, keep going, keep releasing that pain and fear and then Quantum Law removes you from all of it.

      I love that you LOVE it gorgeous!

      Mel xo

  • dabyng@hotmail.com'
    Dee
    April 11, 2017

    Hi Melanie. Thanks for your posts. They have helped me greatly. I have just left my narcissist after 5 years..who is begging again, like the previous 20 times. He used to say ‘tough, you’re stuck with me, we’ll be together forever,’ and that can sound like the love and commitment you want. I am disappointed, maybe devastated to be in the same place again as I was married to one 20 years ago. This one presented differently..or maybe I tried to convince myself it was different. He has never financially abused me, but can become enraged if I don’t hold the phone properly so he can see the map while he’s driving..I am dumb and shold learn. He can be irritated if I want to go to the bathroom at the wrong time..I am 16 weeks pregnant and the need for that increased. I may want to eat what he doesn’t want or anything really , if he is irritated for some reason. I have been called an ugly mutt, his favourite is that I am ‘f@#$ING nuts and a psycho as I have depression. He has said I will never see my child etc etc. I have already listened to ‘I will change and do better’ many times. This time he has been to my home, washed the dishes and brought flowers. Oh, also do I want to get married, although he showed no interest in 5 years. I am touched by his kind acts but I know the routine. I have no family around me or friends which is part of why I made an easy target. His MO is to rant or repeat until he wears me down to his will. He refuses to seek help…he can ‘help himself.’ I am prepared to manage with the baby as a single person. He repeatedly calls daily. He is also a long term and daily weed smoker which he refuses to give up. I am not sure if this helps calm him or makes things worse, probably a bit of both. He kept this habit a secret until I was entrenched in the relationship. In any case, I do not feel able to go back, because I need basic choices such as when to eat or empty my bladder. I don’t have much so what else do I have. He is buying a house..1 million pound house given as a family gift but I am so fed up, even that can’t tempt me. I don’t think he will change, I regret so badly. He is so loving and kind to me sometimes but this never lasts and the vicious times are so vicious, they even out anyway. I know the facts of the matter but at 45, work isn’t going well, baby on the way, thought things should have improved by now. I am not very sociable so spend a lot of time alone. Probably not good for me but interaction with people stresses me. Anyway I know I have to help myself. Your article helped me know I am not wrong in what I’m doing regarding leaving.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 12, 2017

      Hi Dee,

      it’s my pleasure 🙂

      My heart goes out to you and your child, and please know that you can heal from this.

      Yes, you are making the right decision and you need to look after you the best you can right now.

      Have you signed up for my free resources Dee?

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.comfreestarterpackage … will help you a lot … and ultimately the NARP Program http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp is the processes to release trauma, up-level and heal from N-abuse.

      Hugs to you and your baby.

      Mel xo

      • mfmf78206@gmail.com'
        Mary
        May 15, 2017

        Fortunately I left my narcissist just at the beginning of the “devaluation” stage. It was someone I met online and I became suspicious about the OTT being put on a pedestal by someone I had not actually even met! This grooming went on over a couple of months. Then he made a disparaging remark and I cut off with him immediately and have heard nothing since. The behaviour described is exactly what I’ve encountered. So glad I got out intact.

  • mibadoda@gmail.com'
    Miba
    April 11, 2017

    Great boost. I get it all.

    Looking great too!

    Thx!

  • paintedlostoaks@aol.com'
    Janice Sedig
    April 11, 2017

    Thank you, for this healing information!

  • john-999@live.com.au'
    John
    April 11, 2017

    Hi Melanie,
    No actual contact with N since 10-3-16, but am awaiting Immigration (will not be told decision based on non judicial DV accusation by N) have found out through third party that that application (based on as you put it crap) was rejected but N has (I think) appealed, in the meantime some heavy hoovering occurred around February 17 that was of course rejected/ignored by myself. I have totally (I think) moved on as I have no feelings of any sort whatsoever for N, but as we were married and informatIon previously when was still in N’s web disclosed will attempt a run on my assets if allowed to remain in Australia – has necessitated a need to make Immigration aware of all N’s plotting, scheming, lying and manipulating to stay in Aus (have provided proof to them) – has me in this limbo situation of awaiting (possibly may not find out) if N is staying or being sent back to China, if will be sent back – I will not have to front FLC over possibly asset raid by N, if remains will (am prepared for either eventuality) but need to still respond to Immigration with further information rebutting false information to Immigration through a Psychologist – have been putting this off because (tell myself this, as part of no further contact whatsoever in any way) am over the who;e sad sorry situation – wonder if this could be construed as not putting the final documentation needed to ensure – more than likely Immigration rejection as a result.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 12, 2017

      Hi John,

      I really don’t have the inside information to answer that, or the legal insight.

      My suggestions always are release our trauma and stand up and do what we know we need to do in order to honour ourselves.

      Mel xo

  • Stacysjunkmail2@gmail.com'
    Stacy
    April 11, 2017

    Melanie
    I love your work. What a difference you’ve made to so many people?

  • Stacysjunkmail2@gmail.com'
    Stacy
    April 11, 2017

    Melanie,

    You’ve made such a difference in so many people’s lives. I’ve been a NARPer for two years. Love the guidance

  • Helenburder@hotmail.co.uk'
    Helen Burder
    April 11, 2017

    All I can say is a huge thank you. Your ability to clarify such horrible confusion fear and guilt after 11 years of trying to escape from a narcissist is life saving. I watch yr episodes and they are gold dust. Thank you.

  • colleen_murtha@yahoo.com'
    Colleen
    April 11, 2017

    Your words resonate so deeply with me. I look forward to your emails each day. Thank you for sharing.

  • nicopopliceanu@yahoo.com'
    Nicoleta
    April 11, 2017

    I am single but a powerful and rich lawyer from my country is sending me messages offending me with reallly bizarre words. I think he is insane. My mother is a narc and she used to offence me a lot, her vocabulary was so unbearable.
    I am wondering how to heal this.
    This episode made me aware of this conection between what I was forced to hear during my childhood and what I am hearing now from other people too.
    Melanie, thank you for your precious work.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 12, 2017

      Hi Nicoleta,

      That is so great that this episode connected the dots for you!

      When working the NARP Program ( http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp ) we use the Modules to track “the charge” of what is happening now that triggers us, back to the original wounding (which is what Quanta Freedom Healing does) and we release the original wounds and up-level them.

      That is a really powerful and direct way to heal anything in our Life that isn’t serving us!

      Mel xo

      • nicopopliceanu@yahoo.com'
        Nicoleta
        April 15, 2017

        Hi Melanie,
        Thank you for taking the time from your busy schedule to answer me. Going to enroll in your course as soon as possible.
        I apreciate a lot your work.
        Nicoleta

  • svnaimool@hotmail.com'
    Sherice
    April 11, 2017

    Hi,
    I’ve been on a roller coaster ride during my Narp journey. I want so much to be at that truth where I am free of fear and I am in my zone.

    I’ve realized something, I asked for sole custody and now we are in the courts and you know how it goes with a Narc. But my realization is that at first I was afraid to put that forward because I thought myself unworthy and not strong enough to take the onslaught of abuse, also I am afraid of not getting it and being at the mercy of the Narc. But the truth is I have to let go. I have to let go of this fear of co parenting let go of the fear of being seen through the Narc’s eyes and just be.

    I’m tired of going through this madness with the Narc and the obsessive thoughts of what ifs and what happened. the quality of my life and my baby’s life is dependent on me getting my act together.

    It’s a challenging journey if you are far away from the truth as I am but when I hear you speak Melannie, it resonates with my soul and it feels undeniable. there is a warmth and a great yearning for me to get out of my thoughts and keep going. I want to be free of my traumas and their related triggers and I know what I must do.

    Thank you Melannie.

    Sherice.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 12, 2017

      Hi Sherice,

      It so is, Dear Lady, about going inwards with the NARP Modules and up-levelling that fear – one wound at a time … so that we are in “power”, “inspiration” and “solution”.

      And sweetheart, please know “less thinking more shifting” is the Life Orientation, when battling narcissistic stuff … that is the total key. Otherwise our fears take us out and cause us to be a target / hand power over.

      I hope this helps inspire you to keep going with you NARP Module Work, and please come into the NARP Forum Sherice – http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member for help from the Thriver Community.

      Mel xo

  • tuuliturtola@hotmail.com'
    A.E.
    April 11, 2017

    Hi Melanie!

    I would still have an anxious question for you. You talk about “love bombing” that many N’s do. When my sister met this man, initially his behaviour was quite exaggerated, he really wanted to impress her, with his fancy sports car, driving her everywhere, sugary love messages, compliments, buing presents, taking care of everything etc. he was almost like “too good to be true”. I’m delighted to say, that today, they have been together and happily married over 15 years, he is very normal and healthy person and so is she! I’m confused, don’t all men, N or not, do some sort of “love bombing”, at least initially? When we fall in love, we really want to attract and impress that person, and really show the “best parts” of ourselves, right?

    Instead I, attracted a N. Of course he was also very nice and caring in the beginning. Now I am worried: How can I know right in the beginning, whether a man is real or faking??

    My dream was always to meet a man “in real life”, naturally, I do not like internet dating etc. So I met this man, when we were both walking our dogs and our paths crossed. How sweet that was. At one point I remember I even confidentally told him, how it would scare me to meet men that I would find from intenet, tinder or something like that, complete strangers (I wouldn’t do it!). And he said, “yes, you should be careful, because you can never know what kind of crazy people you could meet”. At that moment if felt cute and caring comment…now I feel goose bumps, I had no idea that HE was just about as crazy as it gets! Uff 🙁

    I’m confused, is it good to feel fear (do not blindly trust just anyone, “common sense”), that it serves as to protect me…or is it BECAUSE of this general fear about men, that I keep on attracting these scary types? Should I release this feeling of fear…is it really safe to do so? :/

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 12, 2017

      Hi A.E.,

      It is true … lovely man can “love-bomb”, wanting to do all they can to love and support “their lady”.

      The truth is A.E. N’s also do “red-flags” and there are things within us that feel “off” regarding certain things they do.

      If we are in our power and have healed enough of our young childhood wounds that used to make us susceptible, then we will “show up” … meaning – despite the lovely stuff any potential partner presents, we will not just “sweep other matters under the carpet”.

      We will question / clarify / lay boundaries / train others regarding “how” we wish to be treated, and speak up if necessary .. knowing that no-one else is responsible for our well-being, we are.

      Narcissist are fractured individuals – the fractures will show.

      The real question is when this happens: Are we non-wounded enough to stand for, honour and fully be ourselves if / when this happens?

      If we are we then SEE who the person really is.

      N’s twist, turn, make excuses and give us answers that are “off”. Real people stand up and we feel even closer and more connected after “difficult conversations” which are required in ANY REAL relationship.

      Does this help clarify – that it actually isn’t about others, its who we are being and how authentically we are living Our Truth?

      Yes, 100% if we have fear we keep attracting who and what we fear – it’s Quantum Law because our Inner Being is not meant to be living the “outside / in existence of “fear” … it’s meant to be free.

      I am a huge fan of internet dating, but there is no way either I could have done it unless I unlevelled and healed my fears of trauma and abuse, or the terrors of feeling small and young and not being able to take care of myself as a solid adult woman in my own body .. then I loved doing it.

      It was the NARP Program processes that got me there.

      My current amazing partner, I met on-line.

      Healthy men want healthy women in their power – abusers need fearful people to feed from and mine.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

      • tuuliturtola@hotmail.com'
        A.E.
        April 13, 2017

        Thank you Melanie, now I see everything you write is so true!! Nice that you found your partner on-line! 🙂

        The relationship lasted 3 years, now we have no contact. How true…indeed there were many “red flags”, but I just happily ignored them and pushed forward like an Orient Express with my “agenda”, and my agenda was of course that this is the soulmate of my dreams!! I saw what I “wanted” to see, not what he really was 🙁
        Sometimes he “over reacted”, but I thought, this is just his “latino temperament” (I’m european, he is south-american). Sometimes he reacted “weirdly” but I thought, “nobody is perfect, I love and accept him just as he is”. And I felt myself sooo mature, tolerant and very good-hearted person when I thought this, so proud of me that I’m an “open minded person”. Yeah right :/
        It has actually taken me many years to realise…even if I accept people “just as they are”, does not mean they can treat me in any way they want!

        Sometimes this sad, disappointed feeling still comes to me, “but he had so many good qualities” (like I really enjoyed to talk about dogs and walk dogs together with him, he never smoked or drank alcohol, such things I appreciate in a man…). But then he had this one fatal “flaw”, which is being a N 🙁

        After I read what you wrote, I had the biggest aha-moment ever: I have not put any boundaries, because I fear the man might think, that I’m “difficult”, “too demanding”, “high maintenance” etc. I did not wanted to “rock the boat”, I was scared he will leave me. I have been so long alone and without love, that I wanted to hold on tight!! I thought (unconsciously), “now when I’m 40 years old, this might be my last chance for love”, so I tolerated all kinds of weirndess and lies. My thinking was very lack-based and limited.This was my most horrible aha-moment today: I’m just “giving”, but not really expect to get anything in return…which makes me an every abusers dream come true!! Uh-huh. And why would I do this? Because…because I feel I’m not…worthy!
        You know, all this what I just wrote, it did not even came from my head, but from my “body”, like a very persistent feeling, it made me want to cry. Whoo-hoo, now a breakthrough is near!!
        Thank you Melanie! <3

        By the way, in order to release these feelings/false beliefs, is it necessary to "know" or focus, who/what/when (in childhood?) made me believe this way…or do I just "sit with this (current) feeling" and then just release it?

        • angelaboushel@hotmail.com'
          Angela
          May 8, 2017

          Hi. You should definitely check out thefree online webinar. You’ve got this and are so ready to uplevel and Thrive. Well wishes. ?

  • Jupitersun@hushmail.com'
    Joni
    April 11, 2017

    Hi Melanie,
    Thank you! I think I’ve arrived! After reading all your posts and watching most of your shows, doing breathwork and yoga and therapy, also becoming physically healthy though diet and exercise, the fear is dissipating like fog being burned away on a sunny morning. I never thought I’d get to this point where I don’t care about him, what he’s thinking about me, or what he’s trying to do to me through the courts. I am free! But my children are not. They still suffer profoundly. I hope the light will reach them and they will also experience healing and freedom. I have times of extreme grief knowing I was part of the dynamic that hurt them so much. That is the hardest thing of all in this journey is seeing my children suffering and knowing it is their journey now to heal.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 12, 2017

      Hi Joni,

      That is wonderful that you re doing so well …. Big kudos to you …

      The journey to help heal our children is a deeper Quantum Journey that WE can influence … healthily.

      I talk about it a lot in my material regarding how when we up-level cellularly we can release our trauma re our children and replace it will “knowing them in their power”.

      So many people have healed for their children, through their own Inner Being (which is intrinsically connected) EXACTLY what you are describing with the NARP Program Quanta Freedom Healing Modules.

      I promise you spectacular results happens when we work Quatumly on that topic.

      I know it saved my own son’s life some years ago.

      I hope this can help Joni.

      Mel xo

  • gerrymajella1952@gmail.com'
    Geraldine Hanna
    April 11, 2017

    Thanks for all yo do to bring awareness about accepting unacceptable behaviour. Wish I’d had this information 40 years ago.
    When we don’t take responsibility for our own lives, we are doing a disservice to the Narc as well. Waiting for them to get it never happens. We have to take care of ourselves first. My sister told me this a long time ago but it didn’t register until 3 years ago. it’s a long story. My Australian niece called it narcissism. I hadn’t thought about the term before. That’s when I looked in the Internet and found your videos. Everything you say makes so much sense. I’ve been working on recovery ever since and am thriving. No more victim blaming.
    Gerry

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 12, 2017

      Hi Gerry,

      how wonderful that you have moved on from victimisation into powerful personal responsibility.

      I really do believe at soul level – we are ready when we are ready.

      The wonderful thing is, it is your time NOW!

      Mel xo

  • joy@pitmanbrighton.com'
    Joy
    April 11, 2017

    Hi Melanie,

    Thank you another amazing video – you truly do make my life feel a lot safer because I follow your videos and act on what you say and without them I would honestly still be in a mess with my narc! Instead I am nearly there with regards to self partnering and leaving my narc behind. It is amazing how little he wants to be around me now that I show no interest and he is obviously now only around me just in case HE feels he has a chance but I have gone too far down the journey of knowing who I am and what I should do to be an authentic self. Melanie your a god send and I love your work – thank you very much. X

  • blueskiesmeditation@gmail.com'
    Anne
    April 11, 2017

    Hi Melanie, thanks so much for your blog, it really helps me. I rarely think about my ex now and through the work I have done on myself, most of the time I feel free and happy. I am happy to be self partnering in a way I have never received from my male partners and its working!

    My biggest concern now though is my eldest daughter, I feel she is suffering a lot from the abuse she experienced at his hands but she refuses to discuss it with me. She had a visit with her psychologist today but afterwards refused to discuss the session at all. She treats me with disrespect, rudeness and sometimes put downs. So tonight I took her precious phone and ipad from her and told her that rather than spending all her time in her room, she will be outside or in the living area with me and operating under my timetable from now on.

    I do realise I must still have work to do as she is treating me the way her father narc no 1 used to treat me years ago. can you tell me how to sign up to your programme?

    thanks so much,

    Anne

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 12, 2017

      HI Anne,

      that is wonderful that you have come so far … and I wrote a response up higher To Joni .. this …

      “The journey to help heal our children is a deeper Quantum Journey that WE can influence … healthily.

      I talk about it a lot in my material regarding how when we up-level cellularly we can release our trauma re our children and replace it with “knowing them in their power”.

      So many people have healed for their children, through their own Inner Being (which is intrinsically connected) EXACTLY what you are describing with the NARP Program Quanta Freedom Healing Modules.

      I promise you spectacular results happens when we work Quatumly on that topic.

      I know it saved my own son’s life some years ago.

      I hope this can help.”

      I can’t recommend Anne QFH in NARP work ENOUGH to heal our children THROUGH us rather than trying other ways (which doesn’t often work).

      The NARP Program is here: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

      Also please know once you are a member you can come into the NARP Forum and we will help coach and guide you specifically HOW to work on your daughter for the best results.

      Mel xo

  • Emilyness1734@gmail.com'
    Emily
    April 12, 2017

    I was the one who asked you if there were narcs on your cruise ship, lol!!!! How funny. I can see now a year into NARP how that was a silly question, but that was just where I was at the time.

    Thank you Mel for all you do. So much love and admiration for you.

    Thriver713 (Emily)

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 12, 2017

      Hi Emily,

      you are SO cute!!!

      hahaha it has made for awesome material!

      NOT a silly question at all Lovely!

      Adore you too gorgeous girl 🙂

      Mel xo

      • Emilyness1734@gmail.com'
        Emily
        April 12, 2017

        Hehe thank you ??? much love ❤️

  • lucyrunforjoy@gmail.com'
    Lucy
    April 12, 2017

    Thank you for another wonderful piece of compassion and thriving. I have been a life long journaller, and a year ago, when I could not longer hold back my sadness and confusion around my marriage, and it burst full force with the need for healing, I started a new journal. On the first page I wrote the “metta prayer” (may I be free from harm, may I be well and safe…) and on page 2, I wrote Pema Chodron’s quote, that you allude to today! I am going to copy it here for your readers:
    “nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know…nothing ever really attacks us except our own confusion. perhaps there is no solid obstacle except our own need to protect ourselves from being touched. maybe the only enemy is that we don’t like the way reality is now and therefore wish it would go away fast. but what we find as practitioners is that nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know. if we run a hundred miles an hour to the other end of the continent in order to get away from the obstacle, we find the very same problem waiting for us when we arrive. it just keeps returning with new names, forms, manifestations until we learn whatever it has to teach us about where we are separating ourselves from reality, how we are pulling back instead of opening up, closing down instead of allowing ourselves to experience fully whatever we encounter, without hesitating or retreating into ourselves.” (Pema Chodron, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times).
    While I am not running a hundred miles an hour anymore, the path to healing is a patient ‘practice’, and I love how you consistently reinforce that this practice is necessary. Not just reading, not merely understanding and analysing, but a distinct committment, desire and practice to thrive. Thank you, thank you for your work.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 12, 2017

      Hi Lucy,

      It’s my pleasure …

      I love that you posted Prema’s full quote here – I have not read it for some time … and I am inspired to share it on my Facebook Page now … it is so full of pure wisdom.

      I adore that your personal growth work is about “embodiment” … there is no substitute for that.

      Mel xo

  • kdolan41@yahoo.com'
    kelly
    April 12, 2017

    Thank you Melanie!! Once again spot on! eight months ago I began breaking up with my N ex of 6 years and my biological family at the same time.

    Growing up with undiagnosed mental illness in both parents, mother died of Huntington’s disease 5 years ago but wasn’t diagnosed until I was 36 with 2 children (2nd marriage) of my own. My father was a raging alcoholic with an incredible work ethic so his NPD remains undiagnosed.

    My younger sister was diagnosed with Huntington’s right after my mother and she soon lost her children due to her own abusive nature, only to be financially supported by my father to try to get them back for 5 years.

    Now my father wants me to take complete care of my sister as I did my mom. Even worse because I’ve gone no contact he’s trying to get to my niece (sis daughter) to do the same. She just got a full academic scholarship to University after being suicidal (b/c of her mom) for years.

    At 48!!! I have finally been able to accept my own co-dependant nature and complex PTSD. As my family, brother, sister, aunts, cousins have accepted my father’s version(s) of my life/responsibilities/illness I have had to go “no contact” with the entire lot.

    In the interim the “man of my dreams” ripped my soul out right along with them. After I called him out on lying, manipulating, gas-lighting and left, he told me I deserve to be alone and understand why my family “hates” me.

    As I read your website and began to familiarize myself with narcissism the physical, mental and spiritual effects I cried with relief.

    There are truly NO words to express my gratitude. There is only relief. Hope. Light.
    I Know I would Not have been able to say that with a true heart if it wasn’t for you.
    If it wasn’t for all You do. Forever grateful, Kelly

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 12, 2017

      Hi Kelly,

      you are very welcome.

      I am so sorry you have been through so much, and it is wonderful that you are now getting clearer and honouring you.

      Please know within this Community the ultimate healing it facilitates, is so not the old paradigms of having to manage PTSD – no matter how complex. It is about completely healing it.

      That is the Thriver Way, and I hope you are inspired to know it is totally possible for you to do that.

      Mel xo

      • kdolan41@yahoo.com'
        kelly
        April 12, 2017

        That’s why I’m finally able to breathe, truly deeply and freely.

        Thank you again for your healing work and forming such a wonderful community ox Kelly

  • kelly-mercer@live.com'
    Kelly Mercer-Mescia
    April 12, 2017

    I have come to this; to know, This is my due. I cannot survive unless I am disrespected (yes, I am aware of the difference). I have (what is called accomplished) certain things. I do not feel honest when I am treated with consideration. Does not help me. I then want to inflict punishment on myself. I cannot fight this and I have had so many supports, Psychotherapy and yes what would be considered accomplishments. Maintaining this has been difficult. I have fought but no longer. It is my place to (Too uncomfortable to not allow this), serve my Mothers’ Narcissism; I am her Scapegoat. She needs this. That is what I know since forever. My sister, pretty much the same thing. My Husband is a narcissist; I can no longer fight for Me or Myself. Too murky. My daughter as well, narcissistic. I am tired. Sometimes I write it out.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 12, 2017

      Hi Kelly,

      I am so sorry you feel like that.

      That is your still wounded inner programs insisting on playing out painful beliefs to the letter.

      If they were met and reprogrammed then truly Dear Lady you what you just described would not be a match for your Inner Identity.

      There is a way out, and we all deserve it.

      Mel xo

  • lisazaski@gmail.com'
    Frances
    April 12, 2017

    Dear Melanie, I am so grateful for your work. This video reminded me of the YEARS I spent haunted by narcissistic abuse after the breakup. Back then, the strange thing that I could not make sense of was that when I was in the presence of the narcissist, I felt absolutely nothing; yet, when I was away from the narcissist, my thinking patterns of him/ his abuse/ his new wife destroyed me. How could it be that I felt ZERO when in his presence yet tormented when I was alone? Thanks to you, I found my answer. I feel nothing for him as a person, but the memory of his abuse triggers childhood wounds that perpetually cause me to feel horrible. It’s the childhood wounds that must be addressed, not him, and certainly not the thoughts of how his new wife is somehow better than me. Each time I use your quantum tools and visualization techniques to heal my childhood wounds, I get better, stronger, and happier each day. Enormous thanks to you Melanie!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 12, 2017

      Hi Frances,

      you are so right sweetheart that it is the childhood wounds in repeat that need to be addressed … the “cause” not just “symptom” (current day abuse).

      I am so thrilled the NARP Program is helping you up and out.

      Keep going 🙂

      It’s my pleasure to help you Frances.

      Mel xo

  • johanne1@westnet.com.au'
    Johanne
    April 12, 2017

    Thank you Melanie for another insightful talk. Yesterday I ran into a woman in the supermarket who had used me and as a result I had broken all contact for the past few years. You know what – I felt joy in seeing her again. We chatted for a few minutes and then went our separate ways. Last night I listened to your talk and realised with the help of your program how far I have come. What a blessing to be able to live without feelings of helplessness, fear and victimization!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 12, 2017

      H Johanne,

      my pleasure! 🙂

      I LOVE that you have graduated to that level as a result of working with the NARP Program!

      It is joy when we shed that stuff!

      Yaya!!

      Mel xo

  • ddfrogprincess@yahoo.com'
    DEE DEE BRAUER
    April 12, 2017

    I’m so excited to find your program Melanie. Your website was recommended in a support group for children of Borderline Mothers. I have been reading and watching your videos for 2 days now and I have already learned life changing information. I keep thinking of so many of my friends and family that could benefit and want to shout it from the roof tops, even though I don’t understand it all yet. I just know I’m on the right path in my healing and I’m excited because I know I am going to get there. I can’t wait to continue this journey and fully heal my damaged soul. I’m so grateful for the woman who lead me to you and for what you have done to hell all of us heal. Thank you ~ Thank you!!!
    One thing I’m
    confused about. …I keep trying to join the webinar thing….I click on it and see the message that the event has ended and stay turned for the next one. Is there a trick to knowing in advance when then event will take place? Or how to sign up for the next one? Thank you. 🙂 Dee Dee

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 12, 2017

      Hi Dee Dee,

      That is wonderful you are becoming a NARP Thriver 🙂

      And I am so pleased that the Thriver Way is spreading!

      Dee Dee we are currently launching a new Webinar Type!! And it is coming really, really soon – I will let everyone know when it is ready!

      Mel xo

  • ddfrogprincess@yahoo.com'
    DEE DEE BRAUER
    April 12, 2017

    * Help not Hell
    Type O

  • Wadecbre@gmail.com'
    Will
    April 12, 2017

    Essentially an epiphany reading and listening to your articles. I thought it was all my fault a relationship of 9 years failed. Yet even with therapy and being told they (the N?) were not emotionally available for an intimate supportive relationship I wanted to fix it and accept all responsibility. But so much of what you said about behaviors of the N are spot on. I am sad but feeling more empowered but suffered a destruction of much of my self esteem. I feel men experience this abuse differently and are far less likely to admit it and seek help. Is it possible for you to discuss this further? That is the qualities behavior and healing from female narcissistic abuse.

  • sunshineyogaflow@gmail.com'
    Ana Alvarez
    April 13, 2017

    Hi Melanie,
    This episode is powerful. I loved it and I’ll keep listening to it.
    Thank you so much for your work. You have been key to my recovery.
    Much love to you,

    Ana

  • uoksainos@yahoo.com.ar'
    Sonia
    April 13, 2017

    Dear Melanie; soo inspiring and enlightening as always. Just a nagging question I’ve had for a while now…
    Is there a transference that takes place in a narcissistic relationship? Where the N takes on more of your character traits and you more of theirs? I’ve had that feeling ever since my last relationship, but probably been happening consistently over my whole life. It’s like every relationship I’ve had (even biological family) has degraded me further and further down, to the point of almost no return, and I still remember the days when I used to be the only strength that kept them together. The same scenario lived in all my relationships (even at work), where other’s get the rewards for my work and me being downgraded in the process.
    I know, I should get on with my Narping, after all you address it at the beginning of each module, all my parts that have left me to come back and the parts that don’t belong to me to leave (or something like that) 🙂
    I need to be more committed to myself.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 22, 2017

      Hi Sonia,

      Thank you and I am pleased you enjoyed this episode 🙂

      Ok re the transference .. what happens is N’s suck your Life-force in order to “exist” and leave you with activated trauma and compounded Inner Identity damage.

      Period … that is the deal.

      NARPing is your answer Sonia … the release and recovery is merely this – release our wounds and replace them with Love and Healing – which is the NARP journey.

      Anything else, including all logical dedication just prevents and delays that happening.

      I hope this helps … you’ve got this.

      Just keep NARPing – there is nothing else to do.

      Mel xo

  • Warricka07@aol.com'
    Angel
    April 14, 2017

    Melanie,

    I want to thank you so much, I was with my ex Narp for 3 yrs and I finally had enough of his drama. By reading your messages was the best thing that ever happened to me. I have my energy back and now I’m stress free.

  • 2004jtjj@gmail.com'
    Glen
    April 14, 2017

    Hi Melanie ,
    I was compelled to show my gratitude to you for sharing your wisdom and bringing light on the importance of narcs.

    I thoroughly enjoy learning from your vids. The latest upload is soooo coool….

    I’m 35 years old , full-time single Dad with 4 kids between 15yrs – 6yrs old. I was raised by a narcissist mother , narc older brother , narc ex-wife (kids mother)… Recently removed narc ex-girlfriend… Lol , yep I’ve been a magnet for it.

    It feels like I’m ready to start living life , to start loving & approving of MYSELF ! … I wasn’t aware I was searching for my own acceptance through narc relationships. Makes perfect sense.
    Million thankyous !!!!
    You have helped me today .
    Cheers heaps mate .

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 22, 2017

      Hi Glen,

      Thank you and I am so pleased this information helps.

      That is great this is helping you get clarity and unlock your True Self.

      Mel xo

  • emxx@sbcglobal.net'
    Enough
    April 15, 2017

    This was the best episode ever. It says so much. I would like an mp3 to download to my laptop. I listen to it every day. thank you.

  • janyoung10@yahoo.com'
    Janie Young
    April 20, 2017

    This blog has been so good for me, I can always come here and become revived and know I will not go back to who I once was. Being out of this relationship with someone who wanted to be the sole controller has been difficult but so great. I have been trying to repair and to be more aware of other relationships in my life and finally realizing they aren’t like the one I had with him. Been reading The Untethered Relationship by Christopher Moon, and the biggest thing I learned so far is that no one owns me and I don’t own them in any relationship and that has been the key to my clarity in all of this. It’s amazing what a little insight can give you!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 22, 2017

      Hi Janie,

      oh gosh that is so true … ownership is totally flawed thinking …

      Mel xo

  • emoursler@gmail.com'
    Emma
    May 3, 2017

    I’ve come to the realization that my current boyfriend is a narc. Before this, I assessed him as a manipulator after reading a book but it’s much worse.
    We reunited last year after a breakup that lasted about a month. It was amazing at first…and now things have settled back to how they were before. Mean and sweet cycles.
    Because I know how this can go when I cut the cord with him, I’m trying to be careful in my timing. His birthday is coming soon, and I’m very concerned about what that could potentially mean for me. I know him well.
    My issue is that I have been so wrapped up in him for so long and the thought of not having him makes me nauseous, even though I know what it means to stay.
    I took a new job last year and it is not a good fit for me. So another source of stress. I have a chronic health condition and need to watch my stress. Given that I’ve only been at this new job a few month, I’m not eligible for FMLA, either.
    I’m at the end of my rope and often think about ending it all. I’m so infuriated with myself for getting into this, and then getting back with him last year when I did.
    In reading through various books, there’s no doubt of the “trauma bonds” that are holding me to him. We’ve been together for almost 7 years.
    I don’t know how to breakup with someone who has been a part of a life for so long, and especially someone with whom you deeply love.
    Feeling shattered and like I’ve wasted my life. And barely feel like trying to heal myself. I just want it end it all.

    • Gemma.relf@yahoo.co.uk'
      Gemma
      May 5, 2017

      Emma
      I’ve been where you are and I wanted to say something so you know you’re not alone. It’s clear that somewhere inside you is the will to get out of this and recover (the fact you’re even reading and posting on this site is proof of that). The flame might be burning low at the moment but it’s still burning! Hold onto that, gather every scrap of strength you have and leave. Take your love for him and give it to yourself instead, you deserve it most!

  • Gemma.relf@yahoo.co.uk'
    Gemma
    May 5, 2017

    “I will eternally release you from trauma and replace it with love and well-being”

    This might be my favourite thing you’ve ever said Melanie (and I’m a big fan of most of what you say!). There’s something so profound in it that resonates with me on so many levels. The patient, enduring commitment to never stop caring, to give unconditional love and care over and over again, no matter how many times, how many traumas, how many setbacks.

    I bought NARP a few weeks back and have tried module 1 but have been experiencing a lot of inner resistance and procrastination about really committing to it. Because it’s hard and uncomfortable and painful. But there’s something in that one sentence that’s really inspired me and now I know I’m ready to start this journey, and stay on it.

    I’m going to put this quote on my wall and say it out loud to myself every day to renew this promise to myself and my little inner child.

    Thank you so much for everything you do xx

  • chayahzg@gmail.com'
    chaya
    May 14, 2017

    I have been reading your info and story and doing some modules for the past year.
    I only fall into the pit of victimization 25 percent of the time instead of all of the time. My kids are all connecting with me on a solid level. Its a pleasure. the narc is still full force ahead trying to smear me…telling anyone who will listen that Im mentally ill…that I have munchausens by proxy….etc….he plants seeds of doubt about me to all of the kids’ school staff, therapists…he even convinced the ppc we hired to believe him in a situation where he clearly emotionally abused our 17 yr old daughter…. Its so frustrating….Ive read and reread what you write about helping our children heal by healing ourselves and what you write about smear campaigns…not to run after and try to defend myself for each lie he tells….

    I just feel worn down and like I cant heal and up level fast enough to stay ahead of the financial emotional psychological and spiritual abuse that comes in…Thank G-d I got a no contact stipulation about two months ago…Its a world of difference …he still harasses and bullies through OFW as well as through legal letters but at least its a step removed and not coming directly on my personal text or email….My life is so busy thank G-d with seven kids. How can I heal faster?
    chaya hzg
    thanks for all of your energy towards helping so many people suffering from na

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