Comments on: The Dangers Of The Cerebral Narcissist And How To Avoid Them https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/the-danger-of-the-cerebral-narcissist-and-how-to-avoid-them/ Devastated by a narcissist? Melanie's Narcissism blog offers support & empowering tools to heal & thrive after narcissistic abuse, gain a new life & fulfilling relationships. Sat, 02 Mar 2019 03:57:22 +0000 hourly 1 By: Niquee https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/the-danger-of-the-cerebral-narcissist-and-how-to-avoid-them/#comment-1144804 Sat, 02 Mar 2019 03:57:22 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=5127#comment-1144804 I can certainly identify with the video on Cerebral Narcissists. My ex-husband appeared to be warm and loving up until literally the day following our wedding but in a subtle and undetected way. I was already newly pregnant with our first child. Intimacy was put to a halt immediately. Never actually legally consummating the marriage until over two years after our wedding. The only intimacy we had was to have children. Sex, I can count was only 7 times in 11 years of marriage, 3 children later. I found out when we separated he was having sex with men. We divorced which was a nightmare and it was then I started questioning my family’s behavior. However, I did know all my life something was off about them. I had no support from them ever but during the divorce was causing me serious anxiety to the point I had a stroke. My ex-husband managed to get in between us but wasn’t extremely difficult because I was already the scapegoat of the family. During court proceedings, the judge had to court order my ex to spend time with our children. He rarely saw them in the first two years of separation and only did because I would keep at him to visit with them. The last two years he completely disappeared from our lives until he sent divorce papers. When the divorce was finalized he never “visited” the children again. The feeling at that point was mutual with the children because during that time he went full force emotionally abusing them.
From there, to make a long story short he plotted to frame our son with a crime by voice sampling my son’s voice causing our son to be arrested at 16 years of age and went through two years of court proceedings. Also, tried to have our son arrested a second time. My ex had our house swatted twice of which S.W.A.T teams, bomb squads, police, and numerous fire trucks showed at our house when my ex called anonymously to 911 saying our “son was going to kill his father and blow up the house”. He canceled our utilities for our home and my car insurance by again voice sampling my voice to call the companies and told them I was moving and didn’t need the service anymore. He tried to frame me for forgery by forging his own name on legal documents for our daughter’s college funds. My son and daughter were both in separate car accidents two weeks apart (both at stoplights where another vehicle ran the red lights and hit the cars they were in. I didn’t clue in that my ex could be behind them until I found out in the car that hit the vehicle our son was in police found a neck brace, mouth guard and bicycle helmet that the driver was wearing at the time of the accident. Most likely to protect himself. With every incident, it always followed something that angered him.

I went to great lengths and lots of money to move my children to a different city to be in hiding. I am no contact with my family, however, I did write an email to my mother to tell her to not give him my address if he asks her for it. She did some inquiring of her own and I knew she found out our address. Two days after the email was sent he was at our doorstep ringing the doorbell non-stop driving around the block multiple times. I never answered. I wrote an email to him and told him if he shows up again I will be calling the police and sent it also to my mother, brother and his wife. I’m in constant fear for my children and myself. I’m always on the lookout because I never know what might happen. I have been getting therapy but because it is still going on I can’t put it behind me and can’t seem to start healing from it. I would be most grateful for any suggestions you have to offer.

]]> By: Melanie Tonia Evans https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/the-danger-of-the-cerebral-narcissist-and-how-to-avoid-them/#comment-1092781 Sat, 28 Jul 2018 06:01:44 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=5127#comment-1092781 In reply to Emily.

Awww Emily,

My heart goes out to you sweetheart and please know that what you are feeling and struggling with is what do many of us have.

The true remedy is to turn within and heal and I’d love to show you how to achieve that.

The starting point is here: https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

I hope this helps.

Mel 🙏💕❤️

]]> By: Emily https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/the-danger-of-the-cerebral-narcissist-and-how-to-avoid-them/#comment-1091328 Thu, 26 Jul 2018 08:09:15 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=5127#comment-1091328 . I am hugely broken and don’t know how to feel normal again. I need help. He has ruined even the way I think about the simplest of tasks. I don’t know what normal is anymore and I still have a feeling it was all my fault. I don’t know if it was?

]]> By: Cat https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/the-danger-of-the-cerebral-narcissist-and-how-to-avoid-them/#comment-1085728 Wed, 18 Jul 2018 22:45:54 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=5127#comment-1085728 Hi Melanie. Thanks for your videos and blog information. After taking the test I realized I was codependent, not in an extreme way but I´ve had low self esteem, I´m insecure in many aspects and have boundary issues. I then took the test for my former boyfriend, he was 20 years older than me, an intellectual, published and well respected writer. He was the person I admired most in the world, someone I really loved and looked up to. I knew when I met him that he was a catalyst for me, in the beggining I thought he was a good catalyst: a mentor, a teacher, a partner that would help me become a better person, writer, woman, etc. Then I realized that some of the things that I was experiencing with him were bringing up to the surface many disowned emotions and past wounds. I thought, again, it was something good, and would give me a chance to work on myself more so I took all the responsibility for self improvement to make the relationship with him work.

I always knew he had a huge ego, even before we got involved, and he got a lot of attention from everyone around him. I assumed its what happens to those people considered geniuses, stars, gifted by others. But it never occured to me to think he could have a personality disorder. I´m still not sure if he really is a narc or just has a lot of narcissistic tendencies. I´m wondering if this is something that progresses with age, as he is becoming an older man now, and if he is somehow doomed? After watching this video I could see many of the traits of the intellectual narcissist in him.

What would always hurt me was that I had no way of winning with him, I was working very hard in being very patient, compassionate -I thought it was an age thing- so I needed to be more adaptive, flexible, etc. But I started feeling tired and like I could never get some sort of validation from him for what I felt, he always told me I was too sensitive, which is something I have struggled with for years. He rarely apologized, he was very quick and would twist arguments around to compensate his lack of accountability and counsciousness or empathy for how I felt or for some of the things he said and did. He was vain and controlling, could not handle criticism but I don´t think he was very malicious, or wanted to hurt me or manipulate me on purpose. As far as I know, he wasnt lying or cheating and didn’t take money from me. Is there something like a “benevolent narcisist”, are there degrees to the kind of nasty behaviours in narcs?

When I read other people´s comments here or even your personal story I dont think I was ever in any type of really terrible situation, so I don´t even know if I can say I feel “abused”. I have felt like a victim though, with a lot of pain and anger for the way the relationship was, I realize now that while I was with him I was just in a constant anxiety and fear for his constant demand of attention, his mood swings, criticism and blaming the rest of the world for everything instead of him taking responsibility for his own feelings. I have been no contact with him for almost four months. He discarded me just when I thought we were getting closer, and I tried to talk to him about wanting a more equal partnership, where I felt we could work out our differences instead of him avoiding them.

I have been getting better, even from this physical pain I felt for some weeks around my chest, but he is still in my mind always and I think I´m still trying to understand what happened, who he really is, what our relationship was and how I can heal from what has felt like an enourmous amount of flowing pain and anger. I have found the information on your site very helpful, as well as your 16 day recovery emails. It has made me aware of many things, but how can I know if the program will work for me if I´m not even sure I can call him a full narcissist? And I confess I´m still very skeptical of alternative healing methods and programs.

Thank you,

Cat

]]> By: Gaia https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/the-danger-of-the-cerebral-narcissist-and-how-to-avoid-them/#comment-984751 Sat, 30 Dec 2017 21:28:21 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=5127#comment-984751 Hi Melanie,

Thank you for your videos, they are a source of good energy for me in this tough period. They are helping me so much that I am recovering faster than I could ever imagine.

Especially this video, it describes exactly what my situation was. I could imagine that after watching other videos and this one confirmed my thoughts.

I only hope he will soon decide to leave me alone and in peace and disappear from my existence.

Thank you Melanie for what you do for me, for us. I am incredibly greatful. I send you a lot of love 🙂

Gaia

]]> By: Lorraine Devlin https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/the-danger-of-the-cerebral-narcissist-and-how-to-avoid-them/#comment-973516 Thu, 14 Dec 2017 13:45:24 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=5127#comment-973516 In reply to Melanie Tonia Evans.

Its a joy to know I am not alone and that many people have been born in to a family were someone was a narc. I think all of us should be friends with each other, bacause it is hard to explain to our friends, who have not endured the same childhood, what it feels like. also, I think that most of my friends would run a mile, if I had to talk about the morbid effects of narssiccism. As Narssiccism can be extreem and quite shocking, I have never felt able to talk to my real friends about it, moreover, you tend to wonder if they could actually believe that things like this happen in some families.
For that reason, it is nice to talk to people who have had to endure narssiccism as well as finding a way to survive and cope by educating themselves about phsychology today.

]]> By: Rhonda Anderson https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/the-danger-of-the-cerebral-narcissist-and-how-to-avoid-them/#comment-928750 Thu, 28 Sep 2017 15:32:22 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=5127#comment-928750 In reply to Melanie Tonia Evans.

Thanks Melanie! That helps! I’ll look for the video.

Cheers!
Rhonda

]]> By: Melanie Tonia Evans https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/the-danger-of-the-cerebral-narcissist-and-how-to-avoid-them/#comment-928521 Thu, 28 Sep 2017 03:30:10 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=5127#comment-928521 In reply to Rhonda Anderson.

Hi Rhonda,

we can’t address addicts in any other way other than to say “I respect myself and love myself to not live with this” and mean it. If they wish to change and retain a relationship they will, and if they don’t they won’t. Any other way to try to get them to change or modify their behaviour (addiction or narcissism or both) is our own codependency which means they won’t change and the more we try to control them the more we are controlled by them.

I did do a video on my Facebook Page a while ago on this very topic (addict or Narcisist?), and I am sorry I don’t have time to locate it right now …

If you have a look at my video posts you will find it.

And I hope it can help.

Mel xo

]]> By: Rhonda Anderson https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/the-danger-of-the-cerebral-narcissist-and-how-to-avoid-them/#comment-928436 Wed, 27 Sep 2017 22:50:04 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=5127#comment-928436 I really would like to know how to address a cerebral narcissist who has addictions. My ex husband was so lost in addiction, that’s all I could focus on. Now that he’s gone, I’m realizing how much of a narcissist he really was!! Addict/narcissist…I’m so confused!

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