Hi Sandra,

you are very welcome and I am so pleased this helped.

Much love

Mel 🙏💕💚

I have been in so many relationships with narcissists, it all began with my father, the first narcissist man I met in my life.
It took me 42 years, and a lot of heartbreaks, to fully understand what I was dealing with, what a narcissist is, and why it was all so familiar, I was a narcissist supply since the day I was born, I had a very misconcepted idea of what true love was, and what my real worth was.

Thank you for this text, is very eye opening and filled with love, hope and compassion ❤️

Dear Ann
You can have all the knowledge on the planet, but if he has NPD, he will NOT change. Do NOT write a letter to him. You cannot make him see anything. Also, it is best that you go absolutely “No Contact” with him. There is nothing scarier than a Narcissistic Rage. I tried to get my husband to see and read information, but he said “yes, that is exactly how you are”. They will project any attempt you make onto you. My husband even began counseling after assaulting me, but he was never honest with his counselor. One day after he threw raw pork at me face and it was dripping from my eye and ear, I went to a local women’s shelter and they told me to phone his therapist. I did and told him about the rages and the pork incident. My husband went into another rage stating, “my therapist thinks you are crazy.” He was even diagnosed with NPD, having taken the DSM. (this is rare for them to do, but he was desperate because I laid down boundaries) He did not want to lose me as supply. But he added that, “my therapist says you have NPD too and that I should divorce you right away”. Well, he had a Christian therapist; I told him ” no therapist will diagnose a person they have never met, and certainly a Christian therapist will not instruct you to leave your wive right away. I’m in the middle of a very ugly divorce and he is in the marital home with all the furniture I had before the marriage. I’m gaining myself back after about 7 months of no contact. You must love yourself and let go of this toxic monster who will NEVER change. Jump off the rollercoaster unto solid ground. Stand firm. God’s Speed and much love and grace to you

Hi Ann,

please know this that we can’t force someone to get better and be healthy enough to love us. ASs children we couldn’t do this with adults who don’t have the resources, and as adults, we still can’t.

As adults, if people in our life don’t love us healthily – it is our job to grow up our wounded parts who are still trying to get people to love us and take on that job of developing a solid inner love and approval for ourselves.

That’s the work Anna, regardless of whether that disappointing person in our life is a narcissist or not – all of my work is fundamentally about us turning inwards to heal ourselves so that disappointing painful and abusive relationships with people who are narcissistic or not available, will never again be something that we hand power and energy in to.

Have you started doing that inner work Anna? That is how you will move on.

This link is the way to get started: https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

Mel xo

It has been one year and 4 months and I cannot move on. The problem is he broke up with NC. Four years ago, I moved 20 hours away and was engaged. I truly loved him and still do, but I feel so used by him only to his advantages.

I read your blogs. Sometimes they are hard to understand because I never knew I was dealing with a narcissist. I would love to write my narc a letter, in a nice way, to get him to try and understand what narcissist are, what could have happened in his childhood, and why he is acting out with a big ego, yet really so insecure. I want him to let this sink in; to open his eyes. He was not a bad person. Just selfish and could not show affection or emotion. Of course everything was my fault. He refused to listen to his faults; that would turn to rage and anger; therefore it was always a one way conversation.

I know this stems from his childhood, but how do I put everything into words to where he will understand, get him to start thinking he does have a problem?

I have now moved back where I lived before – 20 hours away and have nothing. Trying to start life over from total scratch. He will not even respond to me getting my furniture and belongings back.

Thank you