Hi Susan, I am 64 and have a narcissist daughter, she stole her bosses husband who was 18 years older than her, he started making some bad business decisions. I made a very mild comment one day so she didn’t talk to me for five years, I have just now found out he died 6 months ago from brain cancer, she has remarried and had another child and I wasn’t told about any of this, she has done a lot of other things and hurt a lot of people as well as breaking my heart constantly.

Unconditional love doesn’t mean we have to love a person regardless of how they treat us.
It’s not our job to fix another too.

With respect this could lead to another person being stuck, feeling stuck and trapped and powerless.

Real love and growth is possible for 2 people singing from the same hymn sheet.

In my personal opinion I also think that the right help and support can help you move forward.

I’m now in my mid 50s and only in the past few weeks have I gained reality and honesty about my life to the present date and my childhood and are coming to terms with it and accepting it.

2 nights back I’m not ashamed to say I sobbed and sobbed for the little girl and inner child inside me.

My present transformation started the minute I burnt paperwork I’d been holding ontoo for decades.

In my 20s I seen a councellor for 12wks regarding a trauma aged 19.
Towards the end of the final session for homework, I was asked to write about the night the trauma happened, where it happened, how I felt etc etc etc.
I wrote a very very detailed 6 double paged account and was asked to read it to her.

She said it was so beautifully written, she asked me to keep it as one day it could help another.
I held ontoo until a few wks ago until I came across it again.

In that present second something clicked, which I hadn’t felt before and realised that although the counsellor’s request may of been genuine? she was in fact asking me to hold ontoo the past.
I also realised that another survivor’s feelings may of been similarbut our story would be very different and for that reason destroyed the paper.

In these past few weeks since I have cut several people off in a deliberate manner, stood up to 4 others and are currently working through dysfunctional family dynamics.

I’m far from perfect but now accept that it isn’t me whose the problem and meant to feel like I’m the problem and are currently working through some pain etc.

Thank you Mel for your support, guidance and help as I feel we can only help another if we have had that same experience ourselves, rather than learnt from a book.

God Bless those putting one step in front of another on a daily basis, doing their best and trying to turn their lives around for the better.

You are good enough and you are loved. 💕

One of them is a female coworker that he is a bit too friendly with for my comfort.
It seems that he calls this woman a lot and talks to her. The conversations seem to be mostly work-related, but there is something that bothers me. Just a feeling that this is more than an innocent friendship or colleague type of situation.
I told him that I felt uncomfortable and that out of respect for our marriage, he needed to dial it back a bit.
He accused me of being “jealous”. I know that he wouldn’t like it if I had a close male friend/coworker, so it bothers me that he continues to be so friendly with her.

Then, the other possible reason for him giving me the silent treatment…his ex-girlfriend from over 30 years ago whom he is still infatuated with.
When this came to light this year, he became very distant towards me.
I think it’s because he can’t admit some painful truths to himself. He never stopped loving her, despite marrying me, and he was a serial dater for decades.
He wasted so many other women’s time…other girlfriends who wanted to marry him, have children, have a real future with him.
But he never committed to any of them. And even though he married me, his heart still belongs to her (the high school girlfriend).
It turns out he never wanted children, but made me believe that one day we would.

I’ve come to realize that there is a term for this…”future faking”. And it can happen even if the person does marry you.
His silent treatment is because he was forced to look more deeply at himself, his patterns in relationships, and his unresolved feelings for the ex-girlfriend.
Instead of having an honest conversation about these issues, his defense is to shut down and to act like I’m just another problem in his life.
He will spend hours watching football, playing chess, and generally act as though I’m not there.
Our sex life has improved since last year when the pandemic hit, but otherwise…this silent treatment is starting to hurt.

We have the same situation Sarah. Our eldest son and his wife have totally rejected us parents as we dared get involved in trying to resolve a dispute between him and his younger brother. We are not allowed to see our only grandchildren even though they live 40 mins from us. Gifts sent are returned. Letters, phone messages, texts are not responded to and he has blocked all communication with us and his siblings. Sadly this is driven by his wife – a daughter in law from hell, who has also kicked most of her own family from her life. It has taken me three years to accept that this will not change and so we are focussing our attention on ourselves. Remember, their behaviour is totally irrational and you will never know why they have done what they have. Look after yourself as it is unlikely that they will ever return to you sad as this is.

I have been physically, emotionally, and verbally abused by my narcissist husband. I am in terrible situation and I have committed suicide twice. I feel like I am trapped. I am sick of blaming myself and sick of all those silent treatment that he has given me all those years. I know the things will never get better with a narcissist partner. If you are with a narcissist partner leave him or her now. Don’t wait! It’s worse than cancer! Be strong 😔 I feel for each one of you!