I have been following your posts for a couple of months now. I have been following them because I got very hurt by a man who was a victim of a Narc. He says one but I believe two. One sent him for counselling and the other made him end up in jail under accusation of manually abusing her which ended in him losing his career and that led to addiction to alcohol and smoking and a heart attack. I met him while I was getting away from my ex who was a type of Narc. I totally fell for, lets call him Matt. The relationship was so fast track. Sex was amazing. We were texting on all apps and calling each other several times a day. Eventually he started acting weird. If I asked a question he termed it as an attack. Initially what was cute for him as we were inter racial later became incompatible. eventually he broke up. I was left feeling damaged. Not good enough. Discarded as i was the wholesome person in this relationship even though I was newly separated. he was the addict, the unhealthy, the socially shamed. None of which I didn’t care as I was ready to be there help him build himself. But his treatment left me more damaged than leaving my ex husband.
My question is, you speak a lot about Narcs. What about the victims of Narcs who eventually either inherit a bit of demonic-ism or get infected and hurt the next healthy unsuspecting person? What about second hand Narcissism? Which is getting hurt by the victim? How do I overcome that? I have ended up hating those two women who hurt him enough to make him a demon and I pity him for what he became and hate him for using me. I hate myself for allowing this to happen to me. What advise do you have for me?

I have been on line dating, off and on for ten years. Ugh…I just want him to show up already…but I did think it would be immediate attraction…now maybe it is about taking a long time to get to know him.

I have been on line dating, off and on for ten years. Ugh…I just want him to show up already…but I did think it would be immediate attraction…now maybe it is about taking a long time to get to know him.

Hi Lorinda,

That is so great that you are tuning into and honouring you!

Mel 🙏💕❤️

This is (at least) the second time for me watching this video. Let me say that the first time I saw this, I was in absolutely no condition to even consider dating and I knew it. Ever so slowly and deliberately, I have been healing and a couple of months ago, I felt it was time to at least check out online dating. I’ll be honest, it was a little bit scary – not because I doubted myself, but moreso because there are so many men using dating sites with ulterior motives and I knew it. Reading profile after profile, it can be near impossible to read between the lines and sift out the scammers, sexters and other unsavory sorts, and even the nice (real) guys you may just not be attracted to. I am a stubborn sort (always have been), so I put my “heart armor” on and kept my focus on what I am looking for, reminding myself of my boundaries and all-important red flags to look out for. Many of those red flags just come with experience. One of the biggest red flags is scammers. It should not take too long to easily identify scammers. They always stick to one of a few “scripts” and their presentation is easy to identify once you know what to look for.

Here is my scorecard (of sorts) so far – I spoke to one scammer until he “dropped the bomb” (they always ultimately have some issue where they “need” you to send them laptops, cell phones, money, or whatever). I was 99.9% sure he was a scammer long before he dropped the bomb, but I played it out because I wanted a strong case when I reported him. As soon as he dropped the bomb and asked me to send him a very expensive laptop and cell phone, I went no contact and reported him with all my supporting documentation and proof. In no time, his profile was removed. Lesson learned – I will no longer allow frauds with secret agendas try to manipulate me (boundary reinforcement). So, I set out to learn as much as I could about how scammers operate – the photos they steal, the scripts they use (there are websites that offer very valuable help to identify scammers).

Scammer #2 lasted for one texting conversation on the dating site. My doubts about him being an American as he described himself were strengthened as we chatted because he just did not converse like any American would – referred to as scammer grammar. During that conversation, I did an image search. Bingo! Stolen photo. No need to continue. I politely said no thanks and reported the scammer. His profile – removed. 3 or 4 other obvious scammers found their way to me and as I became more knowledgeable, the faster I was able to not only rid myslef of them, the entire online community benefitted because another scammer was removed. Among these unsavories, several genuine, real men also contacted me. Some just did not click with me or I for them, but a few also resulted in dates. I have met 3 gentlemen. But as it goes in (normal) dating, so far, no winner. NOt yet anyway.

Amusing side note – the dating site I use noticed my reporting activities and now, in addition to being a subscriber, I was invited to be a moderator who reviews reported accounts and offers my findings to the paid staff to determine if the site’s terms of service have been violated and if the profile should be removed. I am so happy to have been offered this opportunity 1. Because (and I love this reason) it allows me to help others who may otherwise fall victim to frauds with ulterior motives and 2. It helps me fine tune my own skills for my own search for “the right one”.

Don’t be afraid of online dating. It is very commonplace and full of possiblities. Make it safe by becoming educated. Knowledge is power.

I have not found the love of my life YET, but I am still new on this journey and fully believe there is a man out there who would love to be with me for who I am. In the meantime, I am having fun meeting people, helping lots more people and putting the skills learned through Mel’s wonderful teachings to work for me.

Happy dating <3
Nancy

OK, just finished your vid and you make excellent points, including time allowed, not being 20 in clubs anymore, our new computer age, and dating around to explore and grow.

My thing is social dancing, I love to dance. And I do seem to meet people this way from time to time. And friends make introductions. So the old fashioned methods seem to still be in play. I also am working on and soul searching around building financial abundance and stability, to live better and support my family. That is still very much a current work in progress. I am developing my music, art and writing to see where they go… trying to figure out how to get from “here to there” professionally. So my time is limited. Maybe there is no rush. To be continued!

catching up on vid again 🙂 Blessings and light to you and yours!

Online dating just seems un-necessary. And way too easy to lie about who and what one is. And expensive. Who needs it?

I’ll get back to you in 6 months 🙂

peace,
Val