Melanie Tonia Evans

The Right Time To Start Dating Again – Love After Narcissistic Abuse

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 5
129
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

The question on so many people’s lips, in this community, is: “How do I know when I am ready to date again?”

After narcissistic abuse, naturally, you may feel terrified about putting yourself out there – and why wouldn’t you? There is no way KNOWN any of us ever want to run the risk of being with another narcissist.

Even after doing a lot of inner work, you may not be 100% sure that you are ready … or maybe you are not sure HOW to get ready.

And … maybe it’s years since you dated, or maybe you never even really dated and don’t know how to do it successfully. (I certainly didn’t until I learnt how to!)

Contemplating whether or not you are ready to date may bring up all sorts of questions, such as:

Is it when I am no longer feeling the trauma?

Is it when I am over the previous lover?

Is it when I believe I know enough about narcissists never to get with another one again?

And … even when I think I am ready … how on earth am I going to keep myself narc proof, and be positive, strong and sane enough to keep going until I meet the right person?

In today’s Thriver TV I want to cut through all the confusion for you, to get really clear on what it looks like to date again, as well as who you need to become as a Thriver Dater, to create a loving true union – like myself and so many others in this community have successfully achieved.

I promise you I was the relationship, dating, love disaster.  If I can get it sorted, so can you!

If you are thinking about dating again, and want to share your life with someone special, it’s my greatest desire today, as a result of watching the Thriver TV episode, that you will not only feel hope, but feel totally inspired that it is possible.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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129 Thoughts on The Right Time To Start Dating Again – Love After Narcissistic Abuse
  • katie.kilian@me.com'
    Katie
    March 25, 2018

    No to online dating! I’m 66. Online dating seems so desperate and superficial

    • psireapsy@gmail.com'
      Rea Perry
      March 25, 2018

      I agree! I’m 56, and I have several degrees in psychology. On line dating runs counter to everything I know and believe. That said, if the site brought you together with people in your area, that could be a good thing. I always recommend that people get involved in doing things they love, such as a hobby. Then they will be with others who enjoy doing the same thing. If they meet someone, that’s great. But even if they don’t, they’ve still had a good time. Anyway, this is the approach that I’m going to take. We’ll see how it goes. Do you have any ideas on how to date? Feel free to write to me if you like. I will say a prayer for you! Many Blessings! ~ Rea

      • dsdouglas@web.de'
        Debbie
        March 25, 2018

        I’m also 56 and was married to an alcoholic narc for 25 years. I always thought of on line dating as a desperate attempt and somehow degrading. But I am slowly changing my mind. My girlfriend just got married to a man she met on line and they are very happy. My sister (67) who was also married to a narc for 40 years is on line and dating quite often. She has not met “the one” yet. But the last 3 men she dated (not at the same time) were lovely men and she is learning alot about herself. For my sister, it has been a very positive experience so far. I am not ready to date. It’s been 4 years since I left him and went no contact but I’m still healing and not always stable. So for me, going on line is not an option at the moment but maybe in the future.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 25, 2018

      Hi Katie,

      Of course that is personal choice. Yet some of the happiest couple I know even ones who have been married for years successfully, met in this way.

      It is where I met my lovely partner. And there was nothing desperate for me or superficial about. More like an intention to fulfil my desire of a loving relationship.

      Mind you I understand how you feel because I used to feel that way too.

      Mel xo

      • luminita.ivanuta@gmail.com'
        luminita
        March 25, 2018

        Hi, Mel, loved enourmously your last two videos.I am 55 , not ready yet for dating after 4 years after narc abuse, but my son, 18 yo, is atrratcting girls like his father, narcs that use him and reject him. I gave him some videos to watch with Ross Rosenberg .My son is timid, introverted ,and feels very lonely.We live together , I support him for his future exams in finishing highschool and for The Music Academy , piano. I feel I am better but not healed completely.I have also to take care of my narc mother , who doesnt live with us , but she is blind and I have to give her emotional support and food. This is a draining factor for me , and I am a homeopathic doctor an d have to help patients to heal. Some days I feel so drained. How can I help my son? Thank you for your work.

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          March 26, 2018

          Hi Luminita,

          That is so great 😀

          I am such an advocate for healing our children by leading the way, because we really can’t stop them doing anything. The more we try, the more they push back.

          Lecturing and prescribing is not the way.

          What I found and so many others in this Community have, is that when we healed our own traumas with NARP and then worked on how we saw our child, releasing those traumas as well … and then as the next step even working on our child’s inner being by proxy with Quanta Freedom Healing (NARP) that the shifts in our children were beyond miraculous.

          And all changes came about as our child’s choice for themselves, without us telling them to do anything.

          It’s Quantum Law – so within, so without .. to change them we must change us. Where our energy goes is where they go.

          I have done quite a few resources on ‘helping our children’, if you google that plus my name I hope that they will help too.

          Mel xo

      • lcf714@yahoo.com'
        Lorayne
        March 27, 2018

        Online dating is fun!! I’m 60, had a 25 year relationship w a narcissist who was also a sex and porn addict – what a charme, eh? – and having a blast w it. There are so many people out there. Don’t expect perfection, immediate relationships, and true love on the first date.

        Spend one hour per day on online dating and be proactive. Enjoy it – a fun process. Listen to Melanie – she’s the Boss.

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          March 27, 2018

          Hi Lorayn,

          That is so wonderful you are having a blast with it … I so agree with you 100 percent. Drop expectations and embrace and love the process.

          I had a ball with internet dating too.

          Many blessings to you!

          Mel xo

    • mitchyt54@gmail.com'
      Michelle Denny
      March 26, 2018

      I tried on line dating at 60 and within less than a year I had found the most wonderful man and we are ecstatically happy together. We are now married.Age doesn’t matter at all .There are so many lonely people out there waiting to meet you .I laughed till I cried talking to so many men and had so much fun .It made me see that men were not all evil like I’d experienced ,there were such kind lovely men .I can’t recommend it enough.It has changed my life immeasurably. The way I see it is this,you don’t go to a shoe shop to buy bananas !!! equally if you want to meet someone to love you go to a place where men have taken the trouble to say they want someone to love too.It cuts out loads of hoping for nothing .IT WORKS BIG TIME.M

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        March 26, 2018

        Awwww Michelle,

        Thank you for your post, and I so agree!

        Bless 😀 So happy for you!

        Mel xo

  • lisabrinkman9@gmail.com'
    Lisa
    March 25, 2018

    Met my Narc ex-husband on Catholic Website. For me, when I’m ready to start dating, only men I know or recommended by family or friends. To start anyway.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 25, 2018

      HI Lisa,

      and that is fair enough.For example, N number 1 was highly recommended to me from one of my dear friends.

      However, that is no guarantee that they are healthy. Ultimately our ability to lay our own boundaries and show up knowing our rights and boundaries is the only way we can and will be safe in life.

      Mel xo

  • andrea_hobkirk@yahoo.com'
    Andrea
    March 25, 2018

    Yuck/ it’s embarrassing…. I know so many people around me. Family. Hmmmm not sure

  • algonquinn88@gmail.com'
    Janet
    March 25, 2018

    How do you convey yourself without drawing a manipulative person who will try and pretend that he understands you? How do you police your empathetic self from the profile because narcissists would look for that?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 25, 2018

      Hi Janet,

      that is a great question. When we no longer fear that, and have healed our inner trauma, we couldn’t care less if one tried because our authenticity and boundaries will flush that type of person out anyway.

      It takes healing, it takes dedicated inner work and recovery to get to that stage.

      And the truth is ANYONE we met could start getting to know us and do EXACTLY the same thing if we are unhealed. And they will because that is the soul evolution lesson “Whatever my unhealed traumas inside me are, people will come into my life making the unconscious conscious to bring these wounds to my attention so that I can finally heal them.”

      Romantically, Janet, we are always meeting our wounds because that is the purpose of intimate relationship – the reflection back of what we can heal within ourselves.This is actually not to do with other people, or the “forum” or “way” its to do with our own healing – on-line or not.

      When I was unhealed my experiences with on-line dating were horrible – totally reflecting the healing that was necessary for me to do. After doing that work they were wonderful – and I never hid “me”.

      Mel xo

      • audreyannalacelle@gmail.com'
        Audrey La Celle
        March 26, 2018

        Bottom Line: Dating is the best way to check your level of healing. If we are triggered and unhealed, we are manifesting our unhealed parts–so we go back, and work with our NARP tapes to heal those parts. We know that we are healed when our manifestations are authentic, loving people coming into our lives. If this scares you, then, of course, you still have work to do. I know I do, and I’m getting my NARP Module 2 out right now.

  • bailey.lisa@aol.com'
    Lisa Bailey
    March 25, 2018

    Absolutely online dating is the way to go!

  • artcre8r1@aol.com'
    Debbie
    March 25, 2018

    Online dating??? I have trust issues with that!!!
    btw Melanie, your hair color looks absolutely gorgeous! And thank you for caring so much.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 25, 2018

      Hi Debbie,

      that’s so normal! (until getting really healed and empowered).Thank you, Debbie sweetheart for your compliment!

      Mel xo

  • bailey.lisa@aol.com'
    Lisa Bailey
    March 25, 2018

    Melanie, this couldn’t have come at a better time. Literally divine intervention on what I needed to hear, exactly when I needed to hear this. Thank you so much for being a light! Your pain has brought SO MUCH to so many others! You truly are fulfilling your purpose here on earth. So blessed by what you share and by wisdom! You are a beautiful soul!!!!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 25, 2018

      Awwww Lisa,

      I am so pleased I could help and please know you are so welcome.

      Much love and blessings to you 🙂

      Mel xo

  • Elinkallas@gmail.com'
    Elin Kallas
    March 25, 2018

    I met the narc on an online dating site, ABSOLUTELY NOT FOR ME. people lie and only put on their profiles what they want you to know. it’s a shady shark filled ocean.

  • devsjoffe@gmail.com'
    Jacqui Louis
    March 25, 2018

    So far the men i have dated online have been inappropriate
    Even though I have been doing so much inner work. I just got out of a two month relationship after so much looking for the skeletons. I found them and walked out but the old me would have stayed. But why am I still attracting unhealthy people?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 25, 2018

      Hi Jacqui,

      That is a very important and good question.

      These are the questions that spring from within me, to try to investigate “what is going on” at the deep levels within.

      Are you doing the NARP work? Have you done the trauma cellular releasing, or is it cognitive work you have been doing on the patterns and old traumas?

      Are you able to start blessing these “wrong people” showing up as being “perfect” for the opportunity for you to “graduate” by being different in the way you can speak up, lay boundaries and welcome the chance to show you and the Universe how you are now safe in your body and in your boundary function?

      Are you able to get the gift of Life is always working FOR us to grant every opportunity to break through and evolve ourselves – including sending us our old patterns so that we can graduate THIS time in real time with them?

      This is the Thriver Work that I so recommend to be able to heal beyond our patterns for good.

      I hope this can help you in some way.

      Mel xo

  • ahrry99@aol.com'
    I@mjustified
    March 25, 2018

    Scary. I feel that I still have to work on my sense of being good enough. But thinking about trying it while still working on me.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 25, 2018

      Hi I@mjustified,

      that certainly is a way to bring on the knowing of what we need to heal!

      Mel xo

  • Karynchoate@gmail.com'
    Karyn
    March 25, 2018

    I’ve heard stories about online data~ horror stories! In fact one of them involved my friends HUSBAND advertising himself as honest and trustworthy. It’s also said the christian sites are like fish in a barrel for narcs.
    Also, I’m shy :_

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 25, 2018

      Hi Karyn,

      narcs and liars exist in workplaces, chruches, sporting clubs, families, freindship groups and all avenues of meeting people.

      I believe life is from the inside out – water finds its level – we meet and get with whole people when we are whole. We meet and get with wounded people (aka narcisists) when we are not as yet healed and whole.

      Mel xo

  • Sue.j744@gmail.com'
    Sue
    March 25, 2018

    On line dating was where I met the narc although I have met some nice guys through on line dating too but I knew they were just not for me, interesting I was able to see that they weren’t for me but was hooked by the narc in 3 days, I would be very wary but I would try online dating again as where else do you meet someone

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 25, 2018

      Hi Sue,

      I concur, when I was still carrying unhealed trauma inside I was VERY chemically attracted to the people who would bring me more of “that” trauma. And I found it very hard to be attracted to the “the nice guys”!

      It was such a happy day when all of that shifted and the N’s become very repugnant to me and the good guys all lovely and shiny!

      It was like FINALLY, they had come into focus.

      This is always really about us and doing the inner work to become healthy.

      Mel xo

  • lindacohen6115@gmail.com'
    Linda
    March 25, 2018

    2 years. It’s been 2 years of really hard work on myself. Layers and layers and layers of trauma. I’ve worked the NARP program (still am), and I am the happiest I’ve ever been. I am satisfied. I am full. I am good with myself, my life and everything and everyone around me. I wake up every morning grateful. I meditate and I even (never in a million years did I ever think I’d ever say this….), I send back out to the Universe good wishes and health to my ex narcissist and everyone else who has betrayed me in my past. It’s gone. Up in air. Do I believe this 200%?…well, maybe not, but it certainly feels good, because I can see what I get back.

    I’m not looking for a partner per se. No online dating and all that. Not just yet anyway. But to be honest, I like my life and how I feel and how it’s all going. I almost feel like I am relishing in my “singleness” because it will change someday.

    Bottom line, I trust the process.

    2 years ago, I had the thought of “maybe in the next lifetime I will find that true authentic love”. Today? Forget that. I am fixing it IN THIS LIFE TIME. How silly of me to think that because obviously, if I think that, it will happen. I don’t care if I meet that person in my 50’s, 60s or whenever. It will happen. And Melanie, as Katherine Thomas Woodward said, “I need to become the women I need to be in order to get it”. Well, I’m getting there. 🙂

    Lots of love! xoxo

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 25, 2018

      Hi Linda,

      I am SO happy for you that you bogged in, did the work and have freed yourself from so much trauma. How gorgeous that you now feel as good as you do!
      You are in a great place and there is nothing wrong at all with relishing this time. And WHY NOT – the snoring and sharing a TV and toilet with a man will come soon enough haha!

      Good for you sweetheart you are rocking it – and I agree – KWT bless her, she is SO right!

      Mel xo

  • lindacohen6115@gmail.com'
    Linda
    March 25, 2018

    PS: Melanie, can you write my online profile? LOL Just kidding. 🙂

  • Sue.j744@gmail.com'
    Sue
    March 25, 2018

    Thank you Mel, what you say is so true about putting in the effort as you would with anything else in your life, thanks again for awaking the belief that love is out there when I have finished the healing, you have pulled me out of the slump I had got back in to and I now feel excited to move forward after watching this, THANK YOU!!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 25, 2018

      Hi Sue,

      it’s my pleasure and I am so pleased this resonated with you.

      I love that you feel excited! Bless 🙂

      Mel xo

  • pacorp99@gmail.com'
    Patrick,
    March 25, 2018

    I’ve had three relationships from online dating.
    EH and M.
    All had red flags my codependent self blew through.
    Online dating is a great way of filtering. If we are healthy. If not we pick the same types.

    Now that I,realize I,am a codependent and my family of origin issues,I believe I can successfully navigate on line and traditional dating.

  • atate3919@GMAIL.COM'
    Angela Diane
    March 25, 2018

    Hi all,
    I have been listening for the past month or so the tapes and did the 16 week program.
    I have started to implement allot of the healing and using both tools from Melanie and adding the source from the bible is full of quantum healing tools.

    Well, it is funny and delightful to me.
    It appears, I am attracting a totally different type of person. I contribute this to how I have changed my inner self and to heal first.

    One person told me my “stage” name was too long and should shorten it. Delete….I did not need to spend time even accept that invitation.
    Why?
    I could see a red flag to change myself to get approval from him.

    Online dating is a testing ground for me to see how far I have grown, continue to transform. I am much more aware of what I share and project. I am aware of responses I get back. Do I hope to find the right partner! I get what I believe…absolutely it could happen this way and open to other encounters too! I am happy to know there is hope!

    Thank you Melanie….back to the video :)!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 25, 2018

      Hi Angela Diane,

      I love how you have experienced the shift – so within, so without.

      Whohoo you have nailed it Dear Lady …(everything you wrote!) Absolutely meeting your love partner could happen “anywhere”.

      Mel xo

  • lizajft@yahoo.ca'
    Liza Farrell-Toulouse
    March 25, 2018

    Leary of the online dating. Although my sister met someone online years before it was a cool, hopping thing to do. My ex narc is on them & dating since before he dumped me. I have an aversion to technology as a means to meet anyone with real heart & soul. Everyone puts forward a fake self online. I would much rather meet someone in person while out enjoying life or through friends. That is my personal belief.

  • clarkch5@hotmail.com'
    Resilient
    March 25, 2018

    Prior to NARP I would recoil at the idea of online dating. After NARP, I’m more open to the idea of it (and open to new life experiences in general) as I’ve released fear around “being visible.” I work full time with a long commute and am a single mother of a grade school boy. I am EXHAUSTED most days and look forward to alone time when I do get a break. This also means I have no real, consistent social life outside of work. For these reasons, I do not believe I am ready to date. I think not having a social life outside of dating makes us susceptible to narcissism. My preference is to generate a social life first and then start to date online. Having the energy to do this has been my challenge. I suspect this is a topic (“exhaustion”) I need to release using QFH? I’d love to hear your thoughts Melanie.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 25, 2018

      Hi Resilient,

      I love that you are feeling so much more positive about this and that you wish to get your social life happening. I also found it vital to have a social life as a single person, as well as dating for that very reason.

      Absolutely work on the exhaustion – up-levelling it with NARP – and then that will lead you to not only feel better but also be organically drawn to all that assists your energy levels.

      Mel xo

  • acm50023@gmail.com'
    Angel
    March 25, 2018

    I have exclusively done only online dating since getting divorced almost 5 yrs ago. It was how I met the last N (and likely a few other N’s). I had such a hard time in the beginning and I kept lowering and lowering my standards thinking that I had to do that to match what someone wanted. IMO a lot of narcs hide behind dating profiles. Lying about their age is the tip of the iceberg. Of course anyone can do that, it’s just the experience I had (more than once). I’m very hesitant to date period but I know that it’s unlikely to meet someone any other way. So when I’m ready I will likely turn to online dating but by then I will be in a much better place and position then I ever was in the past. For now, I just look forward to doing me.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 25, 2018

      Hi Angel,

      that is great you want to commit to you. As empowered daters, it is so about “are you right for me?” rather than “how I need to be for you” – and ironically that is what makes great guys want to step up because there are far too many potential people handing their power away.

      Mel xo

  • sheilapw@gmail.com'
    sheila
    March 25, 2018

    Well, I understand the reservations that many have about on-line dating. I have felt the same way. There is a fantastic on-line dating coach, Evan Marc Katz who covers every possible on-line dating problem and holds your hand through the whole process. He is to on-line dating, what Melanie is to Narcissistic Recovery. The problem with leaving dating to random encounters, is as Melanie said, we’re no longer 20 and its really diminishing the odds of finding a relationship. As in business, its always the numbers game. We have to have the odds (the numbers) in our favor. I think that just as we are learning to finally love ourselves and own our power, we can benefit from learning how to use on-line dating in our best interest.

  • Nanceegould@gmail.com'
    Nancee
    March 25, 2018

    I am scared of online dating…my narc went on the dating sites two days after I told him I was done. I feel sorry for the woman he hooked up with ten days later, but at least he turned to her as his next victim and left me alone. I feel that I would be getting someone else’s reject as she did. He is still a narc and always will be and I don’t trust myself yet to not get sucked in again.

  • brewer.asha67@gmail.com'
    Asha
    March 25, 2018

    This video is right on time! Total validation! Last year I posted that I was having fun dating. 2017 was the best summer I had had for several years. I knew I was ready to start dating again when I accepted that I am good enough as I am. Online dating is actually the best way to get out there again, especially for those of us that don’t do bars. I knew what my intention was before writing my profile. Online dating was simply to practice all the things I needed to practice. I needed to practice saying a compassionate no. I needed to practice speaking up. I needed to practice listening to when my gut was trying to get my attention. I needed to date with the intention of having a good time rather than looking for someone that would complete my life. I needed to practice not judging the book by it’s cover. I needed to practice not being polite to the few jerks that showed up so when my gut told me that it was appropriate to call that person an asshole, I did without any shame or fear that my words weren’t spiritual enough. I have no issues with speaking up in every other area in my life or paying attention to my gut, but intimate relationships has been a whole other story.

    Online dating gave me the chance to practice behaviors that I had not used in previous love relationships. By practicing, my body got to experience what these new behaviors actually felt like until they started to feel normal. Then WHAM! It was all leading up to me being able to truly speak up in my toxic family and disconnect from two really abusive sisters. I had spent so much time standing up for what I wanted with all my practice dating that I was finally able to stand up for what I wanted in my family. And do it peacefully without being triggered by all of their narc manipulations. The extra bonus is that after the first month or so of duds, I started to meet some really nice guys and they were types I had never met before.

    Here’s something to try: Treat the people you date like all your other friends. I don’t care what my best girlfriend thinks about what I’m wearing or how my hair looks. She loves me for things that have nothing to do with those things and I her. So that was my attitude by the time I finally went on my first date. Either you like me the way I am or you move on. I’m okay either way. And sure enough the guys felt how comfortable I am in my own skin. I learned that confidence is really much more sexier to a man than anything else.

    And there’s no law that says you have to meet anyone. How you do it is all up to you. I had a few things that were comfortable for me and I stuck to it. No exchange of phone numbers without first a couple of weeks of writing back and forth. If I got a bad vibe, even if it was tiny, I moved on. After a couple of weeks of writing we exchanged numbers. We talked and texted until I felt like I was ready to meet for coffee. Anybody who wanted to move faster than that…bye. Anybody mirroring every word I said….bye. Anybody complaining or talking too much about the ex that did them wrong…..bye. Anybody trying to TELL me who they are instead of giving me a chance to see who they are…bye. And I didn’t ASK them to be this way or that way nor did I tell them what I wanted…..I showed them without words. I just asked myself to stop tolerating things that I don’t want to tolerate. No judgement on them. Just honor my own desires and needs.

    Online dating is FREE self love training!

    • lolly9955@hotmail.com'
      Lorrie
      March 25, 2018

      I totally agree that it’s a good idea to treat prospective partners as friends, so you don’t get hooked into the idea of not being good enough, and it allows you to see a partner as embodying qualities or values that your friends have. Partners should not be outside that value system, and I would hazard a guess that most of us here have put up with BS with partners that we would not have done with friends. A friendship is a good place to start after N abuse.

      I met the last N on a dating site. It put me off for life. The choice of dating online is personal. I find it’s too superficial and there is more pressure that this person you meet has to initially be a partner, rather than a friend. I have a good social life, and what I’m working on is noticing who I’m attracted to and who I’m not. Often I’m still attracted to the inappropriate ones. However, I’m also noticing men who could easily be passed by and the types who I’ve passed by in the past because I’ve judged them as being too old, too young, too short, too shy, too this… too that. We all have our prejudices and I think that we need to be very honest with ourselves and dissect these, because beyond them may be freedom, our true match, which may be in disguise from the idea of a partner that we imagine. That’s why being friends with someone first works…you can suss them out with no romantic agenda and thus be more likely to see who they really are. We might think we are not physically attracted to them, but in my experience, if you’re in the right place and are healing your wounds, someone who has good qualities and interests can become attractive, but that can take time.

      And this is where I am at the moment. I’m meeting guys through friends, in social settings, but I’m being clear and saying that I need to be friends with them before anything romantic may occur… It seems to be a good place to start.

      So whether you meet someone online or in the ‘real’ world, in fact it’s the same: the same people online also inhabit the world out there…. online dating is just a snapshot of what’s out there with all its cheaters, charmers and chameleons as well as truthful and trustworthy people. But it takes time to get to know who someone really is, and in friendship you can have the luxury of biding your time. Instant relationships no longer have the appeal.

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        March 26, 2018

        Hi Lorrie,

        I so agree with you that anyone can be this or that.

        We also do have the ability to take our time for as long as we need to!

        I dated many friends from internet dating – who stayed as lovely friends.

        Mel xo

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 26, 2018

      Hi Asha,

      I love everything that you have written.

      Power on girlfriend!

      Awww gosh it so is FREE self-love training – such a fast track evolution TRIP! Love it 🙂

      Mel xo

    • saralynnstutsman@gmail.com'
      Sara
      March 26, 2018

      Live your personal online guidelines. I saved them for future reference. Thank you for sharing.

    • jhmenzies@btinternet.com'
      Janet Menzies
      March 30, 2018

      That’s so right. It’s very much my experience. Another interesting thing I found was the law of reflection at work. Most of the guys I gave a respectful no gave me a positive respectful response! Others I demanded more of raised their game. What I put out there came back to me. And yes I am beginning to learn to distinguish the potential controllers and give myself the power to cut them straight off.

  • bluewolfgypsy@gmail.com'
    gypsy
    March 25, 2018

    Not into on line dating! I would rather find someone on line who’s interested in what I am interested in on line. i.e. Homesteading, animals, etc…
    Everyone puts their best foot forward on line…

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 26, 2018

      Hi Gypsy,

      as anyone can from anywhere!

      Time and our own boundaries and health tells!

      Mel xo

  • Fellowship3@mail.com'
    Released
    March 25, 2018

    I did date but the narcissist did everything to break me up with whoever I was dating and using family members to do so. Some of them are still loyal to him. after being hurt repeatedly it took me years to want to date again. I finally moved forward when my desire to be in a relationship with a certain party became more important than keeping myself from trusting again. We have been on good terms for a year now. I hope I am not making the same mistake again but if I do I know I can move on.

  • adrennam@hotmail.com'
    Michelle
    March 25, 2018

    Thank you. It really does help me to get clearer about who I am. It helps me to trust myself.

  • smith_2075@msn.com'
    Linda
    March 25, 2018

    Yes, that is where I found my last narcasist, they all lie, all the people I met online were liars and hid either their income, their looks, everyone was a liar.

  • seahorsepeace@icloud.com'
    Jen
    March 25, 2018

    Best video yet! All the info I knew but needed to hear put in this way. Puzzles pieces put together. Thank you. Worth listening to a few times 😁…. and as far as online dating … ugh I totally get everything you said and it all makes perfect sense but I say probably not … I’m just so intuitive when face to face live and real that it’s easier for me to meet and filter “randoms” lol instead of reading profiles and looking at pics. But I’ll stay open to possible maybe to online as a last resource.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 25, 2018

      Hi Jen,

      I am so pleased you enjoyed it and that it made sense to you. The thing is when you date in empowered ways Jen its not about non in-person connection for long … its really about face to face sooner rather than later for that reason. People can be very different in person.

      Mel xo

  • alexismgreen@yahoo.com'
    Alexis
    March 25, 2018

    I had been online dating for years. Some good dates and some not. decided it wasn’t for me, that I connect better with face to face interactions. where people can see my personality and not just a picture. also i found that for me the conversations became very superficial online. A lot of people like online dating and find someone. but for me I am planning on going to meet people in other ways.

  • alessandrajouberteix@gmail.com'
    Alessandra Jouberteix
    March 25, 2018

    It is definitely not for me. I have tried it many times and find it very difficult reading through all the mails that in the end does not cover many aspects of the personalities. Maybe the expensive dating sites

  • Nina.white@outlook.com'
    Nina
    March 25, 2018

    Hi Mel

    Than you for the video and I can’t agree with you more. Choice is power and being the one to choose is knowing you are solid in foundation to yourself. I am still in my healing journey and have had a difficult recovery from childhood and adult narcissistic abuse. I met a wonderful man a few years ago and I rejected him almost instantly and regret it later became of ptsd. I realised that much later I have been on red alert since I was a child. I seem to feel unsure of male attention and have not dated since the last narcissist left my life. It’s taken me a long time to understand that trauma is in the body not in the brain you just can’t get over it like complex trauma from childhood too. I see the difference between the healthymen vs the narcissistic types. I know my brain wiring is off and there is disconnection and so much separation inside. I have all the symptoms and battle them everyday. I can relate. Why do we though reject the ones we want who are healthy how do we do this?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 25, 2018

      Hi Nina,

      it is so to do with trauma. We are attracted to the people who represent the composition of our inner being. The more whole and healed we become the more these people are “attractive” to us. The truth is we seek ourselves (the levels of our trauma or not) as the perfect way to make our unconscious wounds conscious as they get reflected back to us in a relationship.

      The great news is, regardless of the levels of our trauma, and if it is all we have ever known, we can release it and heal ourselves back to wholeness with Quantum Tools.

      Sending you blessings and healing.

      Mel xo

  • fernandes.jasmin@rocketmail.com'
    Jasmin
    March 25, 2018

    Hi Melanie

    I like comments, especially about rejecting the healthy ones and get attracted to sick ones. Because they reflect what is within.
    Online dating -I’ve never used it, I am uncomfortable with and overwhelmed with notion of sifting.
    As part of my empowered self course I followed the task of realizing my dreams. One of that was love of dance- through this I am meeting heaps of people. Still was attracted to a psychopath -just could not resist as part of me still looking for source outside of me. But I was able to detach and am now meeting others and sifting through. I really relate to Asha and Nina’s comments. Online seems so intellectual I love face to face much more and dancing is heaps of fun and excellent exercise too!
    I would not exclude online if I could not dance.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 25, 2018

      Hi Jasmin,

      that is so wonderful you have been working at diligently healing you!

      Gorgeous that you have dance and that you were able to detach from the wrong person and honor you.

      Keep up the great work 🙂

      Mel xo

  • claudiabuchweitz24@gmail.com'
    Claudia
    March 25, 2018

    I love online dating. It is a great chance to meet men!!
    I already did it and I met nice men – but I am very cautious. I still do my inner work and whenever I have a doubt about a man I date – I quit dating him. I listen to my stomach. That’s the only way! Better stay alone than be with another narcissist!!!1
    With love, Claudia

  • rochellefrystudio@gmail.com'
    Anonymous
    March 25, 2018

    I’ve been on date 3 with someone who I like, I’ve been online dating for 3 months. He revealed he has some depression and I’m over analysing everything. He seems very keen, he texts alot and asks to organise meeting again. I keep getting anxiety on getting close though I’m very attracted to him. Which narp meditation should I do for the anxiety that keeps coming up? So far I’ve only done number 1, long and short version
    Thanks

    • audreyannalacelle@gmail.com'
      Audrey La Celle
      March 26, 2018

      Hi Anonymous,
      If I may–I have the NARP programs, and I recommend going through all of them at least once before doing any dating–otherwise, we are likely to manifest more trauma into our lives. Releasing more trauma will shift any anxiety as either a warning that you should step away from this person, or it will diminish. Either way, you will be more in line with a healthy and authentic self, which manifests all of the same good stuff. Hope this helps. Keeping working through and changing what you are manifesting in your life until you KNOW what lines up best for you.

  • saralynnstutsman@gmail.com'
    Sara
    March 25, 2018

    I just got curious about online dating. I have been divorced for almost 5 months, and my covert narc of 36 years has been physically gone for 15 months (he started checking out 27 years ago after the first baby was born).

    I joined an internet dating site just a few days ago. This afternoon I received a very nasty message from a man who was angry that I VIEWED his profile. Who needs that? The vast majority of the men claim to be “fit and toned”, and the vast majority of men in my age group are looking for younger and athletic, fit and toned, or slender women. I don’t fit what men seem to want. And it is such a turn off that WHO I am is so secondary.

    • sunshinedesserts@gmail.com'
      Helen
      March 25, 2018

      You don’t want those shallow douchebags anyway. Be grateful that they are making their awfulness so obvious. Be proud of who you are. Someone will cherish you just as you are xo

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 26, 2018

      Hi Sara,

      The total truth is that on internet dating – anything goes.

      It’s not important who and what other people are and are or are not doing. What is important is who we are and what we are or aren’t doing in relation to what life throws at us.

      When we are triggered people are bringing to us the evidence of some part within us we can heal. When we just go “pffft Next!” and have no emotional charge or feelings of being hooked in – then we have graduated beyond that thing.

      Then ‘that thing’ tends to completely leave our experience, when we couldn’t care less if it did happen.

      This is why dating is such a fertile ground to evolve ourselves beyond our inner wounds.

      In dating many years ago before healing (just as an example) my inner traumas of abandonment and being ignored (feeling insignificant) I used to be SO triggered when people didn’t respond or cancelled dates or did not want to see me again.

      As I healed and evolved I learnt to have no charge and just a beautiful acceptance of ‘he just wasn’t meant to be.’ And then ironically all of that stopped happening.

      I hope this helps make sense.

      Mel xo

  • flitter237.sb@gmail.com'
    Sarah Batten
    March 25, 2018

    Hi Mel I have been thinking about online dating ..all your videos I listen to.. all the time and it’s mad I get it too …. thank you so much… it’s like alight has gone on in my head.. I am so excited about the future me and my son are going to have the best time ..because my world is my own
    many thanks
    Sarah

  • sunshinedesserts@gmail.com'
    Helen
    March 25, 2018

    I am pregnant with twins to the narc, we also have two preschoolers together. So it will be a LOOONG time before I am ready or able to date. This makes me a bit sad, as although I love my family and accept that that is where I am at right now, I will be closer to 50 that the 40 I’ve just turned before I can contemplate having a life of my own again. I’m an attractive female. What will I be then? Just a little sad that my best years weren’t cherished by someone who really appreciated me and vice versa. It’s like watching your life go by.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 26, 2018

      Hi Helen,

      Awww please know at any age we can be connected to love.

      I truly do believe live is 100 percent unconditional, there is no limits or rules to it as to how, when, or how old we are.

      Sending love, healing and strength.

      Mel xo

  • son_yah@hotmail.com'
    Sunni
    March 25, 2018

    Hi, So I tried online dating 4 months me and my old partner (a narc) broke up. I heard he had a new girlfriend. I found it did not suit me, I spent way to long checkin my phone and looking through and I could have been out there meeting people for real. I also felt slightly embarrassed about it as I would come across friends and even my brother. haha. I met some nice guys tho. The guy I liked dated me three times in a week, then I went away for a week and by the time i came back he had hooked back up with his ex. Sheesh that was hard after what I had been thru already. I gave up after another heartbreaking experience…. rejection in that way… being the one who comes second and the guy choosing another over me, just became too much. And now after finding out what narcissism is I can’t trust anyone. I tried tinder, POF, and Happn and went on heaps of dates. I cringe at the thought of going on-line again.

  • son_yah@hotmail.com'
    Sunni
    March 25, 2018

    Mind you, I have come along way since then. Maybe now I can cope better. I am enjoying the video and will see where it leads.

  • larissamsimpson@gmail.com'
    Larissa Simpson
    March 25, 2018

    I fet discouraged by online dating and like it was a waste of time which I need to work during. I bought a book on how to date online, so maybe trying again wouldn’t be so awful.

  • larissamsimpson@gmail.com'
    Larissa Simpson
    March 25, 2018

    I fet discouraged by online dating and like it was a waste of time which I need to work during. I bought a book on how to date online, so maybe trying again wouldn’t be so awful. There’s part of me that would rather prioritize building my career, since it’s a more consistent source of fulfillment and fun, and I don’t want kids, but I want a life partner at some point, sooner than later. I remember being criticized for my career by dates so I feel like it’s not as easy to feel okay dating and building my career, but I’m also realizing that the people who didn’t like my career needed me to make them happy and if I didn’t their sad and bad feelings were supposedly my fault.

  • Stacysjunkmail2@gmail.com'
    Stacy
    March 25, 2018

    Melanie,
    I loved your post. I am a single mom with 3 boys and an ex Narc husband, who is constantly doing his stealth passive aggressive manipulative behaviors to them. I feel healthy, as a Narper for 3 years now and have done your program, but I feel my kids need my complete attention as their only stable parent. Dating in any form is hard, I find most people unappealing (I know that sounds bad) and I don’t want to introduce my young boys 6,10 and 12 to men. I have all most full time custody. What are your thoughts on waiting until they are older? Do you think I’ll miss my window? My heart just isn’t into risking the drama and not being strong enough for my family.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 26, 2018

      Hi Stacy,

      That is so great that you are a NARPer and have come so far …

      I truly don’t believe there needs to be limits and rules to love. I know of many nuclear families where the new partner came into the children’s life at young ages.

      I honestly don’t believe there is any upside to waiting till your children are older for you or your children.

      Of course you will date respectfully and look after your children and have healthy boundaries around that.

      Why should you forfeit your life? I don’t believe you need to in my honest opinion. I think this about healing that fear and block. Is it healthy for our children to learn self sacrifice from us?

      Life can be a healthy win win.

      Mel xo

  • Liz.hibbert@hotmail.com'
    Liz
    March 26, 2018

    I recently started online dating. I started talking to this guy, and I felt a connection. We had so much in common. Everything was going well. We decided to meet up. The night before he cancelled. I was so upset, I still am. I tried to find another time to meet up, but he hasn’t messaged me back. I’m so frustrated. I put myself out there, was open and honest, and now I feel like a fool.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 26, 2018

      Hi Liz,

      I wrote above:

      “When we are triggered people are bringing to us the evidence of some part within us we can heal. When we just go “pffft Next!” and have no emotional charge or feelings of being hooked in – then we have graduated beyond that thing.

      Then ‘that thing’ tends to completely leave our experience, when we couldn’t care less if it did happen.

      This is why dating is such a fertile ground to evolve ourselves beyond our inner wounds.

      In dating many years ago before healing (just as an example) my inner traumas of abandonment and being ignored (feeling insignificant) I used to be SO triggered when people didn’t respond or cancelled dates or did not want to see me again.

      As I healed and evolved I learned to have no charge and just a beautiful acceptance of ‘he just wasn’t meant to be.’ And then ironically all of that stopped happening.

      I hope this helps make sense.”

      Please know no-one owes us anything – it is who we can be ourselves. That is where the healing lies.

      Mel xo

  • pge164@aol.com'
    Cindy Ellen Glass
    March 26, 2018

    Online dating appears to be doable. Will you please clarify the difference between online dating and having casual sex and physical intimacy with someone we have only had a few dates with?

    It’s something that I can’t do but want your input on.

    Thanks, Mel

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 26, 2018

      Hi Cindy,

      It totally can be!

      I believe in no sex until dating exclusivity and a commitment at that level – unless of course you are just interested in casual sex!

      Mel xo

  • w.andreass@hotmail.com'
    Wenche
    March 26, 2018

    Dear Mel,
    again thank you for your guidance and thoughts as always. It is very useful to hear what you have to say.
    Lots of love to you, too.

  • Matilda.Chapman17@gmail.com'
    Matilda
    March 26, 2018

    Hi !
    I have a question I would really like to know, Is Davina from MAFS narcissistic ??

  • mariacrystalp4@yahoo.com.au'
    Maria Crystal-Paige
    March 26, 2018

    Hi Melanie,

    Thank-you for this….so timely for me right now, I’m 62, a Narper, & I’ve recently joined up with e-harmony over a mth ago. Have been on one date which I chose not to pursue.
    Did get hooked into a guy’s profile who really stood out for me. For all the wrong/right reasons if you know what I mean. So many familiar triggers about him. I made the 1st move. He responded & was v. interested during our 1st ph. call, & was giving me mixed msgs about the pace he wished to pursue our connection. Said he wanted to take things slowly, then called me the next evening when I was out,..(missed call, no msg)…assumed he’d call back, but didn’t. Already fantasizing about a future with him & v. confused about what the right thing to do was. Rang him 4 days later after friends said that’s what they’d do. He wasn’t happy to hear from me & said he was just rushing out the door to the Dr.s & would ring when he got home. Didn’t. Took it all to mean that I had done something wrong to turn him away, my voice, ..whatever. Desperation sets in, missed my chance, what can I do to win him back…..Losing my sense of stability & self-worth. Chased him, he said no & is no longer on e-harmony.
    I just feel soo overwhelmed by most things…as tho I never get it right, don’t know where to start & feel defeated.

    I feel overwhelmed by your criteria & feel like I’m never going to move forward & qualify, let alone thrive. Even tho what you say resonates strongly & makes a lot of sense to me & I have approached on-line dating in the spirit you suggest. Exhausted.
    Which module do you suggest I do? This is such demanding work.

    Thanks again
    I’m not going to give up because I trust your wisdom & insights.
    Best Regards
    Maria

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 26, 2018

      Hi Maria,

      Truly I adore that when we have a desire to evolve and break through, that something we need to shift will come up and hit us fair and square in the face!

      Please know lovely lady that you have so powerfully named what you are feeling and you are in self responsibility which is 90 percent of healing it. I think you are doing brilliantly with this!

      Ok … so very true that he represents as yet unresolved wounds. That’s the feelings of obsession, loss and clingyness always letting us know this thing or person is not aligned with our True Self, but rather showing us exactly WHAT to clear to be our True Self.

      This is what I would do with this … take it to the Goal Setting Module and set up ‘The Source Healing and Resolution of these wounds that he has triggered’ … keep asking for them to present within you and keep clearing until you reach a 10/10 on the goal.

      Your ego / pain body as you know will try to keep you separated from doing this because it is getting a great feed of pain.

      This is a wonderful evolution leap coming for you Maria. I am excited for you 😀

      Mel xo

  • helsbells11@hotmail.com'
    The Goddess Within
    March 26, 2018

    Online dating is no walk in the park. You have to be very resilient. In my recent experience about 90% of what you come across is chaff. Only about 10% are true grains of wheat and then you need to find that one grain that’s in the same place at the same time as you are. Some would say it’s like finding a needle in a haystack. Is it hard, yes. The wait can be long and can feel uncomfortable. Is it impossible, no, definitely not. Well that’s my feeling anyway. Letting go of any particular outcome makes it easier. Since NARP (I say since, but NARP is ongoing and probably will always be), my dating outlook has done a 180°. It used to be all about the person and the rest would come. Now it’s all about the rest and the person will come. Still have many wobbly days. That’s what my beautiful tribe is for both in real life and on the forum. You live, you learn, you uplevel.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 27, 2018

      Hi TGW,

      So true … this is a journey about becoming the Creators we really are.

      Releasing who we are not, staying aligned with our true deservedness and essence and being as whole as possible until the goodies arrive!

      Many blessings on your journey sweetheart.

      Mel xo

  • tuuliturtola@hotmail.com'
    Julia
    March 27, 2018

    Hi Melanie!
    Ahh, how timely this video is again, thank you! Just recently (more than year since the n dumped me) I’ve felt becoming “alive” again…maybe I could date a new man 🙂

    But it seems my self esteem is still (probably has always been?) quite low…I feel, why would any “good” man “choose” me…among all the women in the world? I often feel inferior, that I’m in some eternal beauty competition etc. with “other women”…a “competition” where I feel I have no chances to “win” 🙁 I feel (and I feel many so called dating experts contribute to this), like as if there is only a limited amount of decent men, maybe I’ve already missed the boat, that I should have something extraordinarily special to offer to a man, something that would make me “stand out” (that he would choose me).
    And I don’t…I’m just that…and ordinary woman, no more, no less. Because of the n experience and been alone now quite a long time, I have a severe self doubt. All kinds of silly things come into my mind, what if I’m for example not “good in bed”? (I’m quite shy, actually) I think my deepest fear is this: that the man will criticise me, judge me, that in some level he makes me feel that I’m not good enough and that I should “improve” myself.
    On some level I always feel relationships are for “other people”, men choose “other women” and not me…There’s some deep derailing in this my thinking process, I don’t know what causes it and how to heal it. And the more time I spend home alone and thinking about this all, the more negative my mind seems to become, the more fault and flaws I find in myself.
    I’m a young woman (30+), I’m blonde, very tall and slim, I have graduated from the university, I think I’m smart and educated, I’m very sincere, honest, good person. But I feel my chances that any man would truly like, love, commit to me, for a healthy relationship is zero. I should be proud of myself, but usually I’m just embarrased of myself. I’ve become somehow depressed, thinking if I should just give up? Relationships have started to feel like a battle field, healthy relationship like some utopia, like are they really worth the hassle? Sometimes I wish to be a 15 years old again, meet a nice boy, walk hand in hand, eat ice cream, go bicycling…when everything was so innocent and uncomplicated. Is it normal to feel like this after the n? 🙁 Is there any hope for me?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 27, 2018

      Hi Julia,

      That is so powerful that you have reached out in such honesty.

      Julia my direct suggestion to you is work with NARP to heal your inner traumas and beliefs: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/NARP

      It’s when we get better that we can be different. Quantum Law – so within so without – means we don’t meet people who heal our traumas and beliefs. We meet people who match them.

      Therefore heal them and then the good people come.

      Mel xo

      • tuuliturtola@hotmail.com'
        Julia
        March 28, 2018

        If that’s true, then how on earth I “met” (found) you?! 😉

        I have also been wondering my whole life…why I have met so many wonderful female friends, that have been my faithful friends like 10-20 years already…but men are almost always the “bad guys of the story”. Does quantum law apply only to men/romantic relationships? 😀

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          March 28, 2018

          Hi Julia,

          It’s so to do with the inner traumas we carry. My pattern was the same as yours.

          Yet I have met women who never had any problems with men and had a terrible time with other women.

          Quantum Law – so within, so without is unconditional, it applies to everything.

          Mel xo

  • beth.claxton43@gmail.com'
    Beth Claxton
    March 27, 2018

    I met my current partner online. It’s been the ride of my life! He has taught me more than any other person. Ever. We could be life partners, but there’s the “I have children, he does not” issue yet to resolve. I could not have found someone like him any other way. If we do not work out, I will go back online after completeing NARP. NB: I am doing NARP to heal from life from a narcicissitic mother and ex-husband. I do not think my current partner is a narc…he cares too much.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 27, 2018

      Hi Beth,

      I believe it is so healing and positive that we realise the purpose of relationship is about evolving and expanding ourselves.

      That is so great you are working diligently with NARP!

      Mel xo

  • anna_elina@luukku.com'
    Anna
    March 27, 2018

    Hi Melanie,
    I’ve liked all your videos but this one annoyed me. “Clear space to the calendar, negotiate the terms…”, all that stuff makes a relationship feels like a business meeting or business deal, another thing for modern women to do on their “to do -list”. Yuck. What ever happened to love, romance, real life?
    That all sounds so cold and calculated.
    And I don’t understand why you promote online dating, as if it would be the ONLY way to meet “the one”. This is nothing but a big limiting belief! You talk about quantum physics, law of attraction etc….One of the main points of law of attraction is that we don’t know, and we don’t have to know the “hows”. Thinking that “online is the only way how I can meet my man”, is very limiting belief. Sure, he can come that way, but there are millions of other ways too. I hate online dating, that has probably come very clear 🙂 Some 10 years ago, one beautiful day I met a man in a taxi (he was the driver). So we started to talk and…yes, the romance lasted about one year, it was sweet, and by the way, he was not n, or crazy in any way!
    Then I met another man, he was musician, I was in a concert and shamelessly gave him my phone number. This was also very nice (and not n), we actually became friends. The relationship did not worked out, but he was in no way n, abusive or crazy. The n I met when I was walking my dog. Yeah, I don’t want to get into that story now.

    While the n and I had a relationship, at the same time he had an active profile on a dating site (of course I found about it later). How painful and confusing is that? So sorry if I don’t feel very positively about online dating…yeah, if any of you encounter this sexy and gorgeous man, in wonderful photos surfing…beware.

    I watched some crime program from tv, a police man said, “you can never know with who you are talking online”. I may or may not have “trauma” inside of me, but nevertheless, it’s always good to have common sense. This police man is right. No online dating for me, it just does not resonate with me.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 27, 2018

      Hi Anna,

      Where on earth did I say on-line dating is the ONLY way to meet someone.

      What I did say is that it allows us to put energy into generating dates and being around prospective partners.

      I know of many many people who had nothing happening in their romantic life, started putting energy into online dating and then met their loving partners through other avenues.

      It was like they had opened the gates.

      Not for you – that’s fine! Maybe looking at why you feel this is soooo wrong and triggered you so much?

      Without exception Anna the three MOST incredibly loving and connected soul mates I have ever met, met on-line dating.

      I know personally they would be horrified at the thought of missing these special connection if they had not given it a go.

      If this is NOT for you, that’s fine. But of course it is a personal choice.

      Mel xo

  • vveltre@Gmail.com'
    Vanessa
    March 27, 2018

    I’ve always been against online dating. I’m an introvert & convinced myself that I would never meet anyone that I would connect with in the way that I’m looking for. My therapist brought up the point that online dating is ideal for introverts because it allows us to meet people without being in large social situations. So I’m going to give it a try. It is scary after narc abuse, of course. I need to trust that I can make a safe and healthy choice for who I accept into my life at this point, and I do.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 27, 2018

      Hi Vanessa,

      All the best with this and wishing you strength and incredible growth and healing in your journey.

      Mel xo

  • angelikmaispastrop@gmail.com'
    Angelique
    March 28, 2018

    Thanks Mel for another fab broadcast. I can’t believe anyone would have had the nerve to send you dick picks! That made me laugh and I have had a couple, idiots! do they not know women look at them in groups and take the the mickey mercilessly. I laugh but still went to do a module about all the dirt some men see fit to lay on you, who wants to keep carrying that! There’s probably not many women who have not had to suffer that one way or another in little bursts or through massive aggression but for me that’s it, no more, cleared and cleaned up! Now feeling as light, pure and unsullied as god made me. I think it’s a good thing to not drag along with you when trying to date.

  • Mallen22@hotmail.com'
    Meg
    March 30, 2018

    Online dating is something I did try with a lot of thought and I made some significant mistakes which led me to the last narcissist. Someone told me that chatting on the phone first is a good idea. They said they chatted for 6 months before they met. I tried this. It was a huge mistake. I would meet in person quickly and only start really considering if we would be a match after meeting in person. The phone conversations gave me a false sense of security and a sense of trust that was not inline with the reality of the situation. Also, take it slow and do not stop online dating with others unless your love interest and you have agreed to be exclusive in a very clear way. This does not mean you have to sleep with others, but if they are not willing to agree to exclusivity, you know where you stand and it’s time to look for someone else or at least be open to other options.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 31, 2018

      Hi Meg,

      Thank you for your share. It is very helpful and i agree with everything you posted.

      Mel xo

  • jhmenzies@btinternet.com'
    Janet Menzies
    March 30, 2018

    Yep! I’m a divorcee in my 50s working from home in a rural area so if I want to meet men online dating has to be done. It’s no different from being chatted up at a party or a bar. But men go on line for a lot of different reasons and they aren’t always honest about it. Find out up front what he’s looking for. Yet don’t discount him if he’s just looking for something casual and is honest enough to say so. It can be a great way of dipping your toe in the water. I have some lasting male friendships that started as a casual relationship.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 31, 2018

      Hi Janet,

      It is so true – it’s important not to assume. Ask people what they are really seeking.

      Thank you for sharing this.

      Mel xo

  • sakurenai@yahoo.de'
    Ruth
    March 31, 2018

    Hello,

    I found it really funny when I listened to this video, because it was just on time as if made for me personally. I started dating just a few weeks ago after two years without any dating at all after I left my Narc (who was my first boyfriend).
    I somehow felt that “now” was the time to peek out again and I met someone with whom I am dating now.

    Now I feel insecure, because man No. 2 has nearly everything that I think of as really important for me, but I have no butterflies swirling in my stomach when we kiss, I do not have that feeling of being totally in love, I am not attracted that much.
    I learned that what I thougth was love with the Narc wasn’t, but now I miss that excitement that I had when kissing the Narc for the first (and second, third,…) time. Is this normal? Do I just have to learn this “new” way of love that’s starting up on understanding, empathy of both people, giving space when needed but enjoying time together?

    But nevertheless, I feel so much better, I believe that even if this man is not “the” match for me, I will find it sooner or later, and I do not need somebody else anymore to like me better 🙂
    Therefore, thank you dear Melanie, for your program and all that I could achieve due to it (and I am still achieving 😉 )

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 31, 2018

      Hi Ruth,

      It is so true that the chemical bonding of our our wounds with someone can feel beyond magnetic.

      Healthy love, I believe, is more of a slow burn!

      You are doing great 😀 keep going you are on track and all will unfold for you!

      Safe love is a powerful and meaningful journey.

      Mel xo

  • Simplicityfound14@gmail.com'
    Em
    April 1, 2018

    Hope you don’t mind me saying – the Bible doesn’t ever say that God helps those who help themselves. It does say, “you reap what you sow” – and that seems close to the same thing 🙂

    Thank you for all of your teaching and wisdom. I started following you on IG and I’ve grown daily with what you post.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 1, 2018

      Hi Em,

      No problem at all … I’m happy to have that called!

      In reflection I think that was an expression I heard as a children from my Dads family and thought it was!

      That’s great you are connected to me on IG, it’s a great platform.

      You are very welcome Em and thank you for your post.

      Mel xo

  • Margarit72@aol.com'
    Jane
    April 1, 2018

    You’re so inspirational, Mel!
    I keep learning from your videos, even post doing NARP. From this one I’ve learned that I haven’t put any effort into dating. I really haven’t realized that, just like your girlfriend !
    After your video, I seriously had to ponder that I do nothing to meet anyone yet expect it to just happen to me.
    This is really wonderful you’re doing these videos .
    Love and thanks!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 1, 2018

      Hi Jane,

      I am so pleased this was helpful for you 😀

      I really enjoy doing these types of Thriver TV episodes and it’s great you enjoy them too.

      Mel xo

  • nicopopliceanu@yahoo.com'
    Nicoleta
    April 2, 2018

    Awesome video!

  • hilarypaley16@gmail.com'
    Hilary
    April 4, 2018

    It was initially traumatic but has become easier as I have changed.

  • kat_gaines@yahoo.com'
    Kathy
    April 6, 2018

    I’m currently trying online dating and getting no responses to the guys I reach out to and no one is reaching out to me. What am I doing wrong? What sites do you recommend?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 6, 2018

      Hi Kathy,

      it truly isn’t about the “sites” it is about what our beliefs and feelings are inside us.

      Meaning what hidden blocks can we have that are not allowing “love in”?

      That’s what shifts everything – when we work at healing those.

      Mel xo

  • Pennylh@comcast.net'
    Penny
    April 9, 2018

    Online dating is tricky. We’re always told to be ourselves and that I believe is absolutely essential yet in the past I spent way too much time concentrating on being who I thought men wanted me to be. I haven’t done online dating for a long time and the last time I did it I concentrated too much on making my photo appear perfect. Staged it way too much instead of just being who I am. The next time I do it–I am not that woman. I am me and I love who I am and that is how I want to approach it.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 9, 2018

      Hi Penny,

      absolutely – it is about you being authentically you and knowing she is lovable .. and who can be right for you.

      That is the position of being magnetic.

      Mel xo

  • valerieAwedel@gmail.com'
    Valerie
    April 10, 2018

    Hi Mel,

    catching up on vid again 🙂 Blessings and light to you and yours!

    Online dating just seems un-necessary. And way too easy to lie about who and what one is. And expensive. Who needs it?

    I’ll get back to you in 6 months 🙂

    peace,
    Val

    • valerieAwedel@gmail.com'
      Valerie
      April 10, 2018

      OK, just finished your vid and you make excellent points, including time allowed, not being 20 in clubs anymore, our new computer age, and dating around to explore and grow.

      My thing is social dancing, I love to dance. And I do seem to meet people this way from time to time. And friends make introductions. So the old fashioned methods seem to still be in play. I also am working on and soul searching around building financial abundance and stability, to live better and support my family. That is still very much a current work in progress. I am developing my music, art and writing to see where they go… trying to figure out how to get from “here to there” professionally. So my time is limited. Maybe there is no rush. To be continued!

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