Melanie Tonia Evans

Should You Make A Narcissist Pay?

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 2
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Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

There are SO many things narcissists do which are totally out of bounds!

They lie and betray us to family and friends, work colleagues and bosses.

They try to get us taken down by authorities, potentially destroying our incomes, mental functioning and any future ability to generate our lives.

The narcissist’s abuse may have destroyed not just our connections and our welfare, but also our health … you may now have so many chronic health conditions that it takes everything to merely survive your everyday existence.

And, we believing this person loved us, as they were telling us what we wanted to hear, whilst taking our resources, energy, time, money, souls, sexuality and best years, in order to maintain their own egos.

How do we reconcile THAT, when we had our entire beings invested in these people?

How on earth could we NOT want to make the narcissist pay?

Surely some sort of retribution would help us heal?

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I share with you my own personal story about how I was barely eating, sleeping or functioning, whilst the ex-narcissist was living in my previous home, buying new cars, dating young women and enjoying the high life.

And how, after wanting him to pay for destroying my life and frenetically trying to make that happen, I had to find another way, to not just survive what I had lived through, but ultimately Thrive.

Within this video, I believe I describe “the meaning of life” and why we did the journey of narcissistic abuse, more candidly than EVER before … and it has everything to do with today’s topic!

If you, like my previous self, lost so much and have suffered immensely at the hand of a narcissist – this episode is one I really don’t want you to miss.

I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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116 Thoughts on Should You Make A Narcissist Pay?
  • Cphoto86@hotmail.com'
    Christina
    March 28, 2018

    Hello Mel, I enjoyed hearing your story. I don’t have any desire in me to “get even” with my ExN. I feel sad that he is unable to heal. Sometimes I want to contact him out of the sadness I feel for him. I know he will only bring me down. Thanks for doing what you do. I can’t wait for your book to come out.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 28, 2018

      Hi Christina,

      that is wonderful. And it is so true, we can heal, we can connect to life and ourselves and others. Narcissists can’t, they are forever living in that inner hell.

      Yes, stay your distance and know he is “home” – it is always an illusion that we aren’t. This may help: https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/the-soul-contract-with-a-narcissist/

      You are so welcome Christina 🙂

      Mel xo

      • jubileemountain@live.com'
        Jill Lillis
        March 28, 2018

        This is exactly how I have been handling this, and I am finally becoming free. The soul contract blog also spoke very powerfully to me. I love the truths you present and they have been a big part of my journey. Thank you.
        ~Jill~

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          March 28, 2018

          Hi Jill,

          that is so great!

          You are very welcome Jill. Thank you and many continued blessings to you.

          Mel xo

  • Jlmaples247@msn.com'
    Jess
    March 28, 2018

    I know youre right. Its been 15 months and I focus everyday on holding him accountable. Its only made me depressed, hurt, frustrated, feeling like a victim and feeling such with random fevers and colds.. I know I have to stop caring or its going to kill me. Only when I am sick do I not care what he is doing because I feel so bad. I see what you mean about deciding its either him or me. And I need to choose me!

  • dbrooks327@gmail.com'
    Darrin Brooks
    March 28, 2018

    Great message for a cheating spouse who fell into the narcissist’s trap, but what about the spouse of someone who fell into the narcissist’s trap? It did not reveal any deep, hidden trauma I had sustained. I didn’t fall for his BS. So tell me how this piece of trash was placed here to teach me some life lesson and how he should just be left alone to live out his pitiful life. That is precisely why they continue to do what they do, because people just turn the other cheek and allow them to ruin more lives.
    “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”― Edmund Burke

    • shazwilliams@internode.on.net'
      Sharon Williams
      March 28, 2018

      I’m thinking along similar lines … it’s a deep philosophical question as to what one’s moral obligation is … in terms of protecting others from harm where possible … if I could’ve found a way to prevent my ex from continuing on his path of exploitation I would’ve (he was living rent free in the home of his new victim in another state within months) … sometimes i suppose we have to choose to just save ourselves … but it is troubling …

      • shazwilliams@internode.on.net'
        Sharon Williams
        March 28, 2018

        … and I also think i could’ve learnt a lot more through experiencing a loving relationship … without the cost to my health. I don’t subscribe to the theory that the only way to learn important things is through hardship and suffering … but i suppose it’s one way of framing something awful to make it ‘easier’ to live with what’s happened. Look at children …. they learn best in a loving and nurturing environment.

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          March 28, 2018

          Hi Sharon,

          I agree it would have been easier, however, I personally don’t believe (for myself – just as mho) I was ever going to have this fast-track learning easily or with “love” as we humanely know love to be.

          However, I believe at soul level it was all LOVE, and what happened for me – being granted the opportunity to come home to myself, was the most loving gift at soul (true) level that anyone could have granted.

          For me, it wasn’t what I would have liked, but it was definitely what I needed.

          Mel xo

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        March 28, 2018

        Hi Sharon,

        when we understand the deeper levels of this – even if you could save that victim from him, how can you save her from future narcissists coming into her life? The truth is you can’t. These are soul contracts – this is how we get our inner healing work done.

        And when we were hooked into that contract, so many of us who were warned, in NO uncertain terms, was never going to listen. In fact, it made us side with the narcissist even more strongly.

        Our responsibility is our journey and blessing others as divine and helping then WHEN they come to you for help and when they are ready to awaken.Trying to intervene before then causes more harm than good.

        Mel xo

        • shazwilliams@internode.on.net'
          Sharon Williams
          March 29, 2018

          I think every situation is different. I suppose one can speculate retrospectively. Personally … I wish I’d been warned. If I’d had the data early on about who my ex was and what he’d done to his previous partner I would’ve been out earlier (and perhaps not have even entered into the relationship to the extent I did). Once i gathered the increasingly disturbing information myself over the 3 years we were together … I woke up to who he was. Covert types are good at covering there tracks and maintain control by creating division. They stop people from talking to each other so that their secrets remain hidden. But in the case of my ex’s new victim … he has portrayed me as the “crazy” ex … I know that any intervention would turn out badly. I have no power in terms of my ability to help her. But there are others who know who he is who could speak up and help her …. but they choose not to. This seems immoral to me … what is he were to harm her physically (which is not totally out of the question) …. aside from the emotional harm? True that I can not save every future partner of his from every future narcissist they may encounter … but at the same time … saving one person from harm is better than nothing. We can never help everyone but just do the best we can within our limitations.

        • novenaholland@yahoo.com'
          Novena
          April 16, 2018

          When you speak of soul contracts, exactly what are you saying. I would like to know more about this topic.

    • Portland.leiman@gmail.com'
      Alesandra Leiman
      March 28, 2018

      I couldn’t have said it better myself, and am inspired by many of Edmund Burke’s quotes: “All tyranny needs to gain a foothold is for people of good conscience to remain silent.” If these people are not exposed, or brought to justice, we are complicit with our silence.

      • Rpatchett66@gmail.com'
        Happy Girl
        March 29, 2018

        I agree. Tell me he is not that Man! I never exoected bringing npd awareness and call outs a part of a cause but may no one else be hurt this way. Excellent video!! I was so there, Mel. Thank you for getting in to it. One hundred percent.

    • Angela_sundblad@hotmail.com'
      Angela
      April 4, 2018

      I’m with you on that one . I was going to turn the other cheek. Then I felt this overwhelming shame. I thought how can I look at myself in the mirror, knowing this person will continue to spiritually rape others? I’m going to teach my two daughters that they have a voice. Only when you use it and speak truth , stand up to wrong doing , hold people accountable for their actions . Does it help stop the momentum.

  • lindacohen6115@gmail.com'
    Linda
    March 28, 2018

    Hi Mel, it took me awhile to reconcile this feeling of revenge and payback. Of course if someone asked me for my advice on this, I would simply say to run…work on yourself. Best revenge on a narc is living a healthy, happy life! I learned this the hard way. When I uncovered the truth about my ex, I wanted him to pay dearly and, to my demise, I brought him down. What is funny about this? He didn’t change, but I lowered myself to his level. And I was the miserable one. This is when I hit rock bottom but at the same time, this is when I knew I needed help, and I got it.

    I appeared psychotic. He said I was the narc. And I almost believed it.

    Good topic Melanie and thank you for this, because since I’ve had some time go by and I’ve worked on myself with all my heart and soul, I look back at my behavior and cringe but I’ve forgiven myself.

    Bottom line, you can’t bring a narc down. You will only drown in their muck.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 28, 2018

      Hi Linda,

      that is so great that you have now learned this. It is so, so true when we go down to that level it is terrible – so hard on our soul!

      I LOVE that you forgive yourself 🙂

      Wishing you continued healing and blessings Linda.

      Mel xo

      • Tiffanygipson@yahoo.con'
        Tiffany
        April 16, 2018

        I’ve been married to an N for 11 years didn’t know it until recently when I filed for divorce. I knew something was wrong in my relationship but didn’t know what…I had begun drinking to get through my life with him…I desperately wanted my marriage to work…until one day I woke up and told myself if I didn’t get out I was going to die….when I filed I asked for full custody since I was already taking care of the kids….he countered and said he wanted full custody and that I was an alcoholic….he requested a hair test and I failed…the judge granted him temporary custody and now I’m having to give him 1300 a month in child support…I am devastated…to think that everything is falling in his favor. I have lost everything…even when we were married and separated, I had to apply for medicaid so that the kids would have coverage…he had benefits and didn’t add at least the children… Now he is the worlds best dad…you can’t turn for seeing him with the kids…when the kids used to beg him to spend time with him before I filed….I am so depressed and feel alone…and to top it all off, he is a pastor in the church along with his mom and dad who are pastors and have there own church…I’m screaming on the inside.

    • Rpatchett66@gmail.com'
      Happy Girl
      March 29, 2018

      Bless your heart

  • jennyj4c@gmail.com'
    Jenny
    March 28, 2018

    I am and have been experiencing everything that you’ve described. I am close to giving up but I have one reason (at this time) to keep fighting to recover and that is my 4 year old granddaughter. My children (who are not biologically his) have abandoned me, with exception to the times that they need something from me and I refuse to give up my journey to healing because of my granddaughter.
    I am afraid that my children, who were not raised by me to mistreat others so profoundly, is a result of their experience with my ex-husband who treated me less than human.
    I am left with feelings of shock, disbelief and hurt.
    I have learned that to defend myself respectfully, brings anger and hurtful words so I’ve chosen 9 times out of 10 to remain silent. Like yourself, my health is declining rapidly and I have nobody to turn to for counseling and/or help. I rarely eat, and I am beyond exhausted. Even the people I thought were my friends, (not all but some) ha e ulterior motives and red flags are being thrown at me in an unbelievable rate. I NEED healing, for my granddaughter and also for myself.
    My ex- husband is committing disability fraud and this is what I planned (with more than sufficient evidence) to make him pay for the destruction he’s caused but after watching the video, I am seriously doubting my plan make him accountable SOMETHING he had done with in his life. I need help. I pray that I have finally found it. I have allowed him to strip me of every ounce of self esteem I thought I had and I don’t know where or what to do to truly begin my journey to health (physically and emotionally) so that I can become the authentic,best intentions person that I know is buried somewhere deep down inside of me.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 28, 2018

      Hi Jenny,

      please, please know that there is hope. Absolutely if you have proof, and can be in your body feeling solid and well then you can have great results. The truth is when we are still feeling traumatised what generally happens is the results of any actions we take – simply lead to more trauma.

      This is why the inner work is so important, to start shifting the trauma out so that we do make some space for calm, power and health to enter us, and when we get better, then what we do works better.

      Jenny, I’d so love to show you how to achieve this, by committing to you, My free webinar brings that shift and relief as well as the knowing HOW to heal from this as myself and so many thousands of people in this community have – from the most serious of circumstances, like yours.

      THIS is what to do …www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      Sending strength and love.

      Mel xo

  • Stephanie.Berman2018@gmail.com'
    Essie
    March 28, 2018

    I know morally it’s wrong to want to get even.. it’s not in my nature but how horrible I’ve been treated after giving him my home to live in, cars with my credit and helping him Triple His Business to only be threatened with monetary infidelity is enough to make my skin crawl. I’m so happy to have found you Melanie, your thriving after Narc Abuse is truly an inspirational story.. I too should be dead, somehow I’m still here and working your amazing NARP program. I can see after only 6.5 weeks of being apart and for the past 5 days having your advice, that there is a rainbow on the other side of this Abuse. I agree with his being a blessing in Narcissistic Disguise- I have thanked him and loved his broken soul through my journey on your program for the past 5 days. Although I’m no where near the other side, I can feel it coming. I am hopeful and I so love, love, love you for your candid and frank personality (so much like me, you speak my language). TY from the bottom of my heart..

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 28, 2018

      Hi Essie,

      how wonderful you are doing so well in such a short space of time after what you have been through!

      You, too are an inspiration and such a testament to what starts happening when we do the inner work.

      Wishing you continued blessings and breakthroughs Essie.

      Mel xo

      • Stephanie.berman2018@gmail.com'
        Essie
        March 30, 2018

        Thank you Mel for your sweet response..You are truly amazing and I understand this is a life long journey to healing and growing emotionally. I so appreciate all of your hard work that you share with us and your continued perseverance. The ups and downs are a bit overwhelming with hoovering going on and I am trying to ignore it and use affirmations. This is hard work, but hearing your story about your ups and downs before your truest breakthrough is so inspirational…and I’m not sure where I would be had I not found you and your program! In all honesty I’m lucky to be alive, and I try to tell myself that everyday. BTW- Greg Braden’s video – Heart Breathing Meditation led me to you!

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          March 31, 2018

          Essie you are very welcome and you are doing a great job.

          I am so pleased I can inspire you to keep going.

          You’ve got this 😀

          Mel xo

  • renemttsn@yahoo.com'
    Rene C Mattison
    March 28, 2018

    What an amazing reality check. I often ponder about, what I can do to make the narcissist pay. I have been narc free for 2 years. My ex narc, continues to brainwash my 23 year old son. He has become a lot like her, to the point, me and my sons relationship is estranged. I have been in counseling as well as substance recovery for 5 years. My spiritual faith is strong. I feel I have come into the wholeness of myself, but it really hurts the impact that this has had on my son. My son is going thru a tough time, and I want to help him, but he is violent, disrespectful, and I cannot trust if he would try to bring my ex narc into our circle. Melanie do you have some advice to give me?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 28, 2018

      Hi Rene,

      I am pleased this resonated with me.

      I have created quite a few resources specifically about helping our children – because it is a topic I am very passionate about.

      If you google my name + children you will see them.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

  • andymaycen@me.com'
    andy maycen
    March 28, 2018

    I’m currently divorcing a narc after 21 years. Like you, I lost everything. Have a court date next week….this video was so timely for me. I vacilate between wanting revenge and just taking care of me. After this video…I get it. I kinda already got it but this renforces that I’ve already won….at least in terms of getting to those initial wounds. I lost all of my friends (believe me, that’s their loss because somewhere inside, I know I am an amazing, kind, compassionate man), my home, my finances…everything. You obviously get it. Thank you so much. Here’s a little cursing since you can’t. I am so glad I walked out on that abusive shitbag! It’s like I want to say ‘fuck you’ and ‘thank you’ to my abuser simultaneously for the pain and subsequent growth.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 28, 2018

      Hi Andy,

      I am so happy for you that you get it. I so agree – with what you want to say!!

      Thrive On Dear Man – you’ve got this!!

      Mel xo

    • Sandrajeanwinters@gmail.com'
      Sandra Winters
      May 5, 2018

      I walked out 5 years ago after 20 years and 5 winderful children was the hardest thing I have ever done I was a mess. But 5 years later amd I can honestly say I love myself amd my life today!
      I wish this for you to hang in therecthe best is yet to come!!
      I was so lucky to find Mels site years ago was such a big help to my recovery !!

  • Annamcd100@yahoo.com'
    Anna McDonald
    March 28, 2018

    Wow, this is super helpful. I have been languishing in the unfairness of this counterfeit marriage but it helps to reframe it with a purpose to release me from all previous pain and trauma… it really does. Thank you because I want to thrive and release myself. I have been away from my soon to be ex for almost 9 months and felt like I was still hostage… now I think I can let go

  • jim@jimmccarthy.co.uk'
    Jim
    March 28, 2018

    Hiya Mel……..
    I think when I see yourself and other ladies on the web – who have been abused and used by a vampiric narcissist.
    Then I see you looking together, bright and groomed and surrounded by postive flowers and colours.
    What annoys me is thses narcisists bring people out of their centres; its like we begai to punch way below our weight.
    The one i dealt with was not exactly the brightest star in the skies. Or indeed, that bright or intelligent.
    But I felt love, or what felt like a love.

    This has the effect of chipping away at ones talents and skills?
    I guess that they are jealous of one’s abilities. To say the very least!
    It is like they hate your talents and your love of trying to be creative and creating in life.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 28, 2018

      Hi Jim,

      the absolute truth is I would not be able to sit there all fresh, in my authentic life and self if it HADN’T happened to me.

      Make no mistake my inner wounds were totally a match for him – water finds its own level.

      Trauma and pain meets trauma and pain.

      The real point is he didn’t bring me out of an established solid center – he matched my own inner brokenness and disconnection from myself back then.

      Mel xo

  • cmd197@hotmail.ca'
    Christina
    March 28, 2018

    I could close the door on the narcissist and happily get on with my life, glad that I have not seen him since the divorce 8 years ago. But he got his hands on a chunk of money that was mine (standing over me and forcing me to sign the separation agreement), which meant I had to close down my business and now at 64 I do not have that money to help me survive on the very tiny pension I’ll receive. That’s what is keeping me tied, and I begrudge him the two expensive international holidays a year, and driving the extremely nice vehicle he bought with my money. I kick myself for not being stronger at the time, and allowing him to frighten me with ugly threats if I got a lawyer. Sadly most people think he’s wonderful, he’s a church minister and is very good at bamboozling people. I’d love to be able to let go.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 28, 2018

      Hi Christina,

      please, please know that when you do let go, then the space inside you becomes available for inspiration, opportunity and breakthrough.

      There are no statistics or limits in Quantum Law.

      Many Thrivers past employable ages have generated/entered prosperity after being wiped out by N’s.

      Please consider connecting to my transformational healing processes to start getting this underway for yourself: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      I hope this helps 🙂

      Mel xo

  • teriashmeria@gmail.com'
    Violet Spectre
    March 28, 2018

    Beautiful Mel,
    Great topic! I am mid divorce with my Narc and he is (of course) bound and determined to scuttle every good faith agreement at the last minute- dragging what should be a simple matter out for YEARS. Oddly, since doing NARP with devotion and determination the Narc keeps going through a round robin of health issues and even plagues of insects! I am, of course, looking out for myself in the divorce and am not capitulating to his outrageous demands, but I do not seek to punish him and although I informed my lawyer of what she’s dealing with- beyond that, I don’t care what he or anyone else thinks and have no need to be “right”. It seems the universe is dealing with him, the judge is not amused with the delay tactics and all I need to do is keep releasing, keep thriving and keep trusting. If anyone would have told me a year ago that I could go through this divorce process without getting cripplingly triggered and capitulating to his whims to just get it over with and get free I would have laughed in their face (and then burst into tears!)…but- I am able to stand in my power, know my worth and ride this out thanks to you, lovely Quantum Guru, and the incredible super tools you have given us. I have a ways to go in my thriver journey, but knowing I have the tools to “go quantum” is a huge comfort and ace up my sleeve. For those who are still in the reactive stages of Narc Abuse (and I am speaking as one of us who literally almost died)- I cannot recommend NARP enough. Get the focus on yourself, self partner and start releasing and shifting…because as Mel says, “there’s nothing else to do”. Big hugs to you Mel and continued success in your incredible healing mission xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 28, 2018

      Hi Violet,

      sweetheart, I love that you are releasing, thriving and trusting! You have SO get this 🙂

      Thank you for helping to inspire others Dearest Soul!

      Mwah and so much love

      Mel xo

  • dmdyslin@aol.com'
    Dee
    March 28, 2018

    I’m sure this is a really dumb question, but I’ve been rather mystified by the narcissist’s intense desire to destroy my connections, and smear my reputation with the administrators of my academic program. He eagerly memorizes the name of anyone I’m associated with and then finds a way to get to that person, so he can destroy my relationship or reputation with them. It is just mind-boggling! And this is someone who supposedly has better things to do.
    What drives them? What is this all about? I have come to feel that my only protection from this person is to go completely no contact. I am sweet and pleasant on the surface, if I run into him, but emotionally on my guard. I have watched this person twist anything I say and use a lot of projection. I have become extremely wary of him and don’t want to give him any opportunities to do more of this.

    • teriashmeria@gmail.com'
      Violet Spectre
      March 28, 2018

      No contact is the only way to deal with a Narc. I’m sure Mel will have great advice for you, but my advice is- don’t try to understand his behavior, no sane person could ever understand it. Concentrate on yourself and go no contact. If. like me, you have to deal with them ( we have a child) then adopt the grey rock method, communicate only in writing, and take a big deep breath after any interaction and blow away any dark energy still lingering in your field. If you haven’t started NARP yet, join the next free program Mel does and start to get some relief. The only understanding you need is to understand yourself. I wish you the very very best. It sounds horrible what you’re going through, but you can turn everything around- you can!

      • dawncoates@bigpond.com'
        Dawn
        March 28, 2018

        Thanks for the insight I’ve just decided last 5 days to walk away & “” no contact”” trying to stay away coz he keeps trying the “”Hoover game “” that I fell into before until I started hearing your experience and great support & advice Thanks so much I hope I can be a better person when I pick myself up out of the shit heap that I’ve been thrown into for last 10 years Thanks so much Dawn

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 28, 2018

      Hi Dee,

      what drives N’s is this: https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/the-real-reason-why-the-narcissist-punishes-you/

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

      • dmdyslin@aol.com'
        Dee
        March 29, 2018

        Thank you, Mel! I really appreciate you taking the time to respond to my comment with the very helpful link to your article and the video embedded in it.
        It was very insightful. I still have some work to do.

        Best,
        Dee

  • lizajft@yahoo.ca'
    Liza Farrell-Toulouse
    March 28, 2018

    Thank you Melanie. The past seven months since being discarded by my narcissist husband of 25 years has been an agonizing roller coaster ride. Thoughts of revenge, going to his work to supply gps data showing he is hardly working, going to his two new victims & outing him that he is dragging two along, going to his family with the audio & gps data,,,,etc…. well I cannot & will not stoop to his level of evil. However I have been shown that my mind is capable of conspiring great evil in the form of revenge. This has shown me areas of my own pride, ego, selfishness & deep wounds that need healing. My soul wounds, emotional wounds , heart wounds were there before,,,,,he just amped them up! I like the knowledge that “ life & this mess is happening for me, Not to me”. I no longer feel like a victim.
    God Bless You with His infinite Peace, Joy, Love & Abundance. You do radiate the Light of Christ!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 28, 2018

      Hi Liza,

      it’s my pleasure 🙂

      I love that you have broken free from victimhood.

      Thank you for your beautiful words Lovely Lady.

      Wishing you every blessing and joy!

      Mel xo

    • Sandrajeanwinters@gmail.com'
      Sandra Winters
      May 5, 2018

      Its just what they do! Its like my ex knew that I was insecure and one of my hooks was worring about how people judged me
      So he ran with that to trash talk me every chance he got
      It was not until I recognized the false beleif insecurity of mine amd worked on loving myself from the inside and trully not caring about what others thought about me th then ironically he stopped
      it seemed like the more I loved myself and my new life the more respect and love I felt from people around me it was a strange experience
      Now 5 years post devorse its like he cant do anything to upset me it just dosnt work so freeing
      I wish this for you!!!

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        May 5, 2018

        Hi Sandra,

        It is so true that when we change the inner experience the outer must follow always.

        That is where our True Power lies.

        Thank you for being an inspiration to others.

        Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • sophmacken@gmail.com'
    Soph
    March 28, 2018

    thank you Mel that was amazing. my mind has been spending lots of time plotting to get even lately, like you I lost more than I could have ever imagined. I am proud of myself for going no contact, it took me a long time! It is so hard to hear how well the N is seemingly doing in every aspect of their life grrrrrr. What you said really rings true and I feel it in my heart. I have lost a bit of momentum with the modules lately but I think that’s the video I needed to see. I seem to be stuck on module 1! I hope I’m doing it right?! I have a ton of health issues as a result of the last 7 years and often I’m too sick to leave the house for days and I can go long stretches without talking to anyone at all. But I’ll get back into the modules as that will probably be better for me than any naturopath or doctor. I feel peaceful after listening to this video Mel. I’ve had glimpses that this is indeed the case before but you really articulated everything so so perfectly and you are also the proof!! I hope I can get there too.

    Thank you thank you thank you.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 28, 2018

      Hi Soph,

      it’s my pleasure.

      For help with Module work please check in with the NARP Forum – http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member it is an invaluable resource for you NARP coaching.

      You are on your way Soph .. and please know supplements can be wonderful in conjunction with NARP .. I really do suggest getting your bloods done, by a good holistic doctor, so that you can look at natural supplements to help give you a boost while you heal with NARP.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

  • Jenniferhosick@gmail.com'
    Jenny
    March 28, 2018

    Thank-you for posting Melanie.
    I too have been so desperate to scream at the top of lungs how unfair it is… my ex had an affair, was able to afford a whole new life with his gf and it literally felt like she just took over my old life… they even hung out with couples that I was friends with. I had been completely replaced at lightening speed. He tried to trick me with finances. I could not understand why people still wanted him in their lives or worse- want him as a friend. My desire was strong to get even… but I realized that just like when we were married, he was always one step ahead of me. I use to see this as a fault. I use to think it was because I was less intelligent than him (after years of him making me feel that way). But now I embrace that. I thank the heavens that my brain, my soul, my being, does not
    operate that way because then I would be just as bad as him. I am better than that. I deserve better than that. I will never stoop to his level. I will continue to be authentic self and love myself and my children the best I can. I’ve had opportunities to “get even” but I’ve never acted on them because I’ve realized that it would only provoke him more. Thus, I’m learning to come to terms that it is not my duty/life path to cause him pain. He is doing that all on his own.
    Thank-you for all you do Melanie. I AM A THRIVER and darn proud!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 28, 2018

      Hi Jenny,

      it’s my pleasure 🙂

      It is so painful being replaced like that! I am so pleased you have chosen the high evolutionary road.

      Big kudos to you Jenny.

      Mel xo

  • sarahlbooth@gmail.com'
    confused
    March 28, 2018

    Loved the video Mel. I can totally see that wanting the N to pay is counter productive, but it is so hard to let go of! I can’t wait to get to the point of peace that you are describing.

    Also I’ve heard you talk before about how narcissists are souls that are so disconnected that they are lost causes. How does that reconcile with the idea that they are angels playing a role / sent to help us? Are they both?

  • Obrien315@gmail.com'
    Gone Girl Gone
    March 28, 2018

    Before, I wanted to get even but every time time tried it turned against me, just as you said. E V E R Y T I M E.

    After seeing this video, I feel relieved that I no longer feel I have to get even to compensate for the damage inflicted. I now realize by walking away, my wounds heal. By walking away, they have nothing to push against, It is the law of physics. If you push, the wall will push back.

    If I walk away, it no longer exists in my life.

    Thank you.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 28, 2018

      Who GGG,

      you SO get it now!!!

      Wishing you incredible Thriving and Breakthrough!

      Mel xo

  • dianez213@yahoo.com'
    Diane Zielinski
    March 28, 2018

    Got even unintentionally, just worked out that way. I did gloat/feel satisfaction. But lost opportunity to bless 1 who cursed me, b the merciful “smile of God” in his life. Maybe things would hav worked out better 4 us if my needs /agenda hadn’t taken precedence. Mayb, probly not. Hes just meanspirited projects self hatred, is cruel. Never happy 4 long. There’s a time & season 4 all things time 4 peace, time 4 war…

  • analaura_ml@hotmail.com'
    Ana
    March 28, 2018

    Melanie, you have exposed what narcissists do and did to you financially. That´s what I have been planning to do: Expose him, because I´m just in the middle of a great fraud. He have just done a dirty legal movement to strip away 2 properties that are mine. In the other hand, he is a public person and have just written in a newspaper about the injustice in courts against women by “badly called men”. Can you imagine? Should I just hold my arms and do nothing?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 28, 2018

      Ana,

      please know it was only people around me that realised and came back into the fold, and/or police who “got” the truth, but in no way was that money returned, or damages looked after.

      I lost out horrifically. The reason that happened was that I was still totally traumatised on the inside – everything I tried (back then) backfired on me. By the time I released trauma and started to heal and things turned around, my resources and security were long gone.

      The truth was I was then free to create abundance again.

      Absolutely you should do something – but make sure you get empowered on this inside first. Do the inner work – because that is when “what you do” does work and the narcissist loses their power.

      The inner work is here: http://www.melaietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      I hope this helps,

      Mel xo

  • vintagejunker@gmail.com'
    Dawson Needham
    March 28, 2018

    Hi Mel,
    Thank you again for another wonderful and inspiring video. The way I would like to get even with the narc is to stay no contact and go on to finding someone who is worthy of my love and affection. Another way I would like to get even is to never see or hear from my ex narc ever again. I purchased your narp program last year and haven’t followed up. I have been busy with work and school and many projects. I just need to muster the courage to get started.
    Also there have been several male Narcissist friends who I unfriended. One is a person of the opposite political persuasion. And that factor only intensified his hostility. But there is a void there because we were close for a time. So I had 2 male friends that I discovered are Narcissists and I don’t want revenge of any kind. I just know I could achieve a great relationship without them in the picture. Thanks again for all you do. Dawson

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 29, 2018

      Hi Dawson,

      it’s my pleasure 🙂

      I agree creating a great life is the way forward, and it will be wonderful how much you will find it all accelerates once you start working with NARP.

      Wishing you incredible healing and blessings.

      Mel xo

  • leahbradshaw4@gmail.com'
    LeahB
    March 28, 2018

    I have two narcs in my life currently. N1, the father of my children. The other, N2, my soon to be ex husband. I tried to make others see how horrible N1 was for years. To play the N game. I always lost. Just a fight I could not win. Was not supposed to.

    I have been doing NARP for a couple months. Wow. How I react and respond differently to life. I no longer wish revenge or to expose the narcs to friends and family…..or simply leave my victim story on repeat. I’m peacing out on my own journey. Without their actions deciding how I feel this day. This moment. I now share my healing journey and shed light on stopping the cycle of abuse.

    Much love
    You have changed my life Mel. In such a short period of time. Thank you for you

    One less victim here.
    💕✌🏼🌸

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 29, 2018

      Hi LeahB,

      how gorgeous that you have had that shift!I LOVE Thet you are peacing out!

      Awww darling lady – your post made my day. One less victim is a gorgeous, inspirational thing.

      Thank you 🙂

      Mel xo

  • stefycobain81@libero.it'
    HappySpirit
    March 28, 2018

    Thank you Melanie!

    Here are some words i just read, hope you like them:

    “They don’t actually block the sun, they just make everything pink. how can you be sad when everything is pink?”

    Hugs

  • anamariabv@outlook.com'
    ana
    March 28, 2018

    queston: what about when you were young? you were happy at times then ….but we had no power to assert ourseleves…now we do…so remiding the good chlidhood is not bad, i mean, we had glimpses of thriving before …being deep into healing, what do you think?
    anyways…i was happy in my youth just that i was disporaged by many and felt envy…and i failed at healing them thise envious people…so how does this love your enemies, yes is real…

    bu the traumas are released stept by step foy you it was more abrupt for me more gradual…but anyway…happpy to see you happy and well. i am on the same path but a bot diffrenetly. hope i will et my voice to cause i have my kind of personal story that i would like to share. peace.

    just saying o dont thank go it happned but the reality is that suffering is the greatrs motivator…we could just evolve more rapidly…if we dont wait for too much suffering before we do that work…i was lazy simply lazy…and that is why the narc came to me. just sayin…i wanted revenege i know that is just self distructive…they have social and finacial power. BEST REVENGE IS HAPPINES…THANK YOU FOR YOU WORK. I WATCH YOU AND OTHER SPRITUAL TEACHERS AND WANNA LEARN. CONCLUZION IF WE WERE OK THERE WOULD BE NO WAY FOR A NARC TO EVEN GET OUR ATTENTION FOR TOO LONG:) WE KNOW IN SECONDS HE IS FAKE.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 29, 2018

      Hi ana,

      yes, I agree our childhoods were happy generally – in many ways. Yet, there were undercurrents of (as examples) not having emotionally available parents (they were busy in their own survival), or not being able to start getting shored up inside us to start developing the solidness of being our own sources of love, approval, security and survival (maybe our parents could not model that themselves) … or … because maybe the conditional love we received (at times beleiving we were only loveable “if”) had left us feeling on the inside we had to earn love and approval and that as “ourselves” we are not good enough. (Our parents no matter how wonderful they were had never had the training on how to program a child’s subconscious healthily).

      I really do believe that narcissists have made for us, the unconscious conscious so that we can heal.

      Mel xo

  • artemisgrace@gmail.com'
    Christine Baillot
    March 28, 2018

    Thank you so much for all the help and support you have given in your articles and videos. I escaped from my abuser and moved 150 miles away to be near my family. For a few years he dominated my thoughts and dreams and now days and weeks can go by when I scarcely think about him. I am 71 years old and spent 25 years of my life in a relationship with my abuser. Now I can enjoy my hobbies of painting, writing and playing music and endlessly reading great books. Thank you again.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 29, 2018

      Hi Christine,

      how wonderful you are claiming and embracing life for you!

      You are very welcome and I am so pleased I can help.

      Mel xo

  • catherinemunro.mail@gmail.com'
    Catherine Munro
    March 28, 2018

    Thank you for confirming what I believed on ‘getting even’ Melanie.
    I am like yourself, and many others, someone whose soul put their hand up for narcissistic abuse.
    I was left with very little financially, chronic arthritis, no friends and a daughter who was at the time alienated from me.

    I stopped at $10,000 … solicitors fees …. and walked away before I was left with nothing, relieved to just be able to breathe.
    My life is now enriched on the other side of 28 years of abuse and I am so content and experience joy like never before.
    My friends are many, my daughter and I are so close and I have a man in my life who has shown me how to love and trust.

    Thank you for your insightful shows Mel. They do so much for so many.

    Love and laughter,
    Cathy

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 29, 2018

      Hi Cathy,

      I am SO, so happy for you!

      You have done such a beautiful job of working with this at the soul evolution level – where we are blessed beyond measure at the other side.

      Thank you for your beautiful words, and you are so welcome Cathy 🙂

      Mel xo

  • sannemartini@hotmail.com'
    Sanne
    March 28, 2018

    Hi Melanie,

    I absolutely get your message here and it feels right.
    But after being in two relationships with narcissist I got the opportunity to teach both of them a lesson
    after the relationships had ended. And I must admit it felt so good.
    After the first relationship I did not know or understand what kind of person I was up against. So I fought
    my way through court and saw the strangest things happen. He got his way totally and nobody understood why
    that could happen. But in the last minute, before I lost my home and money I got the chance to keep most of
    my property. It felt almost like somekind of divine intervention. And I must admit I laughed og enjoyed the
    opportunities I suddenly got.
    The second time we had no common financial interests so it was all on a emotional level I was cheated. He lied,
    had other women, misused my trust, and hurt me in many ways.
    But after I discovered the truth about what he was doing he ended the relationship and blamed me for what had
    happened. I got so angry and frustrated and I hurt a lot.
    Six months ago I bought some tickets for a concert for him and me. After we split I noticed that he had kept the tickets.
    I thought that he had forgotten to give them back to me and just got them replaced with new tickets with new barcodes just in case he would try to use them.
    I went to the concert with a friend and I had this gut feeling that he would show up with his new girlfriend who hed
    had cheated me with. And he did. I was standing near the entrance and watched them being rejected with the void tickets.
    it was so embarrassing for him ( it was his girlfriends birthday) and how I laughed. It really made my day.

    So it can feel very good and relieving when you get a chance to pay just a little bit back – especially in front of a lot
    of people who suddenly realises what has been going on.

    Thank you so much for your Thriver TV – I really gives me a lot.

    Sanne

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 29, 2018

      Hi Sanne,

      thank you for your share. Really you working within the integrity of your rights. That is great – and so different than stooping to their level!

      Well done 🙂 I am so pleased Thriver TV helps you.

      Mel xo

  • Monkstown1234@icloud.com'
    Veronica
    March 28, 2018

    Dearest Mel thank you so very much for your wounderfull work,I have lost everything to my exn,even my children,not to mention my home ,moneies,ect… And my health,I am trying I am bearly coping,it’s a very long story so I not go there I know you can get it,by listening to you on your videos,yesterday was the first day I went outside,in months, I am fifty years age and feel and look like one hundred I lost my own family ,just like you said in your video he has turned it all on me ,I did leave a few years back and tuck my children,it’s was very difficult to get away from him as he held on to all our passports,moneis,but little by little and my girls whom were all very young then got away.We went back to my own country ,Witch was also very difficult too.As I was rise up by a nar,,,, my mother,I never know what it’s was until I came across your site,but I have and my brothers also a nirk… mother,The that same year big stuff came back from our family past big time.So there I was with too young girls and another on the way.I can’t begin to explain to you.ok that is all I can do for now Mel.God bless you, and your work,happy Easter 🐣.kindest regards vmcgrath

  • laurie5@hotmail.co.uk'
    LC
    March 28, 2018

    Hi Melanie, I just wanted to thank you for this episode. When the narcissist triggers me through a wound I have remaining, I definitely still get that feeling of wanting to lash out in response. It takes superhuman amounts of willpower not to. What happened for me during this episode is that I was able to reconnect with myself and life. Your description of the narcissistic abuse experience was a perfect description of what I went through. I was one of those thrivers who began releasing trauma while I was in court with the narcissist many years ago. It was excruciating at the time, as I didn’t have QFH. In fact, because I didn’t have QFH, I was unable to deal with the rest of the traumas I had inside myself, as I really didn’t have the understanding of what I was doing all those years ago. I limped along in life feeling utterly traumatised and trying desperately to rebuild what I had lost and being quite unsuccessful at it. Of course, all these years I blamed myself and internalised so much of the narcissist’s smear campaign and denigration of my character. I also had been unable to forgive myself and life for what happened. I know that this is an important part of healing, because it is one of the NARP modules, which I have worked a few times. It helped, but I had never really been able to reconnect to myself and life on a soul level since it all happened so many years ago. So I wanted to thank you for being so candid in this episode, because it really shifted that for me in a big way. I finally have the bigger picture, and I can see why it is so important to be able to forgive myself and life, because everything in life happens through this. Even all the traumas related to other people and other relationships can be affected by our relationship with ourselves and life. I really had no idea about this before!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 29, 2018

      Hi LC,

      I am so pleased this has resonated with you and helped.

      Please know LC if ever you feel like you can’t shift something – there is so much assistance and coaching you can receive in the NARP Forum to help you.

      I’d love you to connect to that at these times: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      I hope this helps, and I am so happy for you that you are feeling a breakthrough.

      Mel xo

  • nele.foerster@gmx.de'
    mrseaves
    March 28, 2018

    Hi Melanie,
    thank you very much for your insights. They have been very helpful in a difficult time.
    My boyfriend is divorcing his N/borderline ex-wife. Unluckily, they have a 9 year old daughter together. He does moderate contact. Which means only email contact and court dates with the mother. The girl is living with her mother and the new lover. She becomes more and more alienated from her father and me. This is very painfully for me to watch, because he is such a good and loving father and I can not help the daughter. He has not seen his daughter since January this year, because the mother does not stick to the visitation schedule of the court. But contrary to the new lover and the parents of the mother the court sees the pattern of all the lies she is telling. She claims that the father wants to kidnap the daughter and other crazy stuff. She also smears the reputation of my boyfriend and me in every letter she sends to the court (she has a lawyer but forces her apparently to send her trash mails) and to the new lover and her family.
    In Germany there is a fine, if you violate the visitation schedule. Is it revenge to let the mother pay for not sticking to the rules or is this in your opinion just setting healthy boundaries? I feel if there are no consequences, she will do it again and again.
    I am also not sure, if the mother is a narc or borderliner. She does a lot of manipulation but does also quite stupid things. For example writes a summary of a conversation she had with the court counsellor, and puts words in the mouth of the counselor. She wrote, that the counsellor said, my boyfriend needs therapy (what is not true. The counsellor did not say that). Later sending the same summary to the court and claiming that the counsellor wrote this. Every normal person would know, that something like this is really stupid. Of cause the counsellor knows, what she had said in the conversation with the mother!
    I feel a narc would be more successful in manipulation? Or is this quantum law working for us, because my boyfriend has become quite fearless in the last years. He said that earlier in the marriage he has been very stressed and fearful because of the behaviour of his wife.
    Probably it does not matter if she is a narc or borderliner? For sure she is a very unhealthy, unconscious woman.

  • jacquelinepepper@yahoo.co.uk'
    Jacqueline
    March 29, 2018

    Hi Melanie. Thank you for your video. It is very hard for people to understand. It feels like we are just letting the narcissist off. At the early stages I felt that too. Now a few years down the line I see the narcissist as a beautiful gift wrapped box whose contents I didn’t appreciate or understand at the time. It allowed me to eventually live a life that is full of colour and joy. When I look back I was sleep walking in my life ever before the narcissist appeared. It was my sleep walking that allowed him access. I’ve never seen or heard from the narcissist for over two years now. It is the biggest compliment I could receive. He obviously realises we are no longer on the same level and that I could no longer provide him with the supply he requires. He wouldn’t even recognise the person I am today, I am so far removed from the person he knew. I don’t even recognise the person I was a few years back myself. If you are still being hoovered please don’t see it as a compliment. It is the narcissist letting you know that there are areas that haven’t been healed. Narcissists never hang around where there is no energy source. Thank you Melanie again for your work and helping me to step up, heal and create this wonderful life for myself x

  • jane.offord@ntlworld.com'
    jane offord
    March 29, 2018

    Hi Melanie,
    I’ve been working on myself for very many years due to Narcissistic family problems, it all came to light around twenty years ago when we went for therapy for stress due to my eldest son being unwell with cancer, however he’s absolutely fine now and he’s just got married ! BUT that was just the beginning of my journey, I started to realise that my problems where so ingrained that it’s taken me a long time to figure it all out, my husband has a highly narcissistic sister (of which i was guilty by association by my husband ) and both my parents as well as a very nasty evil woman who was my dads second wife causing awful havoc in the family as a whole, I don’t have any contact with her any more at all ……thank goodness and I should have done that many years ago, however i’m still married to my husband as he has made major changes in his attitude as well as myself ! I now work in the field of criminals in Police Custody as an appropriate adult (Pace Law in the UK is very important ) .
    Narcissism and all pathologies absolutely fascinate me as I’m sure you would understand, however I’m still working on healing myself from all those nasty people I once knew and hopefully I won’t be falling into any traps again, which is why I enjoy your videos and I understand what you are saying as I find it helps and validates what I’m doing for myself and others. Keep up with your great work as I very much appreciate what your doing. I think it’s important to keep up with the journey as it’s healthy to stay very aware of the repetitive problems that could occur at any time etc…
    ALl the best to you,
    Jane

  • jraltizer@gmail.com'
    Julia
    March 29, 2018

    Good video. I don’t have any desire to get even anymore. I think years ago I did. I have noted over the years that all the Narc is able to do is take, use and squander. I can’t tell you how many times he has gotten new homes, furnishings, cars etc and within months it all lands up lost, smashed up or on the sidewalk ready for the trash man to pick up.

    I feel like I have the upper hand in this situation because I am able to create, rebuild and thrive. I just need to keep my distance from the Narc.

  • lorrainewilcock529@gmail.com'
    Lorraine Ann Wilcock
    March 29, 2018

    Thank you my heart is overflowing with gratitude your story resonates and your words are like healing balm to my soul…I know I am gonna heal from this trauma …..just gotta get on with the programme. …been difficult due to illness and loss of job…but I feel a little clearer and intend to print off the programme after Easter holiday. Thank you melanie you are a lifeline.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 29, 2018

      Hi Lorraine,

      you are so welcome.

      So many blessings to you and wishing you wonderful healing.

      Mel xo

  • Jamie_belew@yahoo.com'
    Jamie
    March 29, 2018

    Loved the topic! For years I’ve struggled with consuming rage for my ex Narc. Until I decided that I will not behave like him, not rape my own soul to get even I was stuck reliving the abuse every moment of the day. I still have to remind myself that to heal is to not participate in any way. This was so apropos today thank you!! Much love💜

  • lindajgstaman@gmail.com'
    Linda
    March 29, 2018

    This video came at THE perfect time for me. I was ready to go after what was rightfully mine from the divorce but your point is well taken.
    EX has already proven that he would stop at nothing to destroy me; I believe it would only be the tip of the iceberg if I did anything more.
    Thank you!!! Your message was so profound and has helped me enormously. I am sure that had I not seen your video I would have
    experienced much more shame, pain, and anguish.

  • kaddawg@yahoo.com'
    k
    March 29, 2018

    One of your best videos!!! Thank you!
    I am 3 years recovered and can say YES it is true!!! Once the fog has lifted you see your life and the world with clarity, new energy, optimism, and JOY!!! It’s almost Euphoric…things are happening to me now that I NEVER would have anticipated or asked for before my Narcissist ex sucked the life out of me. I am so excited about my life now! The awakening has happened …so glad it happened in this lifetime. : )
    Feeling very blessed now.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 29, 2018

      Hi K,

      awww I love your message! So happy for you that you are on the other side 🙂

      Mel xo

  • julialillia@gmail.com'
    Julia
    March 29, 2018

    THANK YOU
    THANK YOU
    THANK YOU
    To you, Melanie, to my friend who referred me to you, and to my abuser for opening my eyes! Earlier today I was working with a friend on my reactionary “anger” art. After this video, I have a new perspective on my project. I still intend to produce this work as a release, but perhaps now it will have greater relevance, rather than simply raw anger. Thank you, also, for the reminder that “life happens for me, not to me.” I am so motivated to release even more traumas.

  • minkarcade@gmail.com'
    Spirit
    March 29, 2018

    I know what you say: this is the right thing, the best thing, and I’m grateful for your eloquent reminder. I get a message, in some form, each and every day to remind me that this is the truth when my mind retreats back to imagining or plotting acts of vengeance. Today that valuable reminder came from you. Thank you. This provides me with tremendous relief from the quicksand of obsessive thoughts.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 29, 2018

      Hi Spirit,

      how wonderful you are coming home to you on all of this!

      Keep up the great work – and many blessings to you.

      Mel xo

  • brianjm84@hotmail.com'
    Brian
    March 29, 2018

    Making a Narcissist Pay.

    Fortunately my gut feeling when going into a relationship with this woman, who I met overseas was to protect myself and how true that proved. Fortunately due to very good legal advice I had her sign a pre nuptial agreement after she received appropriate advice. Hence she got nothing. I had her removed from the house and made it clear that she should not come back or there would be repercussions. I went no contact and still am. Nevertheless I have suffered some serious health issues which I partially attribute to the horrible Narc and her treatment of me. If one does have to contact the Narcissist after divorce or whatever do not giveir hungeer. in fact by going e them any joy to feed their persona. By going no reaction it really burns them,best revenge one can have.

    Brian

  • gc0825@aol.com'
    Marie
    March 29, 2018

    Hi Melanie, I have had your program for a while and I’m finally starting it after some ups and downs. Now is the time and it is really resonating with me. I also feel the same about past lives and have even entertained the idea of “choosing our parents” (as much as it made my stomach turn) in order to grow as we need to in an infinite way. I feel I saw this video tonight for a reason–Hearing you say it feels like it’s being confirmed to me through you. And now, I’m ready to find out why with the help of your program.

    As far as getting even, I’ve wrongly taken that road with someone once, and I hate that I did. It made me feel better initially but rotted out my insides over time. I regret it and would never do it again. Right now, I’m grappling with antics from my narc mother who had betrayed me in a big “last straw” way a couple years ago. I have had *very minimal contact with her since then and she is now trying desperately to hoover me back in with insults, guilt, and shame– that kind of thing worked in the past and I’m sure that’s what she is counting on now. Ironically, distancing myself from her without caving in to her demands the way she wants seems to be somewhat of an inadvertent “revenge”. Funny. Taking care of myself and putting my own well-being first finally, seems to be it. She’s not getting her supply. She actually accused me of being cruel and punishing her by distancing myself.

    Anyway, even though I can identify what she is doing, it has still “gotten to me”. Even physically. I got sick. She knew just what to say. Your program is already helping me to keep my boundaries and this video is reminding me to hold back any reactionary comments I might feel like hurling back at her. She’s looking for and expecting a fight and I won’t take the bait. It’s really hard sometimes, but your program is making it easier and I look forward to how much better I will be in the end, as I know I have a long way to go with my Addiction to her, obsessing, thinking about her, etc…and that’s with no direct contact (mainly through my dad, her flying monkey). It’s a powerful hold.

    I didn’t mean to say so much, but I just wanted to share my story with you and thank you!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 29, 2018

      Hi Marie,

      Thank you for you share and your honest insight post.

      I’m so pleased this helped validate what you felt.

      That’s great that you are taking the evolutionary path to your freedom by breaking free.

      Keep NARPing Dear Lady, you’ve got this and we have all got you.

      So much love.

      Mel xo

  • ctl-_@tiscali.co.uk'
    Carmel
    March 30, 2018

    Hello Mel, I grew up with a narcissist mother and sisters and left home (even country) at 19 years old to escape them only to walk straight into a narcissist romantic relationship when I was 22 years old for a year. Logically I could see it was wrong but couldn’t understand why this wrongness felt so right. I knew it was wrong for me but kept flogging the dead horse. I went on to marry a covert narcissist when I was 27! Yes, I hadn’t quite worked out even then what was going on. I knew 8 years into my marriage that it was wrong and yet stayed there again flogging the dead horse for a further 7 years and eventually found the courage to leave. 2 years after my marriage break up I dated a man who was THE biggest, scariest narcissist I would ever dread to meet. I am 48 years old. I can honestly say the experience shook me to the core – I felt like my soul had been battered, beaten to within an inch of its existence, however, it led me to find you and to understand the pattern I was creating within my life. I am working your NARC programme and now see every human being differently and not in negative way either. I can help but feel sorry for people as this is who I am but I can also now see them for who they are realistically and am putting up healthy boundaries. I am so grateful to you Mel as I can for the first time in myself present myself as an adult, taking full responsibility. I hope this will be an inspiration to my daughter who is 16 (nearly 17) years old. Thank you Mel, I am eternally grateful xx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 30, 2018

      Hi Carmel,

      I am so happy for you and your transformation that was hard-earned.

      Massive kudos to you.

      How gorgeous for your daughter that she can now benefit as our children do.

      So much love to the both of you.

      Mel xo

  • lorinda_wente@att.net'
    Lorinda
    March 30, 2018

    I remember the moment I realized I couldn’t succeed at getting back at him, couldn’t fight as dirty as he could, or even use his tactics on him. It became clear to me that it was his game, his rules. I remember thinking ” if I learn this I may loose myself in this game”. The more I learn about Quanta Healing the more it appears to be so natural and that I “know” it at some level already.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 31, 2018

      Hi Lorinda,

      You have expressed this perfectly. It’s so true the Quantum Game is who we really are, and so more soul gratifying.

      Mel xo

  • Bettina-s@youmail.dk'
    Bettina
    March 31, 2018

    Thanks Melanie, I wish I saw this yesterday, because yesterday I found out more nfidelity, and did a really stupid this to get even… I couldnt stop or help it… Now I Can wonder if he will make me pay. But one good thing came out off it, and that is that I went no-contact, and is for sure not going to break it again…! It didnt make me feel better trying to hurt him, but on the other hand, I am not going to beat my self up, because off it either… He deserved it and much more… The thought that he is unpunished is more that I could take…!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 31, 2018

      Hi Bettina,

      You are welcome and it’s graat that you are not beating yourself up about it.

      I love that you are determined to stay no contact now.

      Wishing you incredible breakthrough and healing.

      Mel xo

  • Kate_ryan2903@hotmail.com'
    Katya
    March 31, 2018

    Melanie, I have the greatest respect and admiration for your journey, the way you discovered the healing truth and how you passionately sharing your wisdom and knowledge with millions of other abused women including myself. I am totally with you on the idea of not firing back at narcissist for all the nasty things they’ve done, because it only makes things worse for us. I’ve been through this stage already, when I was so outraged with my ex behaviour, that anger used to take over and created reaction which I’ve figured out afterwards, was purposely provoked by the narc in order to receive his supply and use it against me. I have changed my tactics since I although I agree with what you say, I would like to suggest that it is still possible to make a narc pay without sacrificing your peace. The biggest punishment for any narc is the loss of their power over us, that’s a fact. Also, when we disregard them and show them our strength, this scares the hell out of them. I am facing a high court with a narc in two jurisdictions. My natc does not have a leg to stand on, all his lies will be exposed and the best way to make him pay is to cause him nightmares with law and financial obligations, expose their shady shit to higher authorities, who can deal with narcs appropriately. I believe All this can be done in a professional way through legal system where it’s possible without emotional drama attached to it. No contact, no reaction, no communication, just cold approach with facts to higher authorities. Not having any control over legal obligations, not having power over you, not having any reaction from you, exposure in court – will destroy a narc. Create a situation where the narc has no control over, and he will turn into a rat in a corner. Would this be a good way to make him pay?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 31, 2018

      Hi Katya,

      I totally agree 100 percent that we can take them down professionally as you said with no contact, reaction and just straight emotional facts.

      That is key – when we no longer have fear or are hooked in emotionally narcissists fail to have any power over us.

      Many Thrivers in this community have achieved wonderful wins in this way – and I wish you every success Katya as well.

      Thank you so much for the timely reminder to the community of your post.

      It’s SO true! 😀

      Mel xo

    • lmcbain@t-online.de'
      Lesley
      April 4, 2018

      Hi Katya, I so agree with your approach to exposing them to the legal system. The feelings of “this is not ok, this should not be possible” was overwhelming and I actually believed, he could do whatever he wants to destroy me and there is nothing I can do. My ex-husband took me through 3 humiliating court cases and I was shocked, that he would lie to the court, the judge, his lawyer. Incredibly, in my last court case, the judge listened patiently and said to my ex and his lawyer “bullshit, what else do you have you to convince me, that I shöuldn’t rule in favour of your ex-wife”. He completely dismantled every point they made and I was shaking, anticipating my ex’s reaction. He went very pale and said nothing. I could sense his rage and was terrified. The judge ruled in my favour. Needless to say, I was “punished” and he even tried to ruin the reputation of the judge by saying he wasn’t fit to sit in a court room. The same jugde threatened him with jail if he continued. Along came hope for me. I realised there are people out there, who can recognise what a narcissist does and who have the courage to say “stop”.

      I have been using NARP now for 7 days !! and I am making such incredible progress. I can feel the shift and within this week, my daughter is opening up to me because I am making myself available and she can sense the shift too. Melanie I cannot thank you enough for understanding and creating NARP, you are changing lives and giving children back their parents.

  • Kpmov@aol.com'
    Ellen
    April 2, 2018

    Hi. I believe in speaking up and confronting. Not everyone’s situation is the same. My soul came here to find God and the courage to speak up.

  • donaldreed2@outlook.com'
    Donald
    April 3, 2018

    well a man cut me off in the street and I called him an asshole
    but I know it was a build up of narcissist abuse

  • donaldreed2@outlook.com'
    Donald
    April 3, 2018

    what about women narcissist they pray on nice men
    And after they do that with the games and manipulation
    they say I have someone after they get what they want out of you
    so I can relate to when you went through that women narcissist do it to
    but they are never upfront about why they want to hang with you until after they have gotten
    what they wanted out of you

  • helsbells11@hotmail.com'
    The Goddess Within
    April 4, 2018

    Hi Mel,

    I have never felt the need for revenge but in the N’s mind that’s exactly what my boundaries constitute. I have had to NARP on that too. I have come to the conclusion that it’s all about intent. An N will always misread intent due to his or her own world view. That world view is out of a thriver’s control. I view N’s now with deep sadness. They don’t deserve revenge. The kindest course of action would be a rewired brain, one that can feel all the love others have tried to share with them and they have wasted and one that knows how to love itself. Sadly that is also outside of a thrivers control. We can only heal ourselves.

    TGW
    Xo

  • nicki.goodchild@hotmail.co.uk'
    Lolly
    April 9, 2018

    I definitely know what you mean about wanting revenge. I’ve have often nearly come down to his level and done the hiddeous things that he has done to me but I have refrained. However it’s so hard as I’m still finically paying for his stuff and I don’t know how to get out of it. Well I can’t. The shame I feel for being fooled into doing this when I’m struggling to keep my head above water for me and my sons as it, is overwhelming. One of the reason I stayed with him was to try and get some of this money back. However my sanity is much more important. It has only been one whole day since we split but I’m praying that I will stay strong this time. Like previous commenters, despite everything I still have feelings for him and care as I know the pain and traumas he has been through himself. I need to keep remembering that I can’t help him and it will only result in me being more broken than I already am. And yes you are right, I was broken in my childhood first, he’s just grab on to that with both and hands and run with it. I look forward to looking at more of your material. Thank you!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 9, 2018

      Hey Lolly,

      My heart goes out to you and sending you love and strength.

      I promise you that when you start healing the solutions, relief and healthy disconnection will come, and your True Life free of the pain and the previous patterns can begin.

      I’d love to help you powefully access this path.

      My free webinar will help you a lot: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      You’ve got this Lovely Lady. It’s time.

      Mel xo

  • LuvXpressing@gmail.com'
    Alyse
    April 10, 2018

    I love this episode. On my spiritual path, I finally drew the same conclusion!!! How validating it was to hear you say that this type of abuse was a huge gift. I know it was for me and I have greatly changed from it. Thank you for your wisdom, Melanie. xox

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 11, 2018

      Hi Alyse,

      I love that you embody this!

      You are so welcome and many blessings to you.

      Mel xo

  • gingermarie1213@gmail.com'
    Ginger
    May 9, 2018

    Hi Melanie,
    Your website is a blessing to me. My life has just been destroyed by a very high level narc. He has left me with nothing and no means to support our three young daughters. My question is this… earlier today my mother witnessed me being repeatedly punched in the face. This is something that he just began doing in the last year but does not hesitate to haul off and punch me when we argue. My Narc is also a sex addict and through his addiction has destroyed our life three times now. So his fall has begun with him losing his job as an executive chef at an upscale restraint. And also he was arrested for driving on a suspended and speeding whilst in his vacation with his paramour and her young baby . I can’t even get him to take me grocery shopping… also i believe his affair partner has put on the brakes and he comes to me who has been begging him to dump her and cime back to us. He has designed my life to be a cage and getting would be nearly impossible even if u wasnt also suffering from his abuse. After police responded be ran and his vehicle and phone are here. He immediately cut off phone service even though i am in the process of getting our three yo diagnosed for autism and have no transportation or ability to leave the house and have three babies here… all of our stuff is in a storage unit a state away and because this 5 month stay at my mother’s was only supposed to be a week . There is much more because as you know they attack from all angles. So my question is this… i did not fill out a victim statement or press charges today and while i can still do that I am scared he will try to punish me. i feel completely dependant on him. My question is this, is keeping him out of jail and not putting a restraining order on him is that not punishing or should i press charges and seem protection. I still have a dependency issues and feel some sick sense of love and loyalty. i feel alone and dont know what to do… I worry he will make me pay for his consequences. Do I protect him ? Is not protecting him going to hurt me worse?
    Ginger

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 10, 2018

      Hi Ginger,

      Awww Dear Lady it is so important for all of us that we take the stand of ‘no’ to violence.

      Yes sweetheart press charges and please know you daughters need an example from their mother of never ever tolerating such behaviour.

      I totally understand the feelings of dependency I used to have them too and that permitted me to excuse acts of violence. This thinking only allowed the abuse to escalate and things to get worse.

      This is a stand that you need to take if you wish to heal and break free from this.

      Condoning is never the answer and it is such a damaging message to our children. Please honey see this and I would love you to also connect to this community for healing and support.

      It’s not going to be easy but with the right healing support and resources you will get through this.

      Sending love and strength

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

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