Melanie Tonia Evans

Losing Your Best Years To Narcissistic Abuse

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 9
101
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

It’s nothing short of devastating to end a relationship with a narcissist and feel like your “best years” are behind you.

I truly can’t tell you how often people have shared with me the terrible trauma of losing the best years of their life to a narcissist.

Things like:

“I gave up my career to support the narcissist and now its too late for me to reclaim those years and opportunities” … and …

“The narcissist dangled the possibility of children constantly, and now I’m too old to have them” … and ….

“I pumped all of my finances and properties into a life with this person and now they are gone. How on earth am I going to rebuild at my age?”

And of course people commonly report the following:

“I’m (however old I am) and now I’m so depressed, unhealthy and stressed that I look terrible. I’ve aged considerably. Who would want me now?”

I know this topic is hard to reconcile and my heart goes out to you. It’s so common to lose everything, as well as ourselves, to narcissists at mid-life onwards.

Only 5 years ago, again after being smashed by narcissist number 2, things were so bad in my life, I had to live in a cabin park! That was ONLY 5 years ago!

Despite this, at 46 years of age, like so many people in this Community (at any age) I was able to make a full Thriver comeback beyond my wildest dream.

Was I just lucky?

Absolutely not …

There was a definite process I took to get there.

And that is what today’s Thriver TV episode is about – no matter what age we are, what we have suffered and lost, and even how affected our health has become, we CAN come back from this.

In today’s episode, I share with you HOW to achieve this, as well as incredible true stories that I know will inspire you to believe your very BEST years are yet to come.

Did you find this video helpful? I’d love you to share your comments and question below.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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101 Thoughts on Losing Your Best Years To Narcissistic Abuse
  • Dnabartell@gmail.com'
    Donna
    April 3, 2018

    Zthank you.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 3, 2018

      Hi Donna,

      it is my pleasure.

      Mel xo

      • Vannareisman@yahoo.com'
        Angela
        April 4, 2018

        Hi Mel

        Yet again such a powerful video thank you for giving me strength! I’m so healthy now. Can you release a video about your opinion regarding the Narc and their future based on your experience? What happens to them in the end?
        Best, Angela

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          April 4, 2018

          Hi Angela,

          I am so pleased you enjoyed this and that you are doing well 😀

          I certainly will pop that suggestion on the list Angela thank you!

          Mel xo

  • kgross@dndescapes.com'
    Karynn
    April 3, 2018

    This has been a tough one for me. I was married for 20 years and at 41 started over. I really don’t want a new guy in my life. I’m in counseling and it’s intense but happy I’m doing it, but I am lonely after 4 years. I am working on myself and doing the work, but I’m sure you can relate, it is difficult at times.

    Thank you for the inspiring story and who knows what’s to come when you heal completely.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 3, 2018

      Hi Karynn,

      it is really tough – absolutely.

      However, there is a way to fast-track healing – and that is to lease the trauma directly our of our being.

      I’d love you to join my free webinar – which is specifically for N-abuse recovery so that you can experience what I mean.

      wwww.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      I hope that this can help give you even more hope!

      Mel xo

  • corinne.hedditch@bigpond.com'
    RinnieRoo
    April 3, 2018

    Beautiful Mel,

    Did you do this episode just for me today? I turn 48 in a few weeks, and have been feeling all that grief about my life lost – most especially about time lost with my kids, who have been living with their dad for almost nine years now…

    I won’t lie, I have been truly struggling since joining NARP back in November. I have not taken to the modules like a duck to water. Resistance is huge – my ego is throwing up ALL the obstacles and objections! And I have clearly been swimming in a pool of proverbial peptides… (granted, I don’t remember hearing anything about peptides in the proverbs I heard in my Catholic upbringing in Ballarat many years ago, but they were firing already then…)

    On the weekend I did the GSM with the aim of breaking down my resistance to healing. Even before that I did the healing meditation, as recommended by lovely Clarie, to keep my ego and those pesky peptides at bay. I sobbed for the whole 15+ minutes of the meditation. During the module, I was once again numb, but have since been crying A LOT. I think I have cried more since November when I discovered you and NARP.

    I am still terrified of the process, but I think I am slowly letting the defences down. I sense that those carefully constructed dam walls are about to burst (eek!) and relief is in sight. Somebody on the forum posted recently “this too shall pass – it may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass…” I am trying to keep that in mind as I progress – very slowly – on the journey…

    It really was lovely to hear and see you this morning. I feel a sense of renewed hope and courage…

    With love and gratitude from Canberra,

    Corinne xox

    p.s. Off to do the GSM again, see if I can get my scores past one – and then maybe to the forum to share my fears and frustrations… 🤔

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 3, 2018

      Hi RinnieRoo,

      That’s great this resonated with you 🙂

      Awww Corrine, resistance can be massive – absolutely.

      This I believe is a way that we can stand up to our ego … and I still had to do it with mine at times in healing ..
      “You are killing me, I am not scared of you – I am going to let you go, all the fear, all the blocks all the resistance, and find the True Me under all that stuff.” You are going because I am better off without you – my internal narcissist – no matter what awaits!!”

      It really is about saying to ourselves, every block, every fear, every resistance I’m going STRAIGHT TO, loading it up with Module work and releasing it out. Every time it gets stuck and won’t go – I am going STRAIGHT back in and saying “Ok body show me THAT block NOW.”

      (And of course, we do this with full love and devotion to ourselves as well as fierce determination!)

      Sweetheart your inner beautiful me is calling for you at the bottom of that stuff.

      Clear it out and go get her hun.

      Mel xo

  • sheopi@yahoo.co.uk'
    Sophie
    April 3, 2018

    Oh Mel this has to be the most uplifting video you’ve done! Of all the ones I’ve seen. Maybe it’s because I’m ready to hear it now but it just felt so true and real and appreciated your honesty and others stories too. I moduled today and noticed I connected with more sensation on being held by angels and feeling the new energy and light coming in than every time before. I realise how fuller and densensitised I’ve become through multi layers of trauma locked in. So this video is a timely reminder of how and why it’s good to keep going and peeling layers even though it feels like it never ends.
    Much love 💕 SJ

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 3, 2018

      Awww Sophie,

      I am so pleased to hear you say that!

      That is such a sign you are internally shifting powerfully!

      Big kudos to you Sophie and so much love.

      Mel xo

  • susieqt@videotron.ca'
    Susie
    April 3, 2018

    Great video! Came at a great time..I’m 54 years old and have always felt “young” but later been feeling old and like its the end. Thank you for your inspiration!

  • beautifulmusicbiz@gmail.com'
    Dave Kyle
    April 3, 2018

    I’m new to this and even though I hit rock bottom when my Covert Narc ex revealed her true colors and I’ve been struggling without her these past 5 months – I feel blessed in comparison to some of the horrific stories I’ve read about Serious Narc Abuse. I’m going to do all the modules cuz I truly believe focusing on thriving instead of wallowing in suffering is the only way to move forward. So thank you and God Bless. I like to text so there will be updates

    Sincerely,
    Dave Kyle
    Canada

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 3, 2018

      Hi Dave,

      that is so wonderful that you are applying to your healing with NARP.

      Keep up the great work, and we would all love to keep hearing from you 🙂

      You are very welcome and many blessings to you too.

      Mel xo

  • rlfehrensen@gmail.com'
    Rebecca
    April 3, 2018

    My ex husband married his divorce attorney.
    After 2 years of spousal support he is now claiming his business is suffering. He still owes me 10,000 from the settlement to be paid this year. Let alone rhe lifetime spousal that i was awarded
    I used my resources for my first attorneys fees.
    I am desperate for any help I can get. I’m still suffering from his narcissistic personality. He thinks he’s unstoppable. Any suggestions from others would be greatly appreciated.

  • mbyorkbeauty@gmail.com'
    Mary Beth York
    April 3, 2018

    We are here to heal lifetimes of codependency and trauma. The Narc wakes us up, all divinely planned. No one is a victim..we are helping eachother heal.

    Society knows nothing of true success.. finding our own inner power is the gift.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 3, 2018

      Hi Mary Beth,

      thank you for your post – and I totally agree with you.

      Bless 🙂

      Mel xo

  • Mlyon49@gmail.com'
    Mary Lyon
    April 3, 2018

    I am interested in the free NARP help and materials you mentioned in the video. I am 56 and feel that I stucco, trapped, in my 21 year marriage with my narc spouse. I have been out of f the workforce so long now that I feel like a abandoning all hope for employment. I have health issues as well. I just cannot take the constant rejection from job applications anymore. I have no clue where to start to heal from this terrible mistake I have made in my life. Please help.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 3, 2018

      Hi Mary,

      I am so pleased you feel some hope and want to start healing.

      The resources are here: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      That is your starting point and please know this incredible Community is here to help you as well.

      It’s your time Mary, to heal.

      Mel xo

      • nappijean@yahoo.com'
        Jean Nappi
        April 4, 2018

        Hey Mary
        Me too I’ll n late 50s Stay at home mom. I have twojobs in retail stores. It’s hard work but I do enjoy it and meeting new people everyday is a joy. I just feel better after 33 yrs of prison to be free. It’s not perfect but steps in the joy direction gives me such hope for everyday feels like a rebirth of a life. Melanie has been a God send. You will be great because without him is awesome!!!!! And being with yourself is truly a rebirth
        God Bless
        Jean

    • valerieAwedel@gmail.com'
      Valerie
      April 10, 2018

      Hi Mary,
      There is hope! There is a way out. You can do this. I am in the same boat, late 50’s, starting over after giving my youth and financial independence away to an x. Have worked NARP and return to the GSM as needed. On the other side of NARP modules lie joy, freedom, confidence. I hope you go for it!

      I get the rejection, I’ve gotten rejected from every job I applied for since the divorce. (Over qualified, underqualified, too old, you name it.) So I play music because I love it. Guess what people are now paying me to do? Yup! Music is supporting my day job that hasn’t manifested yet. And also writing and doing artwork that gets published, but most of my current income is from that source everyone says will never support you. And am still a work in progress.

      I absolutely believe that as you clear the inner static and bring forth that something from within that you love, you will also become free and find great joy. There is no doubt you have something you love, deep inside of you, that our world really needs. A gift you bring that also rewards you. I am excited to see what that will be – for each of us!

      in love and light,
      Valerie

  • lizajft@yahoo.ca'
    Liza Farrell-Toulouse
    April 3, 2018

    Thank you for this message of hope! 💝. At 52 I had these false tapes in my mind, heart & soul. Now I know they are lies.
    I am looking forward to each moment & a future that is free from trauma.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 3, 2018

      Hi Liza,

      I am so pleased you know they are not true.

      Gorgeous Liza – your True Life awaits you!

      Mel xo

  • joanjamila4444@gmail.com'
    joan
    April 3, 2018

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart! This timely video really spoke to me as I am 58 years old and feeling (and believing) lately that I am running out of time, my finances are depleted, and I missed my life! I joined NARP years ago and did the modules but stopped when I dove into intensive therapy. At that time, I had socially isolated myself after legal and divorce trauma from covert narcissistic husband where I signed all my property rights away. The idea of taking up space and connecting with people felt too painful and vulnerable (even with the NARP community), and especially through any social media like fb. The therapy has been helpful and yet, moving forward still feels, at times, like I am picking through an ice mountain, and not even sure which direction I am going. Someone once said, ‘you get it when you get it”. I am not sure why, but this video turned a light bulb on within me – I feel as if I am able to read the map to freedom for the first time. I am going back to the modules. BLESS YOU, MEL!!!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 3, 2018

      Hi Joan,

      I am so happy you are going back to the Modules to release trauma.

      I am a little bias – but I do SO believe that is where healing is at! 🙂

      I am so pleased this video deeply resonated with you!

      Please also do join the NARP Forum Joan – its time to be with your tribe sweetheart – people who are going to inspire you EVERY day: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      So much love, and welcome back!

      Mel xo

  • brewer.asha67@gmail.com'
    Asha
    April 3, 2018

    Mel,
    Every day I check my inbox for the next video or newsletter and each time I am deeply touched by things you share. I’m experiencing everything you’ve said as truth. There is so much I could say on this topic since I’m turning 51 in May. You may remember my recent post about finally getting to a place of no contact with my narc sisters some weeks ago. The most amazing thing has happened. Nearly every day, a girlfriend has asked about having a birthday party. What’s so significant about this is that I haven’t celebrated my birthday in 5 years. I was too depressed after my relationship with a covert sociopath. I don’t even talk about my birthday and none of these girlfriends were in my life prior to 5 years ago. And yet, soon as I let go of my narc sisters, an act of complete acceptance of them and me, the universe sends me a bunch of beautiful, loving, funny women who believe it’s a good idea to celebrate my birth just as I’m in the middle of physically feeling the death of a childhood desire. i wanted sisters and I’ve gotten them, but only when I gave myself what i thought I could only have with the narc sisters. How freaking cool is that?! It’s so true that life multiplies what we give ourselves. I have so many amazing things happening as a result of just accepting my own needs and desires.

    it’s never too late to learn how to be your own best friend. There’s no age limit to this….thank goodness!
    Love you to pieces Mel! Thank you a million times for NARP and these powerful videos.

  • rose.black@outlook.com'
    Rose
    April 3, 2018

    Hi Mel,

    Seems to always be so timely the message that you put out in this video. I am in my forties and feel the same way even though my narcissistic experience exited my life over a decade ago it left significant damage and I have survived by informational processes and other coping mechanisms that have not really helped in my recovery. I do feel like the best years of my life have been taken away and I have kept strong to just get on with life but in the last 3 years really started to fall to apart and saw my job and family fall apart along with what is left of my state. Trauma has a life of its own I am finding even though I am in therapy and working with things like using the felt self, TFT, CBT and tapping these processes only provide relief for a few days and then I am back to square one. I participated in your shifts happen episode with Catherine (brave soul) randomly one day and even though I don’t have lime disease I have the endocrine health related issues from trauma and abuse which is no surprise really but the beliefs she had resonated with me. Can I ask how does theta brainwave get accessed using QFH and how does this connect to our subconscious state of mind is this done via the body by feeling the angst or emotion? I am really interested in doing the NARP because I do want to enjoy the best years to come.

    Thanks
    Rose

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 3, 2018

      Hi Rose,

      That is great this episode was relevant and can help you! It is so true that the trauma has a life of its own and this is why I believe we simply just have to get it up and out to get well.

      QFH as a result of energy intentions I was shown to infuse in the healings takes anyone in the healing space, if their body is open (relaxed) and they are present, into theta brainwave. Yes we connect to the subconscious through the angst – the dense energy in our body where the trauma is being held.

      Have you come into my free webinar to access the information and training with QFH? I’d love to help you nail this stuff and heal for real.

      Sending many blessings and great breakthroughs Rose. It’s time.

      Mel xo

  • winespell@gmail.com'
    Deborah
    April 3, 2018

    Oh my gosh, all of you people in your 40s and 50s who I feel perhaps don’t realize how very blessed and fortunate you are, even though you think that the best years of you life have gone by. I am 61 and just starting my Integrative Life Coach Training and at long last on a trajectory to my new life, and thinking about your heartfelt comments –though I totally understand how you feel at 40 or 50, perhaps ypu might realize that there are many others of us 10 or 20 years older than you are now who are only just now beginning to rebuild our devastated lives and wishing we were 10 or 20 years younger like you are.

    God bless Melaine and all of you!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 3, 2018

      God bless you too Deborah.

      And wishing you every happiness and breakthrough.

      Mel xo

    • brewer.asha67@gmail.com'
      Asha
      April 3, 2018

      That’s so beautiful to hear this about your life. Thanks for sharing. I too am returning to school. I believe that as long as I’m alive, I have every moment to heal, grow and move forward. Many blessings to you!

    • valerieAwedel@gmail.com'
      Valerie
      April 10, 2018

      Thank you Deborah –

      I am humbled. Love and light to you!

      Valerie

  • rhoda.ww@gmail.com'
    Thriver
    April 3, 2018

    Hi Mel.
    Thank you for yet another brilliant episode. Keep doing the good work, it’s encouraging to us. I also keep looking forward to the next episode and they come in so timely its like you can sense what am going through 😊.

    I moved out of the 15 year relationship with narc husband one month ago. And i have to say, it feels so good, am happier and feel connected to myself and God more than i ever felt even before meeting the narc. It is like i have come alive and life is just beginning. Am in a smaller house, with no tv or sofa sets but am so happy and look forward to complete thriving.
    In the past few days i have had bad dreams where for some reason am running away from the narc, last night had the second one. I havent done all the modules of narp and it’s something i need to get back to and complete which module is best with this?
    Thanks for your advise last time about my worry that the children mayprefer to stay with their father cuz of the material things like tv and bigger house better neighborhood etc… I realize as you said if i realize that fear that it feels better. Thanks.

    Lots of luv😘

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 3, 2018

      Hi Thriver,

      It’s my pleasure.

      That is great that we are in synch with the episodes 😀

      That is great you are doing so well and expanding beautifully.

      You can target the emotional charge of those dreams with Module 1 or the Goal Setting Module (the goal being to be healed from them) to resolve.

      I hope this helps and keep up the great work!

      Mel xo

      • rhoda.ww@gmail.com'
        Thriver
        April 4, 2018

        Thanks dear Mel, will get on to it..wish you more blessings.😊

  • evelynlf88@gmail.com'
    Evelyn
    April 3, 2018

    Thank you so much for the information, support & inspiration that you share. I’m 62 & have had times where I’ve totally felt that it’s all over, after the 3rd go round with another narc. The gift in all of the despair, destruction and rejection that I’ve experienced in the last relationship discard (Aug 9, 2017) is that I found you and all of your information.
    A dear friend suggested that I google narcissism….wow, such a learning curve I’ve been on since then! I had no idea about anything about narcissism & narcissistic abuse. It is so empowering to finally understand why I continued to attract different versions of the same abuse, when I thought I’d worked through ‘stuff’ each time ( I had to leave a very abusive marriage of 6 years & a 20 year relationship with a covert narc.) This last relationship was another completely different version….These experiences took me from 24 years old to the present. I am doing my best to see the positive in all of these experiences, not the least of which is ….finally….beginning to understand what it means to care for, love & be my own best advocate….I’d always heard the words. Now I FEEL them in my body, mind, spirit. Anyway, so very thankful that you are sharing a way out of the hell, to help us understand & heal our wounds so that they are no longer beacons calling in the waiting predators. I KNOW the best years are on their way.
    Blessings & gratitude to you.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 3, 2018

      Hi Evelyn,

      It always makes me happy to hear a dear soul is coming into the light. I am so happy for you that you are finding your way back to you and to eradicate this trauma once and for all.

      It is your time Evelyn to come to life Dear Lady.

      Sending big love and blessings to you.

      Mel xo

  • camillajmartin@gmail.com'
    Camilla
    April 3, 2018

    Mel you are beautiful inside and out and I am so grateful for your constant dedication to helping others, your never failing belief in our ability to heal and thrive. You have helped me so much with your narp programme… I’ve put up resistance and struggled many times and been blindsided by the old traumas frequently resurfacing along with the belief that I had lost the best years of my life and that I would never recover, but the trend is upward. I *am* recovering, at 55, I am getting my mental and physical health back, I have turned the corner and things feel good and right for the first time in decades. I will revisit the programme and continue my healing. ♡

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 3, 2018

      Hi Camilla,

      Thank you for your lovely words and acknowledgements.

      That is so courageous and determined of you to keep going when those blocks arise.

      I am so so happy for you that you are breaking through.

      So many blessings of further breakthrough to you.

      Mel xo

  • sheilajada987@gmail.com'
    GoldenSheila
    April 3, 2018

    You are beautiful Melanie! Anyway I think that you see narcissists almost everywhere because you’re a narcissist too, remember that everyone is our reflection.

  • leola79@gmail.com'
    Laura Angela
    April 3, 2018

    Dear Mel, I soooo needed to hear this! I,m 38 years old and after being abused my whole life by my narcissistic parents and ex- lovers, I,m without a job because of ptsd, had lost faith in ever finding true love, being married and having a baby and living an amazing life…i love hearing about how you and others turned your life around! I,ve been Narping for 3 months now, but sometimes my ego doesn’t want me to believe, that I can be whole and healthy and live a great life! Hearing the stories of other thrivers helps me to keep going and keep healing!
    I would love love to hear more of these stories, they are truly an inspiration to all if us!
    Thank you so much for sharing yours!
    Lots of love ♥ Laura

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 3, 2018

      Hi Laura,

      I am so pleased that this episode inspired you 😀

      Laura I’d love you to be in the NARP Forum http://www.melsnietoniaevans.com/member as the coaching and support there will help you so much when you do hit a block.

      Plus you can access that dose of inspiration every time you need it, sharing in members regular breakthroughs.

      I hope this helps take it to the next level for you.

      Mel xo

  • hannah.woolhouse@gmail.com'
    Tuesday
    April 3, 2018

    Dear Melanie

    You look particularly lovely in this video – the hair, the make-up, and pink – perfect!

    I’m fifty seven, I have been doing NARP (albeit irregularly) for seven months. It helps a lot, sometimes I feel quite positive, even content. I am in a situation where I have to sell a large property which I “inherited” through a 7-year divorce from a controlling although not narcissistic husband. (The narc came later.) Mu ex-husband was also ordered to give me a decent sum of money for the upkeep of the property but had carefully stolen all our finances and put them offshore knowing that I was therefore in a catch 22 situation i.e. I had no means of pursuing him to get what was due to me. The property is unmanageable and needs money spending on it. I should be able to make it pay for itself but as I am tired and alone I totally lack the inspiration, energy and even motivation to make it work. I love this place but I just want to downsize and get some relief from stress and have a peaceful more “reasonable” life. I lack self-confidence and in spite of all my NARP efforts find making a living impossible.

    I live abroad and so do the only members of my family – even my children live at opposite ends of the earth – although we get along fine. I suppose that “worry” is ego in disguise? I try to trust that this place will sell and that I will find a small home and a peaceful life but sometimes I worry that I’m too passive, then I start going round in circles again – I lack energy, I don’t know what my ideal life looks like, I have no reason other than myself to be anywhere in the world, it’s lonely where I live and (coming from a family which has moved constantly from one side of the globe to the other) I have no roots, I don’t know what to do with myself (other than concentrate on doing what I enjoy), I have big financial worries etc. etc.

    I guess it’s just keep NARPing and hope for a breakthrough ?!

    Thank you for continuing to inspire Mel!
    Love to you

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 4, 2018

      Hi Tuesday,

      thank you for your lovely comment! This is how I “feel” your situation – it’s about making peace with where Life is leading you – away from a rural property (yes sell it ) into expanding into the next truest version of you.

      Which is about clearing the blocks on financial fears, working, providing for self, connecting to people and life etc.

      I really do feel your Right Town move is to get organised to sell and take on the next chapter … life pushes us out when its time to move on!

      You’ve got this Tuesday and you can connect to the NARP Forum for support from your tribe – there are many women in there who can he hold your hand, head and heart through this – because they have been through exactly the same thing themselves: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      I hope this helps, because so many exciting and wonderful things DO await you Tuesday. Things your soul yearns for!

      Mel xo

  • carmelbyrne307@gmail.com'
    Carmel Byrne
    April 3, 2018

    Excellent and insightful video. Your work Melanie is inspirational particularly as you have suffered so much yourself which allows you to speak from your heart. I watch all your videos and I relate to all of them. NPD is like a plague in your life that you cannot understand but it is a soul shattering experience. It is great to have your thriver community to help people realise they are not crazy or sick and they must leave to heal and go inwards and heal themselves. I now believe these people come into our lives to teach us something about ourselves and when we learn what it is about us that attracts narcissists we will hopefully never attract them again. Keep up this great work Melanie as the world needs it.

  • ros.hynes@googlemail.com'
    Rosamund Hynes
    April 3, 2018

    Dearest Mel,

    How can your wonderful, life-saving videos – all of them SO good – possibly keep getting better?! Yet they do… this one is truly, perfectly aligned with me, right now… (as I see it is with all the lovely people who’ve commented above, too: lots of love to you all!)… 🙂 xx

    Tears of joy and gratitude watching this. Thank you sweetie.

    Opening my moduling journal now and back to work…! 🙂 xxx

    Much love, Rosamund xxx <3 <3 <3

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 4, 2018

      Hi Rosamund,

      thank you for your gorgeous comment – I too am astounded and so grateful for what my channel keeps delivering. And humbled in fact by it. I really do believe we are all here in divine co-creation – growing together!

      Thank you for your love to all hun!! That is so beautiful of you 🙂

      Love pouring over here! Thank YOU for that 🙂

      Mel xo

  • bsstrayer@yahoo.com'
    Beth
    April 3, 2018

    What do you do when the narcissist are both of your children that took turns over my lifetime abusing me. . . good child, bad child. . . almost like clockwork now looking back? Fighting feeling guilty over leaving your own children. I am now in no contact with them. . . but it breaks my heart to be so rejected by them and not being able to be in my grandchildren’s lives. You have helped me realize what I have been dealing with with 34 years . . . I have started the healing process from this. They have smeared me and my husband to my family. Fighting for peace and wholeness and learning to love myself and allow myself to live life without them. But it is a fight. The mother/child relationship really complicates it. The beliefs about this relationship connection is hard to give up. Could you make a video about this complicated relationship when your children are the abusers. I feel more peace than I have in years and I am discarding the things in my life that have kept me an enabler. So I am grateful to you for helping me get the understanding I needed to move forward. . . So thank you for each of these videos that remind me to love myself today.

  • Angeltalk710@aol.com'
    Theresa
    April 3, 2018

    Thank you for this incredibly wise video, Mel Xx

  • katie.deverell@hotmail.com'
    katie
    April 3, 2018

    what you come to know is that nothing to do with you is ever wasted time.

    wasted time exists as a concept arising from not realising your very existence is enough. i look back now at those “wasted years ” and think but how can they be wasted” I “was there.

    i love your videos Melanie .

  • ctl-_@tiscali.co.uk'
    Carmel Lynch
    April 3, 2018

    Dear Mel,

    I am really struggling right now. I completed module 1 x 17 times. I feel stuck and can’t stop crying – I suffer with back problems which have gotten worse. There are other issues going on in my life – mentally ill daughter. Ex covert narcissistic husband with multiple sclerosis who I married because I felt so sorry for him, however, his family wanted nothing to do with him (red flag right there), (separated now over 2 and a half years). My mother and 2 sisters were extreme narcs and I was always told to toughen up, that I was too soft, etc. One of my narc sisters has separated from her husband and is focusing her narc attributes my way again as he is no longer there to take her fury. I feel I am unable to go on but know I have to. Can you please suggest which module is best at the moment – as I explained I have only completed module 1.

    Thank you Mel for all that you do – I don’t know how I could go on without your help.

    xx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 4, 2018

      Hi Carmel,

      my strongest suggestion is that you need help from the NARP Forum – http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member so that you can get help to identify the possible blocks and beliefs that are not allowing you to shift out and get a replacement of Source in of your trauma.

      Carmel, there will be something going on within you like “I cant heal” “I am here to take on the troubles of everyone” or “I deserve to suffer for eternity” or something like that.

      It’s SO important to find IT and shift THAT out – Can you start by connecting to your inner being and sitting with it and asking “what is it stuck within me that is not allowing me to heal? What is that block/belief?” and then write whatever you feel come up for you – no matter how subtle.

      When you have it THAT is what you need to target in your body with Module 1, because unless it goes you will be stuck.

      Does that make sense? I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

  • stampin@mimistamps.com'
    Inkspired Living
    April 4, 2018

    Melanie…I will be forever grateful for coming across your videos a couple years ago.
    All of our stories are way too long for these comments sections, but in short, I was married for 21 years (actually, still am).
    I filed in May 2017 and the final trial date is May 30, 2018…with lots of his drama along the way.

    In reference to this video topic…YES! I felt so OLD initially. I am only 45!

    Two things that are helping me (beyond NARP) are looking forward AND back…
    Let me explain…

    Looking Forward:
    I am committed to finding Purpose in the Pain.
    While it’s not for everyone and I know the goal of NARP is to move beyond the abuse, I am one that has a passion for writing and speaking and I feel it is my calling to come alongside others and help. I am working on building a platform and becoming a coach (and of course, referring people to NARP that fall into this category).
    SO, while not everyone will go this route, it’s important to look ahead to what passion can now be fulfilled.

    Looking Back:
    This idea I want to share, is to try to think of something that was part of you before the NARC dissolved it within.
    Then, see if it is something that can be revived.
    I was Active Duty in the military in the 90’s. I gave it up so we could pursue his civilian career.
    I am currently in the stages of re-entering as a Reservist!!!
    YES…they accept 45 year olds (barring any issues that would make one non-deployable).
    I can not even put into words, the energy, excitement and empowerment I feel!!!!
    It is literally making me feel YOUNG.
    It is giving me a sense of ME back.
    It is taking back my power!

    Thank you for teaching us how to dig into ourselves…to find who we truly are, without subconscious junk taking over our conscious lives.

    I’m still in and on my healing process…but now I own it.
    We edit the journal of our journey!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 4, 2018

      Hi Inkspired Living,

      I love that name! Your calling is beautiful IL that is coming straight from your heart!

      Please know you are so welcome and how gorgeous you are reactivating you!

      Love your post and your spunk!

      Mel xo

  • bakos.zsuzsanna83@gmail.com'
    Susana
    April 4, 2018

    Dear Mel!

    I am doing NARP for 2 month already and i am amazed how much I changed since than. I developed alone a lot since 2016 October when I left my Narci ex. I have found out by googling that the main problem is my Narci mom. I got stuck last December when I really had enough of CPTSD symptoms. I started to google what to do with it and thats how found NARP. So this program came in the best time before I would really feel hopeless. I never had any medicine or psychotherapy before because I did not want to get involved in any of it. NARP keeps me alive and gave me back the chance to have full life what i never had before.I am lucky because I realized everything at age 34. I really would like to have a Family and kids. So I am hopeful that is not impossible because i am enough young to still have kids luckily. I do not know what would i do without NARP. When i dont feel well I am shifting.When I started NARP was hard to sit down and to do shifting, but now this is intensively part of my life and it became a routine. I would like to ask what is the next program from you what advised to do after NARP?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 4, 2018

      Hi Susana,

      I love it so much when people write in in theirs 30s and even 20s who are doing the deep inner work!

      Yay! Thank you for being such a force of change and I am so happy for you that you reaping the rewards of NARP and are going to be so less trauma free for your future babies!

      Susana, this is my suggestion – if you feel there are still some female / male wounds from childhood I would definitely work through TFFOW to clean those up … and then take a powerful dive into ES Course where so much life acceleration happens!

      Sending many blessings and wonderful expansion to you.

      Mel xo

  • sheilajada987@gmail.com'
    GoldenSheila
    April 4, 2018

    Today you wrote me this Mel:

    Hi GoldenShelia,

    It is our unheaked parts, our fear the recognise others stuck in trauma.

    When we clear that, seeing narcissists turns into them being ‘Not Out Reality’.

    Mel xo

    Could you explain it a little more pls? Thanks!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 4, 2018

      Awww goodness Shelia, I am so sorry the typos!

      This must have been one of the posts I did on the run travelling!

      Ok this was meant to say, “It is our unhealed parts, our fear that recognises others stuck in trauma.

      When we clear that, seeing narcissists, turns into them being ‘Not Our Reality’.

      Does that give it clarity for you now?

      Mel xo

  • claudiabuchweitz24@googlemail.com'
    Claudia Buchweitz
    April 4, 2018

    Hi Melanie,

    Thank you, you are always so inspiring!
    This video is very motivating and helps me keep on doing the modules (although I sometimes ask myself whether my brain gets everything right because it is all in English language – and I am German…. ;-)!

    Much love and hugs for all here from Germany,
    Claudia

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 4, 2018

      Hi Claudia,

      it’s my pleasure 🙂

      Please know the healings know what to do, even with language barriers. Keep trusting and being in them Claudia.

      Thank you and love and hugs returned to you from Melbourne.

      Mel xo

  • Cabennett102@gmail.com'
    Carrie
    April 4, 2018

    Thank you Mel ;

    When ever I feel like there’s no hope or I’m having a difficult day you always seem to come through to help me with know I can get to the next level . You’ve brought me a long way 🙂
    I’m in counselling and in no hurry to be with anyone as I’ve always known I have to love myself .

    I’m wishing everyone on here or going through the life after … a beautiful day
    Carrie

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 4, 2018

      Hi Carrie,

      I am so pleased I can help you 🙂

      Thank you for your best wishes for all.

      Sending you love, healing and breakthrough Carrie.

      Mel xo

  • anki_linnerheim@hotmail.com'
    Anki
    April 4, 2018

    Thank you Mel for another super video that gives so much hope! 💕 I wish for every single one who watches it to know that it IS possible and that the best is yet to come!! I feel like a living proof 🤗

    And yes it is absolutely true – I watch EVERY Thriver TV episode you make 😄sometimes again and again…

    So much love to you angel Mel! ❤❤❤

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 4, 2018

      Awww sweetheart Anki,

      thank you for being such an inspiration to others in this video!

      So much love to you Darling Lady!

      Mel xo

  • w.andreass@hotmail.com'
    Wenche
    April 4, 2018

    Thank you again, Mel for your explanations, stories encouragement and work in this field. It is so needed.

  • Susanmwyer@mail.com'
    Sue
    April 4, 2018

    Thanks me lint yes back to the program for me I was forgetting and slipping thankyou for the nudge again

  • revelaine@cfl.rr.com'
    Elaine S
    April 4, 2018

    Hi Mel,
    Thank you for the words of encouragement. I, too, am one of your senior students who is just beginning to scratch the surface of my future. All that you speak of truly does work! I have seen things in my life begin to turn around from seemingly nowhere. I have made your program a priority and made the decision once and for all to try something new; being sick and tired of the same repeated patterns.
    I am changing. I can feel it within me. Finally having processed through the worst of it all. Life has a glorious fresh feel to it and I can’t wait to continue the healing journey.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 4, 2018

      Hi Elaine,

      I love that this is happening for you!

      Awwww I am SO happy for you!!

      Many blessings to you Elaine 🙂

      Mel xo

  • Afitchick2000@yahoo.com'
    Cindy Colby
    April 4, 2018

    Mel this is such truth! I just started a new job trying really hard to take care of myself and get away from the financial dependence I have in my current relationship. My new boss clearly had narcissist tendencies. I think my inner wounds are attracting this energy even as I seek to rebuild. I first need to heal and stop self sabotaging. I often have said that I just want to die and go to heaven. I know this world we live in will present painful experiences. I want to experience the growth they offer and not try and escape. I must get more partnered with myself and my source Jesus and the Holy Spirit. He came to bring us abundant life! Abundant life is present even in the storm. Thank you again for speaking to the heart of the matter.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 4, 2018

      Hi Cindy,

      You are very welcome and I am so pleased you feel renewed inspiration!

      Hun what else is there to but release ourselves from who we aren’t to claim who we are?

      So many blessing to you sweetheart.

      Mel xo

  • mblocke66@gmail.com'
    MB
    April 4, 2018

    I really needed to hear this message tonight. Thank you, Melanie. After agreeing to move out by May 1st, the narc husband (of over 20 years) has now declared that he never agreed to move out. I woke at 4am this morning in a panic. I’m a nearly 52 year old, stay at home mom. Where can I go? How will I pay for a place the children and me? How will I support us if he cuts me off? I felt trapped and resigned to continue living under the same roof yet separated (as we’ve been living for the past 2 years). Then it dawned on me that I do have choices. I can file for legal separation or divorce. I can’t tell you how freeing it feels to take back control! He can claim victim status for the rest of his life. I no longer care. I just need him away from me so I can start the work of healing mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. So much to heal! I know I can’t start to love myself, find out who I really am and have joy and peace restored if that life-sucker is anywhere near me. I can almost taste FREEDOM!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 4, 2018

      Hi MB,

      I love that you realise you have choices and are claiming your power!

      Yay! It is all up from here Dear Lady. You’ve got this!

      Mel xo

  • Rasha_kishk@yahoo.com'
    Rasha
    April 4, 2018

    Thanks a lot Melanie for this lovely video , it touched my heart and gave me a lot of hope.

    Love you so much

    You’re such an inspiration

    May God always bless you and may you always thrive.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 4, 2018

      Awwww Rasha,

      Thank you for your beautiful message.

      So much love and blessings to you too!

      Mel xo

  • juliepems@gmail.com'
    Julian
    April 4, 2018

    Hi Mel,

    I am doing the modules and have found that I don’t really get much from my body, sometimes I’ll feel a pain and feel like I’m making it up. It’s like a numbness of emotion. I keep going through the modules and still get subtle shifts or things that bothered me don’t seem to bother me anymore. Do you have any tips about how to more fully connect into the feelings in my body?

    Thank you so much.
    Julian

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 4, 2018

      Hi Julian,

      first of all please know that for any help with NARP coaching and support the NARP Forum: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member is a wonderful resource.

      To connect more fully with your body, you can target with Module 1 the BLOCKS That arent allowing you to connect with your body.Ask them to appear, and you will feel dense energy light up in your body.

      Once those traumas are cleared, you will be able to feel inside you!

      That’s great you are already shifting, and it will be even more powerful for you!

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

  • sheilajada987@gmail.com'
    GoldenSheila
    April 4, 2018

    Sorry again Mel you wrote me this but I need a clearer explanation about this, about what our fear recognises and also about what it means Not Our Reality, thank you:

    “It is our unhealed parts, our fear that recognises others stuck in trauma.

    When we clear that, seeing narcissists, turns into them being ‘Not Our Reality’.

    Does that give it clarity for you now?

    • seanthemurphy@hotmail.com'
      Sean Murphy
      April 5, 2018

      I think she meant that “helpers” get used by “those who don’t want to do the work and need other people to do it for them.”
      They have a special instinct for honing into empaths.

      • sheilajada987@gmail.com'
        GoldenSheila
        April 5, 2018

        Thank you SO SO much Sean!!!! Truly generous Man!!!! All the best

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 5, 2018

      Hi GoldenShelia,

      What I mean by the first statement is Quantum Law – so within, so without. Our chemical bonds with people – our attraction point is about what our Inner Beings are composed of.

      If we have fear and trauma – then we are attractive and attracted to other people who have fear and trauma. Narcissists are high on that list. And they are everywhere in our vision, thoughts and reality.

      Likewise when we heal those parts of ourselves and become whole then narcissists become Not Or Reality – because we are no longer a match for them.

      As an example of the latter – when I came back from a cruise a few years ago a member of the community said – “I bet there were lots of narcs on the boat.” I had to blink and think – I hadn’t even thought about it and could not recall ONE instance where I even though “there’s a narc”. A classic example of when we are healed it doesn’t enter our life like it used to. We are yinging and they are yanging in a different field.

      Mel xo

  • seanthemurphy@hotmail.com'
    Sean Murphy
    April 5, 2018

    I’d like to say that I can refuse beautiful women at will if I’m in a relationship, so I’ve ended up with aggressive, confident women all my life. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and don’t apologize about it.
    My ex-wife borderline (9+ years) didn’t get a discard chance as I walked out the door within a week of finding out the cheating.
    Then 4 years of picking up the pieces. Followed by…
    Narcissist (8+ years), who granted me the gift of the discard and the incredible confusion and heartbreak that goes with it.
    Remember; THIS IS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU. You dodged a bullet.
    I wouldn’t advise a woman trying this with a guy unless she’s way smarter than him. Could lead to violence.
    I actually told the narc “no”, after 8 1/2 years, and never saw her again. 2 weeks of silly texts until I got dumped by text….Then a week later, she asked me to take care of her cat for a week.
    That’s was the first time I thought of the word “narcissist”. She is either stupid, or subconsciously wanted to tell me. And she isn’t stupid.
    There have been (what I highly suspect) hoover attempts. “Unknown number” with a 10-second silent message a few times.

    I truly am fascinated by them now, and want to figure this out. I presume telling her I know what she is 8 months ago was a bad idea plot-wise. I kind of feel like the cat toying with a mouse now if she decides to break “no-contact”.

  • ap2109@gmail.com'
    Amanda
    April 6, 2018

    This was such an incredible episode. The agony of feeling like I lost the chance to find love, get married, and have a family was probably the worst part of my experience. For a long time I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had lost those years. I did NARP and now truly believe I am right where I am supposed to be…a place that would not be possible if I didn’t go through narcissistic abuse. I got married six months ago and am expecting my first child. Yes, the best years are ahead of you no matter how hopeless you may feel.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 6, 2018

      Awwww Amanda,

      I am so so happy for you gorgeous lady!

      You did the work and broke through!

      Mwah and so much love to you.

      Mel xo

  • annieharden@optusnet.com.au'
    Annie
    April 7, 2018

    Dear Mel,
    I just watched this episode and it is SO helpful for me thank you. I used to “think” that if I worked or studied harder/longer I would be successful in a family who are loving, but where this type of success is “valued” over all else. I always wondered what my “purpose” in life was and struggled with the outward world and it’s need for success being measured by qualifications, money, things.

    After doing your wonderful program for 2-3 years now I realise more and more that my purpose in this lifetime is to clear my traumas and stuck belief systems – all else is secondary. Thank you for your program and support – it can be challenging to say the least to get out of my own way as I have been a workaholic/foodaholic/studyaholic all my life to avoid my pain.

    I am 54 years young and starting to feel more at peace with myself everyday and looking forward to what will unfold for me.
    Love you and everyone out there doing the journey.
    xx Annie

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 8, 2018

      Hi Annie,

      Please know you are so welcome.

      I love that you have broken through so much to your True Self and True Life, that is so beautiful.

      Big kudos to you and wishing you much continued blessings and love.

      Mel xo

  • piglet8791@yahoo.com'
    Cat
    April 10, 2018

    Hi Mel! Thank you so much. I wonder if you have written a piece that touches on self care? I’ve noticed for example the difference in my self esteem and psyical looks from three years ago when we started our relationship and now – is like night and day. And it’s so shocking to me now that my regular hair appointments, own choice of clothes, time to do makeup, was all stripped away by his constant demands of my behaviour, attention and his jealousy. I mean, it’s just amazing how I let that part go for self preservation and now am having to reconnect. I just wondered if you’d written a piece on that and / or reinvention. Thank you!

  • mallen22@hotmail.com'
    Megan
    April 12, 2018

    If anyone looks at another person and thinks, “You did not have to struggle in your life,” it is usually coming from a victim perspective. It helps that person hold onto being a victim and stay in a safe place. It also shields the ego, I believe. I like how you are so empathetic with people. I am really trying hard to be empathetic with people when they assume life is easy for me… especially when my reality generally involves a small leap of faith towards making money in the future, a reward for hours of work, or sometimes just a leap of faith in my own ability to find ways to make money that fit with who I am, what I have to offer, and what I believe in. And sometimes, I my head is barely above water, but I am paddling up a storm!

    I love that you are able to see us at our heart level and maintain a caring about people that may be tempted to pull you down with their own fears of what is happening in their lives. This is helping me to see that fear and how it is really about what is happening for them. This will help me value and honour where they are at – and not get held back by it either. Thank you!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 13, 2018

      Hi Megan,

      That is great that you are seeking to be empathetic … and the thing is as soon as we judge or are resentful towards anyone it only hurts our inner being anyway!

      Awesome that you are seeing all the truth in this and how key it is to Thriving. To become it and be a force for others.

      Many blessings and much love to you.

      Mel xo

  • csaunders@rcn.com'
    Celeste
    April 23, 2018

    I read about you in Dr. Northrup’s book Dodging Energy Vampires. Listening to this video was so timely and fortuitous. I served my husband of 34 years with divorce papers today. I left 2 years ago and have been regrouping. However, since he refused to work most of our marriage he gets the house the contents and a large amount of money, all of which I worked for. To boot he has used our 2 daughters first as a way to control me to keep me from leaving and now as a way of punishing me by alienating them from me. At 66 this is not what I had planned. However, I know that Spirit has other plans for me. Certainly listening to you has given me hope that I can do the healing necessary to thrive. Thank you.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 23, 2018

      Hi Celeste,

      I am so pleased you found your way here from lovely Christiane’s work!

      I am so pleased you are feeling renewed hope and believe you can emerge from this.

      Please do, if you haven’t already, connect to my free transformational healing resources: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/free course

      They really do help the healing process exponentially.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

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