Melanie Tonia Evans

The Soul War With A Narcissist

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 7
148
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

Are you being haunted by terrible nightmares about the narcissist?

Do you feel like he or she is crawling under your skin?

Do you find it almost impossible to stop thinking about this person?

Are you experiencing flashbacks and triggers going off all the time, making it nearly impossible to be out and about in everyday life because you don’t know when you will feel the next meltdown coming on?

Do you feel like there is a hose stuck into you, sucking your literal life-force out to the level where you feel so exhausted, shaky, numb and foggy that you barely have the energy or the concentration to do even the most basic of tasks?

After narcissistic abuse, this happens to more people than we could possibly imagine, and chances are if you are reading this you know precisely what I am talking about.

Why does this happen – these shocking feelings of having had our literal soul been taken over? And why is this so different from the normal heartbreak, pain and even betrayal recoveries that we may need to make after suffering disappointments with people who are NOT narcissists?

How has this happened? How do we recover from devastations and psychic infiltrations that are so deep that they affect the very core of our being?

This is EXACTLY what today’s Thriver TV episode is all about. In it I discuss with you what has REALLY happened to us, and why our souls have become so sick.

And, I also explain how there is a true healing solution for this, that myself and so many others have undertaken to get out of the bowels of hell and into true joy and life-force.

It is my deepest wish today, if you feel like you are never going to recover and the damage is too much, that you now know there is a way to not only heal but also truly Thrive after this.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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148 Thoughts on The Soul War With A Narcissist
  • algonquinn88@gmail.com'
    Janet
    March 21, 2018

    It was doing better after 8 years but our daughter’s wedding retriggered it so am getting some counselling.

    • Julietantum@gmail.com'
      Julie Tantum
      March 21, 2018

      He is in my head i feel vengeful and believe i will never feel peace in my head again. He is repeating his pattern with a new women that was a patient in the rehab he works at. The unethical behavior makes me sick….its all kept a secret but i know i worked it out and saw evidence on fb now I’m in obsession of how ro expose him

  • l.drumm@yahoo.com'
    Susan
    March 21, 2018

    Yes, it has taken me 3 years to actually begin to feel “normal” again. I have no spoken contact with my ex, but I still get emails from him.

  • Jen-tucci@hotmail.com'
    Jennifer
    March 21, 2018

    Yes it does. I’m on year 13 of divorce. It never ever ends Bc I have a daughter with this person.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 21, 2018

      Hi Jennifer,

      please know the trauma can end, even if connected through children and your healing can begin. There are many parents who are and have achieved that in this Community. I’d love you to come into my free webinar – https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      It’s been tough enough for long enough for your Jennifer.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

    • Kelleyilona@yahoo.com'
      Kelley
      March 24, 2018

      I know the feeling. Mine bribed a devoted, sweet, loving daughter from me. She was with me for 16 years. She jumped at the chance to have a car, live on the beach and get “flit” all over with her friends for weekend vacays! Just emotionally kidnapped her. It’s taken me two years to get to “normal” again…but I miss her so. He now punishes her emotionally if she has any affinity with me or my parents. I’m still grieving her loss…its as if she died. She’ll be 18 5/1.
      Ive sen her maybe 6 times in the last two years…yet when we’re together she snuggles etc…its such a mind “f”

  • sbovero@yahoo.com'
    Shelley Camp
    March 21, 2018

    It has been almost 7 years since I filed for a divorce it took 5 1/2 years. He lied, had cronies lie for him. He actually wrote he would take me down financially. Of course I haven’t dated since. Forget that, I simply don’t trust men. The first three years were gut wrenching. Now, not so much but I have a huge amount of resentment about how the divorce turned out. Financially devistating. I get exhausted. I work six days a week.
    So yes I have triggers. Mostly financial.

  • Jenniferhosick@gmail.com'
    Jennifer
    March 21, 2018

    Unfortunately yes. It’s been 18 months since i’ve Lived with this person. I still can be triggered by him but it’s becoming less often. Starting to feel more in control of my breakdowns and they don’t last as long nor cause me depression… just anxiety now:/

  • pvbt@yahoo.com'
    Jim
    March 21, 2018

    I had what at the time it occured last july, what I thought was to be the most profound eppiphany in my life, that what I was dealing with was a Malignant Covert Narcissist, and that what had been happening to my world made sense and all I needed to do was inform the rest of the immediate family what was going on, and bad things would stop happening to me. I had not yet made it to my ligthbulb moment, which came Friday after I was subjected to another “Narc snack driven” “incident” which then forced me to go back and look at what happens to the victims of people with that lovely bit of Cluster 8 disorders, oh shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am in the process of getting the immediate care I need. I see myself as fortunate in many respects at this point, a, I still live, b, I still have my freedom to run, and I am, c, yes I searched so hard to find out what was wrong with me that I probably have a working grand unification theory for all human behavior from genetic expression to processing through neuro chem, to color of the shirt you picked, so in this, now that I know what and where the problem lies, I know with no uncertainty what so ever, I get to have a happy life again where really odd bad things, dont happen anymore, I get to love, I get to have joy, I just need to get past the next couple months. More interestingly, as this was my elder sibling, I lost my whole family, I can establish a generational hand down of the trait, and the traumas that might have caused it to express, figure in a couple of years the tools will be available to test. Thank you for the work you have done

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 21, 2018

      Hi Jim,

      I can so relate to thinking “I have this cognitively worked out” – as a very curious, thinking person that was my previous way of trying to deal with this.

      N-abuse puts all of that its butt – when we discover that the only way is to cut all that out and just go inside and start releasing trauma.

      It’s kind of ironic that we usually only start doing that when we have exhausted all other avenues!

      You are welcome Jim and I wish for you, your incredible breakthrough.

      Mel xo

  • Pateicialeighc@gmail.com'
    Trish
    March 21, 2018

    We still are not settled, after 2.5 years. Though, now I can laugh again, and am becoming my old self. Your videos have helped me realize I have more power than I thought in those early days.

  • minkarcade@gmail.com'
    STP
    March 21, 2018

    After so many years in and out of counseling and hitting the point of abject despair, because I was sure I was doomed beyond repair and would feel worthless the rest of my life, these talks are a beam of light and hope for me. I’ve learned to spot these kind of guys immediately (took me 40 years), but I’m still learning to navigate things with my mother and the rest of my family constantly guilt-tripping me for not being more active keeping in contact with her. I read your emails every day MTE and I can’t tell you how much you’re saving my life right now!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 21, 2018

      Hi STP,

      I am so pleased you are coming out of the fog and that I am helping you!

      I invite you, if you haven’t already, to take the healing from “informational” to “transformational” – you can do that here: https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      That’s where the REALL healing juice is!

      Mel xo

    • Kelleyilona@yahoo.com'
      Kelley
      March 24, 2018

      Me too!

  • clarkch5@hotmail.com'
    Resilient
    March 21, 2018

    Gosh Melanie, at the beginning of my relationship with the narc, I felt confident and secure (and he struggled with self-esteem issues and low confidence). Fast forward 17 year laters, during the final discard, I looked back on how I gradually grew insecure over the years and lost confidence, while he, on the other hand, seemed more secure, happy-go-lucky and confident. It felt like he siphoned all of my positive qualities and I embodied all of his negative qualities. A total soul swap/takeover. After doing QFH the last two years, I feel like “myself” again. I feel like I “gave him back” all the yucky feelings I took on. Your articulation of these experiences are so validating and lets us know we’re on the right track. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 21, 2018

      Hi Resilient,

      wow! That SO happens .. regularly!

      How awesome you have done the inner work (NARP) to reverse this!!

      BIG kudos and hugs to you!

      Mel xo

    • beccaspath@gmail.com'
      Rea Perry
      March 21, 2018

      Hi! I just wanted to say that I really relate to what you said about the gradual decline of your confidence, as his grew. That’s exactly what happened with me and my ex. When we first got married, he had very little self esteem, and I made it my mission to help him learn to feel good about himself. He, however, put me down using subtle little remarks about my appearance. Or he said nothing at all when he should have been saying supportive and nurturing things instead. Basically, I pulled him up, while he dragged me down. After taking all of my self esteem, he felt confident enough to go out and find someone new, before we were even divorced! It’s crazy making, isn’t it?! I’m just beginning my healing journey, and I hope that you are doing splendidly! Many Blessings! ~ Rea

      • clarkch5@hotmail.com'
        Resilient
        March 22, 2018

        Hi Rea, I relate to your experience TOTALLY, down to the verse. The good news is that they didn’t take ALL of the good stuff, because had they, we wouldn’t have the strength, courage or desire to heal beyond the experience. The healing journey is truly the hero’s journey, and so remember the best is yet to come for you! Be diligent, experience the uncomfortable feelings and then release them (let them RIP). I’m rooting for you!

  • lizajft@yahoo.ca'
    Liza Farrell-Toulouse
    March 21, 2018

    Yes this is definitely how I feel at present. I go for a few days feeling positive & then he sends an email or asks a question about the mediation & separation we are undertaking. After that I am spinning, unable to find peace, rehearsing what I would love to tell him. I have even tried to share some of my sorrow for my part in the marriage failure & am met with a soulless state. There is nothing there! I am angry at myself, him & have to start the process all over of forgiving & letting God deal the vengeance, not me. What makes matters worse is his coming home everyday he is in town to work out! Sometimes does laundry also. Today I asked him to take the weight set to his mom’s, do his laundry there & get the cursed occult magic items out of the house so I can bring in the exorcist. It took a great deal of inner conviction, prayer & strength from God to do this. He said he would do that. Now I feel like maybe I am the narcissist. So confusing.

  • sheilapw@gmail.com'
    sheila
    March 21, 2018

    Yes, absolutely. I used to feel that my Covert Malignant Narcissist Mother had put a curse on me. It felt like she was my stalker although we lived 3,000 miles away. She had me promise that we would always be together a few weeks weeks before she passed away. That was 13 years ago but I still fill her dark energy around me as if she is emotionally attached to me and won’t let go. I’ve been watching the Energy Vampire video series by Dr. Christiane Northrup. She has an excellent therapeutic tool for exorcising the Narcissit.

  • brewer.asha67@gmail.com'
    Asha
    March 21, 2018

    Today I cut off all contact with my two younger sisters. I have been avoiding this my whole life even though they are two of the most violent people I’ve ever known besides my father. Earlier I felt empowered and excited about distancing myself from the last remaining narcs from my life. The past year has been a lot of ending of several relationships. The sisters are the ones I’ve felt the most guilt and shame about walking away from. While I do feel good about letting them go, there is so much pain being released from my deepest self that every single muscle in my body has started to hurt like someone has attacked me with a baseball bat. I feel nauseous and my muscles not only hurt but there’s an energy flowing through my body like a 100 cups of strong coffee has been poured into my veins.

    I’m about to take a nice lavender Epsom salt bath and see if I can find the free meditation cd that came with my narp modules since my computer broke down today and just let this stuff work its way on up. I’ve never felt anything like this. I know I’ll be okay. Thank you Mel for the tools needed to get through this moment.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 21, 2018

      Hi Asha,

      wow, that is so big and took so much courage – well done Asha. I bet that hurts – totally understandable.

      You will be okay sweetheart – truly and you are welcome.

      If you cant find the meditation email support@melanietoniaevans.com and one of my lovely staff will send it to you.

      You’ve got this Asha – sending love and healing.

      Mel xo

      • brewer.asha67@gmail.com'
        Asha
        March 22, 2018

        Hi Mel,
        Last night was one of the most intense experiences of purging pain out of my body that I’ve ever experienced and I’ve had quite a few. I didn’t see the link you included in your response until this morning and that was a good thing. I ended up doing module 1 several times and then listening to it while sleeping for 10 hours.

        One of my most painful memories came through. There was no way I could have ever accessed it until being in a state of complete surrender to the pain.

        I was 9 years old. I had incredibly powerful empathic abilities. My father being a violent sociopath knew it. I didn’t. Several times a week he would brutally attack my mother right outside our bedroom door in the middle of the night. I didn’t realize until last night as I was reliving this memory that this was on purpose. It was a big house, he could have taken her anywhere but he wanted me to see. And every time, I would go running to our bedroom door screaming at him to stop. My sisters, who were only 5 and 6 years old would be in the background screaming and crying the most horrific fear. I could never turn around and look at them. The energy hitting me from behind from them and the energy coming from in front of me from my parents was too much. But one particular night I looked back at them and their little faces was contorted into a nightmare mask of horror. Suddenly I was leaping forward and onto my father’s back trying to get him off of my mom. He just tossed me to the floor like a rag doll and everything went silent. What I remembered was that my sisters had abruptly went dead silent. They had heard me hit the floor. My father started yelling for me to get back to bed but his voice was very far away because my attention was so strongly fixed on my sisters in the bedroom. When I went back in to where they were the shock of what I felt was too much. My sisters had left their bodies. They spiritually died.

        This was my first powerful experience as an empath. Whatever spirit that came into their bodies around their births had left. I knew in my body I had just become an only child. The aloneness, loss and grief I felt has no words to describe it. It was a mountain of pain. I repressed it then and it all came back up when I said goodbye to them in my heart yesterday. My whole life my little empath has been trying to get them to come back. They’re not coming back. They can’t. All that is here in them now is that ball of horror from that last night and it has morphed into an unstoppable rage. There was no one in my life that could explain being an empath nor help me through what I had just experienced. I was crushed beyond words.

        I feel better this morning. My body doesn’t hurt, but I’m grieving for the first time for my sisters and for the little me that sat there all alone and abandoned that night when I realized no one was coming to help us and that my sisters had just died their spiritual death.

        I truly don’t know what I would have done if I didn’t have module one to get me through the night Mel. Today I will plan a proper funeral-like ceremony. I’ve never done this before so I’m just going on intuition. Any suggestions on creating a farewell ritual ceremony would be greatly appreciated. I know in my gut I need to say goodbye in this way.

        While this process is painful, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I feel so much lighter. I can finally have some real closure and really start moving forward. Thank you Mel for all that you do. Love and hugs.

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          March 22, 2018

          Hi Asha,

          wow, so amazing and good that you got to the bottom of this and you are ready to let go of that trauma and heal.

          This work – when deeply soul impactful – is not for the faint-hearted, but what else is there to do if we have huge trauma and wish to emerge from it? Be kind and nurturing to you through this -okay?

          You are doing great Asha, keep going and follow your intuition, your inner being knows exactly how to perform that ceremony – just keep trusting what feels right for you.

          You’ve got this sweetheart.

          Mel xo

        • ema0305@hotmail.co.k'
          Elaine
          March 22, 2018

          Oh that has broken my heart reading that.

  • louise@mindbody.net.au'
    Lou
    March 21, 2018

    This relationship was my only relationship. After 30+ years i finally realised he was a covert narc. We have 2 beautiful adult daughters who now both experience anxiety. 2 years ago i left and i am still trying to get property settlement sorted. He had an injury at work that caused PTSD and he also experienced depression. He is now using this to get 75% of the property pool, claiming he cant work or pay bills etc which is absolute rubbish.He definitely has capacity to do those things…. even if only in a part time capacity. It is very draining needing to show and find evidence for every lie and omission he makes. At first i was distressed by this and by his delaying tatics but now i appreciate them because i have found, discovered and am using the factual evidence that has come into light to support my case.I am really looking forward to being totally free once this is over.

  • pvbt@yahoo.com'
    Jim
    March 21, 2018

    having completed the video, candidly, I wished I would have met you a long, long time ago, but then I realized, neither of us would have made the discoveries we have made in the horrible process of trying to discover the cause of so much pain, so much, in all the wrong places. In context of my world, taken, a point of insult I now see clearly, used to sit in a role where behavior analysis was key to my function at a level where mistakes cost lives (and my credibility in that regard, was systematically destroyed), so when I went on my quest, I meant it. Your words suggest a very very sophisticated understanding, when I get my head back on straight, I may be able to give you a few missing pieces, but at this point, my economic destruction has been so complete, even your program is out of reach, and oh man am I struggling to get my healthcare provider which happens to be the American veterans administration, that my trauma needs very special care and probably a goodly amount of stabilization and relocation support. My attacker will never stop, no way, and before I made had my light bulb moment and went back and looked to see what I need to do about me and what risks I bore going forward, woops, called him out to the family one last time before final no contact with all, I shared evidence of the first documented bit of stalking today with my barrister. That said, I will be ok, I know it, the math is sound, everything you say is spot on with what I found, and I think I may have a solid working theory for how it got into the gene pool in the first place as a trait, nature is efficient, even this has a reason for existence and expression, but that reason breaks down in tribal species, thus our pain. The one thing I do not think I will ever be able to heal, is my poor nephew is going to be a narc snack for the rest of his life, and will likely end up bouncing between codependent relationships, and narc food, and I could not save him, a pattern I see in my dads life after he appears to have been abused. My epiphany came when my nephew displayed his first solid red flag that the household was an emotionally abused one.

  • danawhiting@gmail.com'
    Dana
    March 21, 2018

    Yes I feel like this all time! I want to know how many people here have been subjected to more than just narcissistic abuse? See not only was I abused narcissistically, I was brutally beaten, unmercifully tortured and sadistically raped for years by my ex husband. He currently resides in a fine state penitentiary after being charged with 37 charges for what he did to me. 34 of those felonies. By several psychologists/psychiatrists he has been determined a psychopath with narcissistic tendencies and a sexual sadist.

    All of what you speak of is how I feel, what I am thinking or how I think and then there is more-the reply of the horrific nightmare I lived, over and over. All I can think of is dying to end this further torment!!! I can’t take anymore. The pain, the so called meltdowns, the flashbacks, waking up still thinking I am under camera (he installed cameras in our home, including our bedroom to monitor everything I did, said and enforce his “rules” such as my curfew). I no longer function with the rest of the world and no one understands what I live moment to moment, unless they too have had to endure such suffering! My family tells me, “just get over it.” How do you just get over someone who tells you they “love” you, beating you to a point that leaves you laying on the floor in a bloody bruised mess and then tells you to get your clothes off?!?! How do you just get over the fact that I have Traumatic Brain Injury with frontal lobe damage, non epileptic seizures, CPTSD, torn building disks leaking fluid into my back, I am developing degenerate disk disease in only 3 places in my back, arthritis, fibromyalgia, migraines, anxiety, severe depression and scar tissue in places I prefer not to name causing digestive problems…all because of the EXTREME Domestic terror I endured at his hands!!!! Please tell me how do you “just” get over that?!?!

    • stephanieinflorida@gmail.com'
      Steph
      March 21, 2018

      I can’t imagine what you’ve endured! I’m praying for you, for healing, to be overflowing with God’s love.

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        March 21, 2018

        Hi Steph,

        thank you for your beautiful comment to Dana, we are all praying for her.

        Mel xo

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 21, 2018

      Hi Dana,

      awww gosh you have been through so much – my heart goes out to you and thank goodness he is behind bars.

      Dana its a process where we cant JUST get over it. There is way too much damage and trauma inside us to do that. However, when we start releasing the trauma, we make space for healing. That is how I recovered from chronic conditions that I was told would never be healed as well as believing I could not continue to live the feelings were so tormenting.

      There is hope. Please come into my free webinar and Ill show you how there is: https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      Mel xo

    • Bethangelsonhigh@gmail.com'
      Beth
      March 28, 2018

      Dana, no sweetheart, you can not “just” get over that. You have endured tremendous pain and suffering and I am acknowleding that. But, you can work at healing and soon you will feel love, hope and joy. God bless and keep up the courageous work of healing. You will be in my prayers.

  • bordercollie4us@hotmail.com'
    Jamie
    March 21, 2018

    I watched this video and applaud you..I went looking for some kind of quote and ended up finding this. I am a member of NARP but dont comment often, but see the knowlege that is abound in your website and videos and quantum Healing . Thank you.
    Melanie, you rock and you make me feel like I am not crazy !!
    “The more you talk about it, rehash it, rethink it, cross analyze it, debate it, respond to it, get paranoid about it, compete with it, complain about it, immortalize it, cry over it, kick it, defame it, stalk it, gossip about it, pray over it, put it down or dissect its motives it continues to rot in your brain. It is dead. It is over. It is gone. It is done. It is time to bury it because it is smelling up your life and no one wants to be near your rotted corpse of memories and decaying attitude. Be the funeral director of your life and bury that thing!”
    ― Shannon L. Alder

    Somethings rotting and I need to throw that out !

    • thedesignbender@gmail.com'
      Jay
      March 21, 2018

      Wow! Thank you for sharing this quote! I needed that today! THANK YOU!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 21, 2018

      Hi Jamie,

      I am so pleased I help bring you clarity.

      I LOVE That quote.

      I guess I do prefer rather than “bury” – “release” … because buried things often resurface. Released things go away forever.

      Mel xo

    • shannonmariepfautz@outlook.com'
      Shannon
      April 3, 2018

      Fantastic analysis & quote. Thanks for sharing!

  • andrea_hobkirk@yahoo.com'
    Andrea
    March 21, 2018

    Hi,

    Separated for 7 months now, hopefully divorced by end of summer. It was so bad in July. I felt so sick. The constant manipulative behavior behind closed doors and in public he was such a cunning brilliant gem of a guy. My boys adore him. I couldnt begin to explain him. People wouldn’t get it. I’m on module 3 and getting better. I still have an enormous amount of hip and lower back pain from the stress but the yoga and meditation helps. The feelings of him crawling on me was so bad. I dreamt of a snake last week!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 21, 2018

      Hi Andrea,

      that is so great that you are healing and making progress and doing so much to nurture you.

      When those dreams come up, go to them with Module 1 and release – that will give you a fast track healing boost.

      Keep going – you are doing great 🙂

      Mel xo

  • eknight18@mac.com'
    ek
    March 21, 2018

    Yes and the worst part, for me, is that I only attach to the good parts of the last 30 years… It’s like I’m telling myself a fairy tale without a monster…..

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 21, 2018

      Hi ek,

      I hear you – that is so painful when we still feel like that.

      Please know when we start going within and finding out the real truths about this – the pain and those feelings DO go.

      I’d love to help hold your hand to do that with you: https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      Much Love xo <3

  • moofbh@aol.com'
    Moe
    March 21, 2018

    I am in the middle of a divorce with a ADHD Narcissist who is trying to take everything he possibly can from me.
    When he was the one who, I by shear accident, found out he was having not one, but two affairs, out drinking almost every night, smoking pot,
    hiding money, lieing about side jobs and not looking for a full time job.

    I feel like I am losing lots, and will never get my fair and equitable share. In fighting for my life with my attorney who I have had to supply lots of extra information to support my case, and in addition all my husbands info because he refused to give to his atty or talk to her, because he didn’t want to pay her. I have ended up paying my atty all these extra fees because of him, and now they say they want me to pay him for the difference in atty fees to make it even! The laws are so skewed and not in the favor of the housewife and homemaker who didn’t work for the 30 + years marriage with no career to go back to. The ex still walks with 70% of his base pay plus pension, etc. SO UNFAIR after he’s the one who caused the divorce, but blaims me for it and comes up with lie after lie.

    It causes me nightmares and makes me sick to my stomach. I know I’m going to end up getting much less than I deserve and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. It really stinks trying to divorce a narcissist. I’m sure I’ll be having nightmares for years…

  • S_Stuut@yahoo.com'
    S
    March 21, 2018

    Yes I’ve felt that way, it was horrifying to that me after getting into no contact, I STILL felt his ugly mean manipulative sadistic presence for over two mnths allthough I was only dating him for 9 months! And I’ve left him every couple of days because I though he was acting crazy selfish and childish. But I had no clue about narcissism and the pathological version of it…
    SO grateful I found this place and for all your work Melanie.
    ❤️

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 21, 2018

      Hi S,

      that is so wonderful that you are finding out about the truths of this They are a shock when we do – and a relief.

      Once doing that, we can start healing if we turn inwards and start deeply investigating, holding and healing ourselves.

      That step is here: https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      Mel xo

      • S_Stuut@yahoo.com'
        S
        March 23, 2018

        Thank you for the link dear Melanie, I did one in february but I’ll sign up for another round!
        It is incredible how accurate ths all is, I’ve been seeing a psychologist for years but ‘talk therapy’ doesn’t help with true healing.
        My wound of the abandoned unwanted little child that needs a safe place was what I still walked around with when I met him. He hooked into that perfectly. But I left every time after two days and he could not get me in his control fully. I am so grateful I did not give up and in and found out about his ‘trait’.
        I do a guided meditation everyday now, (Joe Dispenza) it helps me stay consciously connected to the universe/my higher self during the day.

        After the shock of finding out what a pathological narcissist really is -and the aftershock- I felt it was extremely important to read your blogs and watch your video’s, to gain information and help my mind to regain a healthy functional balance.
        It did completely reset my understanding and perception of humanity. Light and dark. Seeing and acknowledging my own darkness and the ways I was not loving myself. I am stunned these people seem to be not only in high paid top positions but everywhere in society, hiding behind the masks of the nice neighbour.

        I do wonder about a few things and would very much appreciate your vision on this:
        – why is there so little known about this, it seems like only ‘victims’ want to become informed. If this incredible and almost unthinkable expression of a human being was more common knowledge would that not help people get out of the ‘entanglement’ earlier, or get more support? Would that not make people more aware of what the unseen and hidden results are when we do not take action to heal our inner wounds but ignorantly pass them on to the next generation?
        Do you think it serves the world to raise awareness on this?
        Or is that only an ego-thing/thought and is it ‘what you pay attention to you will get more of’ and and so narcissism will only grow?! Should we focus only on what we can heal inside yourself?
        I mean, if you were having your tv show in every country once a week, people would know they are not crazy, not alone and ther IS a way to heal themselves fully?

        -And what intrigues me is how a narcissist lives on while their soul has already left, I read this in several posts and this I find difficult to understand. WHO is in there then, or WHAT, breathing, thinking, who/what is feeling the agony that drives them to do their soul-sucking and cruel things. If people can be alive without a soul, I thought when we die our soul leaves the body, now I learn this can happen before that, so what ‘lifeforce’ is in them still then? Is it like a plant or an animal, without a conscience? How is the pathological narcissist walking this earth without a soul then still able to have soulcontracts?
        Can the soul that left ‘it’ ever (choose to) return?

        I would love to know if you’ve ever had questions like this yourself and what you think is the way to perceive this?
        My English might sound a bit weird but it isn’t my native language.
        Much love and gratitude for how you serve this world.

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          March 23, 2018

          Hi S,

          you are very welcome!

          I so agree that talk therapy is not effective to heal trauma.

          The reason why it is not really known is that narcissism runs our planet … and it is all about “getting self from the outside” which is the entire model of our consumerist society. If people felt whole within would they buy and get so much stuff to try to feel better? Would the pharmaceutical giants be making billions? Would the weaponry industry be a multi-billion dollar one – that if dropped could fund the feeding and shelter of the entire planet immediately?

          What I believe is the answer, and I talk about it often – is healing one person at a time. History has proven even if this community, knowledge does not get people free of abuse programs. And even though support can help there are many who will go back into the abuse time and time and time again despite all the support they could need.

          Deeply healing our trauma patterns is the only way that people get truly free and then become a force that stops the buck from passing on to future generations.

          There is nothing much in “support” that does that, which is available in our world. Sadly, it has been mostly highly ineffectual for healing abuse victims – hence why it is an epidemic passed on for generation to generation. Look at our skyrocketing anti-depressant usage.

          Correct, whenever you focus on the problem it pushes it, energizes it and makes it bigger, the only answer is to BECOME the solution from the inside out. The entire world has failed at trying to change someone else “outside” in order to feel better inside. It defies all Quantum Law – hence the wars, murders, genocides and pillaging of each other…

          I believe the ego is an entity – absolutely that can “operate” without the soul (the connection to Oneness, God) has become catatonic.

          Does this help?

          Thank you for your lovely words and please know you are so welcome S 🙂

          Mel xo

  • lady_eliza@hotmail.com'
    Pepper
    March 21, 2018

    Melania, I enjoy reading your articles and I would love to be able to connect with Thriver TV episodes, only I am both A.) hearing impaired and B.) stuck with satellite internet due to my area not having anything else available. Is there any way you could think about getting transcripts for your Thriver TV episodes released and available on the same blog page as the videos? I know many of us whom don’t have either the hearing and/or the bandwidth could benefit greatly from this. Please think about it, many of us would really appreciate it. As it is, I just feel left out and as alone as ever. 🙁

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 21, 2018

      Hi Pepper,

      thank you for your suggestion and I have put it forward to the MTE team.

      Mel xo

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        March 21, 2018

        Hi Pepper,

        I just received this back from the MTE team:

        “There is a caption setting in the settings (gear icon on the bottom of the video box) that can be used.”

        Also – the suggestion was: “I also refer them to the written blog articles telling them there is a decades worth of material there. That they can search it by topic and use the references there instead of using the videos if their data plans don’t permit much video streaming.”

        I hope this helps.

        Mel xo

  • Curlewcat@gmail.com'
    Overcomer
    March 21, 2018

    I have been a NARP member for awhile now. I try to stay connected to Melanie’s blogs and read everyones comments weekly to help me keep my balance.

    My story is I found my 30+ year marriage/relationship with a covert narc ending in divorce 5 years ago. He had been having an affair for some 2-3 years and immediately married his co-worker. My world blew up, I lost my family, my soul and everything I believed in, relied on or knew to be true. I think everyone here understands this. So fast forward to the last 1.5 years where I have felt some true relief and great progress. Quietly and gently, a feeling of normalicy replaced the chaos, handwringing, gulps of breath, constant state of anxiety and mental anguish that was my reality. I have created a new life and new friendships, got involved with hobbies and volunteering I enjoy. I have set goals that I have accomplished for myself. I have been working hard on loving myself, needing myself and trusting myself. I have been really proud of my progress, who I am becoming and my healing.

    This year my son is getting married and the narc and his wife will be there. This is the first time I will see my ex-husband since our divorce. I was acquainted with his new wife for 10 years so it will be awkward. I really don’t have anything to say to her. I mostly feel sadness for her. Overall, thinking about how I would deal with it, I felt I was doing well and this would be something I could get through somewhat confidently as this wedding is about my son and his lovely bride and their life together. That is my focus.

    …..I find myself overeating terribly and gaining weight. I feel a sense of gloom and get this feeling my life does not matter. I find this belief in my head that I am just going through the motions for nothing, I have no control, my life holds no purpose. I am invisible. I don’t matter. I am having difficulty getting rid of this resigned thinking. I am getting upset with myself because this is not me! I cannot find the spirit to overcome this setback. I feel something weighty is over me clouding my ability to want to help myself.

    I keep thinking this is my ex somehow trying to sabotage my independence. I feel the same powerlessness, the same resigned submission. The feeling I am invisible. I do not matter.

    How do I overcome this?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 21, 2018

      Hi Overcomer,

      I really want to check in with you here … are you doing NARP Modules on these traumas that have surfaced for you – to dig them out, load them up and replace them with Source.

      That really is the work to heal this powerfully and deeply.

      Speak to me 🙂

      Mel xo

  • maniclas@yahoo.com'
    MaryAnn
    March 21, 2018

    Hi Mel,
    Yes, I DID feel that way. I felt so desperate. I still get triggered, but no where near as intensely as I used to. I continue to have arguments in my head, in which I viciously insult and curse him. But then I ask myself, “Why? He is who he is and I need to let go.” So now I am looking to energetically disconnect. My goal is to get to the place where I can actually wish him happiness and then move on with the rest of my day. Definitely not there yet!

  • gclindsey@gmail.com'
    greg
    March 21, 2018

    Yes, I can relate to this. Both my parents are narc, and I feel contaminated and dirty. At one point I moved out of the state to get away from it, I made amazing progress in self-partnering. When I returned, I reengaged with them (this was before I was conscious of the malignant narcissism) and the agoraphobia and despair returned. I might have acquired more trauma. It is a struggle to differentiate my identity from the narcs, there is so much that is trapped inside. I want to leave the state again, and possibly the country and while this would remove me from the trigger, it wouldn’t resolve the feelings.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 21, 2018

      Hi Greg,

      it is so true that the trauma goes with us once it is trapped inside – no matter where we are! And when we get triggered off again, it is reminding us “I’m still there.”

      Would you like to experience how to release it properly – because that is what QFH does – its a game-changer Greg. https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      Mel xo

  • Mlclulow@gmail.com'
    Marilyn Clulow
    March 21, 2018

    I recovered from narcissistic abuse by following a spiritual path, understanding why I had come to earth and understanding that I had chosen before this incarnation, exactly the life and experiences I was having. My narcissist showed me how to grow strong and powerful in my life, I overcame him , now I am the strong one and he is notand he knows it, and I have grown enough to feel love and compassion for him . My life’s task was to learn to love him unconditionally in spite of his wounds and subsequent behaviours. We are ok now

  • LAMYAAMIR@GMAIL.COM'
    Grateful1
    March 21, 2018

    Thank you for this video. I was walking around today so dissociated, trembling and shaking, and hearing voices. My PTSD is so bad, and I kept thinking that this feels like I’m being spiritually attacked, it feels like war, and am I crazy?! My soul does indeed feel shattered, and I am fighting for my life. It’s hard to know if things are going to get better. All that being said, you posted this video today, answering my questions. The universe is wild that way. Your descriptions for my experience were spot on. I just signed up for the NARP program, and am committed to doing this work, even though it is so hard. Thank you for this video and for being a light in my bleak world. You give me hope.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 21, 2018

      Hi Grateful1,

      You poor thing – its horrible and I soooo know those feelings and I cant tell you the relief (which I know you can only bearly imagine) of getting free from them.

      You ARE going to make it.

      Yay – I am so RELIEVED for you that you are going to start NARP – enough is enough!

      You’ve got this Grateful1 and myself and this entire Community have got you.

      Mel xo

    • nicolegrayson@comcast.net'
      Nicole G
      March 21, 2018

      I so feel your pain Grateful1! I don’t know how to get out, but am deeply hopeful in Melanie’s words.
      The PTSD is extreme and it is truly the most indescribable experience, that people not going through this cannot understand.
      I wish you power, strength, and courage.

  • bluewolfgypsy@gmail.com'
    Mending_Wings
    March 21, 2018

    Yes..I have felt all those things. Though I thought I had “moved past” it and decided relationships just weren’t for me…I found it very hard to find joy in my life. I’ve walked around like a zombie emotionally.
    I hadn’t known what was going on in my life because I was exposed to this abuse early in my life and never knew it was abuse. I just thought that was how life was.
    My oldest daughter told me in 2011 “mom, you were there for us, but you weren’t there…you weren’t there emotionally.” I justified it from being exhausted trying to work and raise 4 children on my own, plus ONE narcissist who always had excuses for not working.
    I am so grateful for your NARP program. At 56 yoa I’m finally starting to see more in life…and when I’m around someone I feel tired, agitated, etc.. I get out of there fast! At least now I listen to my gut!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 21, 2018

      Hi Mending Wings,

      you should be so proud of committing to your inner work and excavating all that trauma.

      Well done and I am so happy you are healing! You can SEE it in your picture.

      You’re gorgeous!!

      Mel xo

  • kerryfreer@ymail.com'
    kerry
    March 21, 2018

    Even after 6 years, the divorce, finding a wonderful new man in my life..the ex and his wife still make daily appearances in my head space. I think I am still hurt and angry over all the horrible things they have said and done and even though my children reside full time with me (their choice) I am still worried he will come in and take credit again for all my hard work. All I want is to move forward and to go a day, a week or even a month without feeling bitter and twisted and hateful towards them. It feels impossible. 🙁

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 22, 2018

      Hi Kerry,

      this is reported by more people than you could imagine, and consistently I find that – so within so without – once the trauma is released it stops dead in its tracks … truly.

      It’s not impossible, please know that – if you want it to be possible Id love to show you how: https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      Mel xo

  • Taostinworks@gmail.com'
    Marion Moore
    March 21, 2018

    Today, my answer would be yes, I feel overwhelmed, and over powered. I feel so impacted that I am nearly imolibized.

  • joanne.osullivan5@yahoo.com.au'
    Jo
    March 21, 2018

    I have just ended my marriage of only 5months however we were together for nearly 4 years. I could not believe I went back to him after we separated for about 8 months last year. He was so abusive and horrible to me threatening to sue me for thousands of dollars and went on a hideous smear campaign in our small community. I eventually went back to him and then married him. I am sure this was to make it all go away and I convinced myself I could love him…. I managed to leave and move back in with my parents a month ago. I am so embarrassed I married him as I had seen what he was capable of in the 8 months of separation. The good news is I have maintained no contact for a month, all the while he is trying to hoover me back and then after a few days he is crying his pain and deep love for me. Thank you Melanie for your teachings, it has been so helpful in this time of new beginnings and I am determined to heal. 12 years ago I was married to another narcissist which took me 6 years to recover from, but I had no idea it had a name till now.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 22, 2018

      Hi Jo,

      its all okay – truly when we made choices from our unhealed parts – we all made ones that we later were deeply upset about.

      It’s all part of the healing. I am so happy for you that you are staying out and away and are determined to heal.

      That means that you are ON your way Jo!

      Big hugs and kudos to you.

      Mel xo

  • Son_yah@hotmail.come'
    Sonia
    March 21, 2018

    So yeah, I can relate to this. I can never stop the thoughts. So many things remind me of him, i was I. Shock when we broke up 2 years ago and he kept me strung along for months more before he started a relationship with someone else now he is having a baby with them. I didn’t want to know about this but a friend told me. I have hardly slept or eaten much since this news. Even though I don’t want him back, part of me is still somehow holding on. My soul feels hooked, and grieving. I want to invite love into my life but No one else seems to be a fit for me. Why do I think this guy who was an arsehole was so right for me… Ah!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 22, 2018

      Hi Sonia,

      it is absolutely the parts within us that are unhealed that are still hanging on and assigning this person as our Source of self.

      When you heal them I promise you there will be no thoughts, longing or pain anymore – and you will have been able to heal beyond love trajectories like this and move into new and healthier ones.

      This is about inner healing and graduation. If you have had enough and you know it is time – come into my free webinar – everything will make so much sense to you there: https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      Mel xo

  • nicolegrayson@comcast.net'
    Nicole G
    March 21, 2018

    Dear Melanie,
    I’m subscribed to your healing blog, and the little I have read and listened to, I am so hopeful you’ll be able to help me. I’m lost, sad, and in a very dark place. I’m behind on reading your words with everything else going on in my life.
    I spin in circles and repeat over and over and over again in my mind everything my soon-to-be ex has done to destroy me. I’m shocked to learn there are so many people receiving the same abuse I am– and honestly, feel so enlightened that his is actually considered abuse! It is! But I have never put words to it until this year. It is debilitating, soul crushing, and I understand why people give up on life.
    Thank you from the bottom of my heart for what you are giving to those of us lucky enough to find you. I am so incredibly hopeful to find light and a way out of this darkness.

  • hartfocus4u@gmail.com'
    Louise
    March 21, 2018

    Only had a relation 4 months. Only 4 months. And now 15 months after the break still hurt from time to time. Why the hell this is happening? Working hard but never knew another person could have so much power over me. He is ” the artist”. And a ” coach” in relation problems and addiction problems!!!! He has many admirers and abuses those vulnerable people. When we were in ” love” he started a sm relation with another woman. Are these people attracted to SM? I left my husband for this person. The good thing is that me and my husband have returned and have a nice relation again! So far so good.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 22, 2018

      Hi Louise,

      when our biggest teachers come to us to show for us what we have inside that requires our healing – it is impactful. Time is inconsequential. It is about turning inwards and releasing and living free of the trauma they represented to us. It is a repeat of trauma that we already had – and often pretty unconscious. As Prema Chodren said “nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know.” That is wonderful you have been able to resolve with your husband.

      Mel xo

  • Juliec27@outlook.com'
    Julie
    March 21, 2018

    Yes I’m feeling the same sole destroying feelings again. Can’t believe I managed to break free from 2 long term physically & mentally abusive narc relationships. Met a guy 9 months ago and he was not at all physically abusive to me & I knew – I think that he never would of been as he suffered horrendous abuse and molestation as a child himself. But very subtly the gas lighting started I’d get random messages from him saying “where you born ignorant” & “odd ball” and so on. He didn’t want to explain why he would say these things and said I was over sensitive. He would come to my house and do all of these really big repair work & overhauled my whole garden doing land scaping, made me a park bench & water feature & many other things. I never asked for any of this, it was actually overwhelming to me as no man I’ve known has every done really anything for me. But he at the same time started to withdraw physical effection from me & said that he was no longer comfortable with me being at his house because I called him on the unusual outbursts there and I ruined the vibes there & it would take a while to get that balance back. It was all so confusing to me, he still felt welcomed and at ease at my house. He’d send recordings of songs to me that he sang & hoped that we could get back to being physical (we had only ever kissed and cuddled & there was talk of going further when he trusted me enough, guess I thought it was understandable because of his past) anyway long story but of course with all narcs you can’t call them on anything. I checked and saw he was on oasis as a friend said they’d seen him on there saying he’s looking for “the one” He had pics of himself that he’d been sending to me, it really hurt & shocked me because he was always on about honesty and loyalty. I msg saying I saw it and asked why he couldn’t be honest with me .. he completely lost it and told me “go F yourself you Fn creep” a new low for him, he doesn’t like swearing. Can’t believe I’m here again. My whole house is filled with some big unfinished jobs & things he gave or made for me. I also realised he was actually following me at time he said he was busy & I should see my friends not that I have many left because they of course we’re all really bad people & I was bad if I wanted to spend time with them. It’s also crazy .. can’t believe I’m here again

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 22, 2018

      Hi Julie,

      you poor thing my heart goes out to you. Sweetheart, we are always meeting people who represent to us our own inner identity – how healed we are or not. And our quest is so about becoming the whole person who is attracted to other whole healthy people, and thus starting relationships that we can grow with and of course which will challenge us – yet have a healthy foundation of enough “unwoundedness” to begin with.

      Repeat disappointing relationships are the continued signal “Time to go within and heal” And we know with narcs that the signs posts keep coming and it can get worse and worse and worse (a whopping great billboard dropping on us) to finally force us to do what we need to do.

      The inner work and heal.

      Sending you love and the strength to take that stand for yourself.

      Mel xo

  • joyceytait@hotmail.com'
    Jo
    March 21, 2018

    I am having major anxiety which I have never had! We have been together 13 years! He left in 2013 took all his belongings and I read your posts then and had completely no contact and yes this worked to the point of us going a holiday and him slowly coming back to visit for dinner or on a Sunday! He then asked me to marry him and buy a bigger fancier house which we did 2015, now he has semi retired and I can’t actuallt bear him being around all day! He has no hobbies as such and nowhere to go!!! I am suffocating and every time I go home he is there! 24/7, help!!!!!!

  • Rubyemily7@yahoo.com'
    Emilyv
    March 21, 2018

    I ended the relationship when there was a red flag that was too big to ignore, and I realized the relationship wasn’t what I thought it was. We were only together for 2.5 months and my response seemed crazy to me, way oversized for the amount of time we spent together. I kept going to work, but spent the next few months in bed. I was exhausted, couldn’t stop rerunning everything in my head…I could feel him in my soul, invading me, infecting me. I couldn’t verbalize what happened and felt like I could barely think…very unusual for me. It’s better now, but I’m not done healing yet.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 22, 2018

      Hi Emily,

      absolutely the pain continues until we heal within what is necessary to heal. Awesome you honored you and go out.

      Its great you are onto your healing.

      Mel xo

  • jaynemccalman@hotmail.com'
    Teena
    March 21, 2018

    I have done some NARP sessions but don’t really feel anything particular coming up or any particular age. I don’t know if I’m not doing it right. It seems very repetitive and I just don’t know if I’m making any progress. He has just applied for a divorce and we’ve started legal negotiations for financial settlement and he want children’s orders for our 18 month old whom he has never lived with and just uses for a ‘feed’ makes me sick. He is a selfish abusive alcoholic that I can’t let get his hands on my baby.
    I bought the silver NARP program

  • flitter237.sb@gmail.com'
    Sarah Batten
    March 21, 2018

    Hi Mel .
    the last time I saw my ex it was just before Christmas 2017…. I stopped him seeing his son who is only 4 years old .. I had to do it. For my own well-being and my son’s … I was in turmoil….I am doing a lot of meditations and breathing to be conscious that I am actually here now and I am actually me all the things whatever happened is making me so much more stronger .
    I’m so glad that I found you thank you so much for being you.
    Many thanks Sarah

  • bluestarboy1999@yahoo.com'
    Stever
    March 21, 2018

    This was hard to watch, Melanie. I am trying to limit my time while doing NARP to self-healing and not continually re-examining and re- researching narcissism in general – but the email and title of this video was too compelling to ignore.

    The lengthy introduction was excruciating as yes, of course – the pain of having a lengthy past with a narcissist monster of a sibling and father and all the vicious things they’ve done – is difficult to get past. So listening to you repeat and enunciate the horrors even almost twenty minutes into the video – forced me to turn it off.

    I have started the NARP course and am repeating section 1 as many times as I need until I am ready to move on. I kind of forgot that some of the videos I am receiving now are essentially – “brochures” – and are not part of the overall course. Thanks, though for the video. Just the wrong time to watch it for me, I guess.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 22, 2018

      Hi Stever,

      please know nothing is by accident and life is always Happening “for” us – there are no mistakes.

      These big triggers arising are showing you what next to heal – as “what hurts RIGHT now the most” always is.

      There is no wrong time … you’ve got this Stever.

      Mel xo

  • emt23bath@gmail.com'
    Joyful thanks!
    March 21, 2018

    Having been bought up by a narcissistic mother, I realise now that all my relationships have been with narcissistic partners. After my divorce I had a six month relationship with a man I thought was so different from my husband (sensitive, loving, articulate, kind) but I did not listen to the little voice inside that kept putting its hand up to be heard. I missed all the signs that were there. At our six month anniversary he declared complete love and a desire to be together long into the future, the following week he brutally dumped me!

    I have been working with NARP but having got to a point of feeling 95% free of ‘The Last Narcissist’ (TLN), I suddenly find him invading my thoughts again. I have been battling to understand why I have allowed this and what is going on. Then the remarkable Mel produces this video, as if she knew it was the learning I needed. As my friend say you are a modern day ‘white witch’ , you understand insights that we need, thank goodness for the internet that allows us to connect with you from the other side of the world. I know that my encounter with TLN was a gift, a blessing to enable me to take a different path from this point onwards in my life. I will always be grateful to his soul for meeting me and giving me this gift but I am now wanting to say a complete farewell, and let this soul go to have to revisit this world another time for it to get redemption. I not longer want him to invade my thoughts.

    As it is world poetry day (in the UK), I will leave you with a poem I sent to TLN when I explained we could not be friends (thanks again to Mel for helping me to understand why!). I feel that his soul and my soul have taken very different paths, i find it sad sad as I felt it had potential to be redeemed but that is his journey not mine.

    The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

    Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
    And sorry I could not travel both
    And be one traveler, long I stood
    And looked down one as far as I could
    To where it bent in the undergrowth;

    Then took the other, as just as fair,
    And having perhaps the better claim,
    Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
    Though as for that the passing there
    Had worn them really about the same,

    And both that morning equally lay
    In leaves no step had trodden black.
    Oh, I kept the first for another day!
    Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
    I doubted if I should ever come back.

    I shall be telling this with a sigh
    Somewhere ages and ages hence:
    Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
    I took the one less traveled by,
    And that has made all the difference.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 22, 2018

      Hi JT!

      I am so pleased you are here in this community and that these posts are synchronistic for you!

      I think that often after doing so well and feeling free, we can forget the principle as Thrivers of – when we feel “off” to go within load it up release it and replace it (NARP Module work). Rather we can go into our head forget to do that and end up not uplevelling and going down the rabbit hole of paralysis analysis instead.

      Truly that is all you need to do JT.

      Thank you for your poem it is amazing – beautiful.

      Mel xo

  • Heatherneeley@ymail.com'
    Heather Neeley
    March 21, 2018

    The weekends are the worst, the days are long and unshakably lonely.
    I don’t enjoy cooking anymore. I start to get physically anxious in a grocery store.
    I feel like normal life is escaping me and I physically and mentally react to triggers as simple as being near happy families. Thank God I have my children and we work together seamlessly and share creativity and senses of humor.
    I am so grateful for your generous heart and teachings, the quantum healings really help me have a better day.
    Ugh, what I have written doesn’t sound at all like the high spirited opinionated independent me that coexists with the damaged parts.
    I believe we as narcissistically attacked people can overcome this…

  • qualitygirl81@gmail.com'
    qualitygirl81
    March 21, 2018

    It’s been 19 months since the divorce was final, nearly a year since the last contact (that was not reciprocated, thank you NO CONTACT!). He still goes to my church, lives near me, so that keeps the triggers fairly handy. I scan the cars when I’m driving, I scan the crowds at the stores, my heart rate and anxiety level increase every time I have to drive into town. He’s moved on to a new “victim”, and I am coming out of my shell more and more. I thought I was doing much better until I read this email and decided I’d better look into what’s going on. There’s still that “hook”, that sickening drop in my stomach when I see him. I’m so done with this. I ache to get to the point where I can forgive him, look at him and feel nothing. And then my life celebration begins!!

  • catherineannelovely@yahoo.com.au'
    Catherine
    March 21, 2018

    I am very thankful to have come across your videos. Learning about your journey and how you have healed has assisted me greatly. I am doing so much better now. I still have some work to do, however I am getting there. I love and respect you so much. Thank you Melanie

  • salli@curvecorp.com'
    PheonixFlameThrower
    March 22, 2018

    It feels frustrating and disheartening that they can still be awful after all these years. Yes, ten years later and he has pulled all maintenance, punishing me again – for abs nothing. Super unkind. I don’t emotionally engage anymore, but I do get fed up with the nastiness now that my life is sweet, for real.

    We have two boys together (17 and nearly 13) and he lives it LARGE. Two £1.3 million houses in England, top of the range Landrover, skiing hols in Chamnoix, massive parties, another [part share] of a house in Scotland … yadda yadda… A life I left behind, no grudges against that at all, but he pays *nothing*. How could he do that to his sons? He is trying to control me again since he found out about my imminent marriage broke the court order and then it became void. I never mess with their contact with their dad, that is sacrosanct to them, not my position to interfere, but his new wife is proving hard to deal with as she stirs things and it escalates. He is just ghastly to me, it makes no sense as I was a loving and dedicated wife for 7 years. We had a wonderful few years and then his behaviour started to push me away and be incredibly nasty / triangulating me / disloyal to the point of very painful, at every turn (!) Really odd.

    He had affairs and I forgave one, but the second one, he engineered a row and went “out” – straight to a Mayfair Hotel to sleep with her. Harsh. I’m over all this madness, but his constant nasty stream of communications is tedious and when he wants something he is super nice to my fella, even thanking him for rearing the children, ha – never once shown gratitude to my fab mummy skills. Just don’t understand why he won’t give up the hate game. It’s so vitriolic and dumb.

    I am trying not to get super tired out by it all – it’s like they want to break your resolve. Why would anyone do that to a main carer of their kids??

  • jraltizer@gmail.com'
    Julia
    March 22, 2018

    I cannot thank you enough for posting these videos.

  • violetsavir@gmail.com'
    Helga
    March 22, 2018

    Yesterday my daughter (who my narc abused physically and emotionally as a child and started with creepy behavior around her once she became a young woman) told me yesterday I ruined her life because I married the narc, because we moved in with him. This video made me think on all the ways people like him take away pieces of our soul. I moved out but what he’s done seems to be rubbed in my body like sandpaper every day. If it was not for the clarity you bring with your videos and your program, I’d be totally hopeless. I am deeply grateful. It doesn’t have to be like this forever. There’s a way out of this nightmare, thanks for showing it to us. Much love to you, Mel. Thank you so much!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 22, 2018

      Hi Helga,

      There SO is a way out Helga.

      Sending you and your daughter love, support and healing – and as you heal incredibly so will she follow.

      Our children do …

      Mel xo

  • nicopopliceanu@yahoo.com'
    Nicoleta
    March 22, 2018

    Thank you.

  • blueridgeparkway3@gmail.com'
    Dr. Q
    March 22, 2018

    I have nightmares almost nightly of his lurking around me, and inside my house. I am always looking to see if he is in the autos that I pass. I am very afraid to be out after dark. We work in the same field in business, and I am constantly afraid that he will “set me up” and just be where I am. I have constant panic attacks, and a feeling of “drowning in sorrows”. I feel so guilty that I divorced him. I love him so much – I know all the facts in regards to his cruelty – but I can’t seem to process it. He was physically abusive, even to the point that I had swelling on the brain where he hit me. I am drawn to him. I can actually feel when he is around. These sessions are the only thing that is helping. Conventional therapy has not worked. Thank you so very much. I have a long way to go – but at least I am headed in the right direction

  • kathrynnova@gmail.com'
    Nova Williams
    March 22, 2018

    Garmonbozia. They feed on pain and suffering. I think David Lynch is exploring similar themes in Twin Peaks.

  • Cateshinekinch@gmail.com'
    Cate
    March 22, 2018

    Mel I did the goal setting module last night and what came out is that he owns me. I’m his property. That’s why I haven’t been able to break free. He left nearly 8 months ago after a 12 yr marriage for another woman. I didn’t know this was playing out.

  • valerieAwedel@gmail.com'
    Valerie
    March 22, 2018

    This was totally my reality.
    With time and NARP modules it no longer is. I do still come across gremlins I have to evict. So still a work in progress I guess. Just worked with mod11 with being my own source of love and success – WOW was that great!

    Tanks, Mel!
    Love and light, Val

  • valerieAwedel@gmail.com'
    Valerie
    March 22, 2018

    Hi Mel,

    It is so true that when you get a ways into the healing you start feeling better than ever before. I feel freer, happier, more at peace than I can really ever remember in my teenage and adult life. So true!

    I still have to rebuild a professional identity and am tweaking NARP to do that also. Have been sifting through the shards of the career I thought I was going to have in architecture to see what is still there and can be built on. And guess what… a year ago I said I wanted to write. And now I’ve published about 18 articles including some with illustrations. Pretty good start! My music students and harp gigs are also slowly and steadily increasing and improving. Architecture is not returning tho. Those doors have not been opening, altho the rejections are getting easier. Maybe the universe is talking. Onward with gratitude…

    Sort of curious if it might be helpful to do another of your intro healings? Feeling drawn and yet not sure if it is needful. Maybe just thinking the group connection would be lovely.

    Thank you Mel, for NARP!
    Love and light,
    Val

  • wxyzx69@hotmail.com'
    Allan Wedgedale
    March 22, 2018

    Finished with my Narc 6 months ago. Seem to be getting over it as the memory fades. I wonder what is their fate though. They are incurable? So then what happens when you are born a narc? Its like being the undead, you walk but never really connect with anyone, just live an emotionally empty life? Shouldnt we be pitying these people, since they have a mental illness they cant do anything about? Do they all end up dying alone and unloved in a mental care facility?

  • chris.whittaker2@btinternet.com'
    Christopher
    March 22, 2018

    Hi Mel,
    I was wondering, is it worth trying to Sue the Narcissist, I keep thinking about doing this, did you try ?

  • loreleew@telus.net'
    Lorelee
    March 22, 2018

    7 months in to working with NARP modules & your Empowered Self Program, I am grateful for how much healing has occurred. Not only have I cleared a lot of trauma, I am living more authentically than I can ever remember. Thanks again.

  • claytonruth@rocketmail.com'
    Rose
    March 22, 2018

    dearest Mel. Is it true that if there is still an addictive ever presense or feeling of the narc being stuck in your head, that it is because you have yet to process unhealed parts? I can’t tell if I just need to distract myself, or if the obsessing is a clue that there is still work to be done. I hate that I still care, and that I keep going over it , which almost feels beyond my control. I need help to put him to rest!

    Thanks for any insight you may have for me. Love your work!

    Rose

  • Julieriegler@gmail.com'
    Julie
    March 22, 2018

    Yes. I feel like this. I have been married to my narc for 31 years. I’m 2 months into a nasty divorce. I will save myself. I will be ok.

  • Kcstarlov@yahoo.com'
    Susan Lauinger
    March 22, 2018

    I only just realized that I was suffering from narcissistic abuse by my ex-husband. We’ve been divorced for seven years but we have two children together and he just keeps tormenting me. I Cut him off over and over again but he uses the kids against me. Two days ago I had finally had enough and I just stopped responding to anything.
    Now that I’m looking around my life, I see that my 16-year-old son is also a narcissist. My mother and my sister were also narcissists. All of this came to me only a week ago. So, yeah, I’m reeling.

  • anna_elina@luukku.com'
    Anna
    March 23, 2018

    Hi Melanie,
    I’d like to ask, because it is unclear to me: To release (heal, get rid of) limiting (traumatic) beliefs about ourselves (which I think is the number one reason we became involved with n’s in the first place!), is it necessary to know/remember the origin of that belief, when it was formed, at what age, who “caused” it, what was the situation?
    Is is always even possible to “know” that? I do not believe in past lives, but I do believe we can get this traumatic stuff for example via DNA…so then of course I can’t know the original “event”.
    I’ve tried with a therapist an energy healing method called matrix re imprinting, but I didn’t really liked it….quite exhausting. There we are trying “change” or un-do some event that supposedly caused the trauma/trauma belief.
    For example the belief I have/had: “I’m worthless, it is somehow my role in life to tolerate bad behaviour from others and somehow adapt to that.” (uhh-huh, a “direct match” being with a n! What a crap belief.).
    But I don’t know from where that belief comes from and I can’t force myself to “remember” it! Does it matter? Can I “just” clear it anyway?

    By the way: Some law of attraction teachers say “thoughts become things”. With my life experience I’d say: they do not! How often I “thought” happy life, living happily together with the n, happy marriage with the n…all the time! Nope, not going to happen. None amount of “thinking” can’t change that, sadly. I’d like to vent, and say that I resent that for example “The Secret” book does not talk about this aspect at all! I think it is the beliefs that become “things” (actually, isn’t it so, that beliefs are unconscious “thoughts”?). Here I am, a living proof of this, I consciously wanted to find a nice partner, the one, prince charming, my soulmate…instead I attracted the n. Just like we all in this forum 🙁 So clearly this unconscious stuff has much more power (to “attract”) than conscious thoughts.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 23, 2018

      Hi Anna,

      Absolutely it isn’t necessary to know the original event. What is necessary is to have a tool that can locate, load up and release the trauma energy from your cells.

      True DNA healing is not about cognitive relearning it is about getting a body shift out of toxic emotions, beliefs and programs and replacing them with Source, our super conscious Higher Power which grants us a healing a shift that on our own we can’t produce. That is what NARP does and why it has been so successful.

      When you work with NARP it is totally possible To access information that is startlingly accurate regarding things you could not possibly have consciously remembered, because the subconscious is the vault of all information, but in no way is this information necessary to get a shift.

      100 percent I agree with you regarding the movie ‘The Secret’ Especially when regarding trauma it is impossible for the logical mind to reprogram that.

      I hope this explains.

      Mel xo

  • Kcstarlov@yshoo.com'
    Susan Lauinger
    March 23, 2018

    Melanie, is there really no cure for the narcissist?
    I fear that my son has become or maybe always was one. He is 16, and teens are dramatic anyway but he is off the charts and basically acts exactly like his narcissistic father. Could he have learned it and perhaps could be brought out of it.
    Honestly, my intuition tells me no. But I need to be sure since he’s my son. Since I took Dr Northrup energy vampire course, I saw it right away in him.
    He has always been selfish and uncaring.
    Should I get an official diagnosis? If so, how?

  • siedahspeaks@gmail.com'
    Siedah
    March 23, 2018

    It is a whole different experience when dealing with someone like this. After two years of constant manipulation and lies – I realized that I need to stay in my power and not give my power away to anyone. My thoughts and mental space to someone who doesn’t deserve it. To give myself extra self care and self love. It does take a constant need to keep replacing the negative with the positive due to this person is near me.

    I hope everyone finds peace because I totally understand where you are. I wrote a poem that I linked with my name about Leaving a Narcissist.

  • Mebefox1627@gmail.com'
    Connie Fox
    March 23, 2018

    Hi, again, Melanie,
    I’m excited to hear this next video. I have now been divorced 8 months with a total separation of 2 years. This after a 30 year relationship, 27 of which I we were married.
    I’ve been in Theraphy and feel I understand “how” I’m suppose to feel but I can’t. I finally told my therapist that I hear everything people are telling me and I understand but I can’t seem to stop the “feelings” of love, hope, worthlessness, maybe if only I’d done things different, been thinner, I could ride my dirt bike faster (I learned at 41 yrs old to be apart of something he and my family enjoyed), I wore different clothes, drank more….the list goes on. I know how he treated me, that I was never good enough, especially around people, was wrong. He’s the first thing I think about when I wake up. The last thing I think about when I go to bed and many times in between. He said he loved me so that “trumped” everything. I told my therapist that if I could get him erased from my memory I would. I feel like I’ll never get past all the lies, the truly unbelievable person that he is and have that “worthless” “used” feeling forever…like I’m just not good enough. Even though I see it all now. People tell me what an awful person he is and to just get over it. I get it… if I can’t “feel” it. I don’t cry much now but I’m scared this is how I will always feel….I hate it!
    Thank you as always for all you do!
    Connie

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 23, 2018

      Hi Connie,

      that is great!

      Awww gosh Connie I so would love you to take this to transformational healing – so that you can get the trauma out of your body which is blocking you from feeling these feelings. I believe that is the only true way to not only get him out of your being and head, but also to connect to your True Self.

      Information simply does not have the power to get that shift done.

      Please come into my free webinar and you will experience the difference: https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      Mel xo

      • Mebefox1627@gmail.com'
        Connie
        March 23, 2018

        I would like to say thank you for always replying to me Melanie. It shows what a caring person you truly are.
        I watched the rest of the video after posting. I too believe in the “soul” and believe it is the roots to who we are. I will be getting your program after this reply. My ex took away all that I believed in…..the vows of marriage. I truly believed what I said and believed he felt the same. That “kind” of love means true, trusting love or so I thought. I’m fighting what I believe in my soul to what I now know is to be true. I feel sorry for my ex because to never know that kind of love for another person is sad, but to take that love from someone and abuse it is something I struggle comphrening.
        I am determined to be the happy person on the inside that people see on the outside. That is what I fear most….the thought of never finding it. With your help I feel I have a great chance at that inner piece and happiness.
        Thank you again, XOXO
        Connie

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          March 24, 2018

          Hi Connie,

          please know you are so welcome, it’s my pleasure 🙂

          Awwww I am so pleased you are feeling hope and are going to start NARP – it is your time sweetheart …absolutely,

          Mel xo

  • jim@jimmccarthy.co.uk'
    Jim McCarthy
    March 24, 2018

    Hallo all–
    I feel sick and a poisoned after a nearly one year long relationship, i which I got engaged (too quickly) and then we were to marry last June. i loved “her” and she started with the triangulating ; mentioning an ex– I told her to get rid of this guy and block him. She got a job and we lived together for 4 months. She wanted to move house really quick– I said lets leave it till after marriage. After a few things happening — I asked her to leave. She did and NEVER tried to discuss the relationship at all–she was cold and unengaged (crude at times) plus she started the icy silent treatments. I tried to meet her on our wedding day – I had flowers delivered etc an she was acting OK but weird–she mentioned the ex yet again (on our bloody wedding day??) I stayed that night. We were intimate but she never seemed any closer after intimacy??
    The next day she asked to lend money as she had quit her job in a really irresponsible manner. After about a few days, she said we cant talk anymore as her kids — did not “like it” This woman is a full scale lunatic. She also posed as a born-again Christian—that to me was the lowest thing of all. As we had met on a Christian dating site. She has changed her photos on there and is posing as some sort of Christian. Thats one thing she will have to answer for. The whole thing was crushing and because I have some smarts, I knew something was “wrong” but thats all it was. I could not put a name to it. Its been about nine months. I was going to take the idiot to court to get my money. She has returned the engagement ring. She emailed me in January to say —it could have been wonderful together??? And that she was still “very much” single?? I have found out everything about this mendacious and evil form of existence only since she left. I was guided towards it and it is amazing how few people know anything about this?
    This is a learning curve I did not wish to go on. So; feeling not great and have felt sick. A type of poisoning alright!
    of one’s heart and soul and body. A while afterwards I got very ill.
    So very physically sick–I could not move or get out of bed—it was horrendous! Also the confusion it creates is almost mind altering.
    Thanks to these communities for spreading light into this darkness.
    Jim

  • hannahgaylegartner@yahoo.com'
    Hannah
    March 24, 2018

    I am 22 years old currently, I believe, in a narcissistic relationship with a man (25) I have been on and off for for a little over a year. I have tried twice to go no contact before I finally discovering what I think he is and am realizing there is no changing or fixing him. I have watched a few of your videos now and most everything seems to resonate with how I am feeling and how he is behaving. He begged me to take him back this last time and I did. Now he is back to his old ways of not meeting my needs, making everything about him, doing things that so subtly undermine my confidence I don’t even realize its happening, and chipping away at my sanity. I believe he is cheating on me or is at least trying to make me believe he is cheating on me, but I don’t have hard evidence. Every fiber of my being is telling me he is not being faithful and that I can’t trust him. Part of me wants to be rid of him, but part of me is hurting at the thought of leaving and loves the high that he makes me feel. I feel like he knows I am suspicious and has been acting very loving lately, I believe to try to distract me from the reality. I feel anxious and stressed and obsessed with trying to learn the truth. I am struggling because when facing him, I don’t know that I feel strong enough to leave.

    • smalltowndrama@gmail.com'
      Tanya
      March 26, 2018

      Hannah – Listen to your “gut”, it’s usually right. I had the same experience and wish I had listened….I ignored my suspicions, his b.s. answers, and the red flags and after several more years I finally saw the light. You can’t get back those years and the longer you’re in a relationship with a true narc., especially if he’s covert, the harder it is to recover. I would suggest taking the narc test Melanie has. It’s pretty extensive and you would need to answer as if you were him, but if “he” scores high, get out NOW.

  • lorinda_wente@att.net'
    Lorinda
    March 25, 2018

    Well, no nightmares (yet?) since I am secretly moving my stuff out of our house lately, little car load by little Mini-Cooper car load while N is out of town for short trips to see family. Trying to move the out-of-season items, my crafting/art supplies currently. One thing i have noticed since beginning my healing and courage approach to this life with a N and planning my escape, N has oddly been non-confrontative and distracted. I think if he “knew” I would have been lam-blasted by now. Melanie, what do you make of this? p.s. Little Big Town, country artists, sing a song “Better Man”, have you heard it? Written by Taylor Swift who must have known a narcissist.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 25, 2018

      Hi Lorinda,

      it is great that he is detaching. Maybe his attention is elsewhere, and what is totally important for all of us when Ns are concerned is to have our attention firmly on what we are doing, and not worry about what they are or aren’t. That is where our power lies.

      I would not be at all surprised if Taylor Swift has had experience with narcissists!

      Mel xo

  • pamroehr57@icloud.com'
    Pamela
    March 28, 2018

    I was married to a narsist for 25 years. We are currently separated. We have 2 children. 5 years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. During that time my eyes were opened to the fact that he was more the victim in the situation than me. His needs could no longer be met by me. I could blatantly see the struggle he was having to keep himself under control. Sometime he just had to be angry because his back hurt him when he slept on the couch beside the chair I had to sleep in for 2 months. After about 3 days he announced that he had had it and was going back to the bed. I couldn’t even push myself down from the recliner after a double mastectomy. My daughter started staying on the couch. After my recovery I began to see the angry shell of a man he was. Unfortunately when I reciting leave yet another narsist began to show me attention. So at this point I am recovering from notb1 but 2 narsist relationships. I am in the final stage of surgeon my husband with DVO in place so very limited to no contact. Have gone no contact with the other. My end is non existent. I don’t even care if I dress. Please help.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 28, 2018

      Hi Pamela,

      You poor thing. It is beyond painful way beyond the physical sense when we are emotionally and literally abandoned in our times of deepest need.

      I would love Pamela for you to connect to my free workshop to get help, relief ang healing. It is here: https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

  • larissamsimpson@gmail.com'
    Larissa Simpson
    March 28, 2018

    Yes! I still think about horrible James who was my “friend” for many years before he and I unfortunately became intimate and he did a 180 from the sweet considerate person he was before to become a nightmare! It’s been a year and a half since he and I broke up, and about 8 months since I won a small settlement from him for therapy fees but every day it feels like he’s following me around nagging me and telling me I’ll be ghosted by my current crush, that I’ll be left, that I’m worthless, etc!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 28, 2018

      Hi Larissa,

      N-abuse certainly does leave its imprint. Have you seen this recent video of mine: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WeYsbdHGVrs

      It’s the deep inner healing that is the answer and relief to this.

      Mel xo

    • narcinarc1975@gmail.com'
      Melanie
      August 6, 2018

      He sounds just like my ex-husband. Always kept me from my friends, never let me pursue my passions, always put me down. What exactly did he do? I can’t believe people actually act like this. It’s been years since I’ve left him, but it still haunts me to this day.

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        August 7, 2018

        Hi Melanie,

        My heart goes out to you that you still feel the trauma inside of what has happened to you.

        Please know that there are ways to heal from this and I’d love to show you how with my free inner transformational resources.

        I so hope this can help you https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

        Mel 🙏💕❤️

    • narcinarc1975@gmail.com'
      Melanie R
      August 6, 2018

      He sounds just like my ex-husband. Always kept me from my friends, never let me pursue my passions, always put me down. What exactly did he do? I can’t believe people actually act like this. It’s been years since I’ve left him, but it still haunts me to this day.

  • catherineellen2018@gmail.com'
    CJ
    March 30, 2018

    I’m in the early stages of separating from my husband (I left him at the end of November 2017) and am very up and down with how I feel towards him. During the final year of our relationship I had started to psychologically dissociate from my life completely. I have during our marriage developed an autoimmune disease which was getting worse and worse resulting in another autoimmune disease developing and was marked by an inability to walk, work, manage in general. During the marriage he alienated me from my sister, who I had always been extremely close to on account of our own family narc and abuse based issues, and had succeeded in slowly alienating me from my mum and extended family also, and numerous friends. I was becoming aware that he was regularly lying about me to all and sundry, and was and had consistently been turning me and his friends and family against each other for our entire marriage. He has tried to destroy me from the inside out, has played despicable games with my history of rape experience and sexual abuse, cheated on me, indulged in extreme addictive and disturbing behaviour all the while charming and seducing all those he comes into contact with, showing his fake self off admirably – as I have told sympathetic friends there is a nice version and an evil version – I see the evil version most days.

    My husband was my first love (we met aged 19/20) and it was a soul stirring experience at the time and marked by much long-distance letter writing…. we parted after 2.5 years he married within 6 months, divorced after 4 years and then later returned to me, as a miracle or so I thought, after eight years of longing for him…we married and had two kids and the real nightmare began.

    I find myself constantly talking, thinking and trying to understand him and how or why he could be so cruel. I alternate between abject fear of what he will do to our children’s minds, what he has already done to me and them, whether we will ever recover, whether we’ve been irreperably changed, whether I deserved this, why I ever went back, why I put up with so much disrespect and abuse, why I allowed emotional and psychological and physical abuse to occur in my home without leaving him sooner etc etc etc and then I start to emphathise and miss him, having extensive sympathy for the pain he experienced during his own childhood experiences, missing the nice version of him and finally just desperately wanting us all to be safe and outside of his sphere of influence, his desire for revenge and away from the chaos that he brings with him everywhere he goes. I also find it difficult to resist the triggers he sets off in me so easily. I still have to have quite alot of contact with him due to the fact that we are still negotiating mediation, access, finances and so on and aware that this will continue to some extent until the children are at least adults. I am lucky that I have some very good friends and my mum who see through him – also since leaving him my sister and I have reestablished contact and have seen each other so there are good things about this too for me right now rather than in some dim and distant future 🙂

    Around 5 years ago other events led me to go on an internal journey of my own which involved alot of internal visually based exploration and meditation and healing and yoga – I believe that this finally led me to the point where my eyes were opened to his behaviour (combined with some very disturbing actions on his part) and I found the strength and will to flee which did not go down well as you can probably imagine. Since then he continues his games of abuse which are now targeted at the kids, finances and continuing control. He has a new girlfriend (hidden – noone knows about her just yet, he started looking for his next victim on a dating site less than 3 weeks after I left him and after 11 years of marriage), takes holidays, buys new stuff etc and seems absolutely fine whilst I feel completely broken hearted, terrified for the future and frightened of him in general.

    I have done the webinar already after finding an article ‘by accident’ on Pinterest written by Melanie about protecting your children from narcissists, which really spoke to my soul and felt so right I decided to do the webinar (something I’ve never done before), I also bought NARP and am trying to find the time to do it properly – two kids, a dog, a house, a job make it tricky sometimes – and am now investigating the website more fully. I feel that this work is an essential part of my jigsaw and much of what I have read and listened to from you, Melanie, not only resonates deeply but occasionally throws up some majorly synchronistic aspects that it’s almost scary… in a good way of course lol! I also shared your name, youtube channel and website with a former acquaintance, now firm friend, whom I have grown closer to over the last few years and with whom it turns out I have an awful lot in common. She is also benefitting greatly and we regularly note how finding your site and wisdom is beyond gratifying and is in fact life saving.

    Sorry such a long post – it all came flooding out there. I’ve really been struggling this last week with sad and sympathetic feelings towards my husband and the last wasted 11 years at least 24 years in total since we first met … I know I need to do the inner work but am finding it so hard to get there for some reason and just feel consumed and overwhelmed by him, the wider situation and imagined future fears, scenarios and devastations. Sometimes it feels as though it’s all too much to get through, I just want to be free I think…and to see the positives that have come out of this situation rather than focussing on his needs, my fear of him and general devastation all the time…

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 30, 2018

      Hi CJ,

      My heart goes out to you, you have been through so much.

      When our inner being has been used to large amounts of trauma it can be hard to convince it cellularly to let go.

      I am so pleased you have NARP and I would really love you to reach out to the NARP Forum for help in releasing any blocks that are holding you back. https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      I guess Catherine it really does, as it was for myself and so many other Members, get down to fighting for our souls, health, future, life and children.

      We can’t get better and do better until we get free from all that internal trauma.

      That is wonderful you have a friend to work on this journey with. And I wish both of you all the love, healing and breakthrough that is yours by Divine Right.

      Mel xo

      • catherineellen2018@gmail.com'
        CJ
        April 3, 2018

        Thank you <3 xx

  • dinamarie13@gmail.com'
    D
    April 2, 2018

    My last encounter with him was Jan 27th. Of course there was pleasant conversation and “normalcy” for a bit and then, he flipped the switch out of nowhere for no other reason than to cause me pain to fuel his pleasure. I’m not proud to say that my last words to him were “i wish death upon you but death would be too good for you. I hope you have a very long, miserable existence… Walking the earth as a hungry ghost who’s never satisfied.” He was found on the side of a building 2 hours later… Heroin overdose…emt was able to resuscitate him, he hit the emt and was arrested. Did 30 days haven’t seen or heard from him since. as of 3 days ago i can FEEL him like he’s close by watching. I’ve been a wreck the past few days. Crying and confused. basically back to being rubble

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 2, 2018

      Hi D,

      big hugs sweetheart, what you are going through is beyond painful. It is excruciating being hooked into someone who is this lost and also who has devalued and discarded you as well as himself.

      I would love to help you start to get some relief and healing, please come into my free webinar: https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

  • lcerutti@bodyworks-pt.com'
    Lisa M Cerutti
    April 15, 2018

    I can’t stop thinking about him. Keep checking up on him facebook and text messages. I stop for several weeks after doing your modules, and then start back into the same old patterns. I am stuck!

  • mcgee-e@hotmail.com'
    Elaine
    May 24, 2018

    I am in year eight of learning that my husband was having an affair with a woman whom I thought was a good friend to me. Ultimately, this lead to realizing that he has been having affairs since year one of our marriage. I guess the big question is, how could a man do this and his wife not know, but I can tell you it’s possible. I believed in him so much and in our family. We are Christian and he is the role model in his family. It’s like there was two lives going on, the life with him and our children and then the life between him and me. When I found out, it was like someone put a stick of dynamite inside my head and it went off. I was devastated beyond belief. In Christian counseling he was given the diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and I was given the diagnosis of Co-dependent Personality Disorder. Through the internet I have been reading article after article about the dynamic of the two personalities. I have been able to go back and understand how the structure of our family has been. A year and half ago I asked for a divorce, just shy of 40 years of marriage. A lot of chaos has been happening since then. I don’t believe he thought I’d ever leave him. Yet I am doing this to break the cycle for my children. Every man close to me in my life has been controlling and narcissistic. My husband’s dad, my dad, my grandfather, my brother in law, and the list goes on. They treat their women like the dirty rugs that they expect them to be all the while the women clean, cook, give birth to the babies and they do as they please even if it’s having affairs with other women. At this point I am realizing that God has been looking out for me by exposing this to me. My hope is now to tell young girls like me at the age of 15 falling in love with a Fairytale guy who promises you the world, then as soon as they have you hooked, treat you like trash. This is not our journey in life. We are created for much greater things.

  • MOLLYCOPSEY@GMAIL.COM'
    MOLLY
    June 28, 2018

    It has been over 3 years since I went “no contact” with narc friends but still secretly view their fb profiles through a friends account. I don’t have as much fear of running into them but still avoid certain markets and places where I think they might frequent. They appear full of happiness and success on fb, as I have gained so much weight, feel lethargic and “a mess”. I have hope though. I just quit my job with a narc supervisor. Feeling extreme relief. My narc supervisor feels like “my last narc” because she was someone who I knew since childhood and I was still stuck in patterns and beliefs. I still have cords with my old narcs with the obsession to look at their profiles but that is waning as i feel stronger and giving myself “tough love” to focus on myself, journal, walk and at the same time, sigh, letting myself off the hook and doing the best I can. I am so proud to have come through this and now my sole goal is to love myself and to get that beautiful spark back!

  • laurensimpsongreen@hotmail.co.uk'
    Lauren
    September 25, 2018

    It’s a terror like no other. Looking back at a few years ago, this was me but thankfully now I’ve recovered considerably. However I still feel like he has stolen my soul. This phrase ‘soul rape’ came back to me again and again and I don’t know how I’ll ever be the same. However, staying positive and know I’ve come a long way 💚💚💚

  • nimra.mian@hotmail.com'
    Nim
    September 25, 2018

    Hi Mel,

    This seems like its been going on for a lifetime. I have been no contact with many narcissists from my past yet it still seems like their energy is still lingering. These people are also in my family (unconscious people). I suffered so many attacks over the years where I almost lost my life. These people do not even seem human to me, my reality has been extremely altered, its like I am currently living in their world. I am currently attending college and the ex narcissist’s picture is on the school’s billboard and he doesn’t even attend college lol I believe everything is spiritual and he’s spiritually stalking me along with many other disordered people from my past. My finances and opportunities have been severely damaged and I am not sure how to get out of this. Xoxo

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