I’ve moved into a little more of this beingness awareness — inward beyond the “figuring out” — n after the above work of several hours ago. So I should report. And I should fist say that I would have just let this movement of being resurrect itself out of its old tomb whenever good and ready to. And that because of your prodding about it, I am more intently receptive to it. So far, the being of it is not to be more deftly knowing of what the N will do, since something in me finds that prospect redundant and generative of redundance. The being of it is rather to explore embodying the space of it. One, because this wants that itself, and two, because the presence of a more authentic self-expressing seems to inhabit it, calling me as if I am a needed part of it. For right now, it feels good enough that I can hang out with it, in this space of being. Keep in mind here that these are descriptions (and not figurings-out) of inner action. So far, this affords me the luxury of waiting to see how and what things will happen on their own, And it affords a more solid sense of my self as happening on its own. And, of being different, and others’ individuated selfhoods as more deeply appreciated by me because of their own unique content and own internal vanishing point, so to speak — even more so in interaction. More deeply interesting — and, no, not in terms of N supply.

Having identified the apparently warring contradiction based on investigating an obsession to not junk due diligence findings, in the first hand, and the basis of investigating an avoidance of due diligence in the second, I then took it all inside myself to heal this externally observed warring contradiction, toward what it was within me, and since it presented itself in me with an assumption of authenticity while itself wanting to remain inflexible – this also looking suspicious. The following is a quick distillation of that healing session: What was liberated was my traumatically held experience of inability to deal with the following N aggressive imprinting, which you pointed out:
“They are sprinters, they’re not stayers. They are also terrified about what you’re just going to discover about them . . . They need to get their prey quickly so that the energy expended is not greater than the food supply gained and how long it takes to get it.” Seriously: great due diligence, Melanie. I would say definitely not rubbish to just be discarded. Rather, I “went primary” with it, as per your own, persistent insistence, and took it in to the quantum process and “shift and be” with it . . . and a frozen piece of my being shifted. I got (thus far) that the part of me that was frozen was in shut down disbelief that I could deal with the reality that “they are sprinters, not stayers, and need to get their prey quickly.” The trough of this wave dragged me in to a deeper liberating realization of being. No need to go into my history with this; enough to say that that it is clear that this predation pattern also includes the aggression to slap the immature prey (me, playing that role) into its own frozen inability to “deal” in this respect. This was the first internal and physical shift out of frozenness. The second one was that my inner soul stream was then able to flow upward and know that (and how) I could indeed “deal with” that predation pattern — as I felt my upper centers drink that upward flow, opening up a higher platform from which to see the entire wilderness event, and with a speed that I did not consider was anywhere accessible, or that it could quickly encompass the predator’s beginning and final moves — including its necessary intent to freeze the prey’s (my) own undiscovered “ability to deal”. Wow. There was nothing left to junk — only a new being-ness to continue to shift into. I will definitely like seeing to that . . . beginning with further physically relaxing that old internal, unconsciously held yet uncomfortably felt stress knot. I hope you’re laughing at me, if not with me, now. Either way, I must thank you, unconditionally.

Hi Tina,

I would love to help sponsor you onto NARP to help give you the support that you need.

I will send a message through to my support team regarding this with your details.

Please email support@melanietoniaevans.com and mention that I have put you forth for immediate sponsorship.

I hope that this can help you .. a lot.

Sending you love, strength and healing

Mel 🙏💞🦋