Comments on: Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse #5 Kayla

By: Amanda

Amanda — Sun, 04 Aug 2019 19:19:06 +0000

My story is thankfully not as extreme as yours and I think your outlook and how you’ve conveyed your story is inspirational. I’m not married to my other half but have lived together for 4yrs. . Like everyone here I’ve missed countless red flags….or chosen to dismiss them…and to my own detriment. I am working through the 16day programme and I am already aware of emotional shut-downs happening within me to my partner. For the first time I recognise that the hooks I had weren’t feelings of love but desperation and approval seeking from someone who will never love or approve of me. It’s impossible to ever be enough for him. But I am starting to realise I am enough for myself and that is where we all need to find acceptance…within ourselves. Keep up the good work and I pray everyone in our shoes finds that inner strength to thrive! X

By: Shirley Ivory

Shirley Ivory — Mon, 31 Dec 2018 15:28:21 +0000

After listening to Kayla I myself have been in my marriage for 36 years and can remember saying I did this in my teens, my 20’s 30’s and 40’s no way am I going to be doing this in my 50’s and here I am nursing bruises and cuts from being locked out of my home this really is going to be life changing for me I do believe I will never fully recover but I am so determined to at least get some peace, his mother did it for 60 years and I can’t do what she did so thank you Kayla and Mel and everyone for your posts it really is keeping me going I have lived only half a life I just pray I can at least get some life backxx

By: Mikha

Mikha — Thu, 19 Jul 2018 14:48:36 +0000

In reply to Kayla. My youngest was only 1 year and 3 months old

By: Martha

Martha — Wed, 18 Oct 2017 12:15:42 +0000

I was married to a narcissist for 25 years and it was a life from hell. One day he told me he was leaving me, he’d found someone else. I had no energy to fight anymore and said ” that’s nice.” The next day he told me he was staying, I said ” That’s nice.” A minute later he said I’m leaving tomorrow, I replied “That’s nice.” He left the next day and I cried for about 3 months. In retrospect, I was experiencing a 25 year emotional release. It was the nicest thing he’d ever done for me. This happened about three years ago. Two weeks ago, whilst researching articles on setting boundaries I discovered that he is a narcissist. The article hit me like a sledge hammer; I cried all over again. I was shocked I still carried around so much hurt; 2 days later I felt an unexpected emotional release.

I’ve spent the last two weeks reading up on the subject. My fascination with trying to understand the narc personality traits are over. I am wholly sick to death of wasting any more time and energy on them, giving them any more attention and just want to get my life back.
I’ve had so many cognitions in the last two weeks and feel so much calmer now, I know I have a lot more issues to work through, but have already seen the changes taking place in my everyday life. The next 10 days, 24/7 will tell if I’ve actually accomplished any of these things… 6 weeks ago I stupidly agreed to him staying here for 10 days before he goes off to who knows where and nobody cares. I’ve implemented boundaries and I know he’s not going to like them. He still views the house as his property??

The biggest game changer for me was that the focus should be on me, my feelings and my needs. I really was very well trained.

By: Tori

Tori — Wed, 07 Sep 2016 18:36:21 +0000

Kayla,
When you left, where did you go? Did you have a job to go to that you qualified for?

I just started with Melanie so I’m new to reaching out.

When I left my last ex, I took 9 month old baby and just a few items that would fit in my friends car.
2 days later I was served with divorce papers.

My Narcissist mother and my brother “Golden Child” joined the smear campaign. I lost my baby, my dog, my car and home. I was defeated.

I joined up with a friend that allowed me to stay while I went to a rip off 6 month computer school.
Desperate people do desperate things.
No jobs came up. Just a student loan debt. (NOTE: My son sees me as bad and I don’t get to be grandmother to 2 and 6 year old girls- more loss)

No help. A perfect mirror of my childhood.
I gave up. I settled. My friend, another Narcissist, rescued me. — So it seemed. Been stuck. I got sicker and sicker. We married. He did alot of same stuff your ex did.

I just don’t want to lose AGAIN!
I’m doing Melanie’s stuff … in process.
Any advice?

I do care for myself by exercising, playing music and taking in positive messages thru media.
I like who I am on the inside.
Just don’t know how to financially thrive. This must be my lesson. I had a savings and was going to get a tiny house with a bit of land to keep my horses.
He lost his job and I thought it would be short while so I spent my escape money.
It’s good to know who you are, feel deserving and have self love. But I will not leave my animals behind.They are my heart and reason for living.
Life without love (from at least my animals), just isn’t a good one to me.
I already lost my kid and grandchildren last time I just jumped the leap of faith.

Thank you Kayla and Melanie!

Tori

By: JoanneD

JoanneD — Fri, 06 May 2016 05:53:06 +0000

Thank you for sharing that you kept going back and forth to the different modules. In truth, this is what happened to me…I got stuck on the first module, because I knew I had to go deeper, and go back and do more, and therefore…I’ve not proceeded further. I feel some guilt about not keeping up, but I will rectify this situation. Just keep processing, do the best you can, go back and do/try it again…keep doing it until you feel some great release from the past.
Healing appears painful, but I know that once you look it in the eye…it is easier than remaining where you are.
I’ve struggled with “is my ex a narcissist or not,” and I blame myself for much, which is really sad when I think of all I DID to keep it going. Somewhere soon after 6mos into the relationship, I realized I was doing absolutely Everything! What blows my mind is that ‘our’ future relationship/s ante up if we do not get well. I scratch my head over all this, as I think I am truly a decent human BEING. And I though my ex was a Gift for my having lived a good life. And right when you think you’ve ‘met the one,” you realize you fell into some dark hole that was never your intention. I would very much like to share my life with someone, but when I think of all the WORK that men ARE, I’ll be hanging onto my pyrex art glass for a very long time, and continuing the modules. PEACE.

By: Kayla

Kayla — Sat, 29 Jun 2013 04:51:39 +0000

In reply to Rachel.

Good for you Rachel for doing so much self-work, and having the courage to leave. What a great role model you are for your children! It’s so amazing how our lives turn around once we are able to be free of the negative influences. Life can be joyful and fun once again.

Peptide addiction is very powerful, and can certainly control your life, when you think about the other person, even though you logically know you shouldn’t. What a relief once it is broken!

I am so glad you were led to Melanie’s website. There is so much information available to you. I am a huge believer in synchronicity….therefore, you were meant to find this information…and to connect to other people who can relate. 🙂 Kayla

By: Kayla

Kayla — Sat, 29 Jun 2013 04:23:14 +0000

In reply to Rachel Rose.

Hi Rachel Rose, I can truly understand your need for privacy, as I was once there. It has only been since I found the freedom within myself, that I feel free to share my story with others.

The Facebook group is available to people who have chosen to purchase and work the NARP program….a group who is totally focused on recovery. The only people who will see your page are those who also are in the Facebook Group…no one else.

To find out more information about the NARP program, go to the Header, at the top of this page, click on Healing Resources. On the page that comes up, Scroll down and click on Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. This will give you all the information you will need to get involved in the NARP program. Once you are in it, you will be able to become part of the FB group.

I hope this is the info you need! Kayla 🙂

By: Rachel Rose

Rachel Rose — Fri, 28 Jun 2013 09:23:19 +0000

is it possible for me to join the facebook group without others on my page having access to it, this for me is part of my truelly private life, I would like to come to FB, Please tell me how. Thank you.XX