Comments on: Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse Story #10 Christine

By: mobage coin generator download

mobage coin generator download — Mon, 08 May 2017 15:33:49 +0000

In reply to Christine. I have done some weaving/braiding with clay. Just a medium grog clay. I believe the key is in the moisture level. Too wet and it will stretch and break, too dry and forget about it. Find the right moisture and be gentle.

By: Annette Mann

Annette Mann — Sat, 21 Jan 2017 19:47:50 +0000

Please get mysecond name off the message

By: Annette Mann

Annette Mann — Sat, 21 Jan 2017 19:46:43 +0000

I’m just after reading this letter from Christine,OMG,I can’t believe I spent 13yrs with a narc.In early recovery I met the man of my dreams,an educated professional man,in the process of divorcing his wife,all my birthday’s came together.He lovebombed me, 20 calls a day, holidays the lot.He had no relationship with his four children his wife had turned them against him!I felt so sorry for him an only child,I involved him in my whole family,I have one child myself and he never liked him.i can’t remember exactly when the disappearing started,at first I thought he was just acting spoilt,he would stop ringing and completely disappear for weeks at a time, something always happened and he would appear back.My Mom died last year and he appeared on the day she died telling me he would never hurt me again, something didn’t feel right and I found it very hard to feel close to him.So we decided to try again spending every Sunday together,I felt like a prostitude we always ended up having sex and then he would go home.We did,by live together but, always went to functions together and were together.We never fought I was always afraid he,D finally leave me so,I put up with the tension and had to go on anti depressants to relieve my depression.i walked on eggshells around him,he sometimes had a terribly evil expression on his face like,he hated me.Anyway,we had a few childish words and he disappeared,heard nothing from him for three months,only to get a call from his mother,whom I loved and,I know she loved me to tell me he had another woman,I nearly died,I never thought about another woman.I am a strong independent woman with a very successful business,very well
Kept and very slim,so I thought I’d he’d never have reading leave me,how silly, within a w eek of meeting this new woman he got engagedee is twenty years younger than me,is a big drinker and good-looking,I’m devastated,all of a sudden she is cooking for him, having his mom for dinner and a great relationship with his children.He had his harem within A.A. and constantly had his ego stroked,I’m attending a therapist and it was him that told me I was with a narc,I can’t believe i didn’t see this,I’m devastated I’m broken and completely helpless.Where did I go wrong?

By: Sonny

Sonny — Tue, 08 Nov 2016 04:35:12 +0000

In reply to Christine. This could not poilbssy have been more helpful!

By: Ruth

Ruth — Wed, 13 Nov 2013 14:30:41 +0000

Thanks Christine . I also want to clarify that the implications are sexual but I actually see the issue in the whole win loose, inequality, dominance,submission dynamic that I found in general. My needs to feel safe meant I submitted to how my ex thought I should be….I am seeing lots of ways where there were trade offs which over time turned into deeply painful compromises.my idol was security or the illusion of such. Pain has made me feel alive and ashamed all at once. Now the journey is to feel alive without needing the pain to fuel it. There is an interesting book on this called the triumphant victim that gets at these origins and breaking patterns. I have been having bodily releases in the form of shudders as the pain is being released.

By: Christine

Christine — Wed, 13 Nov 2013 09:57:17 +0000

Hi Ruth, you are asking an interesting question but I have neither knowledge nor experience with Sadomasochism. I hope that Melanie can respond to this question, which is not awkward but worth answering. I find it encouraging that you seem to be getting away from your fear based relationship. All the best to you.

By: Ruth

Ruth — Wed, 13 Nov 2013 01:02:17 +0000

I have a bit of an awkward question. Wondering if anyone else here has noticed a link between staying in a narcissistic relationship and sadomasochism? I know this is dark subject matter, but I have been seeing a connection between being hooked in to pain/approval and my childhood, as the set up for my marriage choice. This is a set up for fear based, non-intimate relating, which is shifting radically as I grow in awareness.

By: Christine

Christine — Mon, 11 Nov 2013 15:09:00 +0000

In reply to Suzanne. Hi Suzanne, your account shows how exhausting the life with a N is and how quickly we accept this behavior as normal. It still puzzles me how far decency can be stretched. Thanks for your story and all the best to you, fellow member of the thrive club.

By: Suzanne

Suzanne — Mon, 11 Nov 2013 11:32:34 +0000

Hi Christine. Just read your story now and I could relate to a lot of your story. I had a lot of ‘Aha!’ moments as I read what you went through. Like you, I am a professional, independent woman with my own home and lived on my own for many years whilst I raised my daughter. Her dad is a N but at that time, there was no information about N at all. I do remember saying at the time that I did not know that people like my ex existed. It is only as I got involved with my ex-boyfriend, that I realised that there were similarities between him and my ex and then I found Melanie’s site and suddenly what I was going through started to make sense. The relationship only lasted for a year and a half and I have realised that because he was so helpless in running his day to day life, that I was instrumental in helping him keep it together. I remember thinking how like having my daughter in my home it was with him there. I never let him live with me and I never changed a thing about my life and lived it like I always did. The only difference is that I included him in my plans. In retrospect, I realise that everything was about his life and me helping him with what he needed. I can remember helping him with his tax return. I was doing the work whilst he was just sitting there enjoying playing the guitar. My first day of holidays last Christmas had the entire morning taken up with his mess created by not organising to pay his rent. For me, I think that I just saw what I did as helping him. It is only now that I see that every part of our relationship was about his needs and never mine. I have clear boundaries that he cannot violate and now his true self is very evident and I can see that everything for him is about supply and that is all I was to him for the duration of the relationship. I have not really suffered financially and am so glad to have him out of my home completely. I got tired of feeling sick and tired and resentful at his lack of contribution. The time came when I felt myself disintegrating and knew that if I did not do something quickly, I would descend into a morass that I may not escape. That was really scary. I am working the modules on NARP and have uncovered a lot of old childhood beliefs and feelings to work through. Hopefully, I will never attract another N and I will continue to have a wonderful life that I create myself. Good in you for getting out and reclaiming your life.