Violet,

I, too, am 60 years-old, and was dumped 2 weeks ago today by my s.o., who I think may be a narc. I’m still uncertain.
The pain is excruciating.
I would like to exchange emails with you, if that is possible.
Joanne

I’m 53 and just recently retired. I have a very sick mother in a nursing home which drains me emotionally and physically and my “relationship” with him wasn’t helping. I finally had to put me first and my Mom. I didn’t have the strength to deal with his antics and emotional vampirism.

I am finally getting my strength and happiness back and realize my life is not predicated on making him happy with his unrealistic and unhealthy demands. My dream of having a vacation home where I can be at peace and have my family and friends is finally becoming a realization for me. I am able to make future plans and envision a happy and fulfilling life without him. I no longer have to be a victim to his negative and bitter attitudes about everything and his caustic comments. I no longer am surrounded by his drinking and his “how wonderful and superior I am to everyone” comments. I am slowly getting unstuck from his life and regaining one for myself. Instead of focusing on what he wants and what he needs to be happy, I can now put forth the energy into what I need and want to be happy. I made myself sick trying to be the best for him, that I lost what it meant to be able to be my best to me and to those that truly loved me and deserved my best. No more giving my life energy and soul to a vacuous life sucking and joy draining black hole. Thank you so much for being there and your work is a life saver…

Hi JW,

it is wonderful that you are putting together the pieces, and I really want to say this to you.

Over analysis of those pieces does lead to overwhelm. It can also lead to a very long and painful journey of trying to manage and change them.

A much faster and more powerful direct route is healing them energetically – working directly on your subconscious.

Which is the process of “Okay that is a false belief trapped in my subconscious – lets target it release it and replace it.”

Then organically you will just BE the new program you wish to be.

Then one by one by one they just get sorted – rather than battling with them, and feeling overwhelmed with them.

Please look at NARP or come into my next Webinar and you will understand the distinct difference, which will save you decades of your life, and tons of unnecessary pain and ongoing feelings of being “stuck”.

Mel xo

Hi Violet,

I am so pleased you are here too.

Hugs and healing.

Mel xo

Hi Helen,

absolutely your descriptions fit “N” to a tee!

Mel xo

JW, you are welcome. They are indeed beautiful words to say to your inner child, they are words of self-validation, they reinforce the preciousness of your existence to yourself. And they work a miracle because your sense of self blossoms and expands and grows into fullness instantly from them, and will keep on blossoming and flowering.

I had the same emotional neglect and unavailability from my parents. Which is why giving to ourselves what they were unable to give us is so valuable.

I say that mantra sometimes a few times a day if something painful is triggered….really whenever I feel the need for love. My inner child – indeed all of me – absolutely knows the sincerity of my love for myself now and feels very calm very quickly. It’s the equivalent to picking myself up putting myself on my knee, holding myself and letting my feelings be as they wish to be felt without judging or chastising myself for having them. It’s what no one was able to do for me as a child due to their own wounding, so I love now being able to do this for myself. It creates a deep sense of self and empowerment.

Please do share with anyone who you feel may benefit. Again, I’m glad you found it useful. ❤️

The truths so many of you have shared have resonated with me as well. I had an “emotional” connection with a “mild” narcissist that still hurts more than a year after he “discarded” the connection with me–BUT, I have to say I am doing better than before. I have come to realize that I have deeper issues with emotional unavailability/neglect by my father from childhood, which probably made me a perfect energy match for my narc. I didn’t realize how, on such a primal level, I was deeply hurt by the lack of emotional connection from my father, who had physical and mental (depression) issues that made him emotionally disconnected from me. I am still grasping with the idea that while my father may have been well-intentioned, the EFFECT on me emotionally was devastating. It doesn’t matter what he intended, it matters what I FELT, and I felt totally abandoned, lost, and had no feeling of any support. I couldn’t even understand how to process my own feelings because no one at home acknowledged them. So I bottled them up and tried to be a perfect kid.

Anyway, once I started to be aware of this very primal need that I was feeling for paternal love and support and attention and affection, it was a little easier to have some compassion for myself for falling for a narc. It is still hard sometimes. I still think about the narc at night when I can’t sleep, because at first he was all the loving tender things I craved so much for. I’d buried my deep need for that kind of attention, and in a sneaky way, he figured out how to hook me by offering it. Even though he severed the emotional connection, I still have to see him about once a week in a group setting, although I try to minimize interaction.

But somehow, that primal need, that little girl who desperately needed unlimited support and love is what I have to pay attention to and try to provide support to for myself.

Charlotte, thank you again for the affirmations. They are beautiful words to say to my inner child!

Thank you Melanie for your tireless work and support for everyone here who wants to heal!

JW

Keep it going Violet – you are stronger than you know, you are a beautiful person and you deserve to be happy! Stay strong and keep in touch!