Charlene, good to read your post. I am 73 and have profound hearing loss since early childhood. This has complicated my life as ‘perhaps I did/do
not HEAR correctly” so have enormous SELF DOUBT. Married for 14 years, divorced in early 80’s, have had several other narcs in my life. Like you I had a terrible childhood. The biggest loss, was losing my darling son 4 years old, after that I left my marriage,I was married for 14 years, divorced 1980, I always blamed myself for everything. I suspect that my former husband is a sociopath, also a an extremely covert narc. His lack of emotions still haunt me. My main problem at this moment in time is the emotional abuse that I am now receiving from my two adult boys 48 and 50. Grandchildren are involved and it is heartbreaking that I must ‘go no contact’ and perhaps never be able to visit them. I am in Canada and they live in Australia. At some deep level I know that the Universe has led me to Mel. When i took the first free workshop I felt a shift, and so I purchased the Gold Narp. Once again the Module 1 bought me much peace for 2 months until my 48 son became abusive…. I have fallen back into the hole of despair once again. I am fearful and unsure, filled with self doubts about my ability to navigate my seniors years. I live alone and the empty and extreme lonely feeling today are overwhelming. Last night I tried to do Module 1 again but was too distressed to finish. I am not computer savvy and have great difficulties with the computer. When I read these words I see that I have once again become the victim!!! Must do the work and try again.

I’m 56 and trying to get this man out of my house for the ?? time. 7 years of more off than on. I feel stupid, I feel embarrassed and he feels it’s just “crazy Julie” all over again. I feel blank and feel no love, I feel sick when I look at him. He’s a horrible person. His own daughter hates him, he talks about everyone behind their back, even his own friends! He listens to phone calls and then would actually make opinions based on half a conversation. He’ll “sneak” listening.

The last verbal attack was way over the top…. and did it! His anger is scaring me more and more all the time. I started shaking and told him I need him gone and I can’t do this anymore. I told him it will be the last time a man calls me a “whore” in my own home” and everything else. It’s time to move on….I can’t handle this anymore. It’s my house. I’m not a vindictive person so I have a hard time “retaliating”… I just end up “screaming” over his anger and constant beratement for him to stop and I run away and cry.

He’s exactly what I’ve read on all these posts, the one element that is difference for me is that I’m bipolar. I’ve been medicated since I was 25, I’ve raised a beautiful daughter, I’ve owned my houses and own the house I’m in now, always worked but I am bipolar and he’s stuck to my weaknesses with glue. I stopped working 2010 just after I met him because of my arms – making it very difficult to become part of these wonderful forums because typing is painful.

18 more days and he’s moving but I just woke up to 10 messages all over my counter and I started to read them and tore them up. It’s the blame and reminding me of “how much he’s done for me” when the truth is totally opposite. I supported him for more than a year, I lent him $3500 to fix his car with the promise of him paying me back and he became the most horrific, screaming, angry person no one can imagine when I would bring up the topic of money. He told me “my money was his right”, we’re a “couple” but when he “borrowed” it he actually got on his knees and begged me to “lend” it to him with the promise of paying me back and I believed him. I sobbed. He threw the “I have to get to work” crap at me. It was the only savings I had left after working my life.

His note this morning…. he’s put food in the fridge and telling me he’ll always look after me as long as he’s here. I’m not touching it… is that the right thing to do?

I’ve looked right at him and told him I don’t love him anymore. I am broken. I am so broken. I don’t feel anything anymore but ultimately it’s me I’m scared of. The circle begins. He berates me to feeling worthless and no one would want me and no one likes me, I have no friends, his friends don’t like me…. etc., and when I’m alone and try to date and get rejected I end up wanting him back because I start to believe he’s right.

He’s left and come back too many times now to gain the full trust and help from my family and friends. They are still “hanging” in there but ultimately, they are being very reserved, and rightly so.

I started reading this blog looking for an answer…. do I answer these notes he left me, correct him…. thank you, after reading here I found my answer… no. I’ve been ignoring him since I asked him to move July 1 and so far so good… but I have a feeling he’s starting to crave his drama. He’s trying to trigger me. I don’t know what to expect, I’m terrified.

He was out of my life more than once and I wanted him back but I can honestly say what makes me want him back is money. I feel sick the amount of money he owes me and I can hardly survive without his “rent” so he was like a sickness and I don’t want this ever again. I feel numb. When I see him I feel sick and afraid of his anger and I feel numb and absolutely no love…and I don’t feel hate either. I simply don’t care…. I just want him gone…. is this good? Is this temporary? Have other women felt like this and gone back? How do I get him “out of my house” without him stealing from me, destroying my property, without telling all my neighbours it’s all my fault and I’m a horrible person…he threatens to do it. I was raised to not burden others with this kind of drama. They don’t want to get involved. Ohmgosh! This is him! It’s exactly what he wants me to think and feel!

18 more days until he’s supposed to be gone. God help me. Thank you for letting me share and for sharing.

P.s. the excessive talking and triangulation thing sounds familiar, but like you said, it doesn’t matter any more…The focus has to be on the inside…

Hello AE,
Your story sounds so familiar. My ex appears to be so caring and kind towards his ex – she seems to adore him & get on with him too. It compounds my I’ve long feelings that others are far superior. I get angry and want to out smart him. Ending the relationship was partly from a healthy instinct for self preservation and good boundaries. But also the unhealthy idea that it would be some revenge for his attention towards her. I was also trying to imitate her – she is aloof, so I thought if I was the same, he would love me more :-\
You are 41, I am going to be 50 soon, & feel like I’ve thrown many of life’s opportunities away, so I encourage you to go for it. I too know there’s no choice but to keep reading the blog and getting away from my delusions and trying to fathom him out. At least I’m stopping ‘ banging my head against a brick wall’.
Good luck with your healing journey, thanks for sharing…It helps
Best
Anna

Onward and upward:)

As always, Thanks and love you, Mel

ps, meeting the nicest people. wow!

I am going through this! I am so tired of thinking about him. This is week 2!

Hi Sue,
your story sounds similar to mine in that I was married to a narc for 20 years. He was actually diagnosed as a psychopath by a psychiatrist when we went for individual counselling (the psychiatrist told me but not him of course!) I lost all my money to my second narc husband who moved into my house, mortgaged it to the hilt with his failing businesses before he went bankrupt and then left me and moved in with another vulnerable woman who had been previously abused by her husband. Surprise, surprise. I was homeless too (still am.) I’m 57 and also writing a novel based on my experiences. I find the other novels I’ve read about domestic abuse just haven’t hit the mark because the authors researched rather than lived through the abuse. Have you started writing yours? Perhaps we can share writing tips? At least yours will have a happy ending…I’m so pleased you met a wonderful man. xx

I ended up after three years with my narc lover at rock bottom and at a stage when my life was in danger through stress and depression, but despite that, and despite having done Module 1 and repeating it in my mind every day, those pesky peptides of mine keep drawing my mind back to narc no. 3. I’m 57 and have been with narcs for all of those 57 years but I am turning all that around thanks to you and becoming a Thriver.

I just can’t wait until my latest narc is a slug on the pavement!