Comments on: Top 6 Traits Narcissists Look For In Their Victims

By: Sarah

Sarah — Sun, 19 Apr 2020 01:31:44 +0000

Thank you so much for this! Reading over this makes me feels so good because it reminds me how far I’ve come and I’m reminded that I’ve cut the chord, at least with romantic relationships! I’ve been thriving and have felt fully self partnered at times, but have been working on it being more consistent and cutting the core wound with my parents.

I recently not only avoided, but was no longer physically attracted to a (new) narcissist even although I was feeling vulnerable and living at my mums, I met with him because I trusted myself and wanted to face the fear and it felt like the experience really cut that physical attraction off at the core! It feels so good to be free!

I had done a LOT of work before coming to your course and it feels like the cherry on top that has really helped me with the final stages of self partnering with spirit! Thanks again! Eternally grateful! <3

By: Le

Le — Thu, 06 Feb 2020 03:47:55 +0000

Reply to Therese
At 55 I am only now feeling like I know and love who I am and what I do…..
Post January 6, 2020 at 1:32 pm

Married to a Narcissistic Alcoholic : (He felt I had to pay for all of the people in his life that caused him pain including (Father, Mother & Past Relationships !)
Yes you are exactly correct Therese… ..You have to work on yourself as well as honoring your higher power to help you “love yourself for who you are !” For years, I told myself , How could I have been so “naive” not to see any red flags before marriage ? Well, he knew I had a heart of gold with low self-esteem. I would be his perfect partner for better for him, for worse for me !!! They trick us to focus on their needs because they whisper sweet nothings into our ears when we are at our lowest point… The Narc has manipulated us by telling us lies of their bad relationships, parents leaving, BS of You are my Soul Mate, etc. Then once we take the bait, It becomes all about them and their needs. I am kicking my Narcissistic Alcoholic out the door soon. Spiritual Intervention caused him to hit a telephone pole instead of an innocent person or persons’..(Yes, He is fine !) He has been under the radar for years driving while intoxicated. I am a True Believer in Prayers! I asked my Loved ones whom had passed away and Higher Pwr to please protect me from his addiction and cause harm to none.. Well it happened !!! His Karma is now paying him a visit with an upcoming Court Appearance, Fines, Loss of License and Jail Time…. This will give me the necessary time to move his arse right out the door !!!
How Sweet it is !!!
Therese, I am proud of you too !!
Le

By: Liz Rooymans Jonker

Liz Rooymans Jonker — Fri, 24 Jan 2020 00:47:34 +0000

Everything in this article completely describes my life. 37 tears of this not knowing who I was and finally the violence became more threatening and at my age I knew I had to run to safety. First thing I wanted to do was run back because he would be sorry now and show me he loves me.
Thanks to my wise daughter this was not going to happen and she took me to a therapist. If anyone does not understand that you lose yourself entirely – this event proved it to me and my daughter.
The Therapist made me repeat after him “I have no husband and my marriage is over” – the instant he said that my mind literally shut down and went into refusal mode. My daughter said I slumped – went totally blank – lost all body posture – and became non responsive. I went immediately on suicide watch but this was not even the beginning. I had no personal identity to fall back on at all and could only function if my guide and carer was there to direct me and approve or disapprove.
11 years on now and lost everything I worked for through the courts because A narcissist plots this day from the beginning while you are plotting a way to get to counselling and get back together so don’t want to upset him.
Now I am fighting to have the funds to live – have a disability pension following the mental break down – op shop furnishings as opposed to the beautiful narcissistic preferred furniture I paid for and too ill to ever consider employment again.
DONT WAIT FOR 37 YEARS to believe your closest friends that you have sent off for their meanness. Read everything on Melanie’s page – join discussions – go to conferences – continue to have it proven to you that this damage to your psyche was perpetrated against you and there was never reciprocated love. You were the security blanket that could be dragged through the mud – torn apart – boiled and damaged and a couple of stitches here and there to make sure you kept holding together believing no one would ever want you. Only you need to want you in order to leave. My son is now connected to this site because we pass it on and our children are just as likely to follow one or the other of their parents.

By: Rachel

Rachel — Sun, 19 Jan 2020 07:40:29 +0000

In reply to Melissa. Yes, good luck to both of us indeed! Rachel

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Thu, 16 Jan 2020 03:21:58 +0000

In reply to Melissa.

It’s my pleasure Melissa!

Bless!

Mel 🙏💕💛

By: Melissa

Melissa — Thu, 16 Jan 2020 03:13:46 +0000

Melanie- thank you for answering Cindy so clearly. That was great clarification and I needed to hear that. I am very giving but to the point of self-sacrificing and neglecting my own needs- too much of a people pleaser. I end up depleted and sometimes resentful that others don’t take care of me (when I should be the one taking care of myself!) I don’t want to become a selfish rigid person, so this is good news. I can still be a giving person, but with boundaries to protect myself and ensure that my needs are met by myself. Looking forward to thriving with you in 2020! Thank you for all that you do!

By: Melissa

Melissa — Thu, 16 Jan 2020 03:06:43 +0000

In reply to Rachel.

Hi Rachel- I know exactly what you are talking about. I ‘love’ my ex-narc so much! I really wanted to heal him from his behaviour, from his terrible childhood, from his alcoholism. But I can’t heal him and it is heart-breaking because I can see he is a wonderful person underneath all his trauma and bad behaviour, but he’s not interested in healing. He’s said he’s done therapy- all kinds- and nothing worked. I had to accept that. I can still love him and pray for him, but he’s too toxic to be in a relationship with. I can’t even be friends with him because it wouldn’t be a healthy friendship. The blessing is that through him I realized that I am suffering from my own unhealed trauma and I need to heal myself- the only person I can change is me. That is so easy to say but so hard to do. I am starting my healing journey with Melanie’s NARP. Best wishes to both of us on this new path!

By: rowena

rowena — Thu, 09 Jan 2020 18:45:59 +0000

In reply to Melanie Tonia Evans. thank you :) x

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Thu, 09 Jan 2020 08:36:56 +0000

In reply to Cindy.

Hi Cindy,

Thank you for voicing your opinion and I can totally understand why you see that.

First I’d just like to say that none of my Thriver recovery work and information is about blame, it is about awareness, evolution and taking personal responsibility to be able to heal the only person that we can – ourselves.

My truth, which is only my truth, is that I used to believe exactly the same thing. Yet, now I have a different perception, which is that we can have beautiful qualities and a warm giving heart as well as self-love and self-respect and healthy boundaries.

There are extremely capable, beautiful, giving people who will never get taken in by a narcissist. And of course countless many who have been targeted and succumb! in fact that was most of us here! Narcissists truly are interested usually in good, intelligent, giving people with lots to offer.

Thank goodness as a result of Thriver recovery, rather than having to shut down and be suspicious and guarded, because of being duped and abused, there is the ability to be openhearted and gracious and loving and yet still be able to fully honour ourselves – meaning have a difficult conversations, say no, and leave the situations and relationships that we know are no longer healthy for us.

We can evolve beyond self-sacrificial and painful love, into a love that must begin first within keeping the sanctity of her own inner being, coupled with keeping an open heart.

I feel so blessed and grateful that that is the life that I do live now.

I’d love to invite you into a deeper conversation about all of this, which you can access in my 16 day free course at http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

Much love to you

Mel 🙏💕💛