Comments on: Valentine’s Day Special – How To Choose Yourself https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/valentines-day-special-how-to-choose-yourself/ Devastated by a narcissist? Melanie's Narcissism blog offers support & empowering tools to heal & thrive after narcissistic abuse, gain a new life & fulfilling relationships. Mon, 20 Feb 2023 08:08:22 +0000 hourly 1 By: Melanie Tonia Evans https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/valentines-day-special-how-to-choose-yourself/#comment-1278655 Mon, 20 Feb 2023 08:08:22 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=12747#comment-1278655 In reply to Peter.

Hi Peter,

Big love to you and I hope that the Valentine’s Day event was powerfully healing for you!

Blessings and healing as always being sent your way

Mel 🙏💞🦋

]]> By: Melanie Tonia Evans https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/valentines-day-special-how-to-choose-yourself/#comment-1278654 Mon, 20 Feb 2023 08:06:24 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=12747#comment-1278654 In reply to Patricia Benavente Alcaide.

Hi Patricia,

I’m so pleased that this brought clarity and helped!

Much Love

Mel 🙏💞🦋

]]> By: Melanie Tonia Evans https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/valentines-day-special-how-to-choose-yourself/#comment-1278653 Mon, 20 Feb 2023 08:05:11 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=12747#comment-1278653 In reply to Ann.

Hi Ann,

I am so sorry that I haven’t replied to you until now … Yes of course we can assist you.

Can you please email support@melanieoniaevans.com and one of my lovely team will help.

Mel 🙏💞🦋

]]> By: James https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/valentines-day-special-how-to-choose-yourself/#comment-1278639 Mon, 20 Feb 2023 03:45:09 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=12747#comment-1278639 Who is projecting now?

]]> By: Ann https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/valentines-day-special-how-to-choose-yourself/#comment-1278631 Sun, 19 Feb 2023 21:19:44 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=12747#comment-1278631 You sound like you are using her for YOUR ego. You are still hooked brother. One of the temptations in a relationship with a narcissist is trying to play the game better than they do. There IS harm in just kissing a pretty girl. People aren’t toys. Try seeking a pure heart. Believe me, you are still hooked. You’re just trying to be the abuser this time. And you rationalize it by trying to say you are helping her. My alarms we’re going off big time reading your comment. The main thing here is you are still hooked. Tell yourself the truth. Don’t gaslight yourself. This stuff is deep my friend and praying for a pure heart (sound, no air pockets where it should be solid, no fault lines) will help. I know this was blunt but it’s is meant to help you stop gaslighting yourself. Lying to yourself. .. To help you stop thinking you’re healed when you actually just flipped the script to now be the abuser, the liar, the one better at the game than the original abuser. It’s still the game. Try setting aside the game altogether. Then you know you are healed. Otherwise you are wasting your precious time and your very life. Amputate this relationship. It is gangrene.

]]> By: James https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/valentines-day-special-how-to-choose-yourself/#comment-1278563 Wed, 15 Feb 2023 16:33:46 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=12747#comment-1278563 Oops…forgot to include…what I really got from the day at Taco Bell!

I had thought that I had forgiven her…and I had for the major part…but upon reflection I saw that I picked and sniped at her for things from the past…
I was brutal…

Upon review..I saw I really hadn’t forgiven more than the surface…

To truly forgive her..I had to “drop everything…And…I mean EVERYTHING!

I sure want to receive forgiveness for my own misdeeds, mistakes!
I was able to let go…not just her’s…many other’s until I could forgive the world…including myself…poof…

Sure…I must be vigilant…wear my full armor…remember “HALT” Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired…lest I stumble into or “in” the darkness of the day…

I still need to live on this planet…I can’t be as divisive…avoiding as much as 80%? Of fellow earth dwellers…

I refuse to live in fear…especially of words and opinions of sleep walkers…

I must be A Light! Bold and Courageous!

I am

]]> By: James https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/valentines-day-special-how-to-choose-yourself/#comment-1278560 Wed, 15 Feb 2023 14:39:54 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=12747#comment-1278560 As always “it resonates…with me”
Thank you for loving me…loving “us” long before I was able to live myself!

Now I know the True Love Of God/Source as you do…

I am quite capable of loving you and quite frankly…everyone else on the planet…even those who have passed that had some effect on my life…

Liking them…Far Different!

An ex-girlfriend…surfaced after two years..
Oooohhhh the love bomb was deliciously planned!
How she messed up…How she knew now that “I was the One” How she hoped she hadn’t totally screwed things up…

How sweet! I met her at Taco Bell (to see if she could trigger me…nope!)
I paid $17+ to watch her eat like a pig…total entertainment…never saw anyone enjoy food so unabashedly…definitely worth the $17…

She gave me closure by noting How Peaceful I Am…

Gave her a few hugs and kisses..gorgeous girl…perfect lips…

She wanted sex…I told her she had to earn that…

Then of course…she asked for a “few dollars” because she needed gasoline (probably drugs)

I told her “I wish you hadn’t asked”
I gave her $20 anyway…

She disappeared for two weeks until yesterday…yup…called me to wish me Happy Valentines Day! (No one else did) so it was nice and I told her so…told her I always loved her voice and her laugh…her gorgeous green eyes…

All true! All from My Love…

She needed a bit of an ego boost…feeling down about something…
I was glad to help…
She said she would “call right back”…I know she won’t…until the next time…
Doesn’t bother me a bit…sure, I Wish, Hope and Pray the Best for her…she suffers greatly from a childhood incident…I relate totally…just not at the level she experienced…shouldn’t happen to anyone…I assure you!

I don’t mind providing friendship…even if I’m a bit of a wet rag…to cry on…

I can’t clean up her mess for her…I can’t pay $ for her mistakes…

I am no longer “Broken”…
I’m not perfect either…
I am 97.5732% Immune…

Nothing wrong with kissing pretty girls! Or being the friend I can be…

I Am At/In Peace that doesn’t even belong to me…
Only a humble steward…

Thanks Mel

]]> By: Yas https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/valentines-day-special-how-to-choose-yourself/#comment-1278557 Wed, 15 Feb 2023 08:24:34 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=12747#comment-1278557 Melanie
Great post. Does prayer work when we have trauma or are we asking for more of the same. I called out for help god please help me because I was so derailed by narcissistic abuse. I have allowed time to allow my mind to heal and space by doing no contact however I am very damaged. Your work is so spiritual and logical and more or less eastern based in terms of beliefs as I happen to be a sikh. I can’t even connect to that anymore even though your whole message is what my own faith has taught me but doctrines only help so much.

]]> By: Peter https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/valentines-day-special-how-to-choose-yourself/#comment-1278547 Tue, 14 Feb 2023 21:49:16 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=12747#comment-1278547 Dear Melanie!
Today is the fifth Valentine’s Day I have spent all alone without the narcissist!

Each year it has gotten more manageable as I am learning how to live my own life (thanks so much to NARP) without her constant interference, both “in” my head and “in” my/the associative heartbreaking feelings and terror I constantly experienced (still do) after being so cruelly dumped and my reactions to her continued abuse….

It’s been painfully difficult….but I’m seeing glimmers of light some days….

Unfortunately, sadly, I too often live in those two “uncomfortable stuck places” in me that are upsetting my days on this earth….

However, It is most hopeful that today could be a new
day for me to recognize that I can re-gather all the energy and life force that I have lost/squandered in the hours and hours of rumination and unproductive thoughts over these five years and bring to myself a gentle recognition for who I am, the really good Peter, the real love and caring I am worthy of…

Your article today is very uplifting and in some special way giving me the courage to try to do MORE of just that….

I still struggle with self-love and self caring. It has been a major issue for me as I’ve “strolled” through most of my life trying to always consider everyone else first.

However, if I’m not in a good place within me, how on God’s green earth can I be worthwhile to anyone else other than being a pain in the ass to them….

It sounds simple, but…..

the lesson that I got from this wonderful article is that I really need to continually focus on taking care of me…

then when that is sufficiently or satisfactorily in motion I can actually do other things that might be of service to Life itself….

The challenge is there and I know it’s possible…

And I know I will be able to because I have NARP on my side….

Thanks so much for sharing you and your wisdom, Melanie….

Enclosing heartfelt ❤️ wishes for a wonderful happy Valentine’s Day to you!

Much love, Melanie!
❤️🦋❤️

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