Comments on: What To Do When The Narcissist Wants To Be Your Friend https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/what-to-do-when-the-narcissist-wants-to-be-your-friend/ Devastated by a narcissist? Melanie's Narcissism blog offers support & empowering tools to heal & thrive after narcissistic abuse, gain a new life & fulfilling relationships. Mon, 04 Jan 2021 21:51:27 +0000 hourly 1 By: Sandra woods https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/what-to-do-when-the-narcissist-wants-to-be-your-friend/#comment-1245965 Mon, 04 Jan 2021 21:51:27 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=5353#comment-1245965 In reply to Helen Briton.

Hello I don’t block. Because I know when narc ass see that ive saw his text. And ignored it. He would hate that I’ve not given a response. By not acknowledging there sorry me text. With 12 red roses 🌹 crap. I mean 12 red flags 🚩 narc ass hates it m. That’s what you do. Do not acknowledge them. That hurts them to the core. And says you are not important to me anymore

]]> By: Bill https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/what-to-do-when-the-narcissist-wants-to-be-your-friend/#comment-1005851 Sun, 25 Feb 2018 17:26:35 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=5353#comment-1005851 In reply to Sonya.

Wow, this interaction sounds like one I had last week. I was watching videos on the gray rock method and sure enough, my narcissistic ex showed up on my door step. I let her in and we talked and she acted really sad and told me that “she learned a lot from me”. She also promised never to bother me again. I took her comment as a positive one, but now I’m thinking maybe she just learned more about how to manipulate people. In fact, since that promise she has already been back at my doorstep begging to be let in so that she can hoover me.

Now that I know what she is, I think it would be very easy to use her needs to manipulate her, but then I’d become the narcissist. I’ve written the quote – “Do no harm – take no crap!” on my desktop to remind myself of this. Hopefully, the more I gray rock and avoid her, the quicker she’ll move on.

]]> By: Sahra rogers https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/what-to-do-when-the-narcissist-wants-to-be-your-friend/#comment-989622 Mon, 22 Jan 2018 01:01:21 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=5353#comment-989622 In reply to Yvonne.

Hey Yvonne are you available to speak with me?

]]> By: Brenda https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/what-to-do-when-the-narcissist-wants-to-be-your-friend/#comment-969670 Sat, 09 Dec 2017 20:52:58 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=5353#comment-969670 Thank you Melanie! I’ve been trying to explain why I can’t have any contact with my ex to our children, now you’ve explained it perfectly! I will just send this bog and video to them! I knew the ex narc for over 30 years and married to him for 26 years. It was the marriage from Hell, and very abusive, which only got worse as time went on, and was further exaggerated with his alcoholism and drug abuse. After 4 years of him dragging me through the court system, we finally settled everything in 2010. All through the court process I maintained minimal to zero contact and zero reaction, and let my lawyer deal with the ex as much as possible. Things didn’t turn out the way the ex wanted, so he set out to get even, by stealing and vandalizing from not only me, but my family members as well. He also wrote nasty letters and stuck them in my mailbox, he made a few nasty phone calls from friends phones, which got an immediate hang up on my end. To this day he continues to drive past my house often, even though he has been living with a woman for years. I continue to maintain zero contact, zero reaction, no matter what he tries, and now have 2 BIG dogs for my protection. Recently he told our daughter he’s almost stopped in to see me a few times, just to shoot the shit. My daughter told him not to bother, I likely wouldn’t answer the door….he doesn’t understand and just doesn’t get why I don’t want anything to do with him…he thinks I should just get over it…there is no getting over it! If you give him an inch, he takes a mile. Now that he’s been rebuffed, I am expecting the thieving and vandalizing to escalate again. I cannot/will not go backwards, I cannot/will not even entertain the idea of having any contact with him. It will NOT be happening!

]]> By: Dan https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/what-to-do-when-the-narcissist-wants-to-be-your-friend/#comment-964767 Sun, 03 Dec 2017 14:22:19 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=5353#comment-964767 I have finally gone no contact after trying to be friends, trying to offer unconditional love, despite horrific abuse/N revenge attack five months ago, and manipulative texts two weeks ago….I know it’s the right thing to do, just as I knew it was right to end the relationship…but I am still questioning that…was I right, was I manipulated, am I making things up, am I the one who was wrong?….I know the answers, but, unbelievably, I still question my reality….feels like I’m going mad…her children have both been in touch in the last few days, they are wonderful, I don’t know what to do about staying in touch with them.
We have many very close friends, which means our social circles overlap all the time….I avoided a party of friends’ of twenty years to avoid my ex, just two days ago….I want my life back, I want to be in control and be able to have contact, but not be controlled by her….it’s so difficult to maintain a firm and consistent version of reality and the boundaries that I know I should have. I have started seeing a counsellor to help with this, just three weeks ago.
However, your blogs have helped this morning…positive reinforcement is a great help; though I wish I could just forget the whole last five years and be fully rid of my feelings and memories, and her control over me….I’m swinging between moments of strength and self belief, and confusion, doubt, and tears…it’s aweful.

]]> By: Katherine https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/what-to-do-when-the-narcissist-wants-to-be-your-friend/#comment-962198 Thu, 30 Nov 2017 07:35:06 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=5353#comment-962198 I am in this sort of mess at the moment. About to start the 16 day programme – just recommended by my therapist. It’s so hard – he wants to stay friends, says I’m his best friend. Half the time behaves like we’re still a couple, the rest like I’m the enemy or says he is only being polite til I can move out – we still are in the same house. It’s so confusing.

Trying to split up assets and he wants to put the money in a term deposit for another year as a ‘better investment’ – the first thing I’ve said no to in a long time. Luckily I’ve always done the banking stuff.

]]> By: Melanie Tonia Evans https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/what-to-do-when-the-narcissist-wants-to-be-your-friend/#comment-960484 Mon, 27 Nov 2017 23:27:57 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=5353#comment-960484 In reply to Dita.

Hi Dita,

that is great that you have gone No Contact, and I agree the friends thing is not a good idea. Please know that rather than trying to white knuckle it – which can be very hard – the deeper healing grants a shift where it is just so much easier to stay away, heal and move on.

You may wish to have a look at that in my free webinar – https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

Stay strong and wishing you amazing healing from this.

Mel xo

]]> By: Dita https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/what-to-do-when-the-narcissist-wants-to-be-your-friend/#comment-960243 Mon, 27 Nov 2017 09:36:24 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=5353#comment-960243 Hi Melanie, I did the ‘friends; thing but no more. I have gone no contact, best for sanity. A few more attempts have been made and last ‘no we cant meet’ was met with a tantrum, transferring the ‘fault’ back to me. Yep, there we are, didn’t really want to be kind at all, just wanted me to be affected. Why would I want to go back to wondering what lie your going to tell next, where you really are and what are you really saying. I actually love my life now I don’t have to think like that, it frees my mind for more important things. of course I still miss him, we had some amazing times together, but really how much was actually real? I am much stronger now thanks to you. I found it helped to write a list of all thing nasty things that I can refer to if feeling a weaker moment. That and dipping back into your videos is keeping me sane!

]]> By: Valerie Wedel https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/what-to-do-when-the-narcissist-wants-to-be-your-friend/#comment-958282 Fri, 24 Nov 2017 07:47:02 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=5353#comment-958282 In reply to Marit.

Hi Marit,
This is Valerie. I so feel for you – I was totally enmeshed with someone very toxic – very controlling while saying he was the opposite. It took me unbelievably long (20+ years) to wake up.

May I ask if you have done the 16-day free healing program? I have been in NARP for a while, and what a difference! Mel’s system is the best, imo. The change inside me is huge. Huge in a good way 🙂

Imagine that you simply focus on your studies, feeling completely neutral towards the ex. Feeling completely engaged in your studies and life, feeling completely happy and fulfilled in your own life. Know you can totally achieve this!

Love and healing –
Valerie

]]>