Comments on: Why Does Abuse Keep Happening to Me?

By: Anon

Anon — Sun, 06 Nov 2022 18:53:58 +0000

Why don’t these articles ever ask the question…”Why are there so many abusive/narcissistic people out there ready to abuse the good-natured? Shouldn’t we start addressing this as a group instead of individualizing these issues? Does our community/culture/society support abusers and discourage victims?”
What’s frustrating (and painfully ironic/hilarious) about all this is that abusive people blame their victims and additionally everyone else (who cares or just complies) stops at the conclusion that victims are ultimately responsible for moving on or “staying stuck in the cycle”.
And yes, every victim does come to a crossroads–they can use their pain as an excuse to become an abuser or they can use their pain to grow, gain wisdom and eventually help others. BUT, victims are also people with flaws, limits and needs.
For example, you know how people usually need a job to get the money to buy food and shelter and basic needs? Well, since there are so many toxic employers and co-workers, it is entirely possible that a well-intentioned, hard-working and skilled person will be chewed up and spit out over and over at every job they choose–and it is unreasonable and inhumane to expect people to just subject themselves over and over on the false hope that all the “transparent communication” and “feedback is accepted’ claims an employer makes are actually true. Plus, with all this job hopping–when will this person ever get a break? when will they ever have enough money to live securely?
The TRUTH is that the ENTIRE SYSTEM is corrupt and evil. From the government to hospitals to schools to family units…places like America at least are completely inverted: what’s good is considered bad (truthful/open communication & collaborative relations) and what’s bad is considered good (cheating, manipulation and putting others down for cutthroat & excessive “competition”). And sorry, if you have a “successful” career…you probably contributed to that evil in some way.
Unless you can stomach some psych meds or painkillers and get through a job long enough to get enough money to buy land and become a homesteader…you are probably screwed. Unless you can find one of the RARE workplaces that 1) fits your skill set & lifestyle as well as 2) actually has a healthy work environment…you are probably screwed (at least in this life).
I am a faithful person and I do believe God has a plan and purpose, but we also have free will and evil is very real. We are called to serve and be responsible for our communities and countries.
And yes, I am a truth-teller and yes, whole communities have hated me for speaking up and out and trying to promote growth/change and address the CAUSE of problems.
If you are like that, you are not alone. Not only is the world unfair, cruel but it is made to be UNNECESSARILY cruel and unfair because everyone, even the well-intentioned, scapegoat victims and enable narcs to thrive. People are in constant “be the better person, let it go, work harder, find a different way” mode, when it should be “okay, lets stop making excuses for wrong-doing and stop misinterpreting social situations because of the “reputation” or “wealth” or “success” of the accused/abuser, etc.”

By: Jeannie

Jeannie — Fri, 15 Jul 2022 00:41:04 +0000

Hi
I am what I wold call a helper and listener…….so if anybody needs help or an ear I am there …..I feel we are on this earth to help each other……..but I am getting a little tired of people abusing my kindness…….I seem to be attracting a lot of narrasis……..sorry terrible spelling……. Not a weak willed person and I know it’s something I must be putting out but can’t work out what it is……ideas please

By: Gina

Gina — Sun, 06 Jan 2019 14:35:50 +0000

Another great way to avoid narcissistic abuse, i’ve discovered, is avoid people. Ive recently discovered, about myself, that the more and more people im around, the more tiring and exhausting they become. So, I just get really irritated. It’s insanity. Plus, with all the toxicity floating around in society today….It’s safer to just be alone. Especially as a single mother and a woman of color. People just take and don’t care.

By: Alice

Alice — Mon, 22 Jan 2018 00:35:50 +0000

what an absolute load of crap. I just hate this ‘law of attraction’ blaming the victim BS. This is like blaming rape on the woman becuase of the way she is dressed. Abusers are going to abuse. There are a reason for support groups , they do help people better and educate and arm them with info that allows them to get out of their abusive situations. Fact is there are just so many abusers in the world. Chances of getting abused again are pretty high. You just cant trust most people, humans are chronicaly and historicaly extremely dishonest and manipulative creatures.. “I know what anyone else thinks of me is none of my business” you damn well better be concerned, because what they think of you is why they are targeting you in the first place.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Sun, 01 Jan 2017 09:20:50 +0000

Fuck and curse God the Father for setting up the Fall of Man so people can be born evil people against their will. I wish God the Father would get raped in the pussy if he deserves it (since there’s a chance he might be sexless). ?

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Sun, 10 Jul 2016 21:54:35 +0000

Thanks for this information.
It’s true that we need to focus on ourselves, but it is also vital that we set boundaries, speak up, say, “No!” Or, “I won’t deal with people who speak to me like that…” a LOT of the time.

As our world gets sicker, if you’re a narcissist magnet because you had narcissist parent(s), you’d better learn to put your hand up FAST ans say, “Not me you won’t.”

Telling people not to set boundaries is so dangerous. A lot of this is idealism.

By: say it

say it — Wed, 08 Jun 2016 16:03:37 +0000

Melanie.
I know you mean well. But all the same it is important to understand all about narcists and even be obsessed about them in effort to heal.

The whole healing journey is a difficult search of what happened and did not happen. Self examinations or rather re examinations, struggling to feel once more, trying to understand strong people who abused the small ones and a million re evaluations and where the hell God was in all these injustices.

A healing person cannot run away from all this stuff hence baby sitting by therapists sometimes for decades.

In other words may your readers know your words are not exactly magical pills and if they continue asking why their own caretakers loathed them it is not a failure on their part to heal. Eventually they will reach there…. and it will no longer matter then. Because poison will have finally been ejected from their psyches.

By: jordan

jordan — Sun, 07 Feb 2016 00:26:53 +0000

In reply to Eleyan. Same boat- different island. Do you wanna team up?

By: Cathy Russell

Cathy Russell — Sat, 23 Aug 2014 23:24:24 +0000

Thanks for the comments. I don’t feel so alone with the verbal, and oh so well played comments on the part of my narcissist husband. These people know full well how to hide their intentions. He managed for the first 2 years of our marriage to do that quite well. I know the frill….first he insults me and degrades me as his wife…I’m angered and hurt, I withdraw and just go on to work….he sometimes apologizes….but rarely…but then hours later when we return from work he waits on me like a princess. It’s been a game that I have allowed my life to put up with ever since childhood…(very dysfunctional home) I’m not his victim, and I know that I have chosen the type of mates that want to suck the life out of me. That is something that I know full well I need to change! And I need encouragement to do just that!~ Cathy August 23 2014