Thank you for understanding my long and messy explanation! 🙂
I think here applies perfectly the “old cliche”: you can only change yourself, not others.
My grave misstake with n number one was that somehow I believed I “caused” his weird behaviour, that he would change if I change. Nope. I think this idea that “others change/respond differently, if I change myself first”, only applies with healthy people!
I think this idea is also somewhat heart-breaking “treat others the way you would like to be treated”. I think this also only applies with healthy others; in case of abusive people, I think it only enables their abuse!

I googled something that is called “fawn response”. I surely have one! I realised that is my “adaptation technique” ever since from childhood, to try to protect myself from abusive people. If people are or may be abusive, my “response” is to become a good girl (a.k.a. people-pleaser) and be super NICE to them!! It is painful to realise, that still even in my fourties I play this role of a “good girl”. It makes me a prime-target for abusers!
If someone is abusive, when the first red flags appear, I should walk away (or run away) and do not stay in that situation and definitely not be nice to them!!

So much in this website is talked about being the true self, authentic me. Sometimes this fear creeps: what if I am the true and authentic me, all of me that I could possibly ever be…and people (men, the healthy ones) still won’t like me, want me, accept me, love me? Then I’m at my wit’s end 🙁 What an awful thought.
But maybe a little reality check helps here; that (romantic) relationships are never about only “loving unconditionally”, but that a relationship should actually “work” in every day terms, that the dynamics is healthy and functional…and all of these things might be a combination of many different factors…am I right?

Re. this blog post. Yes, the n always wants all attention. Something as trivial as, when I had bought a pretty new bracelet for myself, very inexpensive from a local department store. I was happy about it because it was turquoise and “hippie” style, which I love. Then the n was like, “did you bought it for me, why didn’t you bought anything for me, when you will buy something for me”. I doubt a man wants to wear a feminine woman’s bracelet! So even seemingly “innocent”, casual conversations quickly turn into irritating ones, that feel strongly “off”. So initially the topic was about me, my joy, my bracelet…and he this time and every time, re-directed the focus on to him. Yes, it is boring!

Hi Caroline,

I am so pleased for you that you have shut him out and honoured you.

That’s beautiful. It is your time to shine.

Sending you love and healing

Mel 🙏💕💚

Hi Vicki,

I adore that beautiful verse.

So poignant and supporting.

Much love to you lovely lady

Mel 🙏💕💚

Hi Ocean Breeze,

exactly … it truly isn’t genuine.

Much love to you

Mel 🙏💕💚

Hi Col,

I’m glad that this resonated with you.

Many blessings as always

Mel 🙏💕💚

Hi Anna,

I’m so happy for you that you are not living with that anymore.

Sending you love and happiness

Mel 🙏💕💚