Once you get past your fascination with all things narcissist, you know, right after you finally clue into the fact you’ve been dealing with a toxic, abusive person … and you begin to figure it all out, then these people actually become rather uninteresting.
I find them downright BORING!
What can be interesting about predictability? Or being cut from the same cookie cutter? Or always encountering that commonality in what they do or say, which is repetitive because it’s always the same stuff.
At some point you’ll undoubtedly ask yourself, “Is this unbearably dull and monotonous crazy-making person truly worthy of my attention?” Because what narcissists want is drama, and drama gets very tedious.
In my latest Thriver TV episode I will reveal to you how and why all narcissists do the same things and why it’s so much better for you to focus your attention, time and interest somewhere else.
Video Transcript
I know that learning about narcissists can be very interesting, even fascinating. Yet today, I’m going to let you understand why they are boring.
I’m going to explain to you today how they all do the same things, what is incredibly predictable about them and how and why you are so much more fascinating and worthy of your attention than what the narcissist is.
Just before I get started, I wanted to say a big thank you to all my lovely and loyal subscribers who support the Thriver mission, thank you so much, and how beautiful it is that you’re spreading the word regarding how possible it is to heal for real from narcissistic abuse.
Please remember to like, and share this video that speaks to you that really gets the word out and if you haven’t yet subscribed, please do so that you can get notified about my new releases every week.
How They All Do The Same Things
Let’s have a look at the first talking point today, which is how narcissists do all the same thing. And it was so interesting when I first started getting out information about my narcissistic abuse experience. I was shocked. People kept saying to me things like, “Are you in my house? Do you hear my conversations because they are word for word, the same?”
Why is that? Why do narcissists all come out of the same cookie cutter? Why do they say the same stuff? Why did they say the same things? This is the reason, because narcissists are a No Self. They’re an empty self. They’ve divorced their Inner Being, their True Self, and they’ve created a fictitious character in its place.
So this means that rather than the narcissist being a distinct personality, they’re actually taken over by ego and ego is pretty straight forward. Ego is all about self and it’s actually very, very boring when you’re in the presence of somebody who is making it all about self, it’s all about them.
What happens with somebody who is making it all about self and feeding their ego, they’re actually very, very insecure on the inside and they will regress to being very childish and angry and nasty when confronted, questioned, when you don’t with them or when the attention comes off them and it goes onto somebody else.
That’s all incredibly consistent with narcissists. It doesn’t matter whether they’re hot, cold, covert, overt, they all do that. And the thing is with a narcissist, which you get to find out, is you’re unimportant.
When the chips are down and when things are important – you’re unimportant. And yes, there are altruistic narcissists who can make out that they’re very caring and they can give a lot to you and they can provide you with stuff and they can come to your rescue, but there’s always strings attached to it. But when you start pulling away and when the chips have fallen, when you’ve had enough, when the cracks have appeared and when you’re splitting up, you will find out just how unimportant you are.
They don’t care. They don’t care about your life going forward. And also too, narcissists commonly don’t take responsibility. It’s your fault. They’ll project it back onto you. They will throw you under a bus to retain their own ego and their own image to others. You will be blamed.
So the madness is consistently crazy, it’s mental and this is the whole thing. With a narcissist, when you’re in a confrontational discussion with them, you will feel like you’re going mad because of the twists, the turns, the projections, the things that don’t make sense, then getting off topic and bringing in details and people that have got nothing to do with what you’re discussing.
And that’s the commonality, which is very boring because it’s the same stuff. And the thing is, the bottom line with narcissists is – they’re not loyal, they’re not honest, they’re not caring and they’re not considerate.
They don’t want what you want and that’s consistent with narcissists. They don’t want teamwork and harmony and peace and love and progressive, forward growth together. They don’t want that. To them, that’s boring. To us, that’s wonderful. That’s soul fulfilling. What they like, which is boring about them, is they want drama. Drama gets very boring.
There’s nothing progressive or helpful about it.
What Is Incredibly Predictable About Them
So what is it that is incredibly predictable about a narcissist?
So many people ask things like, “What is the narcissist going to do next? How are they going to be? What are they going to do now?”
This is what I want you to understand about the predictability of narcissists. Yes, narcissists do random, crazy, ridiculous things. They do things we couldn’t even imagine doing. They do things that come out of left field. They do things that are hurtful, conscienceless and cruel and they can be very sudden.
A narcissist can spin on a dime. But what is predictable about a narcissist is they will work out what hurts you. That’s the thing that they’re going to hit. They’re going to hit the target of what hurts you and unravels you because when you unravel, you react and you grant them the narcissistic supply, which makes them feel really important and superior because they have the power to affect you as much as they do.
What is predictable about a narcissist is they will size you up, they will fact find, and they will feel in, and they’re very psychic and capable of this.
They’ll work out what you feel that you’ve got lacking in your life and what you’re looking for and they will pretend to be the deliverer of it, the saviour, the person that’s going to fill in your gaps and make you feel whole.
Then what happens is after you’re ensnared and you’re in the relationship, then they’re going to do a flick and switch on you and they’re going to start hurting you with that susceptibility. If you never felt met and heard, the narcissist will turn up so interested in you, but then will start deserting you on that level and making you feel unimportant and the list goes on and on.
What is a narcissist going to do? How predictably do they act?
Apart from the usual things that I described earlier, which means they make it all about themselves, they’re selfish, they’re always puffing up their own feathers, like a puffed up bird.
They’re always being insecure and childish if they feel left out or they’re not getting enough attention or whatever it is. But the thing is, regardless of whether a narcissist is covert, overt, hot, cold, or whatever, the narcissist in your experience is going to do the thing that hurts YOU. They’re going to do the thing that hurts you.
You have to remember a narcissist is plasticine. There’s not an actual, real being in there. There’s not an Inner Self. What they do is manipulate and hurt people through people’s wounds and they want your wounds. They want your negative energy. They want your reactions. That’s what they feed on. It’s your pain, so they’re going to do what hurts you.
A particular narcissist with one person could be engulfing and controlling and with another one, disappear, but it will be what is your wounds. That’s what the narcissist is going to do next. So when you feel into the fear of what are they going to do to me, what is it that you fear happening? Because that’s generally what the narcissist is going to go for.
Why YOU Are So Fascinating And Worthy Of Your Attention
This brings me to our next point, which is why you are so fascinating and worthy of your attention rather than researching, trying to work out and check what the narcissist is going to do next and all of that stuff – because this is about you.
They’re mirroring and controlling and hurting and abusing you through your wounds. So you can spend years trying to work out them, but this is the thing, you need to work out you.
What is your gap? What is your greatest primal fear? Where are you handing your power away to somebody else? That’s the stuff that you need to work out and that’s what my work is always about. It’s about taking our power back to work out where we’re having the patterns of the repeat traumas in our life, because that’s how the narcissist is keeping you hooked, trauma bonded and dependent on them.
Let’s say that you’ve had the beliefs in your life – the people that I love leave me, they abandon me – that’s exactly what the narcissist is going to play out with you, emotional or literal abandonment.
And they work it out because what happens when they do that is you’re going to latch on to them and try to stop them abandoning you and you’re going to hand over your rights, your values, and your boundaries to try to get them to stick around.
See, this is the thing, we trauma bond to our unhealed stuff and that’s what they’re going to play back to you. So the longer that you stay trying to research or work out him or her, track them, or ask people about them and investigate them through the social media and who they’re hanging out with and what they’re doing and asking people stuff about them, the further you move into Wrong Town and away from your freedom, your rebuild and your salvation.
And this is the thing, you are going to be doing that, but really your Inner Being and what’s going on with you – that’s fascinating. That’s where your up level is. That’s where your healing is.
When you’re researching them, you’re just going to get all about the predictability, the boringness and the stuff that a narcissist does – a false self running on an ego construct does the same stuff.
They don’t want love. They don’t want togetherness. They don’t want teamwork. They don’t want growth. They want your negative energy because that’s what dark souls feed on. It makes them feel significant and they’re going to do whatever it takes to trigger you to get that energy from you and get you hooked onto them so that they can keep getting narcissistic supply.
And they want drama. It’s very boring. Repeat drama is boring. And you would have noticed with narcissist, you go over the same stuff over and over and over and over and over again and it never gets resolved. That is incredibly boring. That’s not what life is meant to be about.
But when you heal you, beyond those wounds and those programs, then you can leave all of that boring, repetitive, predictive, rubbish behind, and start having a life of limitless expansion, new frontiers, wonderful trajectories, and moving forward to the dreams and the goals and the expansion, which is unlimited, that you have without being caught in the groundhog, boring cycles with a dark self. Am I making sense? I hope so.
Conclusion
So I really hope that this has showed you how boring narcissists are, yet how truly they are the greatest stepping stone. They’re that impetus. They’re the signal to turn within you, get to the fascinating stuff of, “Oh my God. That’s why I’ve been playing this out.” And they take you on an incredible, a magnificent journey of fully liberating yourself.
I really want you to understand this. You count. You matter. This is your journey. It’s not anybody else’s. They were just a catalyst. This is your journey. You’re so important and you’re fascinating.
I hope you understand. And if you do, I would love to help you get started the right way and I can help you do that by connecting you to my free 16-day course, which will bring you much needed answers and return the power back to where it needs to be, which is within you.
And the 16-day course, it’s completely free. It holds no obligation whatsoever, and you can subscribe, unsubscribe at any time, even though I know you won’t want to.
So relief is only a click away with the link that appears at the top right of this video. I hope that this information has really helped. Please share this video, if it’s going to help somebody that you care about.
And I look forward to answering your comments and your questions.
YUP! Predictable and boring sums them up. Same old same old stuff.
Oh yes Susan!
Mel 🙏💕💚
OMG just when I needed to hear from you, my email arrived. I was hoovered about 3 weeks ago, no idea why, my sons partner was having a total melt down and was pleaded with to go sort it out. Of course, caught unawares I went and was given the smooth talk, I miss you, didn’t realise I’d hurt you, I’m sorry. I knew all this, why did I go? Then reeling and seething over the weeks brought it up. I’m selfish, it’s all about me and I have no idea what a lovely person she is. Why does “everyone think she’s great but you don’t, there’s only you that doesn’t like her, you’re obsessed with her” What the hell, I now look like the one with the problem as usual. How does this happen, I was doing fine, then the drama and right back to square one!
Hi Val,
I’m very pleased that this was timely for you.
My heart goes to you, it is so painful that place, but please know you can reclaim you and turn this around.
I’d really love you to come into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar so that I can help you get your sanity and soul back.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Omg, this is story of my life! My husband of 33 years was always repeating himself, always wanted to be in the middle of attention, i was never good enough for him as he was always looking for audience and holding boring monologs that i have heard so many times! And would never give out straight answer, he would talk nonsence that was totally irrelevant to the topics, explanining it to the smallest details i was so bored with!Plus, all the lying, cheating, controlling behaviour and pathological jeoleosy that together with ignoring me emotionally and physically , totally killed my self esteem and self respect!
I am going through divorce now and i realise that i deserve to be loved as a whole, that i am lovable person! it was tough , going through very hard time for the last 2 years while making this decision, but it is worth it! Because i am worth it and so are you!! Much love to all, thank you so much Melanie for opening my eyes and my heart and thought me to love myself! :):)
Sylvia i was with my partner for 30 years. and your story sounds exactly like mine. Its so hard to get your head around things. Been nearly 2 years separated now. I mainly don’t understand why I stayed so long. Thinking one day i would feel loved by him. But when you leave, you see the big picture.Until i got to understanding what a narcissist is and all their traits, was when it made sense to me. Reading others stories has helped me so much. I don’t feel like I was just a fool for not seeing him for what he was. Because so many others have been fooled by their ways also. And when you do leave and feel like your 30 years meant nothing to them…. Their uncaring hurts. I’m a whole lot better than I was 2 years ago and Im sure I’ll be a whole lot better in another 2 years than I am today.
Hi Lyn, i am happy for you and hope life is going to get better and better:)
You are 2 years ahead of me! Stay strong!
Hi Silvia,
I LOVE that you know that you are worth it.
So much love to you, you amazing woman
Mel 🙏💕💚
Fantastically insightful and well written description of my x narc!
Positive and uplifting message/information.
Thank you for writing and sharing this
Hi Scott,
I’m glad that this inspired you!
Bless 🙂
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi Melanie!
I just wanted to let you know how much I love you, how much you’ve helped me and I recommend you to all the women in my single moms group of almost 2k Super Single Moms, often.
You’re the best!
With gratitude,
Heather
Hi Heather,
awwww thank you for the recommendations!
So much love to you too
Mel 🙏💕💚
🙂 🙂 🙂 So so true!! Well said. x
Thank you GG
Mel 🙏💕💚
Lovely….so well-explained. Do I really want another Ground Hog Day with a Dark Self….lol. Love it! Thank you sooooooo much!
Love that this resonated!
Thank you ad many blessings to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
After your usually timely message, and some reflection, I see that if and when and how I am not self-partnered, I am self-secretly, internally, being my own narcissistic abuser. Realy enjoying being able to have such a firm grip on a reduced version of me. I was momentarily able to see it from behind. It’s back was covering up something it was doing, supposedly. Its head turned and peered at me from over its shoulder, with a challenging, glass shard collage look inside its eyes, then turned its head forward again. It was clear that it is either or — either self-partnering or inner self-narcissistic something. Your message is timely because today I probably got around to feeling more self-boredom than I usually manage to bury. So, a sarcastic “thanx!, i guess!” from my inner self-narcissistic abuser . . . A swollen, extended quiet otherwise.
Great realization Michman!
Much love
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi Melanie,
Everything you say is sooo true. I am currently in the throws of divorce after three plus difficult years of lies and the blame game. This is all after 36 years of marriage with someone who was so full of his own importance. He would say I needed him and couldn’t live without him, therefore he could do whatever he wanted and that what I didn’t know wouldn’t hurt me. He believed that because he was the main income earner on a lucrative income that gave him full right to whatever he wanted including the other women that he’d been seeing.
We separated 20 years ago due to an affair but he sucked me back in promising it was a mistake and he would change. I had no idea the depth of his deceit until June this year and this was after separating and getting back together twice since early 2018 due to another affair. He blamed me for that because I should have been more available. In June I discovered the truth, he’d been having affairs with multiple other women, none of whom knew about eachother but I was always to blame. He took all of them on the holidays he wouldn’t take me on but told me he was working.
Through all of this I learned to trust my gut, that I was more important than that, that I was in fact the one he needed not the other way round. I feel so much stronger and more self confident now that I have shut him down and no I longer respond to him unless absolutely necessary. I know he hates that. He is still playing with multiple women but he has lost so much more. I still have my family and supporters.
❤️ Caroline
Hi Caroline,
I am so pleased for you that you have shut him out and honoured you.
That’s beautiful. It is your time to shine.
Sending you love and healing
Mel 🙏💕💚
My narc ex has taken our daughter away, havent seen her for 15 months. So many flying monkeys in family court that have helped him abuse us further. I have done your course and found it incredibly helpful, always recommend it to other survivors of dom abuse. Finally I have a judge due to listen to our case in March who seems open to looking at evidence of his abuse … judge has also stated that contact needs to be reinstated immediately so am waiting to receive my first letter from my daughter in over a year any day now. You have got me through the most awful trial of my life … I think of the poem Footsteps In the Sand …
One night I dreamed a dream.
As I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
One belonging to me and one to my Lord.
After the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that at many times along the path of my life,
especially at the very lowest and saddest times,
there was only one set of footprints.
This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it.
“Lord, you said once I decided to follow you,
You’d walk with me all the way.
But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I don’t understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me.”
He whispered, “My precious child, I love you and will never leave you
Never, ever, during your trials and testings.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you.”
Thank you for carrying me and giving me legs to carry myself.
xxVicki
Hi Vicki,
I adore that beautiful verse.
So poignant and supporting.
Much love to you lovely lady
Mel 🙏💕💚
Melanie, I haven’t written in a while. Some good suugestions are you put up the video or mp3 of the original ones, I find you need both. Maybe you could interview a few women about the legal strategies they gave used. I know how you feel about people being boring. I sang a song to someone that went like this: so b-or-i-n,-g to bad your not the boy for me. So b-o-r-i-ng I wanted something quick and easy. The Donna’s. A good one to write about is don’t wait up for me or research the riot grrrl musical movement.
Nothing is worse than getting a gift from a narcissit. First of all, any gift froma NARC has nothing to do with you. They use gifts as a way to get power over you. They wait for you to say how much you like it, even though it makes you sick. If you don`t, then there is hell to pay.
My ex, and my own father are full blown Narcs and did this to me often.
Both were into gardening. The plants had nothing to do with others, only a way to fill their ego`s.
Their gardens meant nothing to me. Would have to play the game to appease their childish ego again and again. Yes they are nice……bla bla bla…..
For sure, what Narcs do is boring, uninteresting and degrading. Run away as fast and as far away as possible from them
Hi Ocean Breeze,
exactly … it truly isn’t genuine.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
So Good again Melanie, i knew they are boring, but I didn’t get that light bulb moment until you said it, she used to say it’s all about communication, but they don’t want resolution just conflict, every day away I feel more free, like escaping a spell, So Glad to have my life and family and friends and finance’s back, Blessings Col.
Hi Col,
I’m glad that this resonated with you.
Many blessings as always
Mel 🙏💕💚
You hit my ex husband on the head. He was so boring!!!!! The only thing he wanted to do was go to bars. He was a alcoholic as well….I would be ignored and just be told are you going to drink that, its getting warm….I was ingnored, he’d look at other women and so on. I really noticed a difference when my children were born. He absolutely hated the fact he wasn’t the center of attention and I didn’t buy things for HIM and most of my attention was on my children. When you say they don’t care about anyone else but themselves you hit that right on the head. Cheating, lying, talking to brick wall or looking for an argument so he could punish me and to out and not come home for a day or two or more and refusing to tell me where the hell he was. the same old stories you spoke of. I can relate to…… I am now divorced from him and the drama is gone. God was certainly watching out for me.
Hi Anna,
I’m so happy for you that you are not living with that anymore.
Sending you love and happiness
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi,
I think we all have heard this self-help “classic”: “what you resist, persists”. Yesterday I happened to read it somewhere in internet again, and this time it really stopped me in my tracks.
What if all this my healing work…what if it all means that what I’m actually doing (even if it’s unconsciously) is that I’m basically “resisting” narcissists? No wonder they keep appearing into my experience. Yuck.
I think out unconscious/subconscious mind/ energy field is a curious unit. Indeed, it’s called unconscious exactly because we are not conscious about it what is happening/stored there! 🙂
So consciously I might think or believe that “I’m doing healing work”, but in reality (just realised this today)…maybe most of my healing work is fueled/motivated by fear “now I must heal this and this and this aspect in me, so that I won’t never have such a bad n abuse experience like I did”. Isn’t this basically “resisting” narcissists?
So these thoughts came into my mind, they felt controversial, conflicting…for years I’ve done healing work and thought it was “the right thing to do”….now maybe I’ve started to feel that enough is enough.
I have no n in my life currently, quite well recovered from the n abuse. But today I reflected…then why I still seem to “measure” or define everything according to n’s? Like “oh, good, this man is not a n”, “I wonder if he is or isn’t a n”, “I’ll heal myself, so I won’t ever encounter a n anymore”, “I was n abused”, “I’ve survived from n abuse”, “I may not want to start a new relationship, in case I’ll meet yet another n”….almost feels like the whole world is divided into “normal people” and “n’s”.
So it seems that I limit my future, even define myself and other men according to narcissists. So even if they (n’s) are not in my life now, the “theme” still seems to linger here, so it means n’s still affect me, define me, even control me, have an impact on me.
I think this is normal after a major trauma but I’m glad this became so clear to me today. The “theme” with n’s is just so yucky. I CHOOSE to not let those wounded, dysfunctional individuals define my life in any way anymore!
I think I’ve finally understood what you Melanie have always said: The best bet is to not give the n’s anything, no thought, no feeling, no energy…absolutely nothing!
I have a friend who also had n man, couple of years. The n was also physically violent. Then she ended the relationship. At first she was of course shocked and disappointed, but recovered surprisingly quickly. She just kind of shrugged her shoulders and concluded “narcissist” and added realistically “hopeless case!”. And that was end of the story for her. She didn’t even do any healing work and just continued her life. She then met a new boyfriend, nicer this time and then later when they broke up, she has had many new romances, dates. She travels alone, meets men in tinder and everywhere…what I admire in her is that she is not afraid to live!! Not afraid of men, not afraid of n’s. She is not over-analysing the past and herself, not endlessly dwelling in all “wounded aspects in her”, like I have, probably too long time by now :/
So I thought, maybe it is time for me now…to let the life win, again <3 And never mind the n's…who cares about them anyway?
Hi Julia,
I’m so glad you realise that saying “no” to something may actually be a “yes”.
Please know when you heal and recover you, all you have to do is powerfully show up as YOU.
You totally won’t be on the lookout – just centered in your body being yourself authentically and honestly knowing that you can powerfully look after you (as well as stand up and be honest with boundaries if needed.)
Then you NOT in FEAR, you are in POWER
There is a massive difference
It takes inner healing work to get there and I can’t recommend NARP enough to acheive that http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp
I hope this helps
Mel 🙏💕💚
Thank you for understanding my long and messy explanation! 🙂
I think here applies perfectly the “old cliche”: you can only change yourself, not others.
My grave misstake with n number one was that somehow I believed I “caused” his weird behaviour, that he would change if I change. Nope. I think this idea that “others change/respond differently, if I change myself first”, only applies with healthy people!
I think this idea is also somewhat heart-breaking “treat others the way you would like to be treated”. I think this also only applies with healthy others; in case of abusive people, I think it only enables their abuse!
I googled something that is called “fawn response”. I surely have one! I realised that is my “adaptation technique” ever since from childhood, to try to protect myself from abusive people. If people are or may be abusive, my “response” is to become a good girl (a.k.a. people-pleaser) and be super NICE to them!! It is painful to realise, that still even in my fourties I play this role of a “good girl”. It makes me a prime-target for abusers!
If someone is abusive, when the first red flags appear, I should walk away (or run away) and do not stay in that situation and definitely not be nice to them!!
So much in this website is talked about being the true self, authentic me. Sometimes this fear creeps: what if I am the true and authentic me, all of me that I could possibly ever be…and people (men, the healthy ones) still won’t like me, want me, accept me, love me? Then I’m at my wit’s end 🙁 What an awful thought.
But maybe a little reality check helps here; that (romantic) relationships are never about only “loving unconditionally”, but that a relationship should actually “work” in every day terms, that the dynamics is healthy and functional…and all of these things might be a combination of many different factors…am I right?
Re. this blog post. Yes, the n always wants all attention. Something as trivial as, when I had bought a pretty new bracelet for myself, very inexpensive from a local department store. I was happy about it because it was turquoise and “hippie” style, which I love. Then the n was like, “did you bought it for me, why didn’t you bought anything for me, when you will buy something for me”. I doubt a man wants to wear a feminine woman’s bracelet! So even seemingly “innocent”, casual conversations quickly turn into irritating ones, that feel strongly “off”. So initially the topic was about me, my joy, my bracelet…and he this time and every time, re-directed the focus on to him. Yes, it is boring!
Wow! I have been thinking things through all backwards for a long time. This perspective requires less energy, is clear and strengthening. Thank You!!!
I’m glad Kate that this was clarifying for you!
Mel 🙏💕💚
The autistic perception of small talk / chitchat, stories of lies and arrogance is an essential diagnostic criterion.
Narcissists may believe in their illogical world, as an autistic I am fundamentally immunized against such nonsense.
Hi TomiB,
that truly is such an advantage.
Thank you for sharing
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hello, thank you for the email.. I could never figure out why he would always stay on repeat. I felt bored to the point of silence, sitting there in another world while he spoke… rolling me eyes, feeling so frustrated that we can resolve anything… At this point I knew I was dealing with a narc, however could never understand the depth of why he stayed on repeat… With EVERYTHING! Makes so much sense now that you shared this article! It will surely help me continue to stay or remain little to no contact… (we have a 15 year old) For now I noticed that since he has left on a work trip and is 1500 miles away, both my son and I can breathe. It feels like a breathe of fresh air.. we both have energy, we both can speak without feeling guilty. I am actually being able to my motherly duties! I still have a long road to recovery as well as my son (he may have to learn because I have no idea how to teach him or share with him why his dad is the way he is)! Thank you for your knowledge and sharing!!!
Living brain vs dead head… it’s like they can brainwash or condition you with fear tactics as well as extreme highs and lows to feel like drug addicts do, that everything is boring compared to the extremes they’ve been conditioned with.
Great article. I like the Groundhog Day comparison. This is the time of day/evening when the abuse starts. This is the time when he tries to rope me into an argument. This is the time when I’m blamed, goaded, gaslighted, insulted, bullied, until one of us goes into a different room, slamming the door. This is the time when I try to focus on something else, but I’m too hurt, distracted, exhausted, confused. This is the time when I soul search and blame myself for remaining in this 19 year marriage. This is the time when I doubt my own strength and ability to ever get out. Wake up, repeat and repeat.