Hi, Melanie,
How do I remove my posts from your site? I just realized that if my e-mail address is Googled, my comments come up for all to see.
Please advise.

Thank you so much,
Jane

Having a baby so young and a parenting order that permits him access twice a week, half day on a week day and a full day on the weekend has been challenging. I specified in my parenting order for no contact – ironically enough my instincts guided me in that decision, a few months later I came across that recommendation on your website. My reasons were more personal though, I just didn’t think I could trust myself not to keep loving him and wanted to spare myself the heartache of deluding myself everytime I saw him that we could get back together, especially after being discarded, so there was a bit of pride and egoism in not wanting him to ever see or know that I still cared and wanted to be with him despite the abuse, and the pain of the break up.

I had him evicted from my apartment, got a trespass order, filed a parenting order, applied for child support, returned back to work, took out a personal loan – cleared all the debt, started counselling with a counsellor, then a psychologist and was referred to a psychotherapist whom I have been working with for 4 months. None of these tasks was easy and was fraught with gas lighting drama from my ex via lawyers, mutual acquaintances, family fall outs, my home being trashed, ripped off etc…

I have been able to avoid having any contact for the most part, with his family members facilitating handover at my residence in my apartment building foyer. However with childhood illnesses, chickenpox, whooping cough, foot and mouth disease – access has had to been postponed but I get follow up contact, e.g. how is baby doing, could we visit baby for an hour etc…. I think I’ve been managing this okay but find the yo-yoing of contact and no contact confusing as it stirs up soo many emotions, nostalgia, grief, revisiting anger, hurt, sadness, betrayal, fear, hatred etc…. Even his family facilitating regular access handover sometimes brings stuff up for me, the friendliness ires me at times – when I see them I just see them as a bunch of enablers. My ex being nice/cordial to me is even worse – it just makes me feel what I went through was a ‘nothing’.

Anyway I find the rollercoaster of emotions really taxing right now and despite my efforts with the forum techniques and my weekly psychotherapy sessions, I feel like this is “The Neverending Story”. I listened to the “Breakdown to Breakthrough” and found it really insightful, as I’ve always shut down, been numb and did whatever I needed to do to cope in my life from my childhood right through to adulthood. In my sessions we are dealing with feeling my feelings which has been very difficult, some days I just feel like they are going to swallow me up, other days I ask myself how angry can a person possibly get – surely all these bloggers who say how wonderful their lives post Narcissistic ex is – are lying or in denial……

I have been batlling with nostalgia vs reality, e.g. when I think about my past relationship I think hell no to doing that again. But when we have to communicate about our baby, I get nostalgic, for what I’m not sure……the relationship was hell. Just really frustrating when your head is like NO WAY and your heart still entertains other ideas. Obviously there are times when I need his help with the baby, I have no family support – my father is a alcoholic and drug addict, my mother is bi-polar manic depressive – I have lived independently of them since I was 14, I am now 40. I really hate having to rely on my ex for any support with the baby and feel paranoid about what gas lighting technique he might do with it next i.e. use it to gain more access, shared custody, which is what he desires. I can live with access but a HELL NO to shared custody or more access.

I’d really appreciate some feedback from you or forum members. In the interim I’m going to try the processes covered in the Breakdown/Breakthrough to work on my fears, paranoia and nostalgia.

Juanita

Hi Jo,

the reality is that if we are trying to deal with trauma, peptide addiction, powerlessness and the activation of our survival programs (inner pain) with the use of obsession and analysis it only makes it worse.

Jo, when you start working on the inner you – and heal and empower yourself you will change. When you change, your reality changes and your world changes – including what is happening with him.

Please see Rozanne’s story and read it as well as the comments of that artcile and what other people wrote and asked and Rozanne’s replies. That is the only advice I can give you – that will ACTUALLY help you.

Everything else is simply going around the same powerless circles.

Mel xo

Hi Patti,

you can use Module 1 to release that pain, and deeply go into it to shift it.

Or set up the goal-setting Module – Module 11 to create the ‘goal’ of the opposite energy and clear all the resistance. Once you shift your internal beleifs that pain, resentment / jealousy will clear.

I hope this helps.

Mel xo

mel xo

Hi Sharmila,

Yes it is fine to do goal setting before doing the other Modules – absolutely.

Mel xo

Hi Hannah,

that is wonderful that you wish to commit powerfully to healing from within.

NARP has been used very successfully for family of origin wounds as well as initmate partner…so please know that will grant you shifts in regard to your childhood as well.

Also very shortly I am releasing a supplement healing program to support Family of origin wounds even more specifically.

I wouls start NARP and then see how you feel in regard to whether or not you need an appointment with me.

Mel xo

Hannah

Thank you in advance,
Hannah