Comments on: Why Is Life So Hard And How Do We Change That?

By: rosalie

rosalie — Fri, 06 Apr 2012 19:35:13 +0000

Hi Jan,
I have experienced something like this in my own life. It was very painful. Narcissists have a way of making us crazy. Causing self doubt is one of their many tactics. When my narsicist had driven me to the point that I questioned my own sanity, he suggested couples therapy. I never went, as this was about the time I became aware of what Narcism is. Through research I learned that my situation was quite common amongst people involved in emotionally abusive relationships. Unless the therapist has a keen enough sense to identify the narcissist for what he or she is, therapy can can cause us to doubt ourselves even more. Unfortunately, this is exactly what the narcissist wants. It is important to remember that another persons actions have caused you to feel the way that you do. Your sanity can be restored, but you must first take control and stop allowing him to hurt you. I know this is hard ,but you are in the right place to find help.
Good luck, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Roaslie

By: Tanya

Tanya — Fri, 06 Apr 2012 18:55:10 +0000

Long distance relationship of nearly two years, he is a sex addict + narcissist. He turned his switch off completely from me, I was very hurt and seeking thereapy as a result. My personal items are in his house, I texted him 2 weeks ago asking to mail them back, he never respond to my text messages, phone calls nor e-mails. What do I do? those items mean a lot to me. Is he trying to control me? just like I ask him, I want my life back I need closure on the relationship so I can move on … never heard back from him. What do I expect?

By: Holly

Holly — Sun, 04 Mar 2012 16:17:55 +0000

I am glad I found this information. I am sick and tired of being a scapegoat for narcissists. I believe it is time to heal from the narcissistic abuse I have suffered for years. Now that I have a little understanding of the toxicity of narcissism, I can see and feel how it has poisoned me–beginning with my own father. I was then set-up to become a target for other narcissists–codependent with little or no boundaries and poor self-esteem. I am changing that–loyalty, gentleness, suppport, integrity. That is who I am. That is my truth.

By: Marijke

Marijke — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 01:22:09 +0000

Hi Melanie. These articles are really useful, thank you. I know that in general you are in favour of leaving, but I don’t feel that’s right for me, not now anyway. I’d like to see if things can improve first. I’m a bit afraid of buying your materials though as I think the focus will be on leaving and no contact. And that advice, while understandable and necessary in some circumstances, makes me feel quite helpless and hopeless. Is that correct? Do you have any materials designed for people who want to stay. I should say my husband is definitely capable of empathy and he’s not really that concerned with ‘status’, so I don’t think he has this disorder (not full blown anyway), but he does have some symptoms. So I’m needing help to deal with the sulking and silent treatment and blow ups over little things, not getting over things from the past, those kinds of issues. Thanks so much!

By: Victoria

Victoria — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 13:01:03 +0000

I was in a 3 year nightmare with this man who I really believed “LOVED ME” boy was I wrong. At the time we met I was going thru some really hard times due to a bad car accident then diagnosed with a blood clot disorder. I was losing my house of 8 years and I really thought this man really cared about me. No he was actually playin me. I was a very strong independant woman who raised 2 sons. My 27 year old is very successfull and my 21 year old is on his 4th year of college.
I fell into a trap with someone who showed me what I thought was LOVE & COMPASSION but not the case he was sucking me into his horrible game. After the sale of my home I moved to a duplex and I started seeing the Jealous & controlling behavior and each time I would try and break this relationship off he would call my phone numerous times and if that didn’t work he would stay out from of where I lived for hours waiting on me to come out and follow me places. I kept giving in to this annoying behavior because it was driving me insane thinking maybe he really did LOVE ME. Not the case he just wanted to control my every move. I said on numerous occasions back off you are somothering me this man would follow me around everywhere. My bedroom,bathroom & kitchen he was always under my feet.
Now the biggest mistake I made was to move out of the duplex that I could no longer afford into a home just 2 houses away from him thinking maybe he would change. Stupid me now it gets worse what was I thinking well it’s afforable for me due to my disabilties and the income I have coming in.
Now My story gets worse I thought he could change nope not even close. The control got worse. In the morning if my lights came on he would be at my door. Many times I would watch the clock afraid of 5:00 was coming and I had to deal with him. I would ask for some “ME” TIME that meant don’t turn on any lights in the house because he would be at the door. He would come back again & again. There were times when I would even take baths in the dark because I knew he was out there waiting for even one chance to come over. I called my Best Friend one evening crying stating I just don’t want to be here anymore because I thought that would be the easiest way out of this horrible relationship. She said no we aren’t doing this you need to get to the Dr. So that week we did.
So Jan 6th I decided that I was not happy nor was this healthy and this so called relationship was not working for me. All the lies, jealousy & contolling behavior I just couldn’t take anymore abuse. He tried over & over to try to manipulate me back into this relationship I just ingnored and deleted all of his calls & texts. I was doing good and regaining my strength and one morning while out back with my dogs, I seen him with what I believe was prob a random girl he brought home from the bar. Within Just a few days prior he was blowing up my phone. I was devastated but I knew he only did this as an attempt to “HURT” me. I caved in and wanted him back and I don’t know why. So then this whole maddness starts all over again for a few weeks. The sexual texts & do you miss me?? and just one last time baby I love you I just brought that girl home it was only drunk sex. I fell for it and this little game he was playing with my emotions had to end. So I went to the Courthouse and filed stalking charges against him, of course he did not show. I do spend alot of time crying and hurting all over I had to once again go visit th Dr. and was prescribed anxiety & anti-depressants. I can’t believe I let the monster destroy me. I want to move but it’s not afforable at this time. Signed, please help me recover from this maddness.

By: Val

Val — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 10:07:26 +0000

Hi Melanie,
What a great article and I love the affirmation.
I spent years locked in that battle of disbelief that such betrayal , maliciousness
attacks and distortions had become part of my life.
I am so grateful that it is over now; however, sometimes painful memories of the bizarre and horrible incidents come up still .
Now I will use this affirmation to send these traumatic memories away instead of getting lost in the disbelief all over again.
Really love the clarity of this article and the affirmation- it’s a keeper!

Thank you Gorgeous Angel Melanie !!

By: Melanie

Melanie — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 06:47:15 +0000

Fantastic comment Andre. Powerful! And so tue, it truly is about as you say be who God intends you to be, and place no energy on that and who is not That Truth….bravo! Thank you for your incredible comment that people really need to stand up and take notice if they want to live a different life. We have no control over other people but we DO have control over ourself! 🙂

By: Andre

Andre — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 04:28:40 +0000

This was a very good article. I found out that the vibration mismatch does work well. I have been doing all of these thing for a while except when she would attack. I would respond with a counter attack. I would feel terrible. I could not sleep or anything, but she could and get up the next morning like nothing never happened. I would then read some more and I realized that I was feeding the disorder. We could fight about something so stupid and I would get so mad and she could sleep peacefully. I am up all night. Then one day I just did not respond to the attacks. I just let it fall of and got my interest in to something positive. It worked. We have a 2 1/2 year old and I am not sure how long she will stay, but I feel good about my break throught. I am going to completly be the person I am until the end and let God handly the rest. Please for your self and you Kids be who God wants you to be, not the narcissist.

By: Melanie

Melanie — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 02:51:38 +0000

Maria and Karen, keep up the fantastic work, and you are more than welcome 🙂 xx