I feel your pane my husband is just the same I feel so lonely all the time , I cannot make any decisions always him , I feel so pathetic 😓😓

I got it Melanie, what a relief knowing I can validate love and heal myself without trying to get them to get it. It’s a futile effort to get them to see the light. What a gift I give myself by detaching and loving myself back to whole where I don’t give a dam what they do.

There is hope! In January 2015, I moved in with my now ex-husband (and what I now know to be an altruistic narc) when I was in my first trimester of my first (and only) pregnancy. I sold my condo, paid off all my debts, finished the school year (as a middle school English teacher), and gave birth to our daughter in July 2015, one week after we got married at the JP’s office. Everything up to the point of our first night at home with our newborn daughter was wonderful. The next 2 years were so, so hard for me. My daughter is literally the only thing that kept me going. The plan her dad had for his fantasy family didn’t work out the way he had dreamed, making me feel like a failure all the time. I suffered from terrible postpartum anxiety, which turned into depression because of the emotional abuse and lack of emotional support. I did everything I could to save our marriage and worked so hard, but he had already discarded me before I even moved out (at his request) with our daughter when she was two years old. Not long after that, he turned himself into the victim because I left with our daughter, even though that’s what he wanted. He wanted me gone. He even offered to help me move out! I know that my reply is a few months after you posted, but I hope that things have improved for you. My advice, if you haven’t already done these things, is to devise a plan. Get a job, save the money for yourself in a separate account, and start making a plan to get out and get back your independence. Once I realized I was in a losing battle, I took the first teaching job I was offered (which turned out to be the teaching job from hell, with a narcissist principal) and saved up as much as I could so that I could move out on my own and be independent again. There have been struggles, one after another, but also some wonderful successes. Just remember–this is not your fault! Go grey rock while you can’t go no contact, and get out as soon as you can! You can do this!

Hi Barbara,

I’m so pleased I could help and thrilled that you are so much better.

All my love

Mel 🙏💕💛