Hey, “I just want to go home” is a common cult phrase. Please be careful. You may have been indoctrinated into something evil…

Please get out NOW. Read “The Gaslight Effect.” Read cult brainwashing tactics. Know that EVERYTHING that comes out of his mouth is a manipulation. Go No Contact. Go to a psychiatrist and get some meds. LEAVE. LEAVE. LEAVE.

I understand the way you feel. I may not know the details of the types of abuse that you have suffered, but I do know two things…
1) I know how lonely, isolated, lost, and completely removed from any sense of what you believe that you used perceive as “normal “. Yet, you have no true clarity on when, why, or how, your life has gotten so far away from anything you recognize as any idea of “normal “. The people whom you once had complete confidence in, trusted, loved, who you knew loved you, without question, are somehow no longer a part of your life, including family members, and if they are still “part “ of your life, you can sense that they are no longer a “safe place “ that you used to trust without question.
“HOME”…. home, is a place that doesn’t “physically” exist, not for me anyway. I can remember falling to my knees, crying, grieving, begging God, to let me get cancer, aids, something, ANYTHING, to kill me, cuz I could NOT commit suicide, and leave my kids behind, questioning me or my love for them. They were too young to try and tell them my reality, but most importantly, I couldn’t bare the thought of choosing to leave them here, on earth, without me, with the likely possibility that they would end up with THAT MOTHER F###ER, not cuz he cared, but because he was trying to recruit his next whore/victim, and everyone knows a man with his kids, is the ULTIMATE magnet for women!!!
I was so incredibly desperate to stop hurting, crying, begging, for a way out, shaming, blaming myself, I JUST WANTED IT TO END… there was one night, when I had found out about whore#12, I was 6 months pregnant with baby #4, and confronted him about it, with some very naive expectation that he would have some, hell ANY crumb of remorse.. instead he literally laughed in my face, told me it was NONE OF MY F’N BUSINESS wtf he does. I was so hurt, shocked, dumbfounded by his failure to even ATTEMPT to act innocent.. it was like he was not man enough to admit it to my face, but he wanted me to KNOW he was guilty by failing to deny it, and telling me that who he “my husband” was having UNPROTECTED SEX with, while I was pregnant with our child, WAS NONE OF MY FUCKING BUSINESS {I apologize for my language, I have no doubt, that most of you can completely understand why it almost feels necessary, in hopes that people may “get” it, when you include the use of profanity!!! When I couldn’t even allow myself to speak, cry, respond, or physically hurt him, I suddenly HAD To go and shower, perhaps as a symbolic action to wash off the disgusting filth of what he had just said to me, the devastation of the way he responded to me, as I stood there, six months pregnant with our FOURTH child, KNOWING that while he was IN NO WAY MAN ENOUGH, to answer me HONESTLY, he was the ULTIMATE COWARD, and disregarded EVERYTHING that ANY DECENT HUMAN BEING could not have ignored, and to be completely honest, I TRULY felt as though I had just been brutally raped, and my taking a shower, was a symbolic gesture to wash it, him, her, UTTER BETRAYAL off of not only me, but most importantly my baby inside me!!!!
Yet, he went further, beyond anything human that I can comprehend now, much less then.
While I was in the shower, he called my oldest brother, my closest, safest, most trusted person in the world to me, at the time, and told him whatever he said, then came into the bathroom and physically picked me up, heart broken, soaked, crying, naked and Six months pregnant, in the middle of December, and put me outside of our home and locked me out… my three children, 8,6,4, inside… ten minutes later I see my brother pull into my neighborhood, and he was clearly of a distorted understanding of what was happening, tried to force me to go with him to a crisis center/mental health/drug addiction facility…. I was so TERRIFIED by ALL of it, but MY BLOOD BROTHER was there, not asking questions but telling me he was taking me to the hospital….
how do they manipulate the people closest to you, and convince them that you are whatever they say you are…
that’s just one story of hundreds, so I completely understand the way you feel, and that it feels like you have the closest thing to the devil himself as a husband, and that nobody would ever believe what you have experienced in a lifetime with this monster, that you somehow “love “… I do!!!!
2) I too, know what it is to cry, ache, and long to go “home” and the very first time I was screaming out to God, on my knees in my living room floor, begging to just go “home “ I had no idea what or where home was…. I eventually had the Epiphany, that I wanted to go home, to Heaven!!!!
Thankfully, I am still here, and working towards a new life, rediscovering who I am and what I want in this life, my life!!!!
❤️❤️I’m eternally grateful for Melanie, and her work, and for each and every one of you!!!

Do module 4….are you doing the Narp program……otherwise you’ll go around in circles, you do the inner healing if your traumas and you’ll be able to move on. Read Melanie’s blogs …..it’s all there about peptide addiction and the need to Get an apology…it ain’t gonna happen,heal and find healthy friends.